Today I met up with Ghimz, PY and Jing wei for dinner at PS. Jing Wei is another RV fren who was my sec 3 sec 4 classmate. He is Ghimz's good fren as well.



We went to eat at...







Indeed, u realise that there is no cafe car in Singapore. It is actually Cafe Cartel but I didnt manage to capture the whole thing.



As I mentioned before, I think Cafe Cartel is totally great coz the food's price is reasonable for itz guaranteed good taste, there is no service charge and there is free flow of bread and plain water.



PY ate St louis pork ribs. The ribs are like the best selling thing there coz of the generous portion and itz yum factor of coz. Only $10.90. At the same time, it looked totally cannibal-ous coz of the bones that will be left over.



Imagine these are human ribs.





Wahahha... Yuck... After that we went to Zouk...



Eileen is guaranteed to be at Zouk every sat so I called her up... Was thinking perhaps Eileen could sign me in coz she is a member! She didnt though, but asked her fren to give me a free invite instead. Cool!!!



Aha. I took my digicam in and it turns out v useful.



There was this girl dancing on the podium. She was wearing a very short skirt which flared out alot, so we could all see her underwear since we all stood lower than her. And it wasn't even a sexy G-string. It was granny underwear.



She danced away shaking her boobs and butt at everyone, and openly enjoying the attention from all the men all trying to peep under her skirt. Since she likes to show it so much, I took a picture for everyone to see.







Hey! I didnt even purposely put my camera underneath her skirt to take that picture. This is what everyone at Zouk saw as well. In my opinion, she is a tad too fat. And rather blind coz she didnt notice the flash.



I think I am a GREAT photographer. And oh yeah I decided to put my blog's address on my pictures so it would drive more traffic to my blog to satisfy my sense of curiousity. I am curious what would happen after the web counter hits 9999.



Actually I took a picture of PY's cleavage as well but she deleted it, that sneaky thing.



Eileen's friends



Eileen's new best friend is Jeannie. (I dunno if I spelt it right) Jeannie has a boob size of C and she is Bi. I was complaining to Eileen about how I am not able to do that forward hipping thrusting action (somewhat like fcuking. U know u hold on to someone's shoulders or waist and keep thrusting back and forth) and Eileen kept doing it on me for fun. If she was a guy, it would look as if she was shagging me.



Heck, even as a girl she looks like she was shagging me, standing up.



Jeannie started to join in the fun and she kept doing that action to my back. Eileen did it to my front. They both "forgot" to wear bras and I could feel everything on me...



I decided an average guy would pay $200 to be me for that five minutes. Oh gosh, I feel rather aroused thinking about it. I think I am lesbianic.



*confused* LOLz.



Okie yes I know that this blog entry is not funny or entertaining but forgive me! I am tired.. More standard bloggings tml. Will be celebrating June's bdae. Unfortunately, there will be BOTH Androgenous Aaron and Grouchy Gwenne going. Dammit.

Yesterday at Ritz



Today I shall expose a picture of myself without make-up.







Wahahha it is taken by bo liao XF. In fact, she took down the whole make up process, but I shall not bore you guys. She and PY thinks that it is utterly embarrassing to put make-up on the mrt. I really dun find anything wrong with it. If make up is an art, then the person drawing portraits on the streets shld oso be embarrassed right!



Whats wrong with ppl who dun like other ppl applying make-up on public transport! Got nothing to do while travelling may as well sleep more at home and apply make-up then. I dun see how it would affect anymore. Its not as if it is very disturbing to the eyes.



Anyway, we reached Ritz carlton and we are eating at the staff cafe!! I took a picture of Xf and PY.







I told you PY is grouchy! Wahahha.. She is irritated by the fact that I keep taking snapshots of them while they are eating. The "I'm cool" sticker on her blouse makes her a walking oxymoron. LOL...



Meanwhile XF entertained me with a smile. Hey afterall I paid $406 for the silly pink camera, at least gimme a smile mah, hahaha.



Xf is very upset that she looks like a Zhong guo mei. In case you are wondering how China's transversites look like, see the pic. LOLz.. Kidding kidding. We are all just jealous of beautiful XF's looks.



The dinner was so grand... All the guests looked so rich.



Hey wait! I saw someone with a Kiplings backpack and casual jeans. Ah, finally someone not carrying Gucci or LV. She was carrying a toddler. The scene looks familiar. The kid doesnt look like hers. Ahhh... Itz a maid. Great. It makes All the guests look rich once again. At least the invited ones.



I tried to hit on this cutie coz I decided if he is a friend of the groom perhaps he would want to hold his wedding dinner at Ritz as well. I dun mind being the bride.



Just as I sashayed over to him to ask him, "Sir, would you like to... have some wine...(hint: and my number)?", I realised the girl beside him.



Ahhhh... Totally expected, no? She can't be his sister coz Cutie looked like an Eurasian while Gal looked totally Chinese. Whats worse is that she is damn tall. Not very pretty, but damn tall.



I looked down at my flat banquet shoes.



I dun want her to look down on me. Decided I shall not go over then. Instead, I told all the banquet girls to look at the Cutie. Later on I happened to walk into their paths and Tall gal took a drink from me. She was very nice and polite. I felt a teeny weeny bit bad to lust after her bf.



I got over the guilt in a bit and continued lusting.



The wedding couple



The wedding couple are Indonesian. This reminds me of the only Indo-Chinese I know and it is Adryan. Adryan's uncle owns this big piece of land in Indonesia which contains a mountain. The mountain's stones, rocks etc are being dug out to export to Singapore to built roads, bridges etc.



In fact, if I didnt remember wrongly the Sentosa bridge was built using Adryan's uncle's mountain.



In conclusion, Adryan's uncle is rich. But Adryan isn't.



There goes another chance of having a wedding dinner at Ritz. And I dun even mind being the bridesmaid since Adryan likes XF. If he marries her I will carry her train. I conclude that XF will let me be the bridesmaid coz she wouldnt want to risk PY biting her on her big day (PY is violent). But no. Adryan is not rich like his uncle or the Indo-Chinese couple yesterday.



I took a picture of them when their wedding photos are being screened on the big screen. SO ENVIOUS! I WANT MY PICTURE THERE TOO!!! The gal is very sweet looking...







I guess my only chance of having a wedding dinner at Ritz is by marrying Slutty Shengrong. But SR will marry EK. Speaking of which, EK apparently told SR about my blog and it seems like he reads it. So I can't say much without ruining my chances of marrying SR.



I dun even mind if I marry SR and he has an affair with EK. Wahahhahaha... So confusing...



Anyway, about SR. Look at his picture. See the I-eat-bird's-nest-everyday skin. See the braces. Ahhhh.. rich kid. His uncles own the Hyatt hotel in HK. What the, everyone has rich uncles. But SR's family is doing not bad too. I shall seduce his cousins after I marry him.



Maybe I shouldnt break EK's heart by hypnotizing SR to marry me. Maybe I should try to seduce Ghimz instead. That day Ghim let Ek and I see the fishball factory that his dad owns.



We were standing outside the factory waiting for Ghimz to drive the lorry out. (His dad refuses to let him drive the family mercs in fear of him scratching it, so he has to drive a lorry!) There was this moment of silence, and EK suddenly said, "I would rather have this factory than SR's house."



SR's house is a $5.3 million affair at Orchard.



I decided I agree.



Anyway all the bullshit about seducing friends are just, plain bullshit. I'm not a materialistic gal *ahem*. I just feel like having a wedding at Ritz. And I realise, at that time, that I wouldn't know who to sit Eddy with, just like I dunch know who he will sit me with. Just to punish him for not liking me, I will make him sit with a bunch of pastors, who will preach him to death.



In fact, maybe in a table of 10 ppl, I will put 7 pastors, and Eddy, Adryan, and Bernard. Eddy and Adryan can discuss why they dun like me but they would have to listen in respect to the pastors preach. So they cant really discuss much. Bernard would be bored to death with all the English and the preaching. In fact, he might start to beat the pastors up.



"Cheebye lar shut up lar!" He might say. He takes out a piece of Char siew from nowhere and whacks everyone in sight.



Eddy and Adryan will stop Bernard from beating ppl up although secretly they are very happy the pastors were beaten up coz the pastors were from City Harvest.



Since Eddy is gay (I'm kidding) he might fall in love with Adryan since Adryan looks like American Idol Clay Aiken. I suspect Adryan is gay too since he likes XF although she is a transversite. Eddy and Adryan will be together finally and they will call each other Dydy and Yanyan (which is my name btw).



Adryan being his silly self would think that Eddy still misses me coz Eddy keeps calling "Yanyan!" during s*x. He accuses Eddy of having an affair with me.



Adryan breaks with Eddy and storms off to Indonesia where he might "make a mountain out of a molehill", finally failing to be rich like his uncle.



Eddy is heartbroken and becomes a lama at tibet where there will be no more er nu si qing.



Bernard will storm home very angry with Leonard and XF for introducing me to him. To him, it was a sucky wedding though and though. He will beat Leonard up with another piece of Char siew taken out from nowhere. Which is what I want to do too coz Bernard is a jerk and I REGRET KNOWING HIM!



Thanks alot XF!

I woke up today suddenly thinking of the movie title, HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS.



The absurdity of that statement suddenly pounced on me. I dunch even understand why u need that long a time.



There are certain things that guys have ZERO tolerance over. I know the worldy secrets.



The author shall now teach you TEN THINGS TO DO TO MAKE A GUY LOSE YOU IN ONE DAY.



Firstly, be prepared first. 3 days before the big day, shave EVERYTHING (except facial hair)! Armpits, pubes, leg, arm, anal if u have hair there.



Invite him to your place. Make sure there is no one else at home.



Alright here is what u do.



1) Train your family pet to act dead. Put ketchup on the pet. Train the pet not to lick it up first. When he comes, act as if u are shoving the dead pet away. Shove the pet to outside your house (where he can forlick happily again). Admit that u had beat the pet up coz you were so angry with yourself. Admit that u sometimes get uncontrollable convulsions like that. Assure him that the family pet dying will not affect the happy evening.



Stare at him with Bambi eyes and say that u are so glad that he accepts u the way u are.



The next moment, make a vase drop on the ground and act as if it was an accident. ROAR in anger as you take maybe the scanner or something heavy to smash the vase into a thousand million pieces. This is easy, imagine the vase is Anwar having sodomy. Very smashable indeed.



As you smash the vase, remember to shout "That will teach you to fall off the shelf!!! That will teach you!!! I will fucking kill you!"



2) Complete the above sentence with an extremely loud "KAN NI NA BU CHAO CHEEBYE!"



Watch as his face contours into horror as he finally realises your violent tendencies. And guys hate girls saying bad words. We are supposed to be gently nursing babies as they kill each other during wars.



3) Breathe very hard as you smile at him again. Let your non violent self take over. Admit you are sometime shizophrenic.



Tell him it is controllable though, not to worry. A moment after this, ask him:

"Did my alter ego talk to you just now darling? I think it killed the cat/dog/ostrish/lama!"

4) Step 4 works for non-smokers. Take out a Dunhill hard pack and smoke away. Admit that all this while you have been a smoker. You didnt want to let him find out. Actually, you are really really sick of acting like a Shu nu already. There are so many things he should find out about you.... Pull him but his shirt front and lead him to bed...



5) Step 4's spoken words should be said with lethal bad breath. This is very important so dunch brush your teeth for 3 days. Make sure a piece of kangkong is stuck between the front teeth.



When he asked u in horror, "When was the last time you ate Kang Kong?"



Think for a long time. (gives him more time to freak out) And then say, "Three days ago lor, why? Hahhaa smartie how did you guess?"



6) When you guys reached your room, which I presume has a computer, tell him you want to turn him on. Show him your amazing collection of porn downloaded from Kazaa.



It is all about beastiality, necrophillia, incest, child porn and all the norm. A straight guy cannot stand sodomy. Get some of those too.



7) He should be freaking turned off by now. If he still manages an erection, you shld be freaked out. In fact, if he goes out of the house to telling you he wants to retrieve the dead cat/dog/ostrish/lama to add to your sexual adventures, call the police. As he mumbles "Holy shit! This is great. How often can you get necro-beastiality!", whack him on the head with the scanner which is spoilt already anyway and shove him outta the house.



If he is too shocked to do anything except to be pulled into the room, take his hands to touch your leg. Against the grain.



Smile innocently as he jumps away and says "Wah lau you never shave ah!"



Say that you already said you are sick of being a Shu nu. Sigh. Why muz you shave? Women come naturally with hair what! Show him your armpit hair. Show him the stubbles of the pubes. Anal hair too if you have.



8) If this somehow leads to sex, tell him that all these while he didnt satisfy you coz his penis is TOO SMALL, and he cums to fast. And the orgasms were fake all these while. He might cry. Ignore it.



Give him a disgusted look as he sobs and say that you hate guys who cry over nothing. Say that Gary doesnt cry over nothing!



He stops crying and asks your sharply who Gary is. Say that Gary is someone who doesnt mind your leg hair, smoking, sexual fetishes, swearing, and everything else he minds.



9) Show him the nice love bite Gary gave you on your breast. (love bite courtesy of your fuck buddy or a good gal-friend.)



Say that you and Gary have broke off already and itz all his fault coz he took up too much of your time. If he doesnt storm off by now, proceed to cook him dinner.



10) Vegetarian-muslim dishes. Say that u suddenly became a muslim and vegetarian (come to think of it vegetarian is muslim). If he wants to be with you, he must convert too.



He might say "But surely Allah doesnt like you to fight cats/dogs/ostrishes/lamas?"



Say something irrelevant and blow it into a big quarrel and continue being irrelevant. Remember everyone cant stand irrelevant ppl.



Say something like "Allah loves cats/dogs/ostrishes/lamas. Allah loves all animals."



If he still stays coz he is polite, cook him everything that everyone hates.



Horrible veggies include:

-Celery

-Parsley

-Onions

-Garlic

-Ginger

-Peas

-Leek

-More peas

-A Lot of peas

-Anything soggy and overboiled with no spices or sauces.



He should really leave you by now. If he is not marilyn manson and is sincerely willing you accept you even if you changed to become this way, please marry the fella. He is rare

Ok more about Eddy.



Basically he said that he didnt like me in that sense. And that he is not prepared for a relationship. He is in love with my blog instead of me.



I'm not really sad actually coz I somewhat expected the answer.



I shall convince myself that Eddy does not not like me coz of me. He does not like me coz he is gay. Shirley (his ex) was a facade. A four year facade to hide what society does not readily accept.



I should have known better from the beautifully manicured fingernails, the flower shirts and the suspicious mascara in his bag.



Come to think of it, Androgenous Aaron has beautifully manicured fingernails and mascaras in his bag too.



Ok I was joking about Eddy's fingernails and mascaras. But the Aaron part is 100% true.

Today something really really rare happened.



It is commonly known as an Extreme-Good-Hair-Day.



U see, when u have permed hair, it is difficult to manage. When ur female (or male. *gasp*) friends first start perming their hair, it will all swell up into a big mess. So usually they will tie their hair into a half ponytail. (Please observe this. It is true.)



After a few days when they realised Pamela Anderson's curls does not appear by itself and they have blew like 100 bucks to spoil their hair, they will tear their spoilt hair out.



Like June.



Her current hair is a wig.



Nahz... Joking. What she did was that she immediately went to rebond it and cut it real short.



But you see, there's a secret to the Pamela Anderson curls. And I shall unselfishly share it to you. In future, when your friend has nice curls, ask her if she blew more than $300 on it and went for wave rebonding.



If she says yes, tell her she is damn stupid and ask her to read my blog. I did my curls for 50 bucks and it is equally nice.



If she says no, ask her whether she has read my blog and thus found out the secret to good permed hair thru here. Watch her face as it glows and she smiles at you as if u all have something in common. Which is the love for my blog.



Heres the secret. Every night after washing hair, wait for it to dry. It may look really horrible when it first dries up but presevere!



Tie it up like this:





Sleep with it despite you siblings taunting u about the Chun Li look. Wake up tml with sexy hair and let them think a sex goddess flew into the house exactly like in their prayers (only applicable for brothers, or butchy sisters). The next step is to freak them out by showing them the sex goddess has the face of their sister.



I remember I once mentioned that I had a good hair day. The difference between a good hair day and an extreme good hair day is the TOUCH. You see, there are many levels for judging hair.



Horribly Terrible Hair Day





Hair that look like Hagrid's. This is what I get when I sleep immediately after washing hair without tying Chun Li hair first.



Good Hair Day.





Nice right? But touch and it feels dry. And rather brittle. But it is deceivably nice so flip good-hair-day hair at strangers who will think "Wow, great hair! I want to run my fingers through it!"



But you know better.



U can make use of the hair to irritate the shit out of the person sitting beside you on the mrt by flipping it around. In my case it is mostly June who gets it. It is fun. When she stares at me agitated, I say "Can't help it lar, itz too long." She is reminded bitterly of how she cropped her long hair short.



Extreme Good Hair Day.





Ahhhh... Hair that looks and FEELS nice. Extremely rare. And it happened today.



Just when I was at Jurong East mrt twirling my hair around my fingers feeling mighty fine that my curls are so lovvvvvvvvvely today, I realised I was not the only one playing with long curls.







Please note that he is a malay guy who looks like he is forty plus.



I immediately stop touching my hair. It is not that unique afterall. But indeed, I should have called all the guys I want to attract and flip it around for them to see.



I tried to ask Bernard to meet me today coz I got a EGHD. He refused, coz the day before I met him to show him a GHD but he said there was no difference from the HTHD I claimed I had the previous day. He thinks that the EGDH is no big phenomenon.



Guys. Shag Hagrid or Pamela Anderson? NO DIFFERENCE?! Hmpf!



I didnt muster up the courage to ask Eddy out to flip it ard coz it think itz pretty awkward (or awkwardly pretty). Eddy says that he is a big fan of my blog. He was laughing very hard when he called me today.



He thinks the blog is very funny. But I think engineers (how many of u have jobs which alliterates with ur name? Like Eddy the engineer!)have a warped sense of humour. Remember the picture of me holding my new camera? He thinks the fact that I took it myself with a mirror is very funny.



-_-;



I wonder how many engineers are laughing as they are reminded of it now. Wahhahaha....



He even msged me a few hours after reading the blog to say that to get free rides u dun need to be a bus driver. U just need the uniform. Big fan indeed. (more abt eddy later)



As I somehow got rather pissed with Bernard for refusing to meet me, I decided to call other guys to do what he refuses to. And the guy muz know June coz I was out with June shopping. Itz between Adryan and Eddy then. Eddy is out coz I feel awkward. I somehow forgot I asked Adryan to rot in hell (dunch understand? Time to click on Archives). So I called him up.



He was at Butter's place jamming. Please note that the puns in that previous sentence. Adryan's friend is really called Butter. And they really have a band and was really jamming.



Stop making "butter" jokes to urself. That fella had enough of ppl asking him where Bread is.



Turns out that Adryan needed a digicam to take pictures of the band coz they were in the grand finals of Xin Yao Jie 2003 (band called Amber) and I had my cam with me so he asked me to go over to Butter's place.







I asked Adryan whether he still thinks XF is his dream gf now that he knows she is a transversite.







He says "Eeeee!"



Wahhahaha. I love my camera!

Eddy doesnt like me.



June: "Chey! What an anticlimax. Faster lar late in meeting me already."



going out now with her. Shall concentrate on Bernard. More details at night.

I sent the email to Eddy already. And i even told him the blog's address. The male celebrity of my blog is possibly reading this at the same moment as you are.



Hello, Eddy!~



This is what I wrote. If u are interested to read.



Dearest Eddy...



It has been some time since we last met up.



I was just thinking the other day, where is this friendship going to end up?



The scenerio now is as such:

- We do not have any mutual friends.



- You do not view me as a potential girlfriend.



- We are not THAT close as normal friends.



Since we do not have mutual friends, obviously the chances of having a reason to meet up will be lessened by a lot.



Since you do not view me as a potential gf there goes another reason for meeting up often.



We are not that close as friends. I'm sure u have many many other friends who are of the same 'friend' status as me. Whats one less?



In conclusion, as time passes by, the friendship will fade off to nothingness. A reason like "to keep the friendship" is not a good reason for making an effort to keep in contact.



Can u imagine when you get married, and u invite me to ur wedding dinner, who should I sit with? Uni frens? Or a table specially for "Lone-ppl-I-met-at-weird-occasions-who-don't-know-any-of-my-other-friends"? Can I choose to sit beside you instead on the bridal table?



You know that I like you.



Alot.



As much as I know that you dunch like me in that sense. Even if u once did feel something special, you have purposely let it die off. For what reason, I dunno. All I know is that now the chemistry is all gone, and now it feels funny to plain "meet up for dinner".



Or perhaps, the special feeling that I thought u had was all in my imagination. Maybe u are that happy when u are out with everyone. =) Maybe even if u seem happy when u are out with me, it doesnt mean u feel something special for me. It just means, well, u are happy, and u will remain happy if our relationship remains as friends.



I think our friendship cant really last much longer. It is really saddening but it cant be helped. I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds u nice. Everyone else does too. So many ppl like your company. They are all fighting to have dinner with u, and dinner only happens once a day! I cant seem to be able to meet u nowadays.



If only the youngest wins the fight huh? Haha



I imagine when u got into nus to get ur masters, you will definitely be like the cutest guy in the class. And the cutest gal will be smarter, wiser, more mature and eh, cuter, than me. If she isn't attached and she likes you, her chances of being attached to u is much higher than mine, no? My point is that you wouldn't like me. I hope u will rebuke this point.



And "masters friends" will add to friend list. U will only have so much time for friends and if I got like 1/617 of ur time now, I will possible have like 1/893 very soon. Thats not counting the transversite friends u will be meeting when u go to Thailand for ur vacation.



I guess before the friendship shrivels to an end, I want to know ur feelings towards me.



Since guys are always tongue-tied answering these kinda questions, I guess I can give u multiple choice.



A) I dunch like you in that sense and I dun mind the friendship ending, actually. In fact, asap will be best.



B) I dunch like you in that sense but can we try to remain friends? Normal platonic friends? Stop lusting about me!



C) I like u somehow but I just dun think we should be together coz career comes first. However if I must choose someone to marry it will be you.



D) I like your body only. Lets be fuck buddies.



E) Wendy I have been in love with you all this while, cant you tell! Lets get married despite the weak pun on our wedding banner. (ie Wendy and Eddy are married)



Eddy if u are reading this and u are horrified that I write everything on my blog, do not worry coz ur reply will be kept private. =) Especially if your choice is D. Wahhahahhaha!



To every other reader: Can u all gimme ur opinions on this please? Continue liking Eddy, or move on to Bernard? Leave comments.



No, if I be together with Bernard there will NOT be free Char siew noodles for you.

Itz another typical day working at New Park Hotel.







Heres a typical waiter at New Park Hotel stealing Fox candy to eat.







As you all can see I am very excited indeed about my camera to go ard taking bo liao snapshots at non-aesthetic subjects. Oops! So mean. Wahhahaha...



And before blog writing, it was just another typical day parked in IRC.



[blurboi] hi there

[blurboi] how are you?

[Xia`xue] u are?

[blurboi] mi 22/m/ch

[blurboi] you?

[Xia`xue] when u are 22 u are no longer a "boi"

[blurboi] but i am realli 22



How totally irrelevant. Did I even say that I didnt believe he is 22? God bless the irrelevant. Whats worse is that they really do not understand how they are being irrelevant. SP has a lot of irrelevant ppl. Androgenous Aaron is one of them.



Typical scenerio:



Typical Teacher: Class, why is the sky blue? Ah, you! At the back! (Teacher doesnt know what she is in for!)



Typical irrelevant person: Coz teacher, the grass is green.



Typical Teacher: Huh? How are the two linked?



Typical irrelevant person: Huh what u mean by how link? Coz grass is green then sky is blue lar! Coz u are ugly thats why u are not married lar! Same what! (Please note the analogy is irrelevant as well)



Typical (female) Teacher: *thinks: WTF. I already go for surgery liao u still say i ugly. U even more fucking ugly! Fucking disgusting buck teeth with so many pimples! Fucking adolescents think they damn smart. If I can I will slap ur freaking teenage face with a large trout!* Instead says: Thats being rude. Please watch your behaviour!



In this kinda typical scenerios you can see the Irrelevant are so irritating that no one bothers to correct them any more.



They end up marrying their kind coz no one else can tolerate (or understand) them. Their only point in getting married is to have sex coz they can't really understand each other as well.



Wife: Dearie go buy butter.



Husband: Huh? Butter use to put on bread one what. Buy for what?



Wife: Huh? Butter put on bread, then kettle oso use for boil. Means Kettle oso muz buy lor.



Husband: Kettle is used to boil coz it is meant for it. Just like my little brother here meant to make u feel... happy... *takes off wife's clothes*



And no one buys the butter. Or Kettle. Was the kettle needed?



Their kids might actually miraculously turn out to be relevant ppl when they are born but obviously they turn irrelevant when they keep interacting with their irrelevant parents.



Mum: Baby why is the sky blue? Tell mummy?



Kid: Coz the sky is utimately far away and since light has different wavelengths and blue light's wavelength is the shortest, it gets scattered around much more than all the other colors from the sun, causing the sky to appear blue.



Mum: *frowns* Thats not correct. It is coz the grass is green.



Kid: *confused* But mom y is the grass green?



Mum: Huh coz the clouds are white!



Kid: Oh! I get it. So the clouds are white coz, ah, donkeys are brown!



Mum: Zhen cong ming!



Dad and mum finally cant tolerate each other and divorce. Their kids are irrelevant thus they are not well-liked. Thats makes them a tad cynical. The kids are oso traumatized coz mum and dad are divorced and whenever they ask their parents "Do you love me?" the parents give replies like "I love donkeys."



The kids are confused. They are morbid. They possibly turn out like this. In fact, they even start to LOOK like donkeys coz they thought mum and dad likes donkeys. LOLz



These kids hate the world and they are the ones who all migrate to Iraq and help Saddam bomb towers (oops was osama right) and build his nice torture chambers.



Terrible indeed. Next time ur friend is irrelevant, kick his balls to make sure he doesnt have kids in future like the above mentioned. If a gal is irrelevant itz okie coz she may be trying to act cute.

EEEEeeeeeks! I dunno if u can actually see all the text but I know I cant view my own website.



Dunno what is wrong. Think got too much pictures liao den cannot load properly. All I can see is the pink background and the info ends at the guestbook thingy. Thats it. So sickening. I will try to save it later.



Now must prepare for work liao. Sian... Bernard's not coming to fetch me. I think. Hahhaha... Anyone else wants to come?



If u can see this, leave a comment in the comment box to tell me that my blogspot hates me and is blocking me from reading it.

There is too much excitement in my life recently. In fact, Ah dong and PY commented that my blog is gonna get into disarray with Bernard around. True he is taking up pretty much of my time recently.... Lets just hope that he will be worth the time consumed.



Besides Bernard, whats the second big excitement?



Did I really forget to mention that I bought my SONY CYBERSHOT U20 (rose/pink) the day before?!!! Gosh, itz a long dream finally come true. If u do read my blog u would know how long it has been since I fantasized about it.



Here is the baby...







Actually I took that picture in my room with a mirror. Quite successful right? I decided to airbrush away the surroundings so that the it gives me an angelic feel. If u are thinking at this precise moment, "Angels dunch go around taking nude photos of themselves", you are right.



U are right that Angels dun go around taking nude photos. But I was not nude. I was wearing a white tube to add to the angelic feeling but somehow it didnt turn up. Dammit. I look nude.



Thats not the point. The point is, is my camera or hers nicer?







Wahahhahha. Hers u say. No. Mine is nicer. Coz it is pink.



I bought my camera at $406 at a shop at Far East. Bloody hell that auntie damn jia lat one leh.



I asked her for the price and she said it costs $399. Thats relatively cheap coz the other stores are selling at $420 and are willing to cut it to $400 if I paid cash. I bargained till she gave me a good price of $390.



I took out the money to pay and suddenly she took out a calculator and said, "With GST it is $406 in total."



I stunned for a moment and decided I shall not let the cheatabug earn my money. I thought of a good excuse.



"Huh??! But Auntie I only got $400 with me leh."



She damn smart. She attacked poor Bernard.



"Ask your boyfriend to pay for you lor, 6 dollars only what." *smiles at Bernard with a 'U are not so giam right? U love her right?' face*



"Huh Auntie dun want lar I go check the other shops first lar."



Bernard: *takes out 6 bucks and put it on the table*



Auntie: *smiles like a manic*



Perhaps I should also mention that Bernard volunteered to pay $20 for my camera as a belated birthday gift. Damn nice right. After which he paid the Auntie another $6.



I wanted to buy a hp pouch for the camera coz the bloody original case costs $75. Fucking ridiculous. Just a silly leather case. So we went to a shop in Heeren to buy the case. I was utimately broke but I still had $20.74 in my bank account so I tried to use Nets to pay for the pouch, which costs $4.90. The fella at the counter said that purchases below $10 had to be paid with cash.



So Bernard paid another $4.90. He later paid for my food as well. Thats a grand total of $30.90 for a person who is not anyone to you. Nice.



And thats not counting the amt for petrol for biking me from Kembangan (thats where he stays) to Jurong like 4, 5 times with no complains. Nice.



Digressing a little, I would like to say that I got an UTIMATE big ulcer and I took a picture of it.







It may not be very clear but if u look carefully u can see it. Very painful! And it is not getting better. Dammit.



I want to talk about today. I went to PY's place wth Ah dong.



U see, PY and Ah dong are going to Ritz Carlton (banquet) to work with me this Friday. It will be their first time banqueting. Since I was an old employee there, I told the manager I wanted to bring in friends to work too. I know that Ritz's banquet is possibly not doing well coz of Sars.



Thus they will not waste time hiring not experienced ppl. So, in order to get Ah dong and PY a place as a silly banquet waitress, I had to bluff the manager that they are DAMN experienced and do not need any cumbersome training at all.



The cumbersome training would have to be done by me then. Spend like 2 hours teaching them everything about Banqueting. If fact, I am so used to being a bloody banquet waitress that I think I can actually write a book to educate ppl. It will be called Wendy's 1001 Banqueting Know-hows For Dummies.



Every hotel will buy my book and treat it like a bible. In fact, they will pray to it after I die. The managers will be so happy that they dun need to retrain every employee with the exact same speech. All they need is to shove my book (aka banquet bible) into the recruits' hands and test them after that.



"Manager what should I do with the fish head?!"



"Read BB (AKA Banquet bible. Banquet ppl have a weird fetish for short forms) page 49 index 2.11 'What to do with the bloody ugly fish head.'"



"oh okie." *Goes away enlightened*



Not only will I save the Hotel ppl alot of time and effort, I will set the standards for banqueting. You will soon hear things like this.



Guest 1: "Wah lau that sharks' fin is not served in the correct way!"



Guest 2: "Huh how u know? Serve Sharks' fin got correct way one meh?"



Guest 1: "Got! U nv read the Banqueting Bible (they all term it the BB coz the real name is too long and no one wants to be called a dummy) penned by Wendy meh? She say must serve anti-clockwise with ladle tilted 45 degrees from the lazy susan (that turning piece of glass. Make a guess who invented it) and more than 2 drops of Sharks' fin dropped renders the waiter a completely useless one. Most likely he will drop an abalone later too."



*Waiter drops a piece of Abalone when he hears the above.*



Guest 1: "See I told u she is good. She is damn famous oso. Read her blog at xiaxue.blogspot.com!"



Guest 2: "Ahhhhhh... I will tonight. Hey wait! Thats my abalone!" *cries*



Good idea huh. What gives me the right to write the book? Lets see the hotels I worked at before.



-Ritz carlton Millennia

-The Pan Pacific

-Marina Mandarin

-New Park Hotel

-Sheraton Towers

-Orchard Parade Hotel

-Marriot



Wahahhaha... Thats quite a bit. Anyway today on my way to go to PY's place, something happened.



I walked a good 10 minutes to the bus stop to go over to her place then I realised that my EZlink is most likely empty and I do not have cash on me. At all. I checked and realised I only had 55 cents.



I didnt want to walk back to get the money coz it is so damn hot and oso I was very late.



The ATM machine was just near by so I tried to get some money outta it. As I mentioned earlier, I only had $20.74 left. And the minimum withdrawal is $20. I didnt know that the minimum amount left in the bank is supposed to be $1 or something. Dammit!!! I just needed that 26 cents more!



At this precise panicky point of time, something very typical happened. The bus came.



I ran for it, praying that my EZlink miraculously topped itself up. I tapped the bloody thing and it replied annoying with a loud *TEHHH*.



I took out the 55 cents, put it in and walked to the back, trying my best to act like I am a secondary school student.



It didnt work of coz. The bus driver asked me to show him my student pass. I said I didnt bring. He said I muz pay adult fare. I showed him my empty wallet and said that i didnt have any more money on me.



He accepted the 55 cents and told me to remember to bring the bus pass in future.



I must say that the uncle is very nice indeed, but I was just wondering something. If I didnt bring my Bus pass (which is oso an EZlink now), what was it I used to tap just now? If I was really a student I would never have bought the adult Ezlink so the one in my wallet (which has no money) must be my bus pass.



LOLz.



Heng he didnt realise this and force me to show him my Ezlink. It would have this fellow's face on it.







It is my brother. Act stylo like EK lor. Wahahhahaha...



When the bus driver sees this I would have to explain to him that I shot up overnight and I went to Thailand to get a sex change.



Oh man what a long blog entry. It is to compensate for the few days of not writing. All Bernard's fault, hahahha.



Oh yeah obviously I took some of his pictures. He kept avoiding the camera by turning to the side so it resulted in alot of pictures like this:







Please note the gold chain. Welcome to the world of Ah bengs. Lolz

LOLz.. What is it with all the anger here? hmmm... My blog is supposed to be a happy one. And a happy one it is. Any angrier and it will become like the whats-her-name?'s blog.



Ok whats-her-name is just some silly teenager (possibly angry coz she got some zits). Can we be bothered with such ppl? No? so yeah, lets drop the topic.



And yeah whats-her-name if u are still reading my blog, go away and stop reading it coz nothing will be mentioned about u after this. U are just interesting for like half an hour, of disgust.



Okie for happier ppl here, I didnt write my blog yesterday coz I stayed over at Bernard's place. Hmmmm.. What did we do? Nothing much actually. We cant do much coz I had my period anyway. Oops!! Too much info. No lar... Hahhaha.. I'm not that much a slut.



But things went pretty well between us.



I was just thinking that if I suddenly get attached, what are the consequences?



Less time for most friends.



I will be grilling Char siew after school at Geylang Lorong 13. (bernard's dad owns a coffee shop at the said place and he sells Char siew noodles and bernard works there too.) [BAD]



One exception will be that I will be spending more time with XF. She is extremely gleeful with the fact that we can double date and play mahjong together. Mahjong will not be a good idea for bernard though coz if I lose it will all go to his account. LOLz.



Certainly will be glad for the excuse to get closer to XF again. Although in name she remains my best friend (this true only for my side. Xf's best friend is prolly Hui fen. Wahahhahaha!), we have never been as close we were in secondary school, somehow. [GOOD]



More endorphins.



You know why. And more endorphins means I will be a happier person in general. [GOOD]



I might die from the predicted bike accident. (see previous blog) Not only that, I will be wearing jeans/pants all the time. No more skirts. [BAD]



No more admirers who will do nice things for me. [BAD]



Lets see who are the self proclaimed admirers so far.



- Lut. I think he really likes me but I dunch like ponytails on guys. Hmmm.. Guess I would have to break his heart. Anyway he didnt do much to "chase" me. In fact, when he called me up, he actually has the nerve to ask me why I don't call him. I told him he was supposed to be the one calling since he claims he likes me.



He replied that it is the 21st century and gals can do the chasing as well as guys.



??? What the?? How come now become I must chase him??!



- Cai. Our dear doctor here (nus med student) may fit into the dream guy's avocation but once again, he claims he likes me but yet he doesnt do anything to try to make me touched or something.



He somehow has this thinking that a lot of other guys are chasing after me. He says insecure stuff like "Wanna meet me? U can say no coz I know u got alot of other guys dating you."



I was thinking a donkey possibly has more self-confidence than him. I told him what he said is not true and he refused to believe it. He proceeds to say irritating stuff like "U so pretty, so cute, how is that possible?" Well, it IS possible coz only he seems to think that I am pretty and cute.



Bleah. I dunch like inconfident men. And anyway, if only he knows that they are not doing anything about their self-proclaimed love, like himself.



- Hatasan. Hmmmm... Well u can only like a person so much by reading her blog. I dunch think he likes me anyway.. Just some interest. Will fade off soon I guess. James, u seem to have like so many other sexy gals in ur life anyway. =)



- Daren. This guy is good. I told him I am not interested in him and yet he still messages me. Please note that I do not reply the messages. He has done this for like a month already.



- Yiqiang. He is in army now so he cant do much except to call at 1030 pm, when I am constantly not free to talk.



- Okie fine the list ends here



I was just thinking how come nowadays guys just plain refuse to be super nice to girls anymore. Or maybe it has nothing to do with 'nowadays'. Maybe it has to do with age.



Perhaps it is far more silly for a 25 yr old man to put a big teddy at a female's doorstep with a bunch of roses and a nice poem like "Roses are red, violets are blue. I love you, coz my love is true" than a 15 yr old boy.



Has the 25 yr old stopped to consider that not only will the female be more touched since it is so silly and yet he did it, it is also easier for him to do the above because he is richer and possibly can drive already?



Haiz... All men care about nowadays are themselves. Of course. How many guys can actually do stuff for a gal knowing, FOR SURE, that she will never be with him, but did it anyway coz he wants her to feel happy? I know i can't. I would want some tangible rewards. Like sex. (Is that all u think about???!!! *nods*) Boy am I glad I am not a guy. I would certainly have added to the jerk count.



But I am a gal. Gals are meant to be pampered, so there.



I ask some of my ex-admirers why they claimed they like me yet they do not do anything to try to make me feel special. They all said that they dunch want to be wasting their time when they noe I wun be with them. So they just sulk around. And till they think that I might agree to finally be with them, they dun waste their precious time, money, and effort on me.



Perhaps as men grow older they realise that women are simply not worth the effort coz they are manipulative creatures. Although she doesnt like you, she still would act as if she likes u a teeny bit to make u drive her around, run errands, do pedicures, buy LV bags etc.



Men want women to show outright that they (women) are in love to conjure a reason for them (men) to be extra nice to the ladies. But this is silly coz if the woman show outright that she likes the man, there is no need to be extra nice as she would agree to be his GF already. -_-



In the end no one is nice to each other. Only silly little 15 yr old boys buy big pooh bears to place outside doors.



I think guys should be nice coz the little secret here is that most of the time the gals would seriously be touched and would agree to be ur gfs finally. (more about this later)



After which quarrels will break out coz she will complain that u were not as nice to her as u were when u were wooing her. She would demand pooh bears outside corridors everyday and u will be broke. And that leads to another reason for her to break with u...



Vicious cycle. The point here is, buy little pooh bears so that u can afford one per week or so.



Speaking of nice guys and whether gals will accept them finally. There was once this guy called Adrian (not the one in love with XF, another one) who liked me alot. He was ultra nice to me and all, but i decided I just dun like him coz he got bad breath. And I cant possibly tell him he has bad breath.



Digressing a little, bad breath is very lethal (weak rhyme not intended) coz it makes u feel a little nauseous when thinking of kissing the person.



So up till today, unless he reads my blog, he is totally baffled as to why I dun like him when he is not-very-ugly, smart, rich and a commando. Actually commando or clerk doesnt matter to gals but guys seem to find it a big honour to be a commando. So yeah. To me, the only difference is the pay. Blame for for being realistic here will you!



Well but possibly he is fighting his ass off at East Timor or Iraq now so it doesnt matter anymore.



And speaking of nice guys.



When I was 15, I knew this burma guy from banqueting. We got together but i lost interest in him like super fast. His name is Aung Myo. If u know an Aung Myo, its possibly the same guy. Aung Myo may be the most popular name in Iraq or Burma but how many Aung Myos can u get in S'pore?



I was working at Sheraton Towers Hotel during my sec 3 end of year hols. It was 1999 when I was in sec 3, and stepping into the Millennium. I chose to work on 31/12/1999 coz there was double pay. Celebration would come after work.



Aung Myo did not manage to book for work that day, but he requested for me to spend the passing into the millennium with him. I said "Uhhhh, see how."



Later during work I msged him with my nokia 3810 (what 3810? U dunno one lar, one or those big black phones) to tell him that I will be spending my Millennium celebrations with gal friends and not him. He subsequently tried to call me alot of times which in turn, caused my phone to be drained of whatever battery life a Nokia 3810 has.



Later on I happily spent the Millennium with my friends till 2 am. I on my phone again to call my mum to fetch me from the mrt (she wanted to do this herself) and when she drove me to my house's carpark, Aung Myo called.



"Where are you?"



"Just reached home. Why?"



"Where got home I dun see you."



*gasp*



It seemed that Mr Aung has been waiting for me at my void deck for like since 9pm. He told me he tried to call me to tell me he will be waiting for me to get home to at least get a glimpse of me, but my phone was off.



Thats where he spent his Millennium. At a queenstown void deck. When the rest of the world is celebrating with champagne and bangalas trying to anyhow touch young gals.



The simple thought of spending the Millennium (millennium leh! How many millenniums can u get in ur life!) at a queenstown void deck was so flabbergasting that he managed to get an award for "Most touching thing a Guy did for Wendy."



The best is yet to be. (pun on acs' motto not intended.)



I called him with my home phone and he said he would like to meet me for a while. I told him I can't do that coz my mum would suspect something. He said he had a Millennium gift for me. Whoever thought of Millennium gifts?! But thats not the point. I told him to leave it in the corridor.



He bought this big balloon thingy (big balloon transparent) with 3 other small balloons and a Hello Kitty and Dear Daniel stuff toy inside. The Kitties are in wedding costumes. The balloon is so pretty! It is absolutely humongous (for a balloon) and it was filled with ribbons and such. Very sweet indeed.



Beside the Balloon was this Fann wong VCD (I liked her at that point of time. Forgive me, I was only 15.).



I felt SO bad. Finally I still broke up with him as I cant really force myself to like him when I dunch. Ah sad ending.



Oops I realised I digressed too much.



Later I will be meeting Bernard again and we will see if he is worth the 3 [BAD]s. =)



(to be read in newscaster tone.) shi er dian xin wen, zai wei ning xiang xi bao dao. *smiles*

Bernard is Ah dong's bf(Leonard)'s secondary school friend.



Ah dong and Leonard tried to set us up coz:



1) It somewhat feels fun to see their good friends meet each other.

2) They claimed that Bernard and I are both very crappy people. (thus compatible)



At first, Bernard seemed like an Ah Beng, complete with a bike, lousy English and the norm.



Before he first called me, there was another friend who kept calling me with a pte line and not identifying himself immediately. That friend is boring, so I always tell him I am busy with he calls. And usually I am really busy lar. Really.



Then Bernard called with a pte line and did not identify himself. I thought he was that said friend and for 3 days in a row I told him I am not free. On the 3rd day of rejection I decided I shall make small talk coz I very paiseh that I keep rejecting his calls.



So I told him that he sounds weird today.



He asked me whether I know who he is.



I realised that I dunch know. And things got a little better from there (a least we spoke!).



Yesterday he fetched me from New Park Hotel after work and Lo and Behold!!!! Not only was he there but Ah dong and Leonard appeared from nowhere too. And they acted as if it all was a big coincidence. *dry laugh*



We went to Geylang.



To eat.



And we biked around to look at the pros. There was this transversite (is this how to spell it?) who was so atrocious! He, with breasts, or maybe she, purposely touched his/her breasts to show Leonard and Bernard (weak pun not intended) when she crossed the road with us waiting for her to cross before we can move.



She is atrocious coz me and Ah Dong are sitted on the back seats of the bike and we are definitely within her sight and yet she trys to seduce our guys. That gal/guy needs to learn some manners!!!



After Geylang we (me and Bernard) left Ah dong and Leonard.



It was my first time on a bike. Yeah lar pretty lousy but the worse part of being on a bike, in my opinion, is that the speed feels like 120 km/h when it is only 60 km/h. Some may say thats a good thing. I say I dunch like the feeling of death flashing before my eyes.



You see, some time ago mum went to see a fortune teller who told her that I will get handicapped in a bike accident. *gasp* Pray for me or that means no more blogs for you! *double gasp*



Anyway I didnt die and I think I like another Ah beng!! How??



Bernard can really make me laugh. And he is cute. And I dunch think he is stupid. U cant really be very stupid if u are funny, in my opinion.



But Bernard is so NOT the dream guy that I have always wanted. Besides the humourous and cute part, I want my guy to be those very executive kind. Prolly highly educated and perferably a lawyer, professor or doctor (so that I can save on legal fees and so that I can term my husband Dr XX (sounds prestigious! Hahaha) respectively)



Dream guy should speak in fluent English so that he can bring me to French fine dining restaurants. Hey wait, thats wrong. I demand that he speaks French as well. In fact, I dunch even mind if he IS french, gosh. Dream guy will bring me on his yacht (which is pure white) and we will cruise around dressed in a white bikini for me and white berms for him. He will loosely hug me across the butt.



Hey wait that sounds like the credit card ad. But thats precisely the total image!! The one in credit card ads!! EDDY!! Ahhhhh! Except I dun look like the girl counterpart. I dunch FEEL like her. I dunch even SMELL like her.



It is all impossible with Dream guy coz precisely when he loosely hugs me across the butt, he will possibly say



1) "Bloody hell you have a lot of fats across your tummy."



*stares at my tummy while i try, unsuccessfully, to convince him that thats coz I am pregnant and he should propose, RIGHT NOW* He knows I am not pregnant coz since he is a doctor he actually knows the menstrual cycle and knows I should not get pregnant or something. If he is a executive he has fucked his secretary too and we both are pregnant so he doesnt know who to marry. If he is a professor... Hmmm somehow I am thinking along the lines of pederasty.



"Wendy, you should try to look like the lady in the credit cards ads coz I look like the guy in the credit card ads!"



"But the yacht is mine."



"Oh yesh dearie. I forgot u are earning millions coz everyone is paying to read ur blog nowadays. God, get me a laptop. I need to read it NOW! I am like SO addicted."



*slaps him* "Say I do not have a fat tummy or I shall tell the world about ur puny penis despite the credit-card-guy look."



"You have an June's and Xf's tummy combined, my dear fiancee" (please note he pronounces finacee in the authentic French way.)



Ok something is wrong with the above scenerio.



2) "I have a mistress outside coz u dunch actually own a blog which ppl pay to read", *pauses to roll eyes for effect*. "despite ur own vivid imagination and you do not complete the credit-card-gal image coz u are too fat, too short and DO not," *pauses to roll eyes again* "have the tummy of June and Xf combined, despite ur own imagination again. I am gonna divorce you and marry my mistress who is Xf and June combined. You cannot imagine her LEGS!!!



He shows me her picture.







"Oh Yikes!! Looks horrible! How come the combination is so yucky!"



"Oh! You are just jealous!"



He den proceeds to sue the shit outta me coz he is a lawyer.



(june I take it into ur good humour that u dun get pissed over the pic. Just a joke! If u are, sms me. Will take it off... Actually u look quite nice with XF's nose. Hahhaha.)



3) "I am not a credit-card-guy. Congratulations! U are the winner of a reality TV show and I'm actually a construction worker."



He proceeds to build a nice complicated Lego house, while i watch, wondering bitterly why I nv noticed that Dr XX can build such good lego houses.



"In fact, I'm the construction worker who flashed at you some time ago." He nods. "I read your blog." He hangs his head low. "I'm sorry if I freaked u out, in more ways than one."



Ok so u guys got the idea about the Dream guy thingy. I digressed too much. And Bernard is not dream guy material. But I somehow like him!!! Dammit.



Bernard stopped studying when after his Os coz (i presume) he doesnt really need to study so much. His dad owns some coffee shop in Geylang and sells relatively successful char siew noodles. I think it is totally unfortunate that his dad does not sell pasta instead. I will be with his son in a jiffy if he sold pasta.



But thats not the point. The point is whether I should be with him despite him not being Dream guy material. Will he be another Ah beng boyfriend? Hmmm... Perhaps I will decide tonight. He is coming to fetch me from work. =)



Meanwhile, I am like FREAKING LATE FOR WORK NOW. More blogging later, ppl. Tata!



Oh yeah, for Eddy, I think I will write some confession letter to tell him i like him and see what happens from there. And yesh, if u wan to read it, I will copy the contents of my letter here as well.



Yeah yeah yeah!

Hurray!!! If something good came up from that gal's blog (read previous) it is possibly the fact that I copied her comments script. Which is something I have been trying to find for a long time! So please do leave comments!! Yeah yeah yeah!!!



I'm going out to work in a bit. More blogging when I am back. Anyway, I saw this Tee in yahoo auctions.



Cool huh? We bloggers (if u are one) should all wear it. And then random strangers will ask for your address. Hahhahhaa.



I think it is too big for me, else I will buy it and make it the 3rd T-shirt in my cupboard amidst the frilly spags and tiny tubes. T-shirts are important coz they are exam gear. And my two official Tees are simply not enough for the 4 exams I had this year.

Oh yeah yeah yeah!! The counter finally hit 1000!!!!

I was just talking to Elf on irc just now, and he brought me to utter hell.



[SliVer] remember i was telling u abt bad blogs? blogs that are fake and negative, and have totally nothing positive about them? and they merely serve as some kind of outlet, how the author writes about herself is what she can NEVER ever be in real life

[SliVer] go read



(little interruption here, before u go read, finish reading what I have to say abt her first, k k?)



[SliVer] http://beautifuk.blogspot.com

[SliVer] that is exactly what i mean

[SliVer] i feel sick to the stomach



Lolz. This girl is horrible. I finally understood what Elf was saying when he said that negative blogs will nv be popular.



So please do go write whatever u think of her in that comments thing she has there! heehee let her reflect a little.



After reading her blog please come back to mine and be really glad that not all blogs are like that. Some blogs even tell u how to cheat on bus fares *ahem*. I suddenly feel very eh, happy, that my main motive of writing my blog is to make ppl laugh (besides ranting, which is not the point), not to force them to commit suicide with morbid events.



If u are the owner of that blog and u see this please do not feel glad that suddenly so many ppl (aka ppl who clicked on ur link from my page) are reading ur blog. They are not interested in ur fucked-up daily activities whatever unless they are bloody sadists. Your blog is just used as an example to tell the world that blogs should not be like that. Even a donkey can write a happier blog.



At the end of the day I realise, of course, that she is just a Xiao Ah Lian. So we should all forgive her.



Hiyah I know what u are thinking lar!!! I also last time Ah lian right!! Yeah lar true but at least I am not a cynical morbid Ah lian mah! I was a Happy Lian! I had this cute furry yellow Piyo Piyo bag and bright pink scrunchies to complete the Happy Lian look.



Heres how Piyo piyo looks like, in case anyone is interested.





I collected Neoprints and all sorts of coloured pointed combs, Lolz. Anyway I am not an Ah lian anymore so yeah...



Today was utterly boring. I chose to rot at home although James and Lut both asked me out. [Lut is a half-German guy who asked for my number in school]



Yesh yesh Lut is pronounced as Loot. Quite cute huh. I decided he can say this lame sentence to the gal he likes.

"You have stolen my heart, so I'm now your Lut(loot)"

Lolz. I am so lame....

I was just thinking about Phobias we all have.



When I was a cute little baby (please note that I was born a winner. 1984 baby queen. I was on the News, which has much less important things to report then, without Sars and Wars, thus they reported on baby competitions)... Ok ok not exactly a baby. I just brought up the baby thing to talk about my winning of the competition. Lets start again...



When I was a little girl, my daddy brought me out to this field to play. He was carrying me and then he released his hands from beneath my armpits and sat me on on the grass. Very unfortunately, he sat me down on an ant hill. And it belonged to BIG RED ANTS.



Big red ants do not read the newspaper as far as I know, so although what was sitting on them was a Baby Queen's ass, they were not flattered. They are grouchy man-hating insects because we all know that during Lantern Festivals we keep burning them with cheap candles for hearing that cute 'pop' sound they make when they explode. Ahhh... fond memories. But the point is that they dunch like humans. So they bite whenever they have the chance.



I cried and cried and my dad carried me to one of those machines where u sit on it and it plays music and moves when u put in 20 cents. My tears finally dried up and and I was rocking happily on the horse, to my dad's immerse relief, when I felt something itchy on my scalp. I scratched and it was another big red ant IN MY HAIR!! The crying started all over again. Oh my poor dad...



From then on, I have this phobia for big red ants, not to mention having anyone trying to sit me down on weird fields, though the latter does not happen anymore.



When I was a little girl, once again, my mum helps me cut my toenails. She cut into the flesh of the fourth toe. From then on, I have a phobia of cutting the nail on the fourth toe.



When I cut the toenails for a dog I used to have (not cloudy, another one), I accidentally cut into the flesh as well. The poor thing yapped painfully and (this is quite funny actually) hopped around on 3 legs for a few circles. It stayed angry with me for 3 days, that petty thing. From then onwards I have a phobia for cutting all sorts of toenails.



Thats about all the phobias I have. I'm not afraid of the usual like heights and such (bungee jumped b4), but there is one last phobia that is recently acquired.



I am scared of the MRT gantries closing on me.



Lets go into a different topic altogether. Basically, it is called Cheating On the LTA. (*ahem in case any LTA ppl read this and wants to sue me, the experiences are all written by a friend of mine. *ahem*)



You see, I just refuse to pay my bus/mrt fares properly. They are too freaking expensive!



Before the Ezlink was invented, there were several ways to cheat.



Bus



Over use your bus stamp. I know alot of ppl do this and it is highly use-able coz I over-used my bus stamp for 7 months (jan till July)before my mum bought the August one for me herself.



Throughout this 7 months, I got caught 2 times only.



Theres a way to do it. When u get up the bus, pretend to be digging in ur bag for ur bus pass. The bus driver will wait a few seconds for u to show him before he decides he muz start the bus moving already. Then, when he decides to do this, his eyes will be on the road as he drives out. Precisely at this moment u show him ur bus pass and he cant be bothered to look anymore coz he muz concentrate on the road.



Complete the process with "Paiseh hor Uncle!" and he will smile kindly at you.



Once when I got caught it was coz I stupidly sat on the first seat directly behind the bus driver. When he reached the next stop he asked me to show him my bus pass again. So point is, sit far far behind.



What happens when the bus conductor comes? Tell him u paid by coins and say that ur ticket is lost. Complete this with a gasp and say that u are really sorry and pass him some coins.



MRT

Just use child farecard lor. When u get caught, break down, cry, and say that there is some family money problems at home and u seriously didnt mean to cheat.



Now with Ezlink, it is more difficult to cheat. Nonetheless, it still can be done.



Bus

- If there are alot of ppl going on board, just dun beep. Remove ur Ezlink from your wallet and tap ur empty wallet AT THE EXACT SAME TIME AS ANOTHER PAYING CUSTOMER. The bus driver will be confused as to which one of u actually paid. He wun be bothered to ask. If the paying customer glares at you, glare back at him/her and act as if u were the one who paid, that despicable scumbag!



- If you just graduated from JC and thus had ur EZlink suddenly turned to Adult fare by itself, flash ur Ezlink and pay 55 cents by coins. Can save alot this way.



- Buy a parrot and train him to make that *beep!* sound the card makes. Bring him on board everytime and dun pay, but tap a wallet void of any EZlinks inside. Although the bus driver knows that it was the parrot who made that sound, he wun stop you cause he will think u are bloody cute.



- If u are too hum to cheat and yet dun have money to pay adult fare, just go be a bus driver and u can have free rides.



MRT

My new-found phobia is caused by my cheating on MRTs.



There is only one way to cheat on the MRT, besides using ur sibling's child farecard, and that is to rush in with the person before you. The gates take a relatively long time to close, so if the person before you moves at a normal rate, u should be able to go in with him/her. Similarly u get out by following another person.



This method requires both courage and MRT stations with a lot of ppl. It is sickeningly scary coz it can be quite obviously seen by the MRT ppl. But then again it is worth it coz MRT rides are so bloody expensive.



So far I did this for a month and I didnt get caught before.



There was once I stupidly followed this ah mah out and she walked super slow and I was almost unsuccessful.

Another time I followed this fellow, who was following the fellow in front of him, thus the gantries closed on me. That kind of coincidence happening means that alot of ppl are using this method to cheat.



And alot of ppl cheating means the govt will know.



So the govt made the gantries close immediately after the person goes in.



And the trial station happens to be Jurong East. (also my MRT station)



So one day, I followed this lady in and the gantries closed before I could enter. My stomach hit the red flaps and it was quite embarrassing. I waited for a while and tried again. This time, I got hit again.



I resigned to fate and paid cold hard coins for that ride.



Thus the story ends on a sad note, which is that there is absolutely no way to cheat on MRTs, except to steal ur sibling's child EZlink, which I did. It depends though coz June still does this sometimes and she says that Pasir Ris does not have the Close-faster-than-your-fat-ass-can-get-in gantries like unfortunate Jurong East.



And from that day onwards, I have a phobia of MRT gantries closing on me even though I honestly paid for my trip. =(

Okie I am feeling slightly better after all the ranting... So I shall now write about what I was writing last night, which are basically outdated by now.



American Idol 2!!



If u guys read the comments thingy on the side, you all must be thinking "what the hell is june talking about?"



It is like this. We both agreed that Clay Aiken looks like Adryan, whom I think looks like the mad magazine guy, and also looks like George Bush.



Ridiculous, u say?



Here:





Look like right. Aha! Actually it is all about the ears.



Alright. Yesterday I was at PY's place so I used her scanner to scan the KTV picture June Ek and I took.



Here it is:





Remember I said I looked like a mistress in that pic? Just to prove my point and my photoshop skills...







Yikes!! I am glad in real life I am not touching uncles like these. Yucks.



Anyway, I scanned in some of the photos taken at my last year's bdae. I just realised that every bdae I get food (am I that much of a glutton?!). Year 2002 they disguised the "bdae present" groceries better though, in the form of a hamper. I look like a siao kia carrying it around.







Oh yeah, look! straight hair!! Black too!!! Nicer?







Please note that Ah dong is the odd one out in the picture coz she is so bloody tall! We all dunch like her... Sheesh.. Despise tall ppl...



Seems like last year my fav foods included green Pringles (is that how to spell it?) and Pokka green tea. This year my taste has changed to Vanilla coke and Yellow Lays. Hmmmm...



If anyone is interested to know where we got that very sexy backdrop from, it is from Jurong Point's Esprit. Quite nice huh.. =)

I'm very very very very very pissed now. Yesterday night, my mom was using the computer so I cant use it. I waited from 12 am till 3 am doing nothing except watching a movie which i had watched before already and when she finished using at 3, she REFUSED to let me use the computer, saying it is too late.



And then we got into another fight.



I insisted on using the com.



She insisted on standing right beside to look at me use it.



Can u imagine how irritating that is? She told me to use it tml morning or else she will stand there.



I AM SO PISSED!!!



Then i woke up specially at 12 pm (THATS FUCKING EARLY BTW) and there she was, using the com again.



And I was forced to watch Fei Chang Nan Nu, which I dun enjoy at all, while I waited. Although she used the bloody com for her work, I'm still fucking pissed coz of the bloody waiting. I wanted to write about alot of stuff but now I dun feel like it already.



If last night she would just let me use it at 3am, I wun be so pissed right now and there will be alot of interesting pictures and a whole new funny entry. BUT NO. I'm too pissed except to rant.



So yeah. If u are a fan patiently awaiting my entry, blame my mom.



Otherwise, put some cash into my bank account 175-22104-2 and I will buy a new laptop.

Enormous Eekean is very ridiculous.



She asked me to take away the picture of her in my character intro to replace with this.







For new readers, please scroll down to see how she actually looks like without being photo-shopped.



Ridiculous. Trying to act stylo. I told her no, and that that picture does not look like her in the least bit. And it does not suit the theme of the webbie. If i put her pic, i muz make everybody's face red too.



She said I tried to make all of them look like a part of the cast for a wacky sitcom.



All laughing like crazy, some got apple on head, some hugging ronald macdonald, some getting their hair pulled.











Actually, she sent me her picture thru irc and I didnt open it straightaway. Later on when I went to my mIRC download folder to see the pics, I realised I cant find it, coz I didnt know the name of the files she sent me. I slowly scrolled down painfully thru my mIRC download folder, opening every file and shuddering at some really hideous pictures some ah bengs who chatted me up b4 sent me.



Then i saw the two pics she sent me. I thought for a second "Who is this freak?" and passed it to my recycle bin (together with all the ah bengs pics) to handle, mumbling under my breath that my irc got virus liao, receive funny pictures by itself.



I told her I didnt get her pictures and then she told me something more ridiculous. "The files muz be in some other folder", she said. "Maybe some temporary folder". I told her that irc downloads are always in the mIRC download folder, dun be stupid.



She said "Oh. Okie send to u thru email."



Just when I thot she cant get any more ridiculous, she called me up again sounding really excited.



Amidst her fast-paced breathing I thought I heard her say "I know liao, dun need so ma fan, you can just go to the web to search for my pictures lar! The file name is 'dead'!!"



I thought that cant possibly come out from an RJ student (may I mention, with 4 As for her As too).



I asked her to repeat herself and she said the exact same thing.



I tried to be patient.



"Ee Kean, do u realise how many pictures there are on the world wide web with the filename 'dead'? How many corpses do you want me to see b4 i find yours?"



[Digessing a little, i suspect she did not even upload it anywhere so even if i searched for the rest of my life I wouldnt be able to find it. I suspect too that Miss Enormous thinks that her C drive is linked to the internet.]



"Oh yeah hor!" She chuckled and put down the phone as if she didnt make the most ridiculous statement in the decade. Century. Millennium. Whatever.



Today's KTV did not only involve June and I. When I was happily eating Mud pie with James, Enormous Eekean called me and admitted that she was a closet avid reader of my blog.



OOPS, I DISCLOSED IT TO THE WORLD!



The very same person told me, when I first told her I had a blog, that blogs are disgusting. Blogs only include stuff like "I have a crush on XX, I ate XX today, My pet is XX". Blogs are stupid. Blogs are boring. She doesnt understand why anyone would want to read anyone elses blog.



I told her, when I thought Eddy was going to read the blog, that my blog was gaining publicity, somehow.



She shook her head and refused to read it.



I told her that my blog had her picture.



She immediately went to read it.



And she loved it. LOLz!!! ADMIT IT EEKEAN!!!



Ok point is, thru being an ardent reader, she found out that I was gonna KTV with June and she wanted to join us. Aiyoh, buay paiseh, wahahhahahahaha! But good lar no EK, who to sing the guy parts in duets? Or be Ella in S.H.E songs?



We had great fun. I really must talk about it. Every Weds is ladies' night in Kbox hougang, and no room charge, only pay for drinks and the tidbits. It is from 7pm onwards till 2 am (can leave earlier if u want) and the sound system is damn good. Sounds like you are singing in the toilet, minus your siblings asking u to shut up and when you dun, turning off the lights leaving you to make a tough decision between bathing in the dark or in silence.



We took a little polariod picture and I really really look like a mistress there. I will scan it soon. June is the rich businessman coz she was hugging me.



About the cockroach.



When i woke up I excitedly asked my bro whether he saw the cockroach. He said no, he checked and it wasnt there.



Bloody hell! That means when I took it outta the microwave it wasn't dead lar! I poked it with a toothpick somemore and it didnt move. PRETEND TO DIE!!! Cockroaches nowadays really getting smarter. They will take over the world soon. Anyway I wonder if a male cockroach will think that a female cockroach is sexy? How to when both are so ugly? Gosh.



I told someone this and the someone said that maybe cockroaches find humans revolting too. Hmmmm... I just cant picture that.



There was once I was on my toilet bowl preparing to bathe. Apparently I was naked then. I saw this big lizard on the ceiling. I decided to spray some water on it with the shower thing. It was shocked with the sudden wetness and lost control of itz suction muscles and fell on my lab.



He (I somehow cannot imagine lizards being 'she's) decided to jump off my lap and crawled out of sight.



After recovering from the shock I decided perhaps I was rather insulted.



If you are a guy lizard, and u managed to fall on a naked woman's lap, what would you do? Climb towards the breasts? Stay put for the fun of making her scream? Drop your tail on her?



But NO! The lizard chose to run away (not that i would have perferred it to do any of the above).



There are 4 possibilities.



1) The lizard is a female.

2) The lizard really thinks that humans are not attractive. Also proving the Someone's theory correct.

3) The lizard finds me too fat to stay on.

4) Lizards are generally scared of humans.



OK at this point of time u realise that obviously no. 4 is true. So all this while I have been talking crap. TOOK YOU SO LONG TO REALISE???

I cant believe this just happened.



I turned off my computer and decided that I needed a bite. Ravenous. So I opened my fridge, staring hopefully into the contents.



I saw a plate of fried chicken wings, 3 of them.



Exhilarated, and totally ecstatic.



I took the small plate to the microwave oven and put it in.



Bored, i looked thru the microwave door while the chicken wings were barbecue-ed again and i heard the popping sounds of itz oil seething.



Suddenly i sensed motion within the wings. This black spot (I assumed it was a burnt part of the chicken wing) was moving rather rapidly. I realised it has feelers. It has wings.



Its is a freaking cockroach!!!



Weirdly, my emotions of seeing it was more on "Shucks, I cant eat my wings now!" rather than "UUUUUURGHHH!!! A freaking cockroach!!". Actually i semi-considered the idea of eating the other two wings when I decided I wasnt that desperate. Yesh, indeed, my level of tolerance for disgust is very high. I will agree to lick your used facial blotter for a mere 10 bucks. Just 1 lick though.



I was just wondering how the FUCK the cockroach got there. It cant be in the microwave b4 the chicken coz i didnt see go to the plate. It must have been in the fridge then. And how much of my food did it spoil already?? And how the hell did it get into my bloody fridge without my maid noticing???!!!



I decided it sneaked into the fridge underneath the wings coz it too felt the phreaking hot weather and Buay tahan already. Think about it, the cockroach is black leh. It possibly feels hotter than us.



While I pondered my silly thoughts the cockroach was being fried in its own juices. Despite the tempting curiosity, I didnt go and smell the fried cockroach so I cant tell you how a fried cockroach smells like. Possibly like chicken I guess.



Anyway I was just thinking the last few hours of itz life was in extreme cold and then extreme (EXTREME) heat. And it died, amongst 3 chicken wings.



I feel v v pissed that I cant eat the wings (5 of them in total actually) coz it smells totally saliva-inducing when it was taken out of the microwave.



I didnt throw the cockroach away. Instead, I left it on the table with a cover for my brother to see tml. Wahhahaha freak him out. I wrote on a piece of paper,

Di di, I microwaved a cockroach to death!

After reading the former post, Peiying claimed that we didnt sacrifice Hui Fen's friendship coz of EK but coz nobody likes Hui Fen.



[merrique_] anyway for ur info.... no whole gang of us sacrifice hui fen for ee kean

[merrique_] hui fen was never there in the 1st place!!!

[merrique_] hullo!



She is mean.



[Xia`xue] thats too mean to write down.



[merrique_] nobody like hui fen lah

[merrique_] she was never part of the gang lor



LOLz.



Anyway, i would like to say that when i left my seat, Hui fen took over.



She won back my 6 bucks for me (10 cent 20 cent) and so i shall not say bad things about her. *cross fingers*



Anyway, while I was playing with them I was thinking that my luck was like super bad. I then decided i shall sing auspicious songs to bring luck to myself.

Gong xi gong xi gong xi wo ah, gong xi gong xi gong xi wo!~!~

After realising that I dunch know the lyrics I proceeded to Jingle Bells and Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer.



Subsequently I won a 4 tai. After like taking my 5th tile? Gosh it works.



Ahhhhhh.. I know now. That must have been the reason why the A (see previous blog) doesnt like me lar! So petty a bit of singing oso cannot stand.

Hui Juan is Hui Fen's younger sister. Hui fen is my RV classmate, but we are no longer close coz of Enormous Eekean's dislike for her. And i mean SERIOUS dislike. Got Hui Fen= No Ee kean. So yeah the whole gang of us sacrificed Hui fen for Ek. But I still keep in contact with Hui Juan sometimes coz of the close proximity of our houses and the love for MAHJONG.



Oh yeah here I am.



And i left the kitchen (where the mahjong table is), coz i'm feeling quite pissed.



Hui Fen, who was not supposed to be playing mahjong with us actually, brought her bf and bf's fren here. (coincidence).



The supposed players included Hui Juan, her bf Bryant, and Bryant's guy friend.



Digessing a little, lets talk about Bryant. Bryant, formerly known as Bryan, was actually my ex bf. Ahhhh... I see the look of confusion. It was just a mere coincidence that 3 years after we broke up, Bryant got to know Hui Juan and they got together. Imagine my shock when i discovered they are together! *gasp*



At first when Hui Juan told me she got a new bf, I asked her for his name. She said Bryant. I said i had an ex called Bryan as well. She "haha"ed and said skarly its the same person. I told her itz possible and told her, after some head scratching, Bryant's full name. She looked flabbergasted.



Ah well... My exs are everywhere actually coz when i was much younger, I was an Ah lian. Ah lians collect bfs.



Wahahhahhahahahhahahahahah! The memories are really laughable. Hey i was an qualified Ah lian k! I actually joined some silly gang called Ba Hai Tong but (some find this very funny) a week after i joined, the gang fell through. This was because the older Ah lians all got caught and went to girls' home. I tried to question the decision to close down the girl's section of the gang totally since i felt that when all the senior members got caught, the junior ones should be the leader! Wahahhahahah! But I didnt and decided to concentrate on Bf collecting instead.



Yeah ok dun ask me how many I got coz the answer will shock you. Some of the exs were not really considered bfs coz they only like on the fone "hey, wo ke yi jio ni ma?", and they are so called 'phone steads'. Bryant wasnt a phone stead though.



Stop looking so disgusted! Everyone has got a past! Anyway now obviously I am out of all these already and it has like been a year since the last bf. Bleah. If Bfs came in a little bottle in life too and the perfect one was inside, i think i exhausted my supply. I think perhaps I missed out the perfect guy too.



But i hardly think any of the silly ah bengs i dated could have been The One. But then again perhaps they grew up too and they are perhaps thinking that I was a silly ah lian too! Hmmmm....



Anyway, back to the story, Bryant's friend had to leave early so we let Hui Fen's bf take over and Hui fen and the BF's friend sat nearby.



I'm pissed with Hui Fen coz she is so chummy with her new bf and so fucking protective of him. We were just kidding about him a little and she got all agitated. The BF's friend keep cracking cynical jokes about me (I have no idea why, think he just doesnt like short girls) and Hui Fen and the Bf would chuckle together while Hui Juan and Bryant found it not funny at all.



An example was like this:



Hui Fen, to her bf's friend (lets call him A): "A, you hot or not?"



NOT IN THE SEXUAL SENSE YOU COK! As in, weather very hot lar! Ok i shall stop digessing.



A: "Xin jing zi ran liang."



Me: (i always say this when ppl say that sentence) "Hahaha i put you into a microwave see if you say the same thing."



A: "You find microwave so big first then say lor. Haha where got microwave so big one?" *guffaws towards Hui Fen and Hui fen's bf*



Apparently he was being irrelevant but i decided that i cant be bothered to tell him that.



Me: "Hahhaha got.. Maybe breadtalk's one lor. Hahhahah.."



A: "Breadtalk not oven one meh? Microwave sia!!!"



They seem to find my blunder very funny and they acted as if it was some conquest over me and Hi fi-ed each other.



I mean, yes, it was a mistake on my part. Yes, it is quite a funny mistake to add, but they way they laughed was obviously laughing at ME, not the mistake. I dun understand why they acted as if they all hated me when I didnt do anything!



I told Hui fen she was a bloody bitch coz I knew her for 6 years and here she is laughing at me with some people she just knew. She said i kept teasing her bf too. WTF? Its a totally different kind of joking lor. Apparently our teasing of her bf was totally just for fun and theirs (HF, her bf and bf's friend) was like so malicious.



Hui Juan started to quarrel with Hui Fen and said that her sister always Zhong se qing you one, and told me not to let Hui fen play (mahjong) with us next time. She said this in front of Hui fen.



This is when i decided to get out of the whole thing and use their PC instead. I am so pissed.



I just felt like complaining. Plus most importantly, I lost money. I think ard 6 bucks?



NVM... Tml I am meeting June for KTV at Kbox, Hougang. They have this cute promotion of 'Weds is ladies' night' and only charge is for drinks. HURRAY!