If there's one thing this televisiologist takes great delight in, it's finding like-minded souls on the web who celebrate the fantasy of Television as an alternate universe.
In my enthusiasm for the new ABC series 'Lost', I've been surfing about the internet in search of more information and pictures and opinions on the series. And in doing so I've found "Second Tour Of Finland", a website that celebrates the fictional rock band "Driveshaft" which had castaway Charlie as its bassist.
But rather hearing me ramble on, let me share a message from the folks who run STOF:
Hello once again from the Completely Crazy and Entirely Insane People Responsible for Second Tour of Finland, The Unofficial DriveSHAFT Website.
Jill and I have been overwhelmed with the positive responses we've received since we launched the site last week. Thanks so much to everyone who took the time to stop by and take a peek into the totally twisted workings of our imaginations.
And since we apparently don't know when to stop, we have created a Live Journal Community, so that fans everywhere can come together and chat about All Things DriveSHAFT. Looking for guitar tabs? Searching for a bootleg from their legendary gig at the Barrowlands? Interested in coordinating a fan meet at an upcoming concert? Need to know once and for all exactly WHAT Charlie is singing in "Everybody"? Wondering if Second Tour of Finland has been updated recently? Then this is the place for you.
driveshaftband. [www.driveshaftband.com] Come. Join. Drive. Shaft. Rock. On.
And speaking of updates to STOF, we've made several changes in the past week.
First and foremost is our new domain name. No, it's not www.we-are-way-more-fixated-on-a-certain-imaginary-band-than-is-probably-healthy.com. It's the much more manageable www.driveshaftband.com. And we've brought Zap on board, who has been touring with the band since the early days, to add a little behind-the-scenes flavor. We've also added some newly-discovered concert and album reviews. And as the weeks pass, we hope to receive more feedback and creative input with regard to The Search For Charlie.
Thanks again to everyone for your support, as well as the tremendous restraint it must have taken to not call the authorities when it became clear how far we'd actually gone.
Rock on,
ruidoso and jillybinks
I don't think they're far gone at all. I think they're as normal as I am.
Hey! Put down that phone!
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
Remember:
http://www.driveshaftband.com/
Ask for it by name!
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
WEEKLY ROUND-UP
Here's a sampling of the things and events that helped to expand the TV Universe over the last week (or so):
The League of Themselves:
Sean Penn, Elvis Costello, Harry Dean Stanton, and Bobby Cooper are all members of Charlie's support group.
Sean Penn has reached the age where he could be lying in bed next to his wife (Robin Wright), and all he wants to do is eat his corn pops and go to sleep.
Elvis Costello has found plenty of inspiration in the support group. Many of his songs contain veiled references to what's happened to Sean and Charlie.
Harry Dean Stanton admitted that he doesn't always get out bed when he wakes up with a need to pee.
Bobby Cooper still has a thing for women who look like Tobey McGuire. But he saw 'Spiderman 2' and had no reactions.
[from 'Two And A Half Men']
Michael Jordan worked a basketball fantasy camp.
['My Wife And Kids']
After running away to San Francisco, Carmen Lopez fell in with rap star Chingy's posse. Chingy was ready to defend her against her father - that is, until he learned Carmen was only fifteen.
The appearance of Carrot Top in the same episode doesn't qualify as it was nothing more than a dream. ("Nightmare" is a better description.)
['The George Lopez Show']
Reverend Al Sharpton threatened to take his business away from the law firm unless William fired Maya.
['Girlfriends']
The newest boy to join the swim team at Mary Lou Retton's kids camp gets the high-tech swimsuit, the super turbo fins and Mark Spitz as his personal trainer.
['Sprint PCS']
Joe Torre and Mel Stottlemyre fretted and clucked over an arm in a cast. Even though we're led to believe it belongs to that knucklehed Kevin Brown, it turns out to be George Steinbrenner's. (He hurt himself because he was signing too many checks.)
['Visa Check Card']
William "Refrigerator" Perry is now a falconer who teams up with an astronaut, a medieval faire jouster, and a cultist to get back into the fantasy football game.
['ESPN.com']
Yundi Le, a concert pianist in China oversleeps and could be late for his concert. So he transforms into Lance Armstrong on a bike, speeding through the crowded streets of Beijing, until he reaches the concert site. Lance walks onto the stage, still sporting his white biking outfit and helmet. Sitting down at the piano, he becomes Yundi once again.
['Nike']
Crossovers Part One
To impress his kids, Larry the Lion claimed to know Donkey, co-star of the 'Shrek' movies. So when Donkey showed up for a visit to the Compound, Larry had to find a way to get him to appear at his kid's school.
The MGM Lion also came to visit the school, being an old friend of Blake the Tiger.
['Father Of The Pride', various commercial tie-ins to 'Shrek']
The plane that crashed on that not-so-deserted island was part of the Oceanic Airways fleet. These planes are nothing but bad luck - they were involved in disasters in two TV movies ('Nowhere To Land' and 'Code 11-14'), as well as in an episode of 'JAG'.
Oceanic Airways even crosses over to the movie universe, but its luck is not much better there. (Just check out 'Executive Decision'!)
['Lost']
The Musical Interlude
Not that it serves as a connection, but John Hiatt's song "Have A Little Faith In Me" figured prominently in two new series. It illuminated Kevin Hill's commitment to the new woman in his life: his ward Sarah, the daughter of his late cousin.
And nearly forty years from now, it will serve as the campaign theme song for Robert McAllister's presidential bid.
['Kevin Hill', 'Jack & Bobby']
Crossovers Part Two
Judge Amanda Anderlee presided over a murder trial in which she was threatened by a racist prison gang. This was the first of several appearances to set one of the building blocks for the mid-season entry 'Law & Order: Trial By Jury'. (Detective Lenny Briscoe is another.)
['Law & Order']
The Pillsbury Doughboy came to the rescue for a morose Russian family by bringing them fresh-baked cookies to make up for the horrible meal they had.
But then bad news struck: "Got milk?" Not these Russkies, and the commercial ended with the Doughboy in peril.
This commercial puts the Pillsbury Doughboy over the top for the TV Crossover Hall of Fame. Not only has Poppin Fresh been a legendary icon for over a quarter of a century, but he also did ads for Sprint PCS and Burger King.
['California Milk Processor Board'/'Pillsbury']
The Soup Nazi barked at restaurant patrons as they stepped on a scale: "Nothing for you! Only salad!" and "Come back when you're thinner."
['Center for Consumer Freedom']
La Triviata
Charlie was a member of the heavy metal band Driveshaft.
['Lost']
Kevin Hill, working for the firm Dugan, Davis, and Kelley, successfully sued JLC Records for his client, a rapper named Brett.
['Kevin Hill']
Missing Link
Sean Reynolds is a major-league baseball player on trial for sexual assault in a New York court. Because of the jurisdiction, it's probably safe to say that he plays for a New York team. And it's doubtful that the Mets or the Yankees would want to have their teams associated with this fictional character.....
So why not assume he played for the New York Empires? Reynolds is probably not a character who'll be seen again, either in the courtroom or on the field, so it could always be said that the Empires traded him away because of the controversy.
['Kevin Hill', 'Clubhouse']
It looks like another plane may have crashed back in 1988 on the same island as the Oceanic Airways flight.
Possible shows that were airing on TV at that time which may have some kind of connection to that mystery would include:
1] 'MacGyver'
2] 'Mission : Impossible'
3} 'The Equalizer'
4] 'Murder, She Wrote'
5] 'Something Is Out There'
Any further speculation will be held back until we learn more about the automated distress call......
['Lost']
Obituaries
Miami crime scene investigator Tim Speedle was shot to death in the line of duty. But it may have been due to his own negligence - he failed to properly maintain his gun and it jammed on him when he needed it.
['CSI: Miami']
Real World Tie-ins
New York crime scene investigator Mac Taylor's wife, Claire, died at the World Trade Center on 9/11/2001.
['CSI: NY']
Lindsey Starr was found dead in an office building, with blood on her chest in the shape of a cross. It turned out that Starr was in a reserve unit stationed at Abu Ghraib prison, where she had participated in the abuse of prisoners.
['Law & Order']
Mark Spelman is a player on the New York Knicks who once dated Kevin Hill's first client at his new law firm, Grey & Associates.
['Kevin Hill']
There will be a "War Of The Americas" before 2038 (possibly before 2037 when Eugene Lorio begins his one term as President). President Lorio will have lost his son Walter in the conflict.
['Jack & Bobby']
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
The League of Themselves:
Sean Penn, Elvis Costello, Harry Dean Stanton, and Bobby Cooper are all members of Charlie's support group.
Sean Penn has reached the age where he could be lying in bed next to his wife (Robin Wright), and all he wants to do is eat his corn pops and go to sleep.
Elvis Costello has found plenty of inspiration in the support group. Many of his songs contain veiled references to what's happened to Sean and Charlie.
Harry Dean Stanton admitted that he doesn't always get out bed when he wakes up with a need to pee.
Bobby Cooper still has a thing for women who look like Tobey McGuire. But he saw 'Spiderman 2' and had no reactions.
[from 'Two And A Half Men']
Michael Jordan worked a basketball fantasy camp.
['My Wife And Kids']
After running away to San Francisco, Carmen Lopez fell in with rap star Chingy's posse. Chingy was ready to defend her against her father - that is, until he learned Carmen was only fifteen.
The appearance of Carrot Top in the same episode doesn't qualify as it was nothing more than a dream. ("Nightmare" is a better description.)
['The George Lopez Show']
Reverend Al Sharpton threatened to take his business away from the law firm unless William fired Maya.
['Girlfriends']
The newest boy to join the swim team at Mary Lou Retton's kids camp gets the high-tech swimsuit, the super turbo fins and Mark Spitz as his personal trainer.
['Sprint PCS']
Joe Torre and Mel Stottlemyre fretted and clucked over an arm in a cast. Even though we're led to believe it belongs to that knucklehed Kevin Brown, it turns out to be George Steinbrenner's. (He hurt himself because he was signing too many checks.)
['Visa Check Card']
William "Refrigerator" Perry is now a falconer who teams up with an astronaut, a medieval faire jouster, and a cultist to get back into the fantasy football game.
['ESPN.com']
Yundi Le, a concert pianist in China oversleeps and could be late for his concert. So he transforms into Lance Armstrong on a bike, speeding through the crowded streets of Beijing, until he reaches the concert site. Lance walks onto the stage, still sporting his white biking outfit and helmet. Sitting down at the piano, he becomes Yundi once again.
['Nike']
Crossovers Part One
To impress his kids, Larry the Lion claimed to know Donkey, co-star of the 'Shrek' movies. So when Donkey showed up for a visit to the Compound, Larry had to find a way to get him to appear at his kid's school.
The MGM Lion also came to visit the school, being an old friend of Blake the Tiger.
['Father Of The Pride', various commercial tie-ins to 'Shrek']
The plane that crashed on that not-so-deserted island was part of the Oceanic Airways fleet. These planes are nothing but bad luck - they were involved in disasters in two TV movies ('Nowhere To Land' and 'Code 11-14'), as well as in an episode of 'JAG'.
Oceanic Airways even crosses over to the movie universe, but its luck is not much better there. (Just check out 'Executive Decision'!)
['Lost']
The Musical Interlude
Not that it serves as a connection, but John Hiatt's song "Have A Little Faith In Me" figured prominently in two new series. It illuminated Kevin Hill's commitment to the new woman in his life: his ward Sarah, the daughter of his late cousin.
And nearly forty years from now, it will serve as the campaign theme song for Robert McAllister's presidential bid.
['Kevin Hill', 'Jack & Bobby']
Crossovers Part Two
Judge Amanda Anderlee presided over a murder trial in which she was threatened by a racist prison gang. This was the first of several appearances to set one of the building blocks for the mid-season entry 'Law & Order: Trial By Jury'. (Detective Lenny Briscoe is another.)
['Law & Order']
The Pillsbury Doughboy came to the rescue for a morose Russian family by bringing them fresh-baked cookies to make up for the horrible meal they had.
But then bad news struck: "Got milk?" Not these Russkies, and the commercial ended with the Doughboy in peril.
This commercial puts the Pillsbury Doughboy over the top for the TV Crossover Hall of Fame. Not only has Poppin Fresh been a legendary icon for over a quarter of a century, but he also did ads for Sprint PCS and Burger King.
['California Milk Processor Board'/'Pillsbury']
The Soup Nazi barked at restaurant patrons as they stepped on a scale: "Nothing for you! Only salad!" and "Come back when you're thinner."
['Center for Consumer Freedom']
La Triviata
Charlie was a member of the heavy metal band Driveshaft.
['Lost']
Kevin Hill, working for the firm Dugan, Davis, and Kelley, successfully sued JLC Records for his client, a rapper named Brett.
['Kevin Hill']
Missing Link
Sean Reynolds is a major-league baseball player on trial for sexual assault in a New York court. Because of the jurisdiction, it's probably safe to say that he plays for a New York team. And it's doubtful that the Mets or the Yankees would want to have their teams associated with this fictional character.....
So why not assume he played for the New York Empires? Reynolds is probably not a character who'll be seen again, either in the courtroom or on the field, so it could always be said that the Empires traded him away because of the controversy.
['Kevin Hill', 'Clubhouse']
It looks like another plane may have crashed back in 1988 on the same island as the Oceanic Airways flight.
Possible shows that were airing on TV at that time which may have some kind of connection to that mystery would include:
1] 'MacGyver'
2] 'Mission : Impossible'
3} 'The Equalizer'
4] 'Murder, She Wrote'
5] 'Something Is Out There'
Any further speculation will be held back until we learn more about the automated distress call......
['Lost']
Obituaries
Miami crime scene investigator Tim Speedle was shot to death in the line of duty. But it may have been due to his own negligence - he failed to properly maintain his gun and it jammed on him when he needed it.
['CSI: Miami']
Real World Tie-ins
New York crime scene investigator Mac Taylor's wife, Claire, died at the World Trade Center on 9/11/2001.
['CSI: NY']
Lindsey Starr was found dead in an office building, with blood on her chest in the shape of a cross. It turned out that Starr was in a reserve unit stationed at Abu Ghraib prison, where she had participated in the abuse of prisoners.
['Law & Order']
Mark Spelman is a player on the New York Knicks who once dated Kevin Hill's first client at his new law firm, Grey & Associates.
['Kevin Hill']
Crash survivor Sayeed was a soldier in Saddam Hussein's Republican Guard during the Gulf War.
['Lost']
There will be a "War Of The Americas" before 2038 (possibly before 2037 when Eugene Lorio begins his one term as President). President Lorio will have lost his son Walter in the conflict.
['Jack & Bobby']
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
DEBATE STRATEGERY
The Speech Therapist who has my school as one of her charges, told me the other day about a pre-schooler that she was working with.
She showed him a picture of a duck and asked him what it was. The student responded that it was a duck.
She then asked him what the duck says and he responded Afflak.
bob turba
http://www.bobturba.com/blog/
~~~~~~~~~~
In the 1970s, McDonald's ran a commercial in which a family traveled cross-country: parents, kids, Grandpa. One of the kids complains that he's hungry and Dad says, no problem - there's a McDonald's just up ahead.
"McDonald's?" Grandpa grouses. "In Beatrice, Kansas?"
And sure enough, the Golden Arches appear over the rise like the McMansion on the Hill.
As soon as the commercial aired, the town elders of Beatrice, Kansas, protested. The commercial pronounced the name of the town as "Be-A-Triss", like the female name. But the townsfolk pronounced it "Be-A-Trice".
Sort of the Houston, Texas, / Houston Street difference.
But the commercial continued to play and after a while a strange thing happened - the young people of the town started pronouncing it as "Be-A-Triss" as well, even though they grew up knowing it as "Be-A-Trice".
~~~~~~~~~~~
When Vice President Richard Nixon debated Senator John Kennedy during the 1960 Presidential campaign, those who listened to the debate on the radio thought that Nixon had won. But those who watched it on TV thought that Kennedy had done better.
It's an old story; you know why. Nixon eschewed using make-up - he arrived on TV screens with a thick, five-o'clock shadow, and a sweaty upper lip; pale, pasty.....
The kiddies viewing at home must have figured him to be the host of a local horror movie show.
It certainly does! So it will be interesting to see what effect it will have in the upcoming debates between President Bush and Senator Kerry, and the one between Senator Edwards and Vice President Cheney.
Will the message get through to the people? Or will it be a triumph of televised style over substance? Team Bush has been practically adept at framing the image to take presedence over anything the President says.
But hopefully the debates will be a level playing field so that neither candidate can gain advantage through camera angles.
Then again, the TV audience has been inundated with almost four years of Bush-bashing visuals on TV that poke fun at his limited capacities:
1] the out-of-context clips on 'The Daily Show' and 'The Late Show'
2] Will Ferrell's impersonation on 'Saturday Night Live'
3] and of course, the dim-bulb Dubya in the sitcom 'That's My Bush!'
So the audience might be expecting Kerry to take a cake-walk over the President who will probably be tripping over his own tongue.
Team Bush has been working hard to lower expectations, just as they did when Bush debated Anne Richards for the governorship of Texas.
She ran rings around him oratorically, but as far as the viewer/voters cared, he proved he could stand erect and he didn't drool. So to them, he "won" the debate and he went on to the governor's office in Austin.
The same scenario could play out beginning Thursday. We'll just have to wait and see.
And hopefully, you'll listen to what they say as well.
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
She showed him a picture of a duck and asked him what it was. The student responded that it was a duck.
She then asked him what the duck says and he responded Afflak.
bob turba
http://www.bobturba.com/blog/
~~~~~~~~~~
In the 1970s, McDonald's ran a commercial in which a family traveled cross-country: parents, kids, Grandpa. One of the kids complains that he's hungry and Dad says, no problem - there's a McDonald's just up ahead.
"McDonald's?" Grandpa grouses. "In Beatrice, Kansas?"
And sure enough, the Golden Arches appear over the rise like the McMansion on the Hill.
As soon as the commercial aired, the town elders of Beatrice, Kansas, protested. The commercial pronounced the name of the town as "Be-A-Triss", like the female name. But the townsfolk pronounced it "Be-A-Trice".
Sort of the Houston, Texas, / Houston Street difference.
But the commercial continued to play and after a while a strange thing happened - the young people of the town started pronouncing it as "Be-A-Triss" as well, even though they grew up knowing it as "Be-A-Trice".
~~~~~~~~~~~
When Vice President Richard Nixon debated Senator John Kennedy during the 1960 Presidential campaign, those who listened to the debate on the radio thought that Nixon had won. But those who watched it on TV thought that Kennedy had done better.
It's an old story; you know why. Nixon eschewed using make-up - he arrived on TV screens with a thick, five-o'clock shadow, and a sweaty upper lip; pale, pasty.....
The kiddies viewing at home must have figured him to be the host of a local horror movie show.
"Television seems to have great power over us."
Walter Cronkite
It certainly does! So it will be interesting to see what effect it will have in the upcoming debates between President Bush and Senator Kerry, and the one between Senator Edwards and Vice President Cheney.
Will the message get through to the people? Or will it be a triumph of televised style over substance? Team Bush has been practically adept at framing the image to take presedence over anything the President says.
But hopefully the debates will be a level playing field so that neither candidate can gain advantage through camera angles.
Then again, the TV audience has been inundated with almost four years of Bush-bashing visuals on TV that poke fun at his limited capacities:
1] the out-of-context clips on 'The Daily Show' and 'The Late Show'
2] Will Ferrell's impersonation on 'Saturday Night Live'
3] and of course, the dim-bulb Dubya in the sitcom 'That's My Bush!'
So the audience might be expecting Kerry to take a cake-walk over the President who will probably be tripping over his own tongue.
Team Bush has been working hard to lower expectations, just as they did when Bush debated Anne Richards for the governorship of Texas.
She ran rings around him oratorically, but as far as the viewer/voters cared, he proved he could stand erect and he didn't drool. So to them, he "won" the debate and he went on to the governor's office in Austin.
The same scenario could play out beginning Thursday. We'll just have to wait and see.
And hopefully, you'll listen to what they say as well.
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
To hell with ugly people!
WAHAHAHHAHA! My blog title is so rude I almost cried reading it!! Don't you just want to slap me with a piece of freshly painted char siew?!
My dear blog readers, especially those pioneering ones who has been here since Eddy era, I wanna say something:
I AM SORRY!!
No lah, really lah. You know why? Coz I just realised what a horrible person I am. You guys, most of you anyway, have always been very nice and supportive of what I do. Instead of being appreciative and kind-hearted to you all, I chose to focus on the cynical, rude people and somehow managed to convince myself *gasp* that my READERS ARE ALL EVIL!
When in actual fact I should not be giving any attention to these people who are delibrately stabbing me! They deserve ignoring. My attention should be given, in the form of gratitude, to those who wrote me such wondrous encouragements and those who were by my side all the while!
You know what my blogders? I am such a horrible person. I am also a little schizophrenic lah. I sometimes think, wow, I am quite lucky hor, to get people supporting me. AND THEN THAT EVIL LITTLE VOICE IN MY HEAD, the one that sounds like Ben Stiller in Dodgeball, will holler over the kindred voice in a menacing matter and say, "TO HELL WITH THAT XIAXUE! YOU WRITE WELL! YOU EARNED ALL OF YOUR READERS YOURSELF KNN!!"
Yes, complete with the 'kannina'.
But no no no ... No one is obligated to be nice to me. I cannot think that way! It's wrong and I am a nice person!
I am in fact very very privileged to have blogders being supportive of me. =)
Damn, I wouldn't even have so many guys trying to ask me for sex! (if that is a good thing at all)
I shall stop being a fucking arrogant whore and acknowledge that it is my blogders who made me who I am today. (At this point of time please imagine me flashing a wide smile to you).
No lah, this is not PR, really. C'mon, I admitted I am a selfish whore, how can that possibly be PR?
SO ... you are possibly thinking you did nothing much by just reading me, can I please move on to why I ask ugly people to go to hell?
Sure.
Let me admit something to you:
The title is irrelevant to the topic/s of the day!
MUAHAHAHAHA! It is to attract attention! It is just to make ugly people angry! Aha aha ahahaha!
Come to think of it, I do have an "ugly" story to tell.
First of all let me put a disclaimer. You ask furiously, "Do you discriminate against ugly people Xiaxue?"
If I were a plastic surgeon I would say yes, please come and I will help you, but pay me GOOD $$$$ first! But since I am just a blogger, I would say no. Why no? Because I am definitely not good looking myself (although that does not necessarily mean I cannot discriminate ugly people but please let it pass). What? You think I am pretty? Oh man, do not believe anything in the virtual world! Whatever makes you think I am not some fat bastard typing this? In actual fact the point is that ugly people do not affect me and some of them are actually rich, so they are ok.
So anyway.
There was this once I was at Jurong East MRT and I saw this ugly couple. OH MAN! I know it! Some holy people (possibly people who sincerely believe that "there is some good in everyone". Screw that. I know some people who are JUST made solely out of evilness, wanna intro?) out there will be saying "Who are you to judge who is ugly and who is pretty, Xiaxue?". Oh STFU I say. TRUST ME, THEY ARE UGLY. *nods head violently*
Shianux and I had this argument once and we agreed that although there is no universal standards for being good-looking, there IS a sort of universal standard for, erm, ugliness. For example, no offence to people with lumps, people with lumps are ... definitely not sexy.
Back to the ugly couple. Let me vividly describe how they look like. The man is a lanky thing with thick, thick spectacles. He was carrying a huge haversack and was wearing exactly what you imagine (OMG, how do these people do that?!).
Are you already equipped with a mental picture of him?
Here we go: Checkered blue shirt? *ding!* Long, ironed black pants slightly too short for his long legs? *ding!* Blue pre-presto Nike sports shoes? *ding!*
May I also add that he has a receding hairline and a relatively pimple-scarred face? Oh yes, with an underbite too.
I imagine he is a technician.
If you think that man came out of the eighties, wait till you see the terror clung on to his arm like a starved leech.
A short, thick-set lady in clothes too small for her, she has this permanently unpleasant look on her face - like she just swallowed something revolting. And swallowed again. And again. You read The Order Of The Phoenix? Yes, she looks totally like how I imagine Professor Umbridge to look like. Her face had this "punched in" look about it, and her eyes are semi-protruding and beady.
This lady was holding on to the technician's elbow for dear life, and one can only presume that they were a couple. THE HORRORS! THE KIDS! THE SEX! OMG THE SEX!
Technician guy was walking unhappily alongside this obese lady (about 2 heads shorter than him) and CALAMITY STRIKES HIM.
His 8210 began to ring.
He picked it up, and in my point of view, spoke in a rather business-like manner. His girlfriend stared up at him with her beady eyes laced with suspicion, and 20 secs into his speech, started barking incessantly at him to ask him who it was.
I wanted to slap her but I thought her eyes might pop out and spurt on my face.
Ahem.
Clearly it was a business phone call and he ignored her and turned a little in the opposite direction.
He continued ignoring her, which was a bad move because she continued barking louder and louder. Finally, while the man was concluding his business call with a plastic grin, she decided to fold her arms and sulk in a totally unappealing manner. Well, at least she stopped talking.
Bless them for coming out in public.
The guy kept his 8210 back into his haversack and realised that his girlfriend is no longer standing beside him. He looked over his shoulder and realised she had stayed put from the moment she begin sulking, and was determindedly looking at the floor.
He sighed, I presume, not because he is concerned over how upset she is but over the fact that people are beginning to stare at her.
Man, she is ugly.
Look, I cannot help it. As I look upon this scene, she looked so grouchy that her ugliness seemed to be magnified a million times. While she radiated and exuded ugliness with all her might, all the flowers within a ten mile radius withered and somewhere, a puppy is being tortured.
The courageous man walked towards her, braving the strong waves of ugliness, exasperation written on every scar on his face.
They begin conversing in rapid Chinese. The lady started asking him who it was. Yes, I heard everything because I was sitting down very close to where the sulky lady chose to stand.
Apparently somebody from his office had called, and she doesn't even know whether it is male or female when she started to get paranoid. When she realised it is indeed female, she pressed on about who she is, refusing to move on.
The guy, a quiet, nervous type, managed to convince her that that was just a business call and nothing else. She said, "Make sure it stays that way!" and decided that she is pacified.
MY SWEET LORD.
What on Earth is wrong with that old fucker? Seriously speaking, what's the point of being attached to an ugly git if you still feel insecure? Hello, if she dated Tay Ping Hui, then naturally she would wonder every minute whether he has succumbed to some random fan's sexual tantalizations.
BUT LOOK AT THE TWERP SHE HAS FOR A BF!
Nobody wants him lah HELLO!?! WAKE UP YOUR IDEA - HE IS UGLY LIKE FUCK! If the girl on the line heard how she reacted, she WOULD LAUGH CAN? I say, make up your mind lah lady. It is quite obvious that if he could get someone better, he would have dumped you straightaway. I would. And since it is quite obvious he cannot get someone better, why worry?
I HAVE NO PATIENCE for people like that. If you lose your guy to a third party, it is no one's fault but YOUR OWN. Why not go do some self-examination? Is it your breasts? Are they too small? Or is the other girl willing to do fabulous blowjobs while you only did 5 in five years (and not swallowing too!)?
I say girls - instead of being siao like that ugly lady, just go improve your attitude towards your guys lah, and shut up about breaking up too.
I am so sick of people saying they want to break up and do not do it. When you ask them the next day, "What did he say about the break up?", they look determindedly away and mumble that they didn't break up after all. When you ask "Why?", they give you a patronising nonsensical answer like "Hiyah, like that lor".
ALL GO DIE!
I am sick and tired of being a relationship consultant. People PRETEND to listen to my advice, and the next day they continue, in some cases, to be abused by their partners - and gimme that same patronising statement. WHY ASK ME IN THE FIRST PLACE? Don't lah! Just don't break up! Don't even think about it, YOU WILL NOT DO IT!
Anyway, you will never guess where my mum is right now:
SUICIDE MISSION. 2am (make it 2:50am now as I vet this), and she is somewhere, stopping this simpering (yet another) female fucker who threatened suicide because of bloody relationship problems.
MY MUM HAS TO FUCKING WORK TOMORROW IN THE MORNING. CAN YOU STOP DEPRIVING HER OF HER SLEEP BECAUSE OF YOUR FUCKING CHILDISH ANTICS?
You know what I think of such people? I think they should JUST DIE. They want to die right? Sure! Who are we to stop them from doing things they want to do? It's their life!
But does this girl sincerely want to die?
NO!
Time and again she calls my mum (thank god for free incoming) and my mum counsels her, patiently repeating the same things over and over again. Even I can memorise the speech. But does she listen? NO! She WANTS, she CHOOSES, to wallow in self-pity!
Oooh I am so miserable why doesnt he love me anymore my life is all about him blah blah yadda yadda YEAH BITCH WHY DON'T YOU GO RUN YOURSELF OVER WITH A BULLDOZER AND STOP MAKING MY MUM MAKE ME DO THE LAUNDRY BECAUSE SHE IS SO TIRED AFTER LISTENING TO YOUR BULLSHIT FOR FIVE HOURS?!
These pathetic people just want ATTENTION. In their miserable existence they are not getting enough from their lovers because, as abovementioned, they are just losers. So they weep around, hoping that their "friends" will show concern for them. Tell you what, tearduct: Your friends are all sick and tired of you. Just go and die.
But ho ho ho! How are u supposed to die if you expressly ask your 'friends' to come rescue you?
If she wants to die, just jump off lah. Why must she inform everyone? Why is she waiting for them to come to her? Just ... plop! There you go, off to heaven where people might actually appreciate you!
Oh, I know what the whiner wants my mum to do! She wants my mum to go over to her place, with her LOVER in toil. She then hopes that the star-crossed lover will see her in a horrible state without him, preferably with some bleeding wrists and a tear-strained face.
I don't understand why some females are so fuck-stupid. Whatever makes them think the guy will come back to them if they behave like this? GUYS HAVE COMMITMENT PHOBIA! They are terrified that they will never be able to leave you (ever!) if you threaten suicide everytime he goes to the loo for 5 minutes of solitaire. They will come back for a short while and buay tahan and leave; and then you commit suicide again.
I hope you succeed this time round.
If you don't, the guy will be driven crazy and he turns necrophilic. It is all YOUR fault that they world has perverts.
Anyway, back to the girl who just wouldn't die. (I hope to see her on the papers tomorrow. Oops? Cruel is it? Too bad, I told you I have no patience for depressed people - esp those depressed over trivial RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS)
She just hopes that my mum will bring her lover to her, and, in the optimum situation, they kiss and make up. My mum will then fade into the background, a healthy glow and hearty smile on her face because she has helped a couple get back together.
SHE WISH.
That will NOT happen, and she is troubling my mum FOR NOTHING. My mum is doing this shitwork out of goodwill - and as far as I know she is not even a good friend of my mum's and has never benefited my mum in any way.
What a raw deal mommy is getting! You save the fellow's life and I bet she will not be there when my mum ever needs her as a friend. Why? Coz she is busy screwing some other person who will finally cause her to commit suicide all over again. OOPS! Did I say 'commit suicide'? My bad - 'commit suicide again' is oxymoronic. I meant to say 'pretend to commit suicide'.
In fact, I told my mum just now, before she wasted goddamn petrol and sleep on this possibly dead person (this is the 3rd time she is making my mum rush out like this so I highly doubt she will die, but wish me luck), just ignore her and she will learn to grow up and accept life lah!
In fact, I even suggested to my mum that she can make me some pancakes as I am hungry. Surely making pancakes for her daughter is more important than saving a determinded suicider?
My mum gave me this "Don't be selfish" look and sped off.
ALAS. Someone give my mum a nobel prize.
******************************
I've just been at a forum where someone said his favourite blog entry of mine was on the 16th of May, 2003.
I checked and realised it is the blog entry where I stated all my molest cases. What a weird favourite. Never mind that.
And I continued reading the blog, and realised that somewhere in transition, I SEEM TO HAVE LOSE MY SENSE OF HUMOUR!!!
How come last time write until so funny! S-O-H, please come back to me!!!
I know liao lah. Coz I was a happy person then. Really. I used to smile when I am writing, which is why the entries all sound quite happy - I think.
And also because I feel so much less restricted. I HATE IT! I hate it when so many people say: "Siao, like that also can be best Singaporean Blog ah?"
So to live up to that name, I cannot write about nonsense anymore.
But well, blogder Cedric reminded me yesterday that it is very obvious when I am writing for an audience and when I write for myself. In this case, I shall boh chup and write whatever comes from the heart in future! So what if this entry will let me have hate mails from depressed suicidal girls and their friends? Who cares? It's my opinion and it's not about to change.
Oh yeah. Someone just told me recently, "Wendy, keep your opinions to yourself - nobody wants to hear them."
Quite the contrary from what I see from my blog, but never mind. If you don't wanna read them, then just go away. Alas, what is wrong with the world?!
Back to the happiness criteria ... Ah well, I have not really been a happy individual these few weeks I guess!
Work problems. But that is ok! I have just resigned from my job.
Yes, I AM OFFICIALLY UNEMPLOYED. You've got any job offers to intro to me? Please email me at xiaxue@gmail.com!
Hurray for blogders! To celebrate this newfound freedom, I shall blog till I die of finger cramps! Another blog entry coming up soon. =)
Updated: Blogger couldn't be opened yesterday night so this entry is only published now (4:14pm, Sept 30th)
Author's Note: Fine, I will take out the City Harvest part, although my opinion remains. And NO, I do not have to account to you about my opinions. If you cannot take it, go read some other demure blog. Plenty of those out there the last I heard.
I maintain that I do not have ANY patience for suicidal people. If they meet some trauma and turn depressed, I WILL BE THERE AS A FRIEND, no problem. But in my mum's case the fellow has been suicidal for 3 months at least. Enough is enough. If she refuses to recover, then just go die and stop bothering everyone.
My dear blog readers, especially those pioneering ones who has been here since Eddy era, I wanna say something:
I AM SORRY!!
No lah, really lah. You know why? Coz I just realised what a horrible person I am. You guys, most of you anyway, have always been very nice and supportive of what I do. Instead of being appreciative and kind-hearted to you all, I chose to focus on the cynical, rude people and somehow managed to convince myself *gasp* that my READERS ARE ALL EVIL!
When in actual fact I should not be giving any attention to these people who are delibrately stabbing me! They deserve ignoring. My attention should be given, in the form of gratitude, to those who wrote me such wondrous encouragements and those who were by my side all the while!
You know what my blogders? I am such a horrible person. I am also a little schizophrenic lah. I sometimes think, wow, I am quite lucky hor, to get people supporting me. AND THEN THAT EVIL LITTLE VOICE IN MY HEAD, the one that sounds like Ben Stiller in Dodgeball, will holler over the kindred voice in a menacing matter and say, "TO HELL WITH THAT XIAXUE! YOU WRITE WELL! YOU EARNED ALL OF YOUR READERS YOURSELF KNN!!"
Yes, complete with the 'kannina'.
But no no no ... No one is obligated to be nice to me. I cannot think that way! It's wrong and I am a nice person!
I am in fact very very privileged to have blogders being supportive of me. =)
Damn, I wouldn't even have so many guys trying to ask me for sex! (if that is a good thing at all)
I shall stop being a fucking arrogant whore and acknowledge that it is my blogders who made me who I am today. (At this point of time please imagine me flashing a wide smile to you).
No lah, this is not PR, really. C'mon, I admitted I am a selfish whore, how can that possibly be PR?
SO ... you are possibly thinking you did nothing much by just reading me, can I please move on to why I ask ugly people to go to hell?
Sure.
Let me admit something to you:
The title is irrelevant to the topic/s of the day!
MUAHAHAHAHA! It is to attract attention! It is just to make ugly people angry! Aha aha ahahaha!
Come to think of it, I do have an "ugly" story to tell.
First of all let me put a disclaimer. You ask furiously, "Do you discriminate against ugly people Xiaxue?"
If I were a plastic surgeon I would say yes, please come and I will help you, but pay me GOOD $$$$ first! But since I am just a blogger, I would say no. Why no? Because I am definitely not good looking myself (although that does not necessarily mean I cannot discriminate ugly people but please let it pass). What? You think I am pretty? Oh man, do not believe anything in the virtual world! Whatever makes you think I am not some fat bastard typing this? In actual fact the point is that ugly people do not affect me and some of them are actually rich, so they are ok.
So anyway.
There was this once I was at Jurong East MRT and I saw this ugly couple. OH MAN! I know it! Some holy people (possibly people who sincerely believe that "there is some good in everyone". Screw that. I know some people who are JUST made solely out of evilness, wanna intro?) out there will be saying "Who are you to judge who is ugly and who is pretty, Xiaxue?". Oh STFU I say. TRUST ME, THEY ARE UGLY. *nods head violently*
Shianux and I had this argument once and we agreed that although there is no universal standards for being good-looking, there IS a sort of universal standard for, erm, ugliness. For example, no offence to people with lumps, people with lumps are ... definitely not sexy.
Back to the ugly couple. Let me vividly describe how they look like. The man is a lanky thing with thick, thick spectacles. He was carrying a huge haversack and was wearing exactly what you imagine (OMG, how do these people do that?!).
Are you already equipped with a mental picture of him?
Here we go: Checkered blue shirt? *ding!* Long, ironed black pants slightly too short for his long legs? *ding!* Blue pre-presto Nike sports shoes? *ding!*
May I also add that he has a receding hairline and a relatively pimple-scarred face? Oh yes, with an underbite too.
I imagine he is a technician.
If you think that man came out of the eighties, wait till you see the terror clung on to his arm like a starved leech.
A short, thick-set lady in clothes too small for her, she has this permanently unpleasant look on her face - like she just swallowed something revolting. And swallowed again. And again. You read The Order Of The Phoenix? Yes, she looks totally like how I imagine Professor Umbridge to look like. Her face had this "punched in" look about it, and her eyes are semi-protruding and beady.
This lady was holding on to the technician's elbow for dear life, and one can only presume that they were a couple. THE HORRORS! THE KIDS! THE SEX! OMG THE SEX!
Technician guy was walking unhappily alongside this obese lady (about 2 heads shorter than him) and CALAMITY STRIKES HIM.
His 8210 began to ring.
He picked it up, and in my point of view, spoke in a rather business-like manner. His girlfriend stared up at him with her beady eyes laced with suspicion, and 20 secs into his speech, started barking incessantly at him to ask him who it was.
I wanted to slap her but I thought her eyes might pop out and spurt on my face.
Ahem.
Clearly it was a business phone call and he ignored her and turned a little in the opposite direction.
He continued ignoring her, which was a bad move because she continued barking louder and louder. Finally, while the man was concluding his business call with a plastic grin, she decided to fold her arms and sulk in a totally unappealing manner. Well, at least she stopped talking.
Bless them for coming out in public.
The guy kept his 8210 back into his haversack and realised that his girlfriend is no longer standing beside him. He looked over his shoulder and realised she had stayed put from the moment she begin sulking, and was determindedly looking at the floor.
He sighed, I presume, not because he is concerned over how upset she is but over the fact that people are beginning to stare at her.
Man, she is ugly.
Look, I cannot help it. As I look upon this scene, she looked so grouchy that her ugliness seemed to be magnified a million times. While she radiated and exuded ugliness with all her might, all the flowers within a ten mile radius withered and somewhere, a puppy is being tortured.
The courageous man walked towards her, braving the strong waves of ugliness, exasperation written on every scar on his face.
They begin conversing in rapid Chinese. The lady started asking him who it was. Yes, I heard everything because I was sitting down very close to where the sulky lady chose to stand.
Apparently somebody from his office had called, and she doesn't even know whether it is male or female when she started to get paranoid. When she realised it is indeed female, she pressed on about who she is, refusing to move on.
The guy, a quiet, nervous type, managed to convince her that that was just a business call and nothing else. She said, "Make sure it stays that way!" and decided that she is pacified.
MY SWEET LORD.
What on Earth is wrong with that old fucker? Seriously speaking, what's the point of being attached to an ugly git if you still feel insecure? Hello, if she dated Tay Ping Hui, then naturally she would wonder every minute whether he has succumbed to some random fan's sexual tantalizations.
BUT LOOK AT THE TWERP SHE HAS FOR A BF!
Nobody wants him lah HELLO!?! WAKE UP YOUR IDEA - HE IS UGLY LIKE FUCK! If the girl on the line heard how she reacted, she WOULD LAUGH CAN? I say, make up your mind lah lady. It is quite obvious that if he could get someone better, he would have dumped you straightaway. I would. And since it is quite obvious he cannot get someone better, why worry?
I HAVE NO PATIENCE for people like that. If you lose your guy to a third party, it is no one's fault but YOUR OWN. Why not go do some self-examination? Is it your breasts? Are they too small? Or is the other girl willing to do fabulous blowjobs while you only did 5 in five years (and not swallowing too!)?
I say girls - instead of being siao like that ugly lady, just go improve your attitude towards your guys lah, and shut up about breaking up too.
I am so sick of people saying they want to break up and do not do it. When you ask them the next day, "What did he say about the break up?", they look determindedly away and mumble that they didn't break up after all. When you ask "Why?", they give you a patronising nonsensical answer like "Hiyah, like that lor".
ALL GO DIE!
I am sick and tired of being a relationship consultant. People PRETEND to listen to my advice, and the next day they continue, in some cases, to be abused by their partners - and gimme that same patronising statement. WHY ASK ME IN THE FIRST PLACE? Don't lah! Just don't break up! Don't even think about it, YOU WILL NOT DO IT!
Anyway, you will never guess where my mum is right now:
SUICIDE MISSION. 2am (make it 2:50am now as I vet this), and she is somewhere, stopping this simpering (yet another) female fucker who threatened suicide because of bloody relationship problems.
MY MUM HAS TO FUCKING WORK TOMORROW IN THE MORNING. CAN YOU STOP DEPRIVING HER OF HER SLEEP BECAUSE OF YOUR FUCKING CHILDISH ANTICS?
You know what I think of such people? I think they should JUST DIE. They want to die right? Sure! Who are we to stop them from doing things they want to do? It's their life!
But does this girl sincerely want to die?
NO!
Time and again she calls my mum (thank god for free incoming) and my mum counsels her, patiently repeating the same things over and over again. Even I can memorise the speech. But does she listen? NO! She WANTS, she CHOOSES, to wallow in self-pity!
Oooh I am so miserable why doesnt he love me anymore my life is all about him blah blah yadda yadda YEAH BITCH WHY DON'T YOU GO RUN YOURSELF OVER WITH A BULLDOZER AND STOP MAKING MY MUM MAKE ME DO THE LAUNDRY BECAUSE SHE IS SO TIRED AFTER LISTENING TO YOUR BULLSHIT FOR FIVE HOURS?!
These pathetic people just want ATTENTION. In their miserable existence they are not getting enough from their lovers because, as abovementioned, they are just losers. So they weep around, hoping that their "friends" will show concern for them. Tell you what, tearduct: Your friends are all sick and tired of you. Just go and die.
But ho ho ho! How are u supposed to die if you expressly ask your 'friends' to come rescue you?
If she wants to die, just jump off lah. Why must she inform everyone? Why is she waiting for them to come to her? Just ... plop! There you go, off to heaven where people might actually appreciate you!
Oh, I know what the whiner wants my mum to do! She wants my mum to go over to her place, with her LOVER in toil. She then hopes that the star-crossed lover will see her in a horrible state without him, preferably with some bleeding wrists and a tear-strained face.
I don't understand why some females are so fuck-stupid. Whatever makes them think the guy will come back to them if they behave like this? GUYS HAVE COMMITMENT PHOBIA! They are terrified that they will never be able to leave you (ever!) if you threaten suicide everytime he goes to the loo for 5 minutes of solitaire. They will come back for a short while and buay tahan and leave; and then you commit suicide again.
I hope you succeed this time round.
If you don't, the guy will be driven crazy and he turns necrophilic. It is all YOUR fault that they world has perverts.
Anyway, back to the girl who just wouldn't die. (I hope to see her on the papers tomorrow. Oops? Cruel is it? Too bad, I told you I have no patience for depressed people - esp those depressed over trivial RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS)
She just hopes that my mum will bring her lover to her, and, in the optimum situation, they kiss and make up. My mum will then fade into the background, a healthy glow and hearty smile on her face because she has helped a couple get back together.
SHE WISH.
That will NOT happen, and she is troubling my mum FOR NOTHING. My mum is doing this shitwork out of goodwill - and as far as I know she is not even a good friend of my mum's and has never benefited my mum in any way.
What a raw deal mommy is getting! You save the fellow's life and I bet she will not be there when my mum ever needs her as a friend. Why? Coz she is busy screwing some other person who will finally cause her to commit suicide all over again. OOPS! Did I say 'commit suicide'? My bad - 'commit suicide again' is oxymoronic. I meant to say 'pretend to commit suicide'.
In fact, I told my mum just now, before she wasted goddamn petrol and sleep on this possibly dead person (this is the 3rd time she is making my mum rush out like this so I highly doubt she will die, but wish me luck), just ignore her and she will learn to grow up and accept life lah!
In fact, I even suggested to my mum that she can make me some pancakes as I am hungry. Surely making pancakes for her daughter is more important than saving a determinded suicider?
My mum gave me this "Don't be selfish" look and sped off.
ALAS. Someone give my mum a nobel prize.
******************************
I've just been at a forum where someone said his favourite blog entry of mine was on the 16th of May, 2003.
I checked and realised it is the blog entry where I stated all my molest cases. What a weird favourite. Never mind that.
And I continued reading the blog, and realised that somewhere in transition, I SEEM TO HAVE LOSE MY SENSE OF HUMOUR!!!
How come last time write until so funny! S-O-H, please come back to me!!!
I know liao lah. Coz I was a happy person then. Really. I used to smile when I am writing, which is why the entries all sound quite happy - I think.
And also because I feel so much less restricted. I HATE IT! I hate it when so many people say: "Siao, like that also can be best Singaporean Blog ah?"
So to live up to that name, I cannot write about nonsense anymore.
But well, blogder Cedric reminded me yesterday that it is very obvious when I am writing for an audience and when I write for myself. In this case, I shall boh chup and write whatever comes from the heart in future! So what if this entry will let me have hate mails from depressed suicidal girls and their friends? Who cares? It's my opinion and it's not about to change.
Oh yeah. Someone just told me recently, "Wendy, keep your opinions to yourself - nobody wants to hear them."
Quite the contrary from what I see from my blog, but never mind. If you don't wanna read them, then just go away. Alas, what is wrong with the world?!
Back to the happiness criteria ... Ah well, I have not really been a happy individual these few weeks I guess!
Work problems. But that is ok! I have just resigned from my job.
Yes, I AM OFFICIALLY UNEMPLOYED. You've got any job offers to intro to me? Please email me at xiaxue@gmail.com!
Hurray for blogders! To celebrate this newfound freedom, I shall blog till I die of finger cramps! Another blog entry coming up soon. =)
Updated: Blogger couldn't be opened yesterday night so this entry is only published now (4:14pm, Sept 30th)
Author's Note: Fine, I will take out the City Harvest part, although my opinion remains. And NO, I do not have to account to you about my opinions. If you cannot take it, go read some other demure blog. Plenty of those out there the last I heard.
I maintain that I do not have ANY patience for suicidal people. If they meet some trauma and turn depressed, I WILL BE THERE AS A FRIEND, no problem. But in my mum's case the fellow has been suicidal for 3 months at least. Enough is enough. If she refuses to recover, then just go die and stop bothering everyone.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
CONGRATS, COUSIN CONAN*!
Leno to Retire from 'Tonight Show' in 2009
Mon Sep 27, 2004 08:26 PM ET
By Steve Gorman
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Jay Leno, America's leading late-night comedian as host of NBC's 'The Tonight Show,' will retire in 2009 and be replaced by Conan O'Brien, the offbeat comic whose own show airs an hour later, the network said on Monday.
Leno, 54, was to officially break the news to viewers on Monday's broadcast marking the 50th anniversary of 'The Tonight Show,' a television institution he inherited from Johnny Carson in 1992.
In a statement issued by NBC, Leno, said he had been planning to turn the program over to O'Brien since March, when Leno extended his own contract for another five years to 2009.
O'Brien, 41, hosts NBC's 'Late Night with Conan O'Brien,' which is aired at 12:30 a.m., following 'The Tonight Show.'
"In 2009, I'll be 59 years old and will have had this dream job for 17 years," Leno said. "When I signed my new contract, I felt that the timing was right to plan for my successor, and there is no one more qualified than Conan.
''Plus, I promised (my wife) Mavis I would take her out for dinner before I turned 60."
O'Brien signed a new contract on Monday that keeps him at 'Late Night' for five years and guarantees he will succeed Leno in 2009. No financial terms were disclosed, but media reports have valued Leno's contract at more than $20 million a year.
"'The Tonight Show' is one of the great franchises in television, and I am thrilled to get this opportunity," O'Brien said. "I am particularly grateful to Jay for all the generous support and kindness he has always shown me."
An NBC spokeswoman said no decision has been made about replacing O'Brien or whether 'The Tonight Show,' now filmed in Burbank, California, would move to New York, home of O'Brien's 'Late Night' show.
MORE LIKE LETTERMAN?
But the choice of the quirky, red-haired O'Brien, known for self-deprecating, ironic, humor and once a writer for Fox television's 'The Simpsons,' signaled a likely change in direction for 'The Tonight Show.'
Leno continued the basic format and style Carson was known for during nearly 30 years -- an opening monologue followed by interviews with celebrity guests and musical performances. He added flourishes of his own, such as the "Jay-Walking" bit in which a camera follows him onto the streets of Hollywood to show how little ordinary passersby know about current events, geography and history.
But critics see O'Brien's brand of humor as hewing closer to that of Leno's late-night TV rival David Letterman, who jumped to CBS in 1993 after Leno beat him out as Carson's successor.
"I think if you put Conan on at 11:30 right now, you'd have a lot of Leno viewers scratching their heads over the self-pleasuring bear and Triumph the Dog (a foul-mouthed dog puppet)," said Robert Thompson, a professor of pop culture at Syracuse University.
"But by 2009, most of the audience that doesn't get Conan probably is not going to be up until 11:30 anyway."
O'Brien's ascension to the "Tonight Show" throne also will add a new dimension to the late-night rivalry between NBC and CBS.
Letterman initially beat Leno in the ratings war. But following actor Hugh Grant's 'Tonight Show' appearance after his highly publicized 1995 encounter with a prostitute, NBC settled in as the consistently more watched network at 11:30.
In recent years, the late-night talk show circuit has become a favorite campaign stop for politicians. California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger famously declared his candidacy on Leno's program last year.
O'Brien will become the fourth permanent host of 'The Tonight Show.' The program debuted in 1954 with Steve Allen, who was succeeded in 1957 by Jack Paar. Carson took over in 1962.
Reuters/VNU
* Didn't you know? All O'Briens are related! We're the "Smiths" of Irish names!
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
Mon Sep 27, 2004 08:26 PM ET
By Steve Gorman
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Jay Leno, America's leading late-night comedian as host of NBC's 'The Tonight Show,' will retire in 2009 and be replaced by Conan O'Brien, the offbeat comic whose own show airs an hour later, the network said on Monday.
Leno, 54, was to officially break the news to viewers on Monday's broadcast marking the 50th anniversary of 'The Tonight Show,' a television institution he inherited from Johnny Carson in 1992.
In a statement issued by NBC, Leno, said he had been planning to turn the program over to O'Brien since March, when Leno extended his own contract for another five years to 2009.
O'Brien, 41, hosts NBC's 'Late Night with Conan O'Brien,' which is aired at 12:30 a.m., following 'The Tonight Show.'
"In 2009, I'll be 59 years old and will have had this dream job for 17 years," Leno said. "When I signed my new contract, I felt that the timing was right to plan for my successor, and there is no one more qualified than Conan.
''Plus, I promised (my wife) Mavis I would take her out for dinner before I turned 60."
O'Brien signed a new contract on Monday that keeps him at 'Late Night' for five years and guarantees he will succeed Leno in 2009. No financial terms were disclosed, but media reports have valued Leno's contract at more than $20 million a year.
"'The Tonight Show' is one of the great franchises in television, and I am thrilled to get this opportunity," O'Brien said. "I am particularly grateful to Jay for all the generous support and kindness he has always shown me."
An NBC spokeswoman said no decision has been made about replacing O'Brien or whether 'The Tonight Show,' now filmed in Burbank, California, would move to New York, home of O'Brien's 'Late Night' show.
MORE LIKE LETTERMAN?
But the choice of the quirky, red-haired O'Brien, known for self-deprecating, ironic, humor and once a writer for Fox television's 'The Simpsons,' signaled a likely change in direction for 'The Tonight Show.'
Leno continued the basic format and style Carson was known for during nearly 30 years -- an opening monologue followed by interviews with celebrity guests and musical performances. He added flourishes of his own, such as the "Jay-Walking" bit in which a camera follows him onto the streets of Hollywood to show how little ordinary passersby know about current events, geography and history.
But critics see O'Brien's brand of humor as hewing closer to that of Leno's late-night TV rival David Letterman, who jumped to CBS in 1993 after Leno beat him out as Carson's successor.
"I think if you put Conan on at 11:30 right now, you'd have a lot of Leno viewers scratching their heads over the self-pleasuring bear and Triumph the Dog (a foul-mouthed dog puppet)," said Robert Thompson, a professor of pop culture at Syracuse University.
"But by 2009, most of the audience that doesn't get Conan probably is not going to be up until 11:30 anyway."
O'Brien's ascension to the "Tonight Show" throne also will add a new dimension to the late-night rivalry between NBC and CBS.
Letterman initially beat Leno in the ratings war. But following actor Hugh Grant's 'Tonight Show' appearance after his highly publicized 1995 encounter with a prostitute, NBC settled in as the consistently more watched network at 11:30.
In recent years, the late-night talk show circuit has become a favorite campaign stop for politicians. California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger famously declared his candidacy on Leno's program last year.
O'Brien will become the fourth permanent host of 'The Tonight Show.' The program debuted in 1954 with Steve Allen, who was succeeded in 1957 by Jack Paar. Carson took over in 1962.
Reuters/VNU
* Didn't you know? All O'Briens are related! We're the "Smiths" of Irish names!
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
THE RE-RUN OF THE HOUSE
TV's original Home Improvement icon Bob Vila tore down Mike Brady's talent as architect during this past weekend's 48-hour 'Brady Bunch' marathon on TV Land.
Vila leveled the TV architect's abode during the 35th anniversary special, saying the six kids were "squeezed into little windowless chambers'' and the Brady bathrooms had no toilets!
"Dad did a real stinky job of designing a house for his big family,'' slagged Vila, who made a 90-second cameo during the special. "Americans saw the house as an inspirational, beautiful house in Sherman Oaks, but if you looked at it closely, it was a mess.''
Other design flaws included a two-car garage that would be impossible to drive two cars into "unless it operated laterally,'' an Astroturf lawn, and a "huge staircase that led nowhere and took up too much space.''
Vila, who is celebrating his 25th anniversary on the air, said TV homes these days - especially those on HBO - are like another character in the show.
"The house on 'The Sopranos' is hysterical,'' said Bob, who stakes claim as host of TV's first reality TV show - 'This Old House.'* "It's so appropriately done and very well cast, as is the home in 'Six Feet Under.' It gives that perfect feeling of how dreadful it is living in that space around the funeral home.''
And 'Sex and the City' is the "Quintessential New York real estate,'' he said. "But Carrie must have a trust fund.''
[The information gathered was gathered with thanks to "Inside Track".]
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
* I have serious reservations about that claim.... What about the Loud Family, at the very least?
Vila leveled the TV architect's abode during the 35th anniversary special, saying the six kids were "squeezed into little windowless chambers'' and the Brady bathrooms had no toilets!
"Dad did a real stinky job of designing a house for his big family,'' slagged Vila, who made a 90-second cameo during the special. "Americans saw the house as an inspirational, beautiful house in Sherman Oaks, but if you looked at it closely, it was a mess.''
Other design flaws included a two-car garage that would be impossible to drive two cars into "unless it operated laterally,'' an Astroturf lawn, and a "huge staircase that led nowhere and took up too much space.''
Vila, who is celebrating his 25th anniversary on the air, said TV homes these days - especially those on HBO - are like another character in the show.
"The house on 'The Sopranos' is hysterical,'' said Bob, who stakes claim as host of TV's first reality TV show - 'This Old House.'* "It's so appropriately done and very well cast, as is the home in 'Six Feet Under.' It gives that perfect feeling of how dreadful it is living in that space around the funeral home.''
And 'Sex and the City' is the "Quintessential New York real estate,'' he said. "But Carrie must have a trust fund.''
[The information gathered was gathered with thanks to "Inside Track".]
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
* I have serious reservations about that claim.... What about the Loud Family, at the very least?
Monday, September 27, 2004
IN THE NEWS
Here are a few news-blurts that will have an impact on the inner reality of the TV Universe.
LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - Nigel Aylott, a contestant on CBS Sports' 'Subaru Primal Quest,' was fatally injured Wednesday while competing in the adventure race's 2004 edition on Orcas Island, Wash.
During the trekking/orienteering segment of the 10-day, 400-mile race, Aylott, an Australian native, died after being struck by a 300-pound boulder. Two other contestants were injured.
~~~~~~~
'Gilmore Girls' will add some literary cachet with one of this fall's guest stars: Norman Mailer. The show gave Mailer, who plays himself, the chance to work with his son, actor Stephen Mailer.
In the episode, likely to be broadcast in a month or so, Stephen Mailer plays a reporter interviewing the acclaimed writer at the inn run by Lorelai (Lauren Graham) and Sookie (Melissa McCarthy).
~~~~~~~
Lucasfilm confirmed officially that there will be a Star Wars television show in the future. They didn't comment on the setting (post-Episode III or post-Episode VI?) or the release schedule. But such a series would automatically be linked to 'Droids', 'Ewoks', 'The Clone Wars', and all of the appearances by R2-D2 and C-3PO in commercials and TV shows ('The Muppet Show', 'Sesame Street').
And much to George Lucas' chagrin, I'd wager, it will also be linked to the 1977 'Star Wars Holiday Special'!
~~~~~~~~
'A Christmas Without Ornaments' will be the third project to feature Peter Falk's character of the angel Max ('A Town Without Christmas,' 'Finding John Christmas').
CBS' press materials describe the project as "a heartwarming story about two very different families who need the help of Max at Christmastime. This time, Max’s job may be at stake when a supervising angel comes to earth to discipline him for contacting the wrong family in need."
And with this film, Peter Falk is once again eligible for the TV Crossover Hall of Fame as yet another character - this time, as Max the Angel. (Just when I thought I would eventually run out of holiday themed characters for December's entries!)
Falk is somewhat eligible already for his role as Lt. Columbo. And during 2005, he will be inducted as the January "Classic TV" character. (In 2005, the theme is "What I Says, Goes" because I'll be celebrating the half-century mark. Characters who might otherwise not be eligible due to some technical glitch, but who are favorites of mine, will find their way into the Hall. And that includes yours truly!)
~~~~~~~
To promote Advertising Week In New York, Euro RSCG/N.Y. created a series of spots about an icon making the long trip to New York in search of fame and fortune.
Directed by Euro ECD Jeff Kling, "Icon Journey" features a rather unappealing icon -- a bloodshot eyeball carrying two rayguns -- and a documentary filmmaker who believes in him. Along the way, through almost a dozen spots, they encounter doubt, danger and -- yes -- even love.
Also, a gang of advertising icons -- including Ronald McDonald, Hootie the Owl, and Advertising Week chairman Ken Kaess -- opened the NASDAQ stock exchange in observation of Advertising Week. The NASDAQ promptly fell two points.
~~~~~
I was proven right about ABC's scheduling blunder with the premieres of 'Lost' and 'The Bachelor':
ABC's new drama 'Lost' premiered to a surprisingly strong 11.6/19, dominating the 8 p.m. hour. A prime-time 'Dr. Phil' special on CBS was second at 7.9/13, while NBC's 'Hawaii' took third. The season premiere of 'Smallville,' 3.5/6, put The WB in fourth. 'That '70s Show' and 'Quintuplets' averaged 3.3/6 for FOX. 'America's Next Top Model' opened its season on UPN with a 2.7/5.
The first of two hours of 'Law & Order,' 12.2/19, gave NBC the lead at 9 p.m. 'Dr. Phil' improved to 10.1/16 for CBS. ABC dropped to third with the return of 'The Bachelor,' 6.2/9. Two episodes of 'The Bernie Mac Show' moved FOX up to fourth. 'The Mountain' debuted to a 2.6/4 on The WB, while UPN's 'Veronica Mars' managed only a 1.8/3 in its premiere.
At 10 p.m., the premiere of 'CSI: NY' averaged 12.1/20 for CBS, beating NBC's second 'Law & Order,' 10.7/17. 'The Bachelor' came in at 5.8/10 for ABC.
It was just as I predicted! Nyah nyah neyah nyah to you, ABC!
~~~~~~~~
Shaun the Sheep, the woolly star of the Wallace and Gromit short 'A Close Shave', is to get his own show on CBBC, the BBC's digital channel for children. The 40-part series, commissioned from Aardman Animations, begins production at the end of the year and will be transmitted on CBBC in 2006.
The show will follow the adventures of Shaun and the rest of his flock as they join in with his madcap schemes, including synchronised swimming in the sheep-dip and dressing up as a scarecrow.
[Story from BBC NEWS]
In the dream world that is Toobian, Shaun would eventually cross over with the cartoon series 'Sheep In The City'.
~~~~~~~~
Finally, here's an editorial suggestion:
"As an actor on 'Crossing Jordan', I have a character who can goof around and make jokes," said Jerrry O'Connell while talking about his character of Detective Woody Hoyt.
"I hardly ever say a word that's written for me by the writers. I play a fun, young cop. It's so much more fun than 'CSI' would be. I'm not frowning upon it, it's just not what I wanna do. I gotta talk a little more than they do!"
O'Connell better watch it when trash-talking the show's writers. That is why Joey Tribbiani soon found his character of Dr. Drake Ramoray dead on 'Days Of Our Lives'!
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - Nigel Aylott, a contestant on CBS Sports' 'Subaru Primal Quest,' was fatally injured Wednesday while competing in the adventure race's 2004 edition on Orcas Island, Wash.
During the trekking/orienteering segment of the 10-day, 400-mile race, Aylott, an Australian native, died after being struck by a 300-pound boulder. Two other contestants were injured.
~~~~~~~
'Gilmore Girls' will add some literary cachet with one of this fall's guest stars: Norman Mailer. The show gave Mailer, who plays himself, the chance to work with his son, actor Stephen Mailer.
In the episode, likely to be broadcast in a month or so, Stephen Mailer plays a reporter interviewing the acclaimed writer at the inn run by Lorelai (Lauren Graham) and Sookie (Melissa McCarthy).
~~~~~~~
Lucasfilm confirmed officially that there will be a Star Wars television show in the future. They didn't comment on the setting (post-Episode III or post-Episode VI?) or the release schedule. But such a series would automatically be linked to 'Droids', 'Ewoks', 'The Clone Wars', and all of the appearances by R2-D2 and C-3PO in commercials and TV shows ('The Muppet Show', 'Sesame Street').
And much to George Lucas' chagrin, I'd wager, it will also be linked to the 1977 'Star Wars Holiday Special'!
~~~~~~~~
'A Christmas Without Ornaments' will be the third project to feature Peter Falk's character of the angel Max ('A Town Without Christmas,' 'Finding John Christmas').
CBS' press materials describe the project as "a heartwarming story about two very different families who need the help of Max at Christmastime. This time, Max’s job may be at stake when a supervising angel comes to earth to discipline him for contacting the wrong family in need."
And with this film, Peter Falk is once again eligible for the TV Crossover Hall of Fame as yet another character - this time, as Max the Angel. (Just when I thought I would eventually run out of holiday themed characters for December's entries!)
Falk is somewhat eligible already for his role as Lt. Columbo. And during 2005, he will be inducted as the January "Classic TV" character. (In 2005, the theme is "What I Says, Goes" because I'll be celebrating the half-century mark. Characters who might otherwise not be eligible due to some technical glitch, but who are favorites of mine, will find their way into the Hall. And that includes yours truly!)
~~~~~~~
To promote Advertising Week In New York, Euro RSCG/N.Y. created a series of spots about an icon making the long trip to New York in search of fame and fortune.
Directed by Euro ECD Jeff Kling, "Icon Journey" features a rather unappealing icon -- a bloodshot eyeball carrying two rayguns -- and a documentary filmmaker who believes in him. Along the way, through almost a dozen spots, they encounter doubt, danger and -- yes -- even love.
Also, a gang of advertising icons -- including Ronald McDonald, Hootie the Owl, and Advertising Week chairman Ken Kaess -- opened the NASDAQ stock exchange in observation of Advertising Week. The NASDAQ promptly fell two points.
~~~~~
I was proven right about ABC's scheduling blunder with the premieres of 'Lost' and 'The Bachelor':
ABC's new drama 'Lost' premiered to a surprisingly strong 11.6/19, dominating the 8 p.m. hour. A prime-time 'Dr. Phil' special on CBS was second at 7.9/13, while NBC's 'Hawaii' took third. The season premiere of 'Smallville,' 3.5/6, put The WB in fourth. 'That '70s Show' and 'Quintuplets' averaged 3.3/6 for FOX. 'America's Next Top Model' opened its season on UPN with a 2.7/5.
The first of two hours of 'Law & Order,' 12.2/19, gave NBC the lead at 9 p.m. 'Dr. Phil' improved to 10.1/16 for CBS. ABC dropped to third with the return of 'The Bachelor,' 6.2/9. Two episodes of 'The Bernie Mac Show' moved FOX up to fourth. 'The Mountain' debuted to a 2.6/4 on The WB, while UPN's 'Veronica Mars' managed only a 1.8/3 in its premiere.
At 10 p.m., the premiere of 'CSI: NY' averaged 12.1/20 for CBS, beating NBC's second 'Law & Order,' 10.7/17. 'The Bachelor' came in at 5.8/10 for ABC.
It was just as I predicted! Nyah nyah neyah nyah to you, ABC!
~~~~~~~~
Shaun the Sheep, the woolly star of the Wallace and Gromit short 'A Close Shave', is to get his own show on CBBC, the BBC's digital channel for children. The 40-part series, commissioned from Aardman Animations, begins production at the end of the year and will be transmitted on CBBC in 2006.
The show will follow the adventures of Shaun and the rest of his flock as they join in with his madcap schemes, including synchronised swimming in the sheep-dip and dressing up as a scarecrow.
[Story from BBC NEWS]
In the dream world that is Toobian, Shaun would eventually cross over with the cartoon series 'Sheep In The City'.
~~~~~~~~
Finally, here's an editorial suggestion:
"As an actor on 'Crossing Jordan', I have a character who can goof around and make jokes," said Jerrry O'Connell while talking about his character of Detective Woody Hoyt.
"I hardly ever say a word that's written for me by the writers. I play a fun, young cop. It's so much more fun than 'CSI' would be. I'm not frowning upon it, it's just not what I wanna do. I gotta talk a little more than they do!"
O'Connell better watch it when trash-talking the show's writers. That is why Joey Tribbiani soon found his character of Dr. Drake Ramoray dead on 'Days Of Our Lives'!
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
Sunday, September 26, 2004
A POKE IN THE EYE
Even the venerable warhorse of a news magazine, '60 Minutes', is part of the TV Universe. For instance, Mike Wallace appeared as himself in the final episode of 'Murphy Brown'.
And since 1999, it has had a spin-off, known as '60 Minutes II'. (Although now it's being called '60 Minutes Wednesday' - at least since the latest troubles.)
Here's a report by Richard Huff of the New York Daily News on the in-fighting that's erupted between the two shows since the story broke:
A war of words has erupted within the halls of "60 Minutes" following Dan Rather's admission that CBS News aired a report on President Bush [and his service in the Texas Air National Guard] using questionable documents.
On one side of the battle is Steve Kroft, a veteran correspondent on the Sunday edition of "60 Minutes." On the other is Don Hewitt, founder of the pioneering newsmagazine.
Kroft argues it's unlikely the Sunday show would have made the mistake of using the documents that bolstered Rather's report - which aired on the Wednesday telecast, formerly known as "60 Minutes II."
So much so, Kroft and staffers on the Sunday telecast want it to be clear - they weren't the ones that were duped.
"We're all afraid of that, that's our biggest concern," Kroft told the Daily News. "We've held off from saying it, we've held off from making any comments as long as there was some hope the documents would prove to be real.
"Now, I think it's our responsibility to try to draw a distinction between the two broadcasts," Kroft said, admitting that the original show had been burned in the past and had learned from its mistakes.
"They've done a lot of great work over there ... particularly with the Abu Ghraib story, they didn't rush that story on the air. This one, for whatever reason, they did."
Kroft said he was surprised when "60 Minutes II" dropped the "II" in its name, but noted yesterday that in CBS' statements regarding the mistake, the show had become "60 Minutes Wednesday."
The second edition of "60 Minutes" was a contentious project from the start. Hewitt, the creator of "60 Minutes," fought against expanding the franchise but was overruled. The second show launched Jan. 13, 1999.
"I think they've acquitted themselves nicely," said Hewitt, who was forced out as executive producer last season. "When I objected to there being a second show, I didn't know how good it was going to be."
He scolded his old crew yesterday for sniping at their beleaguered colleagues.
"Now, when the other one is in trouble, they're piling on. It's unfair, uncalled for and not the way that grown men should act," Hewitt said.
~~~~~
Who knew spin-offs could provide that much excitement off-camera?
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
"Do not judge us yet; there is more to come."
- Walter Cronkite
'CBS At 50'
And since 1999, it has had a spin-off, known as '60 Minutes II'. (Although now it's being called '60 Minutes Wednesday' - at least since the latest troubles.)
Here's a report by Richard Huff of the New York Daily News on the in-fighting that's erupted between the two shows since the story broke:
A war of words has erupted within the halls of "60 Minutes" following Dan Rather's admission that CBS News aired a report on President Bush [and his service in the Texas Air National Guard] using questionable documents.
On one side of the battle is Steve Kroft, a veteran correspondent on the Sunday edition of "60 Minutes." On the other is Don Hewitt, founder of the pioneering newsmagazine.
Kroft argues it's unlikely the Sunday show would have made the mistake of using the documents that bolstered Rather's report - which aired on the Wednesday telecast, formerly known as "60 Minutes II."
So much so, Kroft and staffers on the Sunday telecast want it to be clear - they weren't the ones that were duped.
"We're all afraid of that, that's our biggest concern," Kroft told the Daily News. "We've held off from saying it, we've held off from making any comments as long as there was some hope the documents would prove to be real.
"Now, I think it's our responsibility to try to draw a distinction between the two broadcasts," Kroft said, admitting that the original show had been burned in the past and had learned from its mistakes.
"They've done a lot of great work over there ... particularly with the Abu Ghraib story, they didn't rush that story on the air. This one, for whatever reason, they did."
Kroft said he was surprised when "60 Minutes II" dropped the "II" in its name, but noted yesterday that in CBS' statements regarding the mistake, the show had become "60 Minutes Wednesday."
The second edition of "60 Minutes" was a contentious project from the start. Hewitt, the creator of "60 Minutes," fought against expanding the franchise but was overruled. The second show launched Jan. 13, 1999.
"I think they've acquitted themselves nicely," said Hewitt, who was forced out as executive producer last season. "When I objected to there being a second show, I didn't know how good it was going to be."
He scolded his old crew yesterday for sniping at their beleaguered colleagues.
"Now, when the other one is in trouble, they're piling on. It's unfair, uncalled for and not the way that grown men should act," Hewitt said.
~~~~~
Who knew spin-offs could provide that much excitement off-camera?
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
"Do not judge us yet; there is more to come."
- Walter Cronkite
'CBS At 50'
"WING" AND A PRAYER
In the season premiere of 'Joan Of Arcadia', Helen Girardi had a clandestine meeting with a priest to discuss her intentions to rejoin the Church. (She had been facing a few obstacles in regards to making her Confirmation.) But no matter what she said, the priest only echoed her remarks.
"Will you stop repeating everything I say?" she demanded.
The priest apologized. "I'm hooked on repeats of 'The West Wing'!"
Had it been almost any other show, I would have considered this exchange to be a "Zonk": a pop culture reference, usually about TV, that threatens to destroy the integrity of the TV Universe.
For instance, when amnesia patient John Doe #6 ('St. Elsewhere') suddenly believed that he was Mary Richards of 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show', that would be considered a Zonk. Both shows should exist in the same universe.
(Even as a central hub for the TV Universe, 'St. Elsewhere' also provides most of my headaches with such discrepancies.)
My job is to "splain" away such Zonks, and in the case of the mention of 'The West Wing' on 'Joan Of Arcadia', that's relatively easy to do. The universe would not be disrupted because the two shows exist in different dimensions. For the Girardi family, 'The West Wing' would be a TV show.
As I've mentioned in the past, 'The West Wing' has to be removed from the regular TV Universe because the president is Josiah Bartlet. However, on Earth Prime-Time, it is George Dubya Bush who is the Commander-in-Chief. ('Whoopi!' and of course, 'That's My Bush!')
That doesn't mean Helen Girardi could never meet Jed Bartlet. It's just that his life in the main TV Universe followed a different path, away from the Oval Office.
Josiah Bartlet, perhaps influenced by the career choice of his future wife Abigail, studied medicine rather than economics. And when last we heard of him (mentioned but not seen) in the TV Universe, he was a surgeon at Boston General. (Again with the 'St. Elsewhere'!)
As for God appearing to Joan Girardi in the guise of the late, lamented Dolores Landingham of 'The West Wing' universe......
Well, He's God, isn't He? No matter what universe He's in, He can do whatever the hell He damn well pleases.
Oops. Sorry about that, Chief!
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
"Will you stop repeating everything I say?" she demanded.
The priest apologized. "I'm hooked on repeats of 'The West Wing'!"
Had it been almost any other show, I would have considered this exchange to be a "Zonk": a pop culture reference, usually about TV, that threatens to destroy the integrity of the TV Universe.
For instance, when amnesia patient John Doe #6 ('St. Elsewhere') suddenly believed that he was Mary Richards of 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show', that would be considered a Zonk. Both shows should exist in the same universe.
(Even as a central hub for the TV Universe, 'St. Elsewhere' also provides most of my headaches with such discrepancies.)
My job is to "splain" away such Zonks, and in the case of the mention of 'The West Wing' on 'Joan Of Arcadia', that's relatively easy to do. The universe would not be disrupted because the two shows exist in different dimensions. For the Girardi family, 'The West Wing' would be a TV show.
As I've mentioned in the past, 'The West Wing' has to be removed from the regular TV Universe because the president is Josiah Bartlet. However, on Earth Prime-Time, it is George Dubya Bush who is the Commander-in-Chief. ('Whoopi!' and of course, 'That's My Bush!')
That doesn't mean Helen Girardi could never meet Jed Bartlet. It's just that his life in the main TV Universe followed a different path, away from the Oval Office.
Josiah Bartlet, perhaps influenced by the career choice of his future wife Abigail, studied medicine rather than economics. And when last we heard of him (mentioned but not seen) in the TV Universe, he was a surgeon at Boston General. (Again with the 'St. Elsewhere'!)
As for God appearing to Joan Girardi in the guise of the late, lamented Dolores Landingham of 'The West Wing' universe......
Well, He's God, isn't He? No matter what universe He's in, He can do whatever the hell He damn well pleases.
Oops. Sorry about that, Chief!
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
Photoshop!
Please wait for the ridiculously big pictures to finish loading first! While you wait, you may wish to visit fugly.com to look at ugly pictures.
If you are a dinosaur using a 56k modem, I suggest you go take a shit first and then read this a little later. After you read it, please come look for me as I am thinking of making dinosaurs my blog's target audience, so I need your opinion.
So anyway.
It's Sunday again! As usual, all my female friends are having fun with boyfriends or with Jesus (except Eekean who is mugging). In any case, it's yet another stay-at-home day and I've decided to do some photoshop for fun. For fun?? Who am I kidding. I'm really just a lonely, single loser.
Here's how the normal, unedited picture looks like:
And then ...
After some subtle photoshop to take away the yellow colour?
I think I will try to make it look more ... magazine cover material?
Yes, I know the eyes are a little "scary", but hey! It's the smoky look alright?
A little side-by-side comparison:
Check out my new nose bridge!!! And me with black hair! Wahahahhaha!
With different effects ... I thought this one looks pretty artistic ...
VOILA!
Hmmm, the background is not clean/vibrant enough, but it cannot be helped lah.
Ha ha ha!
What do you think?
If you are a dinosaur using a 56k modem, I suggest you go take a shit first and then read this a little later. After you read it, please come look for me as I am thinking of making dinosaurs my blog's target audience, so I need your opinion.
So anyway.
It's Sunday again! As usual, all my female friends are having fun with boyfriends or with Jesus (except Eekean who is mugging). In any case, it's yet another stay-at-home day and I've decided to do some photoshop for fun. For fun?? Who am I kidding. I'm really just a lonely, single loser.
Here's how the normal, unedited picture looks like:
And then ...
After some subtle photoshop to take away the yellow colour?
I think I will try to make it look more ... magazine cover material?
Yes, I know the eyes are a little "scary", but hey! It's the smoky look alright?
A little side-by-side comparison:
Check out my new nose bridge!!! And me with black hair! Wahahahhaha!
With different effects ... I thought this one looks pretty artistic ...
Hmmm, the background is not clean/vibrant enough, but it cannot be helped lah.
Ha ha ha!
What do you think?
Saturday, September 25, 2004
CSI: MERIDEN
Even though he failed his first foray into the field of forensics, Greg Sanders was given a second chance by his Crime Scene Investigations boss, Gil Grissom. But that second chance was based on the fact that Greg had found quite an able replacement in the lab.
Her name was Chandra Moore. She was capable, efficient, talented, and cute as a button. But she preferred her working surroundings to be quiet, placid, and totally under control.
Ain't gonna happen in Vegas, Baby!
And so she quit, vowing to go back to Connecticut.
And that's when I was filled with hometown pride.
Not just because I'm originally from the 5th State of the Union, the Constitution State, the Nutmeg State, and the home state of Joyville.
But because I'm from the same city in which the Connecticut Forensics Crime Lab is located.
In 1979, the Crime Laboratory was renamed the Connecticut State Forensic Science Laboratory, and Dr. Henry C. Lee was appointed as its Chief Criminalist. State-of-the-art techniques and new forensic procedures were implemented.
To accommodate this expansion, the Laboratory was divided into two units: (1) Criminalistics, containing serology, instrumentation, trace, and arson and (2) Identification, containing fingerprints, firearms/toolmarks, polygraph, voiceprints, documents, and photography.
New initiatives include examining and analyzing critical evidence related to bio-terrorism acts. Several new techniques are also in development, including the implementation of space-age technologies from work with NASA and the use of teleforensics.
The Laboratory, situated in Meriden, Connecticut, is presently staffed with 37 administrative and scientific personnel assigned to the following areas: Fingerprints, Documents, Imprints, Firearms and Toolmarks, Photography, Chemistry, Arson, Instrumentation, Trace, Biochemistry, DNA, Image Analysis, and Reconstruction.
And apparently, one of those assistants was a young lady named Chandra Moore. In the TV Universe, she will once again be a part of that team soon enough.
Chandra's flight from the Las Vegas crime labs and her vow to return to Connecticut made it sound as if it's almost pastoral back in the Meriden crime lab; that maybe it all takes place in some wooded glen as opposed to the hustle and bustle of Sin City. But that's far from the cold case....
The annual Laboratory budget is more than 3 million dollars; 80% of which is allocated to personnel services. The Forensic Science Laboratory conducted approximately 500,000 examinations on physical evidence from more than 8,000 criminal cases and special investigations during the last year.
Those services were provided to 147 local police departments, 179 fire departments, 12 state police troops, 12 Public Defender's Offices, 14 State's Attorney's Offices, and 25 other state agencies. Forensic Laboratory personnel are an integral part of the team called in to investigate police-related shootings.
In addition, the Laboratory continues to assist numerous other federal, state, and local law enforcement agencies in their case investigations.
As part of the continued commitment to professional excellence, Laboratory personnel presented several research papers and case studies at both national and international meetings during the past year.
This is probably how Chandra Moore came to hear Warrick Brown deliver his treatise on toenail identification at a seminar. Of all the CSI's whom she met during her brief stay in Vegas, Warrick was the one guy she most enjoyed meeting.
Her boss at the Meriden forensics laboratories is Dr. Henry Lee. Since the mid-1990s, Dr. Lee is best known through his testimony in many high-profile cases covered by Court TV and other televised news outlets.
But he also starred in his own series. Earlier this year he appeared in 'Trace Evidence: The Case Files Of Dr. Henry Lee'.
And he has also been portrayed by an actor (Jim Lau) in 'American Tragedy', a TV-movie from 2000. This was a re-enactment of the behind-the-scenes maneuvers by the "Dream Team" representing OJ Simpson.
From there, the Toobworld trail meanders through other portrayals of the Juice as well as his many appearances as himself on TV.
I'm sorry to see Chandra Moore leave 'CSI: Crime Scene Investigations'. (Can't they just make that 'CSI: Vegas' by now?) Reiko Aylesworth would certainly have brought an alluring spark to the blue-lit sterility of the Vegas crime lab.
Maybe Zuiker and Co. can go the 'Northern Exposure' route with a smaller, laid-back variation on the 'CSI' theme. Perhaps Reiko Aylesworth could become a central cast member as they explore the quirky Nutmeggers that might make up a CSI team in Connecticut.
At the very least, let her character of Chandra Moore show up occasionally to give courtroom testimony on 'Judging Amy'!
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
Her name was Chandra Moore. She was capable, efficient, talented, and cute as a button. But she preferred her working surroundings to be quiet, placid, and totally under control.
Ain't gonna happen in Vegas, Baby!
And so she quit, vowing to go back to Connecticut.
And that's when I was filled with hometown pride.
Not just because I'm originally from the 5th State of the Union, the Constitution State, the Nutmeg State, and the home state of Joyville.
But because I'm from the same city in which the Connecticut Forensics Crime Lab is located.
In 1979, the Crime Laboratory was renamed the Connecticut State Forensic Science Laboratory, and Dr. Henry C. Lee was appointed as its Chief Criminalist. State-of-the-art techniques and new forensic procedures were implemented.
To accommodate this expansion, the Laboratory was divided into two units: (1) Criminalistics, containing serology, instrumentation, trace, and arson and (2) Identification, containing fingerprints, firearms/toolmarks, polygraph, voiceprints, documents, and photography.
New initiatives include examining and analyzing critical evidence related to bio-terrorism acts. Several new techniques are also in development, including the implementation of space-age technologies from work with NASA and the use of teleforensics.
The Laboratory, situated in Meriden, Connecticut, is presently staffed with 37 administrative and scientific personnel assigned to the following areas: Fingerprints, Documents, Imprints, Firearms and Toolmarks, Photography, Chemistry, Arson, Instrumentation, Trace, Biochemistry, DNA, Image Analysis, and Reconstruction.
And apparently, one of those assistants was a young lady named Chandra Moore. In the TV Universe, she will once again be a part of that team soon enough.
Chandra's flight from the Las Vegas crime labs and her vow to return to Connecticut made it sound as if it's almost pastoral back in the Meriden crime lab; that maybe it all takes place in some wooded glen as opposed to the hustle and bustle of Sin City. But that's far from the cold case....
The annual Laboratory budget is more than 3 million dollars; 80% of which is allocated to personnel services. The Forensic Science Laboratory conducted approximately 500,000 examinations on physical evidence from more than 8,000 criminal cases and special investigations during the last year.
Those services were provided to 147 local police departments, 179 fire departments, 12 state police troops, 12 Public Defender's Offices, 14 State's Attorney's Offices, and 25 other state agencies. Forensic Laboratory personnel are an integral part of the team called in to investigate police-related shootings.
In addition, the Laboratory continues to assist numerous other federal, state, and local law enforcement agencies in their case investigations.
As part of the continued commitment to professional excellence, Laboratory personnel presented several research papers and case studies at both national and international meetings during the past year.
This is probably how Chandra Moore came to hear Warrick Brown deliver his treatise on toenail identification at a seminar. Of all the CSI's whom she met during her brief stay in Vegas, Warrick was the one guy she most enjoyed meeting.
Her boss at the Meriden forensics laboratories is Dr. Henry Lee. Since the mid-1990s, Dr. Lee is best known through his testimony in many high-profile cases covered by Court TV and other televised news outlets.
But he also starred in his own series. Earlier this year he appeared in 'Trace Evidence: The Case Files Of Dr. Henry Lee'.
And he has also been portrayed by an actor (Jim Lau) in 'American Tragedy', a TV-movie from 2000. This was a re-enactment of the behind-the-scenes maneuvers by the "Dream Team" representing OJ Simpson.
From there, the Toobworld trail meanders through other portrayals of the Juice as well as his many appearances as himself on TV.
I'm sorry to see Chandra Moore leave 'CSI: Crime Scene Investigations'. (Can't they just make that 'CSI: Vegas' by now?) Reiko Aylesworth would certainly have brought an alluring spark to the blue-lit sterility of the Vegas crime lab.
Maybe Zuiker and Co. can go the 'Northern Exposure' route with a smaller, laid-back variation on the 'CSI' theme. Perhaps Reiko Aylesworth could become a central cast member as they explore the quirky Nutmeggers that might make up a CSI team in Connecticut.
At the very least, let her character of Chandra Moore show up occasionally to give courtroom testimony on 'Judging Amy'!
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
Friday, September 24, 2004
IN THE EYE OF THE X-OVER: CBS
With six networks, hundreds of cable offering, and the premium channels, the stakes are hight to get eyeballs glued to the tube. There's not a new show on the Fall 2004 sked that couldn't benefit from some added exposure via a crossover with an established series.
So with that in mind, I'm going to look at the new offerings on each of the networks and see which of their telecompatriots could forge the best linkup.
Today it's CBS in the batter box. We'll let the Eye step up to the plate and see what we can pitch:
DRAMA
'Clubhouse' - Yeah, there was a reason for the bad baseball metaphor. The network's new feel-good coming-of-age drama centers around a teen who discovers his true worth while working as a batboy for the New York Empires baseball team.
Who will be playing opposite the Empires? Established, real-life teams? How about fictional teams from TV shows past, mentioned only over the intercom for the in-joke? 'The Bay City Blues'? The Pioneers of 'Hardball'? Maybe even the Comets. You know.......
Manager: Suarez, I've got good news. I'm taking you out.
Pitcher: I thought you said you had good news.
Manager: I do. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. Give me the ball.
('Geico')
Since they're a team from New York, it could be another freshman drama that provides the best crossover hopes for 'Clubhouse'. Let's say a murder takes place in the stands right in the middle of a game. Who ya gonna call?
No, not 'Law & Order: SVU'! No, not 'NYPD Blue' - well, yeah, technically, you are. But the people you want sifting through all the peanuts and Cracker Jacks are the forensic scientists of 'CSI: NY'.
Otherwise, the Girardi Family could come to the stadium to see a game and God appears to Joan (selling foam fingers?) to cryptically coach her in helping somebody on the team before the final out.
('Joan of Arcadia')
'CSI:NY' - This show doesn't need any help from me. Even thought it's going head-to-severed head with the original 'Law & Order', this show is going to make it without any special outside help from a crossover.
But even so, you know the gang from 'CSI: Miami' will show up again to interact with them.
(Don't hold your breath for the Vegas team, however. They're all a little touchy and not so feely about crossovers over there in Sin City.)
('CSI: Miami')
'dr. vegas' - Even so, this show better hope for a crossover with their fellow Vegas drama. Friday nights are... dicey enough as it is. In order to keep an audience you have to bring them in first. And what better way than to see Rob Lowe reunited with Jorja Fox for a little spice during an investigation? (Although I don't think they ever had any scenes together in 'The West Wing'.)
('CSI: Crime Scene Investigation')
SITCOM
'Center Of The Universe' - Where is this show taking place? Beats me. Some nameless sitcom suburbia; maybe just around the corner from Wisterian Lane?
Since CBS seems to have a chubby guy cluster in Queens, NY, I would have guessed that this show would end up there as well. I'm probably wrong; it wouldn't be the first time. But wherever it's located, John Goodman and family are going to need some high voltage crossover guest stars to help them survive in that time slot, one of the most competitive of the week. Of course, better writing and definition of the characters would help even more......
Or maybe they live near Los Angeles? Because of this show's producers and their past work, I could see Alan and Charlie dropping by to visit their old buddy, John Barnett's brother played by Diedrich Bader.
('Two And A Half Men')
'Listen Up!' - Ray Romano plays a sportswriter in Queens, NY. His show is running its victory final lap this season and hopes to go out on a high, showered with audience adoration.
If so, he better steer clear of this show. Even so, it's the only hope 'Listen Up!' probably has to survive; Jason Alexander's character of sportswriter Tony Kleinman needs to get the seal of approval from Ray Barone.
Not that Ray Barone needs to do it in order to curry MY favor! With appearances on, and connections to, 'Becker', 'The King Of Queens', 'Cosby', and 'The Nanny', Ray Barone is already guaranteed a seat in the pantheon of the TV Crossover Hall of Fame. He may even be afraid that crossing over to 'Listen Up!" might be a detraction from eligibility.
Yeah, like the celebs are aware of my little Hall of Fame. I really should start taking my medication again......
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
So with that in mind, I'm going to look at the new offerings on each of the networks and see which of their telecompatriots could forge the best linkup.
Today it's CBS in the batter box. We'll let the Eye step up to the plate and see what we can pitch:
DRAMA
'Clubhouse' - Yeah, there was a reason for the bad baseball metaphor. The network's new feel-good coming-of-age drama centers around a teen who discovers his true worth while working as a batboy for the New York Empires baseball team.
Who will be playing opposite the Empires? Established, real-life teams? How about fictional teams from TV shows past, mentioned only over the intercom for the in-joke? 'The Bay City Blues'? The Pioneers of 'Hardball'? Maybe even the Comets. You know.......
Manager: Suarez, I've got good news. I'm taking you out.
Pitcher: I thought you said you had good news.
Manager: I do. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. Give me the ball.
('Geico')
Since they're a team from New York, it could be another freshman drama that provides the best crossover hopes for 'Clubhouse'. Let's say a murder takes place in the stands right in the middle of a game. Who ya gonna call?
No, not 'Law & Order: SVU'! No, not 'NYPD Blue' - well, yeah, technically, you are. But the people you want sifting through all the peanuts and Cracker Jacks are the forensic scientists of 'CSI: NY'.
Otherwise, the Girardi Family could come to the stadium to see a game and God appears to Joan (selling foam fingers?) to cryptically coach her in helping somebody on the team before the final out.
('Joan of Arcadia')
'CSI:NY' - This show doesn't need any help from me. Even thought it's going head-to-severed head with the original 'Law & Order', this show is going to make it without any special outside help from a crossover.
But even so, you know the gang from 'CSI: Miami' will show up again to interact with them.
(Don't hold your breath for the Vegas team, however. They're all a little touchy and not so feely about crossovers over there in Sin City.)
('CSI: Miami')
'dr. vegas' - Even so, this show better hope for a crossover with their fellow Vegas drama. Friday nights are... dicey enough as it is. In order to keep an audience you have to bring them in first. And what better way than to see Rob Lowe reunited with Jorja Fox for a little spice during an investigation? (Although I don't think they ever had any scenes together in 'The West Wing'.)
('CSI: Crime Scene Investigation')
SITCOM
'Center Of The Universe' - Where is this show taking place? Beats me. Some nameless sitcom suburbia; maybe just around the corner from Wisterian Lane?
Since CBS seems to have a chubby guy cluster in Queens, NY, I would have guessed that this show would end up there as well. I'm probably wrong; it wouldn't be the first time. But wherever it's located, John Goodman and family are going to need some high voltage crossover guest stars to help them survive in that time slot, one of the most competitive of the week. Of course, better writing and definition of the characters would help even more......
Or maybe they live near Los Angeles? Because of this show's producers and their past work, I could see Alan and Charlie dropping by to visit their old buddy, John Barnett's brother played by Diedrich Bader.
('Two And A Half Men')
'Listen Up!' - Ray Romano plays a sportswriter in Queens, NY. His show is running its victory final lap this season and hopes to go out on a high, showered with audience adoration.
If so, he better steer clear of this show. Even so, it's the only hope 'Listen Up!' probably has to survive; Jason Alexander's character of sportswriter Tony Kleinman needs to get the seal of approval from Ray Barone.
Not that Ray Barone needs to do it in order to curry MY favor! With appearances on, and connections to, 'Becker', 'The King Of Queens', 'Cosby', and 'The Nanny', Ray Barone is already guaranteed a seat in the pantheon of the TV Crossover Hall of Fame. He may even be afraid that crossing over to 'Listen Up!" might be a detraction from eligibility.
Yeah, like the celebs are aware of my little Hall of Fame. I really should start taking my medication again......
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
BI-COASTAL ANGELS OF MERCY
In the debut episode of 'CSI: NY', the "survivor" of a madman's experiments was taken to Angel of Mercy Hospital.
This must be the hospital where the patients in all of the NYC-based dramas go in the series premieres. In the very first episode of 'Third Watch', Jerry Mankowitzwas taken to Angel of Mercy Hospital while the show's cast stood by in in vigil.
And while doing the research into that bit of trivia, I found a disturbing link which involved the Angel of Mercy Hospital in Los Angeles. The hospital serves mostly the black community in the inner city district, and it's operated on a shoestring budget by the county.
But that's only what they want you to think. In truth, LA's Angel of Mercy Hospital is run by a spy organization known as SD-6. Sloane, the leader of the rogue operation, must have figured that SD-6 wouldn't attract much attention with its own hospital in such a woeful urban area. The CIA finally learned of the connection once undercover agent Sydney Bristow was flown there from Buenos Aires for medical attention.
Angel of Mercy, NYC - 'CSI: NY' & 'Third Watch'
Angel of Mercy, LA - 'City of Angels' & 'Alias'
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
This must be the hospital where the patients in all of the NYC-based dramas go in the series premieres. In the very first episode of 'Third Watch', Jerry Mankowitzwas taken to Angel of Mercy Hospital while the show's cast stood by in in vigil.
And while doing the research into that bit of trivia, I found a disturbing link which involved the Angel of Mercy Hospital in Los Angeles. The hospital serves mostly the black community in the inner city district, and it's operated on a shoestring budget by the county.
But that's only what they want you to think. In truth, LA's Angel of Mercy Hospital is run by a spy organization known as SD-6. Sloane, the leader of the rogue operation, must have figured that SD-6 wouldn't attract much attention with its own hospital in such a woeful urban area. The CIA finally learned of the connection once undercover agent Sydney Bristow was flown there from Buenos Aires for medical attention.
Angel of Mercy, NYC - 'CSI: NY' & 'Third Watch'
Angel of Mercy, LA - 'City of Angels' & 'Alias'
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
Thursday, September 23, 2004
WOAH~!
Did you see that?
1,000,000 hits leh!
If hits were $1 each, it means I am a millionaire (almost)!
xiaxue.blogspot.com hits 1,000,000 views, and whose credit is it?"
YOURS
I love you guys.
More blogging soon, I'm really busy with work.
EXTREME X-OVER (ABC)
As much fun as it is to watch a crossover between two (or more!) TV series, it can't be forgotten that these "Very Special Episodes" weren't concocted just for the audience's pleasure. The crossovers exist to either hype or prop up at least one of the shows involved, and of course to garner ratings. It all comes down to business as usual.
With six networks, hundreds of cable offering, and the premium channels, the stakes are hight to get eyeballs glued to the tube. There's not a new show on the Fall 2004 sked that couldn't benefit from some added exposure via a crossover with an established series.
So with that in mind, I'm going to look at the new offerings on each of the networks and see which of their telecompatriots could forge the best linkup.
(Actually, I'm a firm believer in Television Without Borders, that shows should cross over with others from outside their home network. But I'll keep this real; it's not likely that the suits would cross over with a rival's show somewhere else on the dial.
Well, not exactly, as we'll see.....)
Let's work our way through the nets alphabetically. Today we look at ABC:
REALITY TV
'The Benefactor' - It might seem odd to give consideration to a (so-called) reality series, but I find these shows more fictional than the scripted series.
To interact with Mark Cuban, their showcase millionaire, ABC should bring in that daytime dynamo; the man who knows how to handle those who want to be a millionaire - Regis Philbin.
('Who Wants To Be A Millionaire', ''Live With Regis & Kelly')
'Wife Swap' - FOX may have pulled the rug out from under this show by stealing the idea and getting their version on the air first ('Trading Spouses'). So ABC should raise the stakes and make a bold move in their execution of the idea.
In an episode featuring Sam Saboura, the producers should steal a page from the movie "Face/Off". Use plastic surgery to exchange the identities of two wives and then send them to each other's family. See how long it takes before anybody figures out the that there was a switcheroo.
And if the ruse makes it to the bedroom, save that episode for Sweeps! Homina homina homina!
('Extreme Makeover')
DRAMAS
'Lost' - Even before it aired, this highly anticipated adventure already has crossover links to two TV-movies - 'Nowhere To Land' and 'Code 11-14'. Both of those flicks were set on board a plane in the fictional Oceanic Airways livery. But the Oceanic Airways brand name is probably best known for a theatrical release - 'Executive Decision', which starred Kurt Russell, Steven Seagal, and Oliver Platt.
Since 'Lost' will be taking place on that not-so-deserted island, it's not likely there are many options for it to have any crossovers with the current crop of ABC shows. (Unless, of course, somebody from Wisteria Lane saw them off at the airport - see the entry on 'Desperate Housewives')
But as this is a show co-produced by JJ Abrams, the logical step would be to tie it into his spy show. And the fact that Terry O'Quinn is one of the co-stars as Locke..... Who knows? Maybe he's actually FBI research specialist Kendall.
Then again, Gary Grunberg had a quick cameo as the pilot in the pilot. He seems to appear in all of the shows of his childhood buddy Abrams. So since he wasn't appearing as his 'Alias' (or 'Felicity'!) character, we can probably assume O'Quinn isn't either.
But it doesn't have to be a human link, however, so you don't have to take Jennifer Garner away from her other duties for a quick cameo. Maybe it's a connection through something that will turn up in the cargo or in the mysterious jungle that links to SD-6 or to the Rambaldi mysteries.
('Alias')
'Desperate Housewives' - I don't think we're ever going to find out exactly which suburban town is the location of Wisteria Lane. But as the character of Mike Delfino, a plumber, recently relocated there from Los Angeles, I'm going to assume the show takes place in California.
That doesn't leave many options for crossovers with the other dramas. 'Alias' roams all over the world, but this 'Knots Landing'/'American Beauty' hybrid soap wouldn't mesh very well with a spy actioner. (Then again, that new guy Mike Delfino may be hiding something - apparently he's got something to do with the suicide that kicks off this show.)
And as for 'NYPD Blue' and 'Boston Legal', just by their titles alone we know they are planted firmly on the East Coast.
It looks as though 'Lost' may be the best bet for any kind of crossover with 'Desperate Housewives'. How could we work that? Just have one of the characters (and I'm thinking of Lynette, the former businesswoman who traded in "the boardroom for boredom") mention that the authorities still haven't found the wreckage from a flight on which she had either a relative or a former co-worker.
('Lost')
'life as we know it' - Then there's always this boy's version of 'My So-Called Life' as a possible match for those 'Desperate Housewives'. Gabrielle is giving her 17 year old gardener lessons in love, so if both shows do take place in the suburbs of Los Angeles, then maybe this high school would provide happy hunting for her underage trolling.
And her best bet will probably be Ben Connor, who's already obsessed with his English teacher, Monica Young. He'd be ripe pickin's for any LeTourneau wannabe from Wisteria Lane.....('Desperate Housewives')
SITCOMS
'Rodney' - It's a shame that ABC treated Drew Carey so shabbily as his sitcom finally petered out of steam over the summer, after being such a ratings grabber for the network in earlier years. Because this series about a struggling wannabe stand-up comic could have used an appearance by a famous funnyman in the local nightclub to help set the tone for the show. And that comic could have given his blessing to Rodney in an attempt to convince us at home that he really is funny.
Otherwise, there doesn't seem to be much hope for a crossover with any of the other sitcoms on ABC. Maybe Faith could show up at a soap stars convention or a store opening ('Hope & Faith'); perhaps anchorman swoops in to cover a breaking story for his network ('Less Than Perfect').
But this is Tulsa, folks. I'll apologize to any Okies who may stumble across this essay, but what I'm going to say is hardly a 'City Confidential'. There's a reason why the city was the butt of jokes for half a season on 'Friends'.
Half a minute..... There's the route 'Rodney' should go! With a very well-publicized in-joke making a connection to the late mega-hit from the peacock rival. Somebody should make mention of a guy named Chandler who was in town for a short time working for one of the big nameless conglomerates. Maybe his wife was spotted on one of her conjugal visits to Tulsa, shopping for shark videos to use as a sexual aid.......
It's either that or give 'Rodney' mesothelioma from working all those years in a fiberglass factory and get Denny Crane to fly into town to represent him.......
('Boston Legal')
'Complete Savages' - The show hasn't aired yet so I have no idea in which city this sitcom is supposed to be taking place.
All of the other ABC sitcoms are spread across the country:
'8 Simple Rules' - Detroit area
'According To Jim' - somewhere in the Midwest
'The George Lopez Show' - Los Angeles
'Hope & Faith' - Columbus area
'Less Than Perfect' - New York City
'My Wife And Kids' - Stamford
'Rodney' - Tulsa
So unless Keith Carradine's firefighter (and father of the Savage family) is battling blazes in one of those cities, there's not much chance of a crossover with any of them.
But this is the show that does make kind of a strange crossover with a show on a rival network. Savage son Kyle dreams of one day appearing on NBC's 'Fear Factor'.
This makes the gross-out dare program a part of the TV Universe in much the same way 'Jeopardy' has become for so many other shows. It's a TV show for the viewers in the TV Universe, just as it is for us watching at home in the real world. And because it's not a fictional series in which the characters should be existing in the same world as those in the show that mention it, then there's no fear of a dimension-destroying Zonk to worry about.('Fear Factor')
So that's my prognosis and suggestions for ABC crossovers. It's not likely they'll be acted upon, but so be it. At least I tossed my breadcrumbs upon the waters.
But I do have one big wild suggestion for the network that will prove a bit meatier, chum. (Sorry.)
It's a bold headline and ratings grabber that would be perfect for a week during Sweeps, and which could involve every single (fictional) series on the sked no matter the genre.
However, I'll save that for the eventual "Suggestion Box" essay coming soon.
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
With six networks, hundreds of cable offering, and the premium channels, the stakes are hight to get eyeballs glued to the tube. There's not a new show on the Fall 2004 sked that couldn't benefit from some added exposure via a crossover with an established series.
So with that in mind, I'm going to look at the new offerings on each of the networks and see which of their telecompatriots could forge the best linkup.
(Actually, I'm a firm believer in Television Without Borders, that shows should cross over with others from outside their home network. But I'll keep this real; it's not likely that the suits would cross over with a rival's show somewhere else on the dial.
Well, not exactly, as we'll see.....)
Let's work our way through the nets alphabetically. Today we look at ABC:
REALITY TV
'The Benefactor' - It might seem odd to give consideration to a (so-called) reality series, but I find these shows more fictional than the scripted series.
To interact with Mark Cuban, their showcase millionaire, ABC should bring in that daytime dynamo; the man who knows how to handle those who want to be a millionaire - Regis Philbin.
('Who Wants To Be A Millionaire', ''Live With Regis & Kelly')
'Wife Swap' - FOX may have pulled the rug out from under this show by stealing the idea and getting their version on the air first ('Trading Spouses'). So ABC should raise the stakes and make a bold move in their execution of the idea.
In an episode featuring Sam Saboura, the producers should steal a page from the movie "Face/Off". Use plastic surgery to exchange the identities of two wives and then send them to each other's family. See how long it takes before anybody figures out the that there was a switcheroo.
And if the ruse makes it to the bedroom, save that episode for Sweeps! Homina homina homina!
('Extreme Makeover')
DRAMAS
'Lost' - Even before it aired, this highly anticipated adventure already has crossover links to two TV-movies - 'Nowhere To Land' and 'Code 11-14'. Both of those flicks were set on board a plane in the fictional Oceanic Airways livery. But the Oceanic Airways brand name is probably best known for a theatrical release - 'Executive Decision', which starred Kurt Russell, Steven Seagal, and Oliver Platt.
Since 'Lost' will be taking place on that not-so-deserted island, it's not likely there are many options for it to have any crossovers with the current crop of ABC shows. (Unless, of course, somebody from Wisteria Lane saw them off at the airport - see the entry on 'Desperate Housewives')
But as this is a show co-produced by JJ Abrams, the logical step would be to tie it into his spy show. And the fact that Terry O'Quinn is one of the co-stars as Locke..... Who knows? Maybe he's actually FBI research specialist Kendall.
Then again, Gary Grunberg had a quick cameo as the pilot in the pilot. He seems to appear in all of the shows of his childhood buddy Abrams. So since he wasn't appearing as his 'Alias' (or 'Felicity'!) character, we can probably assume O'Quinn isn't either.
But it doesn't have to be a human link, however, so you don't have to take Jennifer Garner away from her other duties for a quick cameo. Maybe it's a connection through something that will turn up in the cargo or in the mysterious jungle that links to SD-6 or to the Rambaldi mysteries.
('Alias')
'Desperate Housewives' - I don't think we're ever going to find out exactly which suburban town is the location of Wisteria Lane. But as the character of Mike Delfino, a plumber, recently relocated there from Los Angeles, I'm going to assume the show takes place in California.
That doesn't leave many options for crossovers with the other dramas. 'Alias' roams all over the world, but this 'Knots Landing'/'American Beauty' hybrid soap wouldn't mesh very well with a spy actioner. (Then again, that new guy Mike Delfino may be hiding something - apparently he's got something to do with the suicide that kicks off this show.)
And as for 'NYPD Blue' and 'Boston Legal', just by their titles alone we know they are planted firmly on the East Coast.
It looks as though 'Lost' may be the best bet for any kind of crossover with 'Desperate Housewives'. How could we work that? Just have one of the characters (and I'm thinking of Lynette, the former businesswoman who traded in "the boardroom for boredom") mention that the authorities still haven't found the wreckage from a flight on which she had either a relative or a former co-worker.
('Lost')
'life as we know it' - Then there's always this boy's version of 'My So-Called Life' as a possible match for those 'Desperate Housewives'. Gabrielle is giving her 17 year old gardener lessons in love, so if both shows do take place in the suburbs of Los Angeles, then maybe this high school would provide happy hunting for her underage trolling.
And her best bet will probably be Ben Connor, who's already obsessed with his English teacher, Monica Young. He'd be ripe pickin's for any LeTourneau wannabe from Wisteria Lane.....('Desperate Housewives')
SITCOMS
'Rodney' - It's a shame that ABC treated Drew Carey so shabbily as his sitcom finally petered out of steam over the summer, after being such a ratings grabber for the network in earlier years. Because this series about a struggling wannabe stand-up comic could have used an appearance by a famous funnyman in the local nightclub to help set the tone for the show. And that comic could have given his blessing to Rodney in an attempt to convince us at home that he really is funny.
Otherwise, there doesn't seem to be much hope for a crossover with any of the other sitcoms on ABC. Maybe Faith could show up at a soap stars convention or a store opening ('Hope & Faith'); perhaps anchorman swoops in to cover a breaking story for his network ('Less Than Perfect').
But this is Tulsa, folks. I'll apologize to any Okies who may stumble across this essay, but what I'm going to say is hardly a 'City Confidential'. There's a reason why the city was the butt of jokes for half a season on 'Friends'.
Half a minute..... There's the route 'Rodney' should go! With a very well-publicized in-joke making a connection to the late mega-hit from the peacock rival. Somebody should make mention of a guy named Chandler who was in town for a short time working for one of the big nameless conglomerates. Maybe his wife was spotted on one of her conjugal visits to Tulsa, shopping for shark videos to use as a sexual aid.......
It's either that or give 'Rodney' mesothelioma from working all those years in a fiberglass factory and get Denny Crane to fly into town to represent him.......
('Boston Legal')
'Complete Savages' - The show hasn't aired yet so I have no idea in which city this sitcom is supposed to be taking place.
All of the other ABC sitcoms are spread across the country:
'8 Simple Rules' - Detroit area
'According To Jim' - somewhere in the Midwest
'The George Lopez Show' - Los Angeles
'Hope & Faith' - Columbus area
'Less Than Perfect' - New York City
'My Wife And Kids' - Stamford
'Rodney' - Tulsa
So unless Keith Carradine's firefighter (and father of the Savage family) is battling blazes in one of those cities, there's not much chance of a crossover with any of them.
But this is the show that does make kind of a strange crossover with a show on a rival network. Savage son Kyle dreams of one day appearing on NBC's 'Fear Factor'.
This makes the gross-out dare program a part of the TV Universe in much the same way 'Jeopardy' has become for so many other shows. It's a TV show for the viewers in the TV Universe, just as it is for us watching at home in the real world. And because it's not a fictional series in which the characters should be existing in the same world as those in the show that mention it, then there's no fear of a dimension-destroying Zonk to worry about.('Fear Factor')
So that's my prognosis and suggestions for ABC crossovers. It's not likely they'll be acted upon, but so be it. At least I tossed my breadcrumbs upon the waters.
But I do have one big wild suggestion for the network that will prove a bit meatier, chum. (Sorry.)
It's a bold headline and ratings grabber that would be perfect for a week during Sweeps, and which could involve every single (fictional) series on the sked no matter the genre.
However, I'll save that for the eventual "Suggestion Box" essay coming soon.
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
ABC LOSES ON 'LOST'
"I just read the Daily News and swear by every word."
- Becker/Fagen
And that's especially true when it comes to David Bianculli, their TV critic/essayist.
Here's what he had to say about ABC's scheduling of the premiere of 'Lost':
Just when you thought ABC had found its way by developing "Lost," one of the best series of the new season, the network shoots itself in the foot by scheduling it all wrong.
"Lost," premiering tonight at 8, stars Matthew Fox of "Party of Five" in a tightly wound, fabulously filmed drama about a group of survivors stranded on a remote island after their passenger jet crashed several time zones off course.
The version sent to critics for preview was a tautly structured two-hour pilot, a superb movie-length thriller that generated momentum, mystery and importance as it went along.
It's the sort of program ABC should have premiered as a two-hour Sunday movie, or at least televised on any other night in one complete sitting. The beginning hour of "Lost" gives you first impressions of the characters and the island; the second hour shreds most of those first impressions, and makes you look at almost every person, and everything else, in a different way.
So what does ABC do with this brilliant new series premiere, written by series co-creators J.J. Abrams (of "Alias") and Damon Lindelof and directed by Abrams? It chops the premiere into two one-hour chunks, spacing them a week apart. The first half, including its brilliant opening nine-minute sequence of the immediate aftermath of the crash, is shown tonight. The second half, which looks at everyone and everything through a much darker prism, will be shown next Wednesday.
This may end up being the dumbest ABC scheduling move, and the biggest waste of a valuable TV asset, since the same network oversaturated its airwaves years ago with endless editions of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire."
~~~~~~~~~~
I can't wait to see what the overnights were because I believe ABC screwed up big. They got greedy.
If they wanted to premiere 'The Bachelor' with a two-hour opening, then fine. But they should have then bumped the premiere for 'Lost' to another week. Or vice versa.
Perhaps it just goes to show what a craftsman JJ Abrams is; perhaps every hour of this series will feel like it's ended way too soon for the week. But in this case, the premiere was made with a rhythm for a two hour TV-movie.
From the description of that second hour, for which we now have to wait a full week, I think people just joining the series for the first time (after great word of mouth from their friends) may end up confused and alienated by who these people are. Especially since we will apparently be now seeing totally different sides to their characters.
If the rest of the viewing audience was anything like me and the group of friends with whom I watched tonight, ABC was lost to them as soon as 'Lost' was over. We switched back to the Yankee game (Hooray, Toronto! Go Red Sox!) and then checked out Veronica Mars, a smidgeon of the 'Law & Order' season opener, and then mostly 'Dr. 90210' for the gross factor before finally settling down to the season premiere of 'CSI:NY'.
'The Bachelor' never stood a chance.
So that's why I'm waiting to see how the ratings turn out. How could 'The Bachelor' possibly merit a two-hour grand opening and yet 'Lost', one of the most eagerly awaited series - by one of the most talented creators in the business today, - gets chopped in two and treated so cavalierly?
I used to agree with the maxim that TV network programmers should be nibbled to death by ducks.
Now I think they should be marooned in the jungle on the island of 'Lost' with whatever those monsters may be.
Here's one last thing Bianculli had to say:
"But if 'Lost' crashes because of ABC's off-course scheduling, everyone involved in "Lost" should walk away proud."
A great show, ill-served.
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
- Becker/Fagen
And that's especially true when it comes to David Bianculli, their TV critic/essayist.
Here's what he had to say about ABC's scheduling of the premiere of 'Lost':
Just when you thought ABC had found its way by developing "Lost," one of the best series of the new season, the network shoots itself in the foot by scheduling it all wrong.
"Lost," premiering tonight at 8, stars Matthew Fox of "Party of Five" in a tightly wound, fabulously filmed drama about a group of survivors stranded on a remote island after their passenger jet crashed several time zones off course.
The version sent to critics for preview was a tautly structured two-hour pilot, a superb movie-length thriller that generated momentum, mystery and importance as it went along.
It's the sort of program ABC should have premiered as a two-hour Sunday movie, or at least televised on any other night in one complete sitting. The beginning hour of "Lost" gives you first impressions of the characters and the island; the second hour shreds most of those first impressions, and makes you look at almost every person, and everything else, in a different way.
So what does ABC do with this brilliant new series premiere, written by series co-creators J.J. Abrams (of "Alias") and Damon Lindelof and directed by Abrams? It chops the premiere into two one-hour chunks, spacing them a week apart. The first half, including its brilliant opening nine-minute sequence of the immediate aftermath of the crash, is shown tonight. The second half, which looks at everyone and everything through a much darker prism, will be shown next Wednesday.
This may end up being the dumbest ABC scheduling move, and the biggest waste of a valuable TV asset, since the same network oversaturated its airwaves years ago with endless editions of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire."
~~~~~~~~~~
I can't wait to see what the overnights were because I believe ABC screwed up big. They got greedy.
If they wanted to premiere 'The Bachelor' with a two-hour opening, then fine. But they should have then bumped the premiere for 'Lost' to another week. Or vice versa.
Perhaps it just goes to show what a craftsman JJ Abrams is; perhaps every hour of this series will feel like it's ended way too soon for the week. But in this case, the premiere was made with a rhythm for a two hour TV-movie.
From the description of that second hour, for which we now have to wait a full week, I think people just joining the series for the first time (after great word of mouth from their friends) may end up confused and alienated by who these people are. Especially since we will apparently be now seeing totally different sides to their characters.
If the rest of the viewing audience was anything like me and the group of friends with whom I watched tonight, ABC was lost to them as soon as 'Lost' was over. We switched back to the Yankee game (Hooray, Toronto! Go Red Sox!) and then checked out Veronica Mars, a smidgeon of the 'Law & Order' season opener, and then mostly 'Dr. 90210' for the gross factor before finally settling down to the season premiere of 'CSI:NY'.
'The Bachelor' never stood a chance.
So that's why I'm waiting to see how the ratings turn out. How could 'The Bachelor' possibly merit a two-hour grand opening and yet 'Lost', one of the most eagerly awaited series - by one of the most talented creators in the business today, - gets chopped in two and treated so cavalierly?
I used to agree with the maxim that TV network programmers should be nibbled to death by ducks.
Now I think they should be marooned in the jungle on the island of 'Lost' with whatever those monsters may be.
Here's one last thing Bianculli had to say:
"But if 'Lost' crashes because of ABC's off-course scheduling, everyone involved in "Lost" should walk away proud."
A great show, ill-served.
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
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