Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, Orchard Road.

Feel free to click on the photos to see the percentage of Singaporeans vs our dear foreign workers.

When I blogged about them, I had no idea how serious the condition was, until I approved all 500 comments, of which around 70% contains stories of girls being molested.

When so many people concur, it is no longer a problem we can just neglect.

I HAD to go to Orchard this year because I was invited to the "Get the Funk Out" party, which was at civic plaza.

Stupid me, I thought that I could go to Civic Plaza through Taka and Wisma, but was horrified to find out that the passageway was CLOSED!! (Ignorance is really terrible)

I walked out of Orchard MRT to meet Shuyin and June, and was more horrified than I ever was in my life.

Girls were huddled tightly around guys, the male ratio to female was 10:1.

Only I was alone.

And the men, Singaporean guys included (though much less), were mostly armed with aerosol foam.

IT WAS NOT FUNNY.

If you think it is funny, please try to imagine the foam on your face, sprayed by a stranger you want no dealings with.

I met the girls a little later, and luckily for us, Idris drove us to Meritus, and we had to walk the distance to the 7/11 outside Civic plaza.

Once we got down the car, we immediately got sprayed.

The distance to Civic was PURE HELL. Immediately all my trauma from my past experiences came flooding back, and I was so fucking scared to be surrounded by so many of them!! Luckily for me, SY was in front of me (she is super brave ok! She kicked the workers when they sprayed her or were too close, with her pointy boots!) and Junne was behind me.

*sobs* [Both my friends said my top was too revealing and an easy target, thus they both tried to protect me (instead of themselves), which was so damn sweet. Thanks guys, you are really hao peng you lar!]

I never ever wanna go back again!

Junne got her ass groped (grrr! FUCK YOU, UNDERSTAND, I HOPE YOUR FUCKING TESTICLES DROP OFF), but SY and I escaped unscathed...

The worst comment I read, was this girl who actually had a foreign worker insert a finger into her vagina.

Yes, it actually happened. According to her comment, the finger went "in once, out once".

IMAGINE THAT.

So Junne, having your butt groped is really not that bad afterall.

When we went out from our party (felt really good not to have those fucking foreign workers there), we walked along and kept being sprayed at, until we reached a group of teenaged bengs (around 15-16 years old), and tagged along behind them.

Their leader was spectacular, I tell you.

He was botak and rather stout, and the four or so boys had two girls with them, whom they were protecting with all their might.

Botak leader walked in front with a swagger, and when the *cough* (I am dying to use the B word) foreign workers sprayed at their girls, Botak would run towards the FWs and shout at them.

Blindly, I held on to the back of his tee, seeking some protection, and he never once turned back to look at me coz I think he really was used to unknown girls being behind him already. Plus, he was always too busy shouting.

Wow, I never knew 16 year old boys can be so heroic.

During a particularly heavy spray, Botak walked towards the FWs (foreign workers) with his chest out and chin high, and shouted,

"WHAT, YOU THINK SINGAPORE GIRL VERY NICE TO TOUCH IS IT?!"

and on that note he chased the FWs away.

Man, he was great.

He and his friends were walking behind their two girls, and they basically protected SY, Junne, another girl (SY's relative we met), and me through the distance, though they were too busy protecting their own girl friends to really communicate with us (but we know they know we were there coz SY's relative and I were both tugging their tees for dear life).

One of Botak's heavy-set friend, the strong silent type, actually went behind the group of us girls, and said in Chinese, "Don't worry, I will be behind you all."

SO SWEET RIGHT?

Strangers, you know?

It is at times of such adversity that we see such differences. Both are men, but such different behaviours.

And we didn't even say thank you to these bengs coz we stopped and they moved on so fast.

If you are reading this, and you are the Botak beng who was walking from Civic Plaza to Meritus with a girl tugging your tee, thank you, and your friends, so much for shielding my friends and I.

I expect a ban of these foreign workers from Orchard or City hall is not going to happen, so I am gonna petition for the next best thing: The banning of these aerosol foam sprays.

You may think I am ridiculous, but if you are not a teenaged girl who went to Orchard on NYE and Xmas Eve, you don't know anything, so shut up.

You have no idea how serious the situation is.

Being blinded by foam, and then molested while you are struggling with the foam on your face - how's that for Happy New Year?

What is chewing gum? Chewing gum is nothing compared the harm of these foam sprays.

You think you can protect yourself if you are with a guy? Or if you are armed with say, a nail file or something?

Well, I doubt it. These sprays can be sprayed from a distance. Even if you want to whack the person who sprayed you, you will be too damn far away.

We cannot let this go on every year! Why should we let them spray us like this? Why should we allow them to touch us?

If you are a victim, or the boyfriend/brother/father of a victim, please help me in signing the petition:

CLICK:

BAN AEROSOL FOAM SPRAYS

Copy the link to your own blog: http://new.petitiononline.com/aerosol/petition.html

CROSSOVER 2005

Here are most of the crossovers - at least the ones I knew about - that occurred during 2005... presented in no particular order save by grouping.

CROSSOVERS
Alias - Lost
Lost - The Office
Law & Order: Criminal Intent - Exiled
Third Watch - Medical Investigations
The Young & The Restless - As The World Turns
What I Like About You - Living With FranBoston Legal - Boston Public
Passions - Las Vegas
Enterprise - Star Trek: The Next Generation
Law & Order: Trial By Jury - Law & Order & Deadline & Special Victims Unit
Cheap Seats & Mystery Science Theatre 3000
Enterprise - Star Trek's Evil Mirror Universe (also Hercules: The Legendary Journeys)

SPIN-OFFS
Queer Eye For The Straight Guy ----> Queer Eye For The Straight Gal
One On One ----> Cuts
Firefly------> Serenity

MISSING LINKS
Law & Order - Clubhouse
Blind Justice - CSI: NY
Stacked - Batman

FICTIONALIZED YET REAL TV SHOWS
Amazing Race & Survivor: All-Star Edition
Hope & Faith - Wife Swap
Joey - The Tonight Show
Las Vegas - Fear Factor
Doctor Who - Blue Peter
Less Than Perfect - Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

BLIPVERTS
Cheez-It - Maytag
7-Up Plus - Sex And The City
Comcast - 10,000 Pyramid
Chrysler - Seinfeld
Alka-Seltzer - Everybody Loves Raymond
The Apprentice/Domino's Pizza - Papa John's Pizza

IMPLIED LINKS (IN-JOKES)
Veronica Mars - The X-Files
Crossing Jordan - CSI: MiamiNCIS - The Man From U.N.C.L.E.
Lost - Curb Your EnthusiasmThe Inside - Angel
Battlestar Galactica - Firefly

TOONIVERSE
Justice League Unlimited - Batman Beyond & Static Shock
The Simpsons - Futurama
GEICO - Speed Racer

POISONED FRUIT
All My Children - Extra
Larry King Live - Primetime Glick
Passions - Nanny & The Professor

BCnU Next Year!
Tele-Toby

The end of the world

Oh no oh no... I swear the world is about to end. I don't know man, the tsunami, hurricanes, etc, AND IT IS 31/12/2005 AND IT IS RAINING LIKE I HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE!

Except I did.

IN THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW!

We are all gonna dieeeeeeeeeeeee.

If we all die, I wanna tell you Momo, Daddy and didi, that I love you, and to all my friends, I love you too, and to my readers, you all are the best!

It's armageddon too soon.

*****************************

Update: Alright, it seems Shuyin just told me the rain has stopped at her side and I am too dramamama.

Remember when we were young(er), trees used to fall all the time during rain?

I loved seeing trees fall.

I would never admit it, because on the surface I always pretended to be a kind-hearted girl and feel for the birdies and squirrels who might live there, and to a certain extent I DO FEEL BAD FOR THE TREE, but as far as natural disasters go, trees falling are as bad as it can get in Singapore.

This is the massive influence of the media I guess... We see these cosmic tragedies on TV, and we are curious to see how it looks like in real life. I do want to see a hurricane. Not experience it, mind you, but I wanna see it.

I used to tell my mom (as a young child) that I want a flood, and she would smack me and say lots of people might die from it (no food, etc, you know the things parents say).

I told her it will be fun to wade around what! Then we can all live in stilt houses! :D

So yes, back to falling trees.

I analogize that to the innate love in us to see something grand, strong, and stable finally fall. There's just a wretched beauty in such misfortune. Sad, innit?

Back to trees again, has you wondered how come in the late years, trees do not fall down anymore?

I think these trees, the surviving ones anyway, have all grown from little saplings to strong adult trees, just like how Singapore has grown too! :D

But of course some of you will argue some other logical stuff like better planting, etc. Sheesh!

I just watched half of finding Neverland at Janice's place (Grrr!), and imagination is a beautiful thing we should never allow to be bound by society's normalities. :)

Peter Llewelyn Davies: This is absurd. It's just a dog.

J.M. Barrie: Just a dog?

Porthos dreams of being a bear, and you want to shatter those dreams by saying he's just a dog?

What a horrible candle-snuffing word. That's like saying, "He can't climb that mountain, he's just a man", or "That's not a diamond, it's just a rock." Just.

MY TOOBITS OF 2005 - THE SHOWS

IT'S THE END OF THE YEAR [AS WE VIEW IT]
Now that we've reached the end of the calendar year, but not the end of the TV season, I'd like to salute those shows and characters who made the best contributions to the TV Universe.

They aren't necessarily recognized for expanding the universe through the means of spin-offs and crossovers, but because they enriched - or as they say in 'The Simpsons', embiggened - the possibilities and various aspects of Toobworld.

This year, I wanted to give this li'l tribute a catchy name, like the Oscars, the Grammys, the Emmys, etc.

I considered the Toobies, but I didn't want to get the twoppers in a snit. And the Toobins were pushed aside since I didn't want to give CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin a swelled head. You take one look at that guy and you can see his head is already of an odd shape.

So I settled on Toobits, and here's what I like about it - I'm giving out my two bits. See? I amaze even myself!

As you'll see, there was one show that dominated my interests in 2005....

I've divided this into two parts - one for for the characters, and this one for the shows.......

BEST NEW TV SERIES
COMEDY: 'How I Met Your Mother'
DRAMA: 'Bones'
What the two shows have in common are casts that are well-meshed and yet individually are lot of fun to watch. It's their interactions, and not the plots, that keep me focused on each episode.

But it's also their contributions to Toobworld - Barney's catch-phrases on 'HIMYM'; fictional companies and products found in 'Bones'. And then there is the crossover potential. 'HIMYM' is set in NYC, as is CBS' 'The King of Queens' and 'Still Standing'. And 'Bones' could easily do a two-parter with 'House', which follows it on the sked.

BEST TV MOVIE
"THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE"
Many of my favorite movies have televersions - 'The Wizard Of Oz', 'The Lord Of The Rings', 'Star Wars', even 'Blazing Saddles'. I would have loved an opportunity to spend more time in that small Scottish fishing village of 'Local Hero', but Cicely, Alaska, was a nice substitute for a community of lovable eccentrics.

Now there's a Toobworld version of "The Poseidon Adventure". And best of all, it serves a very important purpose in the TV Universe. As a mass grave underwater, it can be a repository for those TV characters for whom we need a splainin as to why they no longer appear on TV. I had a field day with this concept two months ago; check it out in the archives!

BEST REVIVAL OF A TV SERIES
'Doctor Who'
There were only three series this year which had me antsy for a week waiting for the next episode - 'Lost', 'Slings & Arrows', and 'Doctor Who'. After a sixteen year wait, the series returned fully revamped and turbo-fitted for the 21st Century.

Thanks to a brilliant splainin for whatever new actor came along to play the role, the Doctor himself was always ready for the Times - which should be expected from a Time Lord. But the pace of the show, the sophistication and complexity of the stories, and especially the image of the Doctor's Companion all shook off the spectre of moribundity and made the series the freshest, most exciting sci-fi series on the air.

Too bad most of America isn't getting the chance to savor it!

BEST REVIVED TV SERIES
'The West Wing'
With the focus split three-ways (between the campaigns of Democratic nominee Matt Santos, Republican Arnold Vinick, as well as back in the West Wing itself), the thrill of political wonkiness returned in a spectacular run to the end of last season and which didn't miss a beat despite the break for the summer.

Sadly, the real-life death of John Spencer, who played former Chief of Staff and current Dem. Veep candidate Leo McGarry, has added a whole new dimension to the drama. Now we're all waiting to see who will be chosen to replace him.

BEST IMPORT
'Slings & Arrows'
This series came out in Canada in 2003; otherwise, I would have had it eligible for so much more. What a show! What a cast! And a production of 'Hamlet' had me as much on the edge of my seat as did the fate of the raft in the season finale of 'Lost'. Plus, it added a town, a movie, a soulless corporation, and an action star to the Toobworld roster.

BEST SERIES FINALE
'SIX FEET UNDER'
It totally served the Toobworld concept in those last ten minutes. As Claire drove away to seek her future in New York City, we were treated to a montage of scenes showing the future final fates for all of the main characters from the show. It was rich in details that revealed themselves on multiple viewings and was scored so beautifully that it might not have even mattered if you knew who these people were or not. It stood alone as a music video tribute to the driving force behind the series.

BEST SENSE OF ONE'S OWN HISTORY
'LOST'
It's quite a juggling act to not only create these rich tapestries of flashback stories for each of the main characters. But then the producers and writers have to work in the connections to all of the other characters as well. And to add a few more balls into the air, they re-told the entire first 48 days on the island from the point of view of those passengers who had been in the tail section of the plane.

It is inspiration from the gods that keeps them from dropping the whole shebang in a spectacular crash-and-burn.

A close runner-up: Larry David's near-Death flashback as his Life passed before his eyes... all of it showcasing the worst aspects of his nature, and yet he saw nothing to confess at the end.

BEST BLEND OF TOOBWORLD AND REAL WORLD HISTORY
'DOCTOR WHO'
The third episode, 'The Unquiet Dead', took a chapter from the life of Charles Dickens - the final year of his life and his unfinished, unsolved mystery of Edwin Drood, and added its own unique twist. The series began as a look at Earth's history, not as the monster of the week show which it eventually became, but this episode combined both aspects perfectly.

Had I been able to invest the time in 'Rome', I might have made a different choice... from what others have told me.

BEST SPIN-OFF
"SERENITY" from 'FIREFLY'
I had to go to the movies to find the best example for this category, and I approached it as someone who had never seen the TV series. I had my opportunities once it went into repeats and syndication, but by then I had heard about the movie. So I wanted to see if it would work for somebody unfamiliar with the show. And it delivered.

(I'm now making up for lost time with the series.)

On the DVD's commentary track, creator Joss Whedon says, "We'll never make 'Firefly' again, because that was a thing that existed and is now gone. And 'Serenity' isn't 'Firefly'." But to my mind that just means it was a concept that was evolving, a living thing not stuck in stasis. That's all part of the Toobworld concept.

WORST SPIN-OFF
'QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GAL' from 'QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY'
I chose this only because it was a case of overkill for the original concept. It's just a shame I can't pick 'Joey' again because I'd really like to do my part in driving a nail into its coffin.

BEST CROSSOVER
'LAW & ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT' & "EXILED"
The TV movie "Exiled" was our last encounter with classic 'Law & Order' detective Mike Logan, but nobody can stay away long from the Dick Wolf franchise - even if they are banished to Staten Island. And his appearance in one episode of 'Criminal Intent' last season has brought this popular character back in a major way, as he'll now be shouldering half the 'CI' season to take some of the burden off Detectives Goren and Eames.

WORST CROSSOVER
'PASSIONS' & 'LAS VEGAS'
This crossover was great only for Nikki Cox's character Mary Connell, as it adds to her credentials for eventual induction into the TV Crossover Hall of Fame. But if this had been set in the Montecito, the creator of 'Las Vegas' would have every right to sue. The set was pure soap opera cheesiness and cheapness, and the storyline that purported to link the two shows together had the vibrancy of molasses, not Sin City.

But like I said, kudos for Nikki Cox. The show's set may have been lacking, but hers never is!

And on that note.......

BCnU Next Year!
Tele-Toby

MY TOOBITS OF 2005: THE CHARACTERS

IT'S THE END OF THE YEAR [AS WE VIEW IT]

Now that we've reached the end of the calendar year, but not the end of the TV season, I'd like to salute those shows and characters who made the best contributions to the TV Universe.

They aren't necessarily recognized for expanding the universe through the means of spin-offs and crossovers, but because they enriched - or as they say in 'The Simpsons', embiggened - the possibilities and various aspects of Toobworld.

This year, I wanted to give this li'l tribute a catchy name, like the Oscars, the Grammys, the Emmys, etc.

I considered the Toobies, but I didn't want to get the twoppers in a snit. And the Toobins were pushed aside since I didn't want to give CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin a swelled head. You take one look at that guy and you can see his head is already of an odd shape.

So I settled on Toobits, and here's what I like about it - I'm giving out my two bits. See? I amaze even myself!

As you'll see, there was one show that dominated my interests in 2005....

I've divided this into two parts - one for for the shows themselves, and this one for the characters.......

BEST NEW MALE CHARACTER
CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS, 'Doctor Who'
Joining the new Doctor and Rose for the last five episodes of 'Doctor Who', this omnisexual adventurer from the 52nd Century broke down barriers, sure. But more importantly, he broke the restraints that chained space-faring characters in to a picardesque propriety.

There was only one way to keep this um.... man's man from completely taking over the show, and that was to kill him..... Only to resurretct him and then reward him with his own series - 'Torchwood' which will premiere sometime next year.

BEST NEW FEMALE CHARACTER
ROSE TYLER, 'Doctor Who'
The tradition of the Doctor's Companions is a long one of characters who provide the normality of the audience's point of view, and who could be potential victims before the Doctor's last-minute rescue. At best they serve as the sounding boards for the Doctor a la Watson to Holmes. At worst, they are gnat-like annoyances who should be jettisoned from the TARDIS like so much refuse.

But there's never been one like Rose, who time and again not only saved the Doctor's life for a change, but ultimately saved the entire planet.

Not too shabby for a chip-loving shopgirl. And being named "Tyler", it's easy to theorize familial relationships with characters from other shows.

BEST NEW MALE SUPPORTING CHARACTER
BARNEY, 'How I Met Your Mother'
Toobworld is more than just the crossovers and spin-offs which link shows together. It is the characters, locations, props, and other trivial effluvia which can enrich the TV Universe. And that includes the litany of the catch-phrase. And no one brought more to the tele-lingo than Barney.

I knew he was the right call when I learned that my dear dear friend Ivy hated him. He was obviously doing something right.

BEST NEW SUPPORTING FEMALE CHARACTER
MAGGIE JACOBS, 'Extras'
She's cute, perky, sweet, and as daft as Gracie Allen could be. And as much of a will o' the wisp as she can be, Maggie is an anchor in the life of her friend Andy Millman. (Here's hoping that by the end of this series, they finally realize they belong with each other.)

And by working in the movie business as an extra, she has the opportunity to interact with plenty of famous people caught in the act of being themselves.

BEST NEW CAST ENSEMBLE
'How I Met Your Mother'
Hopefully by next season, this show will no longer be pegged as a copy of 'Friends'. I remember when 'Friends' used to be unfairly compared as 'Seinfeld' with two extra people. (So does that make 'HIMYM' a 'Friends' with one less?)

But this is a great, refreshing spin on established character types

BEST NEW GUEST APPEARANCE
JABE, 'Doctor Who'
In her one appearance, Jabe proved to be entertaining, enticing, and - Dare I say it? I dare! - "entriguing" and "entoxicating".

Why such words to describe her? She was the 'Doctor Who' version of Tolkien's tree-folk, the Ents, only several millennia into the Future.

Jabe and her people from the Forests of Cheem were descended from the trees of Earth. (Her particular ancestors came from the great rain forest of South America.)

These tree-folk held all the promise of evolution for the Ents if there ever would be a Toobworld version of Middle-Earth. Middle-Earth does exist in the Tooniverse; we can only hope it does in the pre-history of Earth Prime-Time as well. At the very least, there are the sentient trees of Narnia in the live-action universe of Toobworld.

Sorry for the pun, but the seeds for the concept of the tree-folk of Cheem were planted in "The Mark Of The Rani", a 'Doctor Who' adventure featuring the Sixth Doctor. Through her meld of science and magic, the Rani transformed humans into trees. And that new strain of DNA jump-started the evolutionary process that (again, sorry) bloomed with the Forest World of Cheem.

In much the same way as Ensign Ro Laren sparked interest in the culture of Bajor on 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' (to the point where that world served as the backdrop for 'Deep Space Nine'), it could be that Jabe's brief time with the Time Lord might lead to an eventual visit to the Forests of Cheem in some upcoming episode.

And I would love to see Cheemi tree-person travel back in Time to become a member of the 'Torchwood' team someday, preferably female-ish. (Hey! I'm only human!) This would make for an interesting alien element to show's look in the "modern" world of Cardiff.

BEST HISTORICAL CHARACTER
CHARLES DICKENS, 'Doctor Who'
I had to drop the word "NEW", as this marked Simon Callow's third appearance in a Toobworld production as the Great Man. As such, he will be the face of the author in the TV Crossover Hall of Fame Gallery.

His performance was full of playful nuance that knocked the stuffiness out of any preconceived notion of Dickens, and made me interested in reentering the world of his writings without the forced high school command to do so.

BEST NEW COMMERCIAL CHARACTER
"THE VISA-GOTHS" of Capitol One
There was just something endearing about these unwashed, violent barbarians as they tried to adjust to the modern world when their pillaging skills are no longer needed. Now that so many people were switching to Capitol One (supposedly), they were no longer of any use to the remaining credit card companies to enforce their high rates. And so they had to find other means of employment.

I'm including the next category here because of the Dramatis Personae.....
BEST COMMERCIAL CROSSOVER
'MasterCard' - Gorton's, Count Chocula cereal, StarKist Tuna, Planter's Peanuts, Chef Boyardee, Vlasic Pickles, Morton's Salt, Pillsbury, Green Giant, and Mr. Clean.
With another credit card commercial, this time for MasterCard, some of the all-time great blipvert VIPs gathered for dinner: the Gorton's Fisherman, Count Chocula, Charlie the Tuna, Mr. Peanut, Chef Boyardee, the Vlasic Stork, and the Morton's Salt Girl.

On the table itself, and crossing over into his fourth blipvert (at least!) for another company, was the exemplary Pillsbury Doughboy.

Outside the window was the Jolly Green Peeping To- er, Giant. He had to be down on his hands and knees in order to peer into the window.

And in the kitchen? Mr. Clean was doing the dishes.

BEST BLEND OF TOOBWORLD AND REAL WORLD CELEBRITY
'EXTRAS'
It wasn't just the fact that as "background artistes" Andy Millman and Maggie fit into the world of these real-world celebrities, but that that these people playing themselves were not afraid to show themselves in the worst possible situations. Funniest of all was Patrick Stewart in the season finale, and Kate Winslet in the first episode was a close runner-up. But it was comic Les Dennis whom I found impressive, for laying bare his soul (literally) in a riff on his own real-world troubles. That took bravery!

BEST NEW MALE VILLAIN
TEDDY 'T-BAG' BAGLEY, 'Prison Break'
Whereas Captain Jack Harkness displays the liberating sunshine of 52nd Century omnisexuality in 'Doctor Who', T-Bag mires it in the repugnant slime of his soul and in prison society. He's repellent and yet you just can't look away; and until such time as he's removed from the break-out team (for which there will be no regrets), he remains a fascinating character.

BEST NEW FEMALE VILLAIN
LADY CASSANDRA O'BRIEN, 'Doctor Who'
The visual concept of the last human on Earth being no more than a stretched-out piece of skin with lips and eyes was striking enough; Zoe Wanamaker's evil purr of her condescending attitude put Cassandra over the top. She was so good, even Death couldn't keep her away from the TV screens for long - Cassandra will be back in the second season of 'Doctor Who'.

But best of all, of course..... she's an O'Brien. Family looks out for family.

BCnU Next Year!
Tele-Toby

"MUNSTERS" ZONK! RALLY

In a terrible attempt to compliment/hit on 'Veronica Mars', Duane the convenience store clerk said, "But if we've been getting a lot of Munsters in here, I'd say that you're the Marilyn, hon, 'cause you're pretty."

I don't think we have to worry about this being a Goth Zonk! because in the nearly forty years since Toobworld first gave us 'The Munsters', it's more than likely the world at large knows of their existence. They never hid themselves from public view - so many businessmen, politicians, law enforcement agents, crooks, and utility workers visited their home at 1313 Mockingbird Lane over the years, that I wouldn't be surprised if FBI Agent Fox Mulder showed up there as well eventually.

Besides, since the series ended, "People" magazine came along, and eventually everybody with a human interest story and at least the slightest visual quirk will find themselves profiled in its pages.

How could they ever have resisted a story in which the head of the family looked like Frankenstein's Monster, his wife and father-in-law were vampires, and his son was a werewolf?

And the fact that Marilyn was the pretty one would probably be the angle they'd end up using for the article. Of course, once the issue came out, hilarity would ensue as the rest of the family would keep it hidden from Marilyn's sight, so that she wouldn't feel upset at being singled out as the "oddity".

Working in the convenience store, Duane would probably have whiled away the hours by reading that particular issue of "People"; and so he would have known of the existence of 'The Munsters'.

(Being Toobworld, it didn't have to be "People". It could have been "Glitter" or "The National Inquisitor" as well.)

No Zonk! this time.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

CURBING THE ZONK!

Speaking of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm'.....

According to the New York Daily News, Larry David's wife in the Trueniverse, Laurie David, will be appearing in the Jan. 11 episode of daytime soap 'The Bold and the Beautiful'.

Laure David founded the Stop Global Warming Virtual March and she will appear as herself to discuss the perils of global warming with Massimo Marone IV and his son Nick Marone.

This causes a problem for Toobworld because - according to 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' - Larry David's wife is Cheryl David. And as played by Cheryl Hines, she doesn't look like Laurie David.

Thanks to the League of Themselves, 'The Bold & The Beautiful' is definitely in the same universe as 'Curb Your Enthusiasm'.

'The Bold & The Beautiful' - Bob Barker approved the use of Forrester fashions on 'The Price Is Right'
'The Nanny' - Bob Barker appeared when Fran Fine talked a child star into quitting show business.
'The Nanny' - Martin Mull appeared as one of the celebrity squares during the same 'Hollywood Squares' tapings as Maxwell Sheffield.
'The Larry Sanders Show' - Martin Mull offered to guest host while Larry was on vacation.
'The Larry Sanders Show' - Hank Kingsley talked his assistant Darlene into appearing in a layout for Playboy Magazine when Hugh Hefner was a guest on the talk show.
'Curb Your Enthusiasm' - Larry David switched smoking jackets while visiting Hugh Hefner at the Playboy Mansion.

There's no way I want to shunt either 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' or 'The Bold & The Beautiful' to some alternate TV dimension to avoid the Zonk!, especially the soap opera - because that would mean I would have to banish 'The Young & The Restless' as well. And my Mom would never forgive me for that!

I suppose it will all depend on what Laurie David has to say on 'B&B' in regards to her husband. She'll probably make matters worse by referring to 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' as a TV show. God knows 'Curb' causes enough problems as it is when it comes to Zonk!s.

But right now I'm leaning toward a really off-the-wall scenario. In the TV Universe, Laurie David is a woman who fantasizes that Larry David is her husband in much the same way as Condoleeza Rice once referred to George W. Bush as "my husb-#" before quickly correcting herself and talking about him as 'the President'.

Why someone would fantasize about Larry David as spousal material, I don't know. It must be the money from 'Seinfeld'........

But like I said, this will be a wait and see situation. She might not mention Larry at all.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

BILLY "BONES"

Billy Gibbons of ZZTop celebrated his birthday on December 16th. That same week, he appeared in the Christmas episode of 'Bones' as Angela's father ("The Man In The Fall-Out Shelter"). He's credited at the IMDb.com as "Angela's Dad", so we don't know what his character's name actually is.

Dialogue doesn't help, because we weren't privy to it. Everybody at the Jeffersonian Institute had been quarantined by a possible viral contamination, so all of their holiday visitors had to stay behind the Plexiglas to "be" with their loved ones. And each visit was seen but not heard in a montage overlaid with music (the current pet peeve for so many televisiologists).

But we were given a rather strange clue as to his identity by Angela when she said that her Dad was famous, but please don't make a fuss over him.

As his own self, Billy Gibbons is certainly recognizable, even to those who aren't really familiar with ZZTop. (Although it wouldn't be unbelievable if "Tempe" Brennan didn't have a clue to what ZZTop means.) If he was that famous that Angela had to warn her jaded coworkers not to make a fuss over him, then couldn't it be possible that he was appearing as himself?

One argument against that might be that Angela's last name is Montenegro.

So? Jennifer Jason Leigh's father was Vic Morrow. They don't share the same name.

Couldn't it be that Angela was the result of one incredible hot night with a ZZTop groupie of Asian background? (The actress, Michaela Conlin, is of Chinese/Irish heritage; but if she was like me, she'd just name the state where she grew up whenever asked where her people came from. I just tell those nosy bastids "Connecticut - that's as far back as I take it.")

And this Billy Gibbons of TV Land did the right thing - so far as he could - by making sure he took an active enough role in her upbringing.

The reason I include the League of Themselves as actual TV characters is because those real-life celebrities have been fictionalized to fit the story. In the Trueniverse, Art Linkletter was never trapped on a disabled flight with a little girl robot; Tim Russert is not related to a Baltimore homicide detective; and Sammy Davis, Jr. never planted a big wet one on Archie Bunker while visiting his home in Queens. But those scenarios were seen on 'Small Wonder', 'Homicide: Life On The Street', and 'All In The Family', respectively.

This past season we had a major case of fiction when it came to the show 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' - for Larry David spent the entire year dithering over whether or not he should donate a kidney to real-life comedian Richard Lewis.

By the final episode Larry even died and went to Heaven. (Of course, he didn't stay there long, but that's because the spiritual Host can control who they hang out with. It is, after all, Heaven.)

It's not like real-life celebrities haven't done the Toob-Steak Boogie with Toobworld characters in the past. Ellen DeGeneres had a one-night stand with the host of 'The Larry Sanders Show', and you can ask Vince Chase's 'Entourage' all about his relationship with Mandy Moore.

And even though we never saw it happen, who's to say Mae West didn't play a little "Catherine The Great" with 'Mr. Ed' during the commercial breaks when she was a guest star?

I know. Ewwwwwww.

So until such time as a future episode clears this up, I'm going to stick with the assumption that Angela Montenegro is the daughter of the televersion of ZZTop member Billy Gibbons, born outside of marriage.

I'm not sure if this means that 'Bones' can now be linked - for the time being - to Ellen DeGeneres' sitcom 'Ellen'. ZZTop performed in the episode "The Pregnancy Test" on November 20th, 1996. But that was during the opening title sequence which was always outside the insular world of the rest of the episode. In fact, when Ellen appears in those sequences as well, it's o'bvious she's doing so as Ellen DeGeneres and not as Ellen Morgan.

So maybe ZZTop appeared not as their human selves, but as that ghostly trio in their music videos......

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

BARNEY v. BARNEY

This was a big year for the inter-relations between Toobworld and "Cyberia", the Internet world. 'CSI: MIami' had an extended ending for an episode available at cbs.com; an alternate ending for an episode of 'Veronica Mars' was up at AOL to be voted on by its fans; The Carver of 'Nip/Tuck' had his/her own blog at MySpace.com; and the 'Children In Need' short featuring the Tenth Doctor and Rose Tyler (which bridged the finale of last season's 'Doctor Who' and the recently broadcast special, 'The Christmas Invasion') could be seen online for awhile by those fans (i.e. - the deprived Americans like myself!) who didn't have the chance to watch it during the charity telethon.

But this is not to say that everything from "Cyberia" can be absorbed into the TV Universe of Toobworld. As it was for the "Cineverse" (the universe of movies), you have to pick and choose.

Thanks to Ryan Budke, a leading blogger over at TVSquad.com, I'm thinking it's time to sever the online version of Barney from 'How I Met Your Mother' from his counterpart in Toobworld.

Ryan has published an essay on how the Blogger Barney's "Get Psyched" music mix list is radically different from the supposedly same list by Toobworld Barney, which could be seen in freeze-frame in an episode of the TV show.

You can read Ryan's splainin here:
http://tvsquad.com/2005/12/28/blog-barney-vs-tv-barney/

My one regret about the whole thing is that Blogger Barney was my friend Ivy's first exposure to the character and to the show. After hearing me rave about it, she decided to check out the link before the next episode came around. She found the attitude of Blogger Barney repugnant - but then she wasn't reading it with the necessary Barney attitude echoing in her head.

By the time the show aired again the following week, the damage was done. She couldn't stomach the show.

After checking out 'Committed' last spring based on my rave for it (due to my love for Jennifer Finnegan), and with our disagreements over 'Surface' (she likes it) and 'Threshold' (I liked that), I think Ivy will no longer trust my judgement when it comes to TV shows.

So damn you, Blogger Barney! Darken not the Toobworld door!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby
[Thanks to TVSquad.com for bringing this to my attention.]

TEN YEARS DEAD: A LOOK BACK

In the "Idiot's Delight Digest" (http://www.topica.com/lists/idd/read), my Iddiot brother huitclos has been looking back at the Digests from our first year of existence - 1995.

And in today's installment, he mentions that Iddiette Brunella "wonders why the Post or Daily News neglected Jerry [Garcia] as an important death during the year."

Perhaps it was because they knew something that was being kept secret from the rest of the world?

In the TV Universe, Jerry Garcia apparently isn't dead. In fact, he even picked up former writer John Hemingway and his son and daughter in a beat-up van while they were hitching a ride down near St. Louis.
('The John Larroquette Show')

However, over in the Sketch dimension, Jerry is definitely dead. His ghost haunted a guy in a comedy sketch on 'Saturday Night Live'.

Okay..... maybe I burned out a synapse or two thinking inside the Box as much as I do!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

AKA MISTER "SPINOV"

According to reports from TV Guide Online and ComingSoon.net, theproducers of 'Alias' are trying to keep the show alive, possibly with a spin-off.

Executive producer Jeff Pinkner and creator J.J. Abrams have kicked around ideas, including a show that revolves around the villains Sark (David Anders), Peyton (Amy Acker) and Sloane (Ron Rifkin).

It seems like an intriguing idea, but I'm not on the 'Alias' bandwagon, so I couldn't say for sure. But I read a lot about the show (That Rimbaldi mystery fascinates me.), and I know Sark is definitely a fan favorite.

But I'm not sure a show focused on the bad guys would work on the general stage of Toobworld. This concept has worked in comic books - the Joker and Lex Luthor have had their own titles, - but it hasn't always worked for TV shows. Fu Manchu didn't survive his attempt to headline a series; and Harry Lime of 'The Third Man' had to be totally re-conceived to make him palatable for the general audience. And once that happened, what was the point in keeping him as Harry Lime?

Fans of HBO dramas would argue the point, using as their example 'OZ', 'The Sopranos', and 'Deadwood'. And technically, I would agree with them.

But in each of those cases, the main characters were operating within their own worlds, and for the most part not in comparison to the supposedly better morals of society at large.

Also, those three shows burst fresh into our awareness; they didn't first arrive saddled with the pre-conceived notions of the audience. That's the disadvantage Sloane and Sark have - the audience already knew them as villains, and may not want to follow them on a weekly basis as the protagonists.

Then again, the committed fan base may not care, so long as they can still wallow in that corner of the TV Universe.

Of course, if their loyalty was all that was needed, 'Alias' itself wouldn't be getting canceled.....

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

Not letting life shortchange you

Today I woke up with a msg from Howard joking about how my last entry was "quite racist".

Actually I have no idea whether Howard was joking, or he might be just trying to protect me, but this is only one of the many comments I've got.

FUCK MAN, YOU PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

Why is it racist?

Firstly, it is not even racism. If anything, it is nationalism. Or whatever it is called to discriminate a country. And I don't even discriminate their country. I discriminate the men of their country who comes to work in Singapore.

Fine, since you people are so sensitive, I'm gonna change the "racist" word I used to "foreign workers". Now, it is not racist anymore, is it? Or is it more prejudiced than saying "I won't want to dance with ah bengs"?

So yes, I don't like our foreign workers, whatever race they are - but you know the kind we all dislike the most. You tell me you will like them IF THEY KEEP MOLESTING YOU?

Now once or twice mind you.

Many many fucking times.

Here's a complete record, written when I was 18.

READ IT AND TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL.

Don't give me fucking stupid excuses like "they are lonely, forgive them." LIKE FUCK I WILL.

Is it my problem, my fault, that they are lonely? Ch**bye, lonely go and touch your mother ok, don't come and touch me. There are so many solutions, like going to Geylang to look for other female foreign workers. No money? Go rob a bank, and see if the law sympathetizes with "I am lonely and need money to fuck".

If you want to touch me, sorry, you have to work on it just like everyone else.

And don't give me stupid excuses like I deserve to be molested coz I wear skimpy clothes. The next time I hear a guy say that, I will grab his balls and pull them off, I swear. Then I'll tell him he deserves it coz he has balls.

Let me give you a piece of startling news: I NEVER ONCE GOT MOLESTED WHEN I WORE SKIMPY CLOTHES.

Always when I am in my school uniform. Oh, so now I deserve it coz school uniforms look kinky? Fuck you.

So yes: I don't like our foreign workers, and like I said, I most certainly won't like to dance with them in a club.

Ask any other Singaporean girl and I bet the answer will be a loud, loud unison.

Racist? I have not even BEGIN to complain about our dear foreign workers.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY ALL DOING IN ORCHARD ROAD ON CHRISTMAS EVE? I wasn't stupid enough to go to Orchard this year, but I've been there enough times to know what goes on there.

This year, it seems, a lot of our poor teenage girls got bullied by these foreign workers.

They apparently purchase those faux snow spray bottles, and when they walk pass a young girl, they spray their faces.

Har de har har, sorry, nobody wants to celebrate Christmas with you spraying their face, so fuck off from our girls, OK?!

According to Shuyin, in retaliation, the young beng boyfriends of the girls buy bottles back to only spray at foreign workers (alright, I have to admit that sounds funny). This in turn makes the foreign workers either get angry, or think we wanna play with them... and they spray the girls even more.

Grrr!

Now not only do the girls get sprayed, they get molested.

I know. To be fair to the foreign workers, not all of them are molesters, and of course, our own Singaporean men molest the girls too. But from personal experience, I can tell you foreign workers are usually the ones molesting our girls.

Why? Because they are not in their own country, and they think they can get away with it.

Which, sadly speaking, they usually do, because most girls just let it pass.

Even if they get caught, so what? Police, and then? Will their wives know, and family shamed? Oh no... No social obligations here for them.

I do not understand why our holidays always have to be tainted by such RIDICULOUS TROUBLES, such as having to handle these molest cases.

WHY? Why can't Singaporeans just have fun in our own Orchard Road (or insert popular spot) without having to be packed among these foreign workers?

I don't mind them being there, because holidays are supposed to be for people to get together, but I CAN'T POSSIBLY TOLERATE MOLESTING, CAN I??

Remember millennium? Man, that was the worst. I think I got molested so many times that day, I can't even count. When I walked with my hands covering my breasts, I get touched in the butt. Wow, how fun!

These years, I don't even go to crowded areas (excluding clubs) anymore because I know for sure the presence of these foreign workers.

Why are they allowed? They don't contribute to our shopping centre's sales... They terrorise our girls, spoiling everyone's fun.

In time to come, people will all smarten up. Because of the presence of these molesters, girls will cease going to Orchard at all. When chicks don't go, our Singaporean guys won't go as well.

All you see in Orchard will be...

Man, that would be so fun. Imagine all the companies putting up parties and special performances... Only foreign workers will participate. Yay!

I say, either make sure these people don't play play, or ban them entirely from Orchard road. They want to have fun, go have fun somewhere else. Sorry, if you can't behave, that's the way it is.

And to the people saying dumb things like I'm gonna get caught by the police.

*Shrieks in laughter*

You people are so funny.

Instead of protecting our own vulnerable females, our police spends time catching someone who berates molesters from ANOTHER COUNTRY?

LOL... I'd love to see how smarter Singaporeans react to a Singaporean being convicted for racism against another country's citizens (although I wasn't racist).

It is like Taiwan government convicting the Taiwanese fellow who said Singapore is like a piece of snot - ludicrous! Making your own citizen suffer another country's citizens will SO push votes for our government. Hurray, this government protects others more than us!

If this case ever goes to court, I'll ask the judge: Would you like to have your daughter club with foreign workers?

There you go. He's racist too.

I swear your Singaporeans are the biggest hypocrites EVER. People say they use handicapped toilets, you get angry - when I swear you use it yourself. People say they don't wanna dance with foreign workers, you also get angry. You like them so much, you go suck their cocks lar. Read my blog for what. Fuck off.

..........................................................

On another note, people always ask me why I stand so strongly for the things I believe in.

I don't know if I have said this before, which I think I did, but I'm gonna repeat it.

I am such a bitch, because I got molested one time too many.

Yes. I didn't use to be like this. I was still loud yes, but in general, I was still a meek person who will keep quiet when I get bullied.

"Hiyah, just let it go," I used to tell myself.

Just like your average, pleasant Jane.

NOW I WILL NOT ANYMORE.

I WILL NOT LET LIFE SHORTCHANGE ME.

I have rights, and I am not afraid to use them. No way will I let any unfairness get away.

Just that day, Shuyin and I were in Zouk's member's, and a waiter spilled a glass of Bailey's on Shuyin.

From the back of her white top, to the ends of her white skirt, she has stained a dark shade of brown.

The waiter looked at us while Shuyin screamed a bit, and proceeded to walk away.

I grabbed him by his shirt and shouted at him, "What, you stained all her apparels (yes, I used apparels), and you are just gonna walk away like that?"

He looked at me and said, "She knocked into me."

I tell you, I was so furious, I could have slapped him on the spot.

Shuyin was just standing there, not moving, and the fuck would she deserve to be spilled on this way. Not only did he not apologize, he accused her of knocking into him!! Wah lau, I was so boiling mad, I tell you!! *clench fists*

While I was telling this waiter Shuyin didn't move at all, he insisted she did, and just walked away.

All my other friends were like, "Forget it lar, the clothes are stained, nothing you can do about it now."

But sorry, I don't forgive and forget such things. Not when I know the waiter is gonna think he can use the same trick on the next person he spills on, and it could very well be me.

So I pulled Shuyin along and spoke to the manager.

He was very nice and apologetic, and said he would like to do something, but he can't possibly clean Shuyin's clothes for her now, though Zouk will pay for dry-cleaning if she intends to do it.

As a form of apology, he also bought us all a round of drinks.

The waiter was also brought to us to say he was sorry.

What good does it do to me to make life so difficult for the waiter?

Nothing, except I will not let anyone get away with bullying my friends (or myself, for that matter). Never mind the round of drinks. If in the first place he apologized and said sorry, nobody would have pursued the matter.

But he had to accuse SY of pushing him when all the poor girl did was to stand there.

Since when is it ever true about "Nothing you can do about it"? Almost never. You can do something about it if you are determined enough.

So yes.

I'm a bitch like that.

You may think I'm petty, I'm self-centered, but I only have one life, and if I don't fight for it, nobody will fight for me.

There you go... This is Xiaxue for you.




Comments must not include any race or I will delete them.

THE HAT SQUAD: MICHAEL VALE

Michael Vale has passed away.

First, let me list a few of the theatrical movies he appeared in:

Marathon Man (1976) .... Jewelry Salesman
A Hatful of Rain (1957) .... Cab Driver

Impressive films, to be sure. Maybe not memorable roles, but he was still involved in their making.

Now, here are some of his Toobworld credits:

TV MOVIES
Seasons in the Sun (1986) (TV) .... Bernie

TV GUEST APPEARANCES
"The Cosby Show" playing "Mr. Lee" in episode: "Calling Doctor Huxtable" (episode # 3.17) 12 February 1987
"3-2-1 Contact" playing "Soapy Suds"
in episode: "Your Body: Twins" (episode # 7.6) 17 October 1988
in episode: "Near/Far: Space Travel" (episode # 1.44) 6 March 1980
in episode: "Food/Fuel: Animal Food" (episode # 1.26) 4 February 1980
in episode: "Noisy/Quiet: Production and Processing of Sound" (episode # 1.1) 14 January 1980
"East Side/West Side" in episode: "The 5.98 Dress" (episode # 1.14) 13 January 1964
"Car 54, Where Are You?" in episode: "The White Elephant" (episode # 2.16) 6 January 1963
"Car 54, Where Are You?" in episode: "142 Tickets on the Aisle" (episode # 2.13) 9 December 1962
"Car 54, Where Are You?" playing "Al Cooper" in episode: "Thirty Days Notice" (episode # 1.10) 19 November 1961
[I'm not sure if he played Al Cooper in all three episodes.]

But still, I'm sure you're wondering why I felt it necessary to dedicate a "Hat Squad" post to Michael Vale.

Here's why - Michael Vale is best known for providing Toobworld with two of its advertising icons........

TV commercials for Dunkin Donuts, as Fred (1982-present)
TV commercials for Breakstone, as Sam Breakstone

By his family's estimate, Michael Vale appeared in over 1300 commercials over his career. But it will be those in which he played Fred and Sam that will be of the most importance.

Who can forget the Dunkin Donuts commercial where poor Fred had to get up everyday at 4 am because it was "time to make the doughnuts"? Only to finally meet himself as he was coming home.

Obviously there was some kind of temporal rift in his neighborhood.

And I don't think you can picture Sam Breakstone without the little Jack Russell terrier nipping at his pants leg.

Within the reality of Toobworld, it's entirely possible that the fictional Sam Breakstone was an ancestor for Fred the Baker.

2005 is going to go down in the books as a year in which we lost so many iconic figures of Toobworld - The Riddler, Ernest T. Bass, Gilligan, Maynard G. Krebs, Scotty, and Miss Ellie. And Michael Vale was responsible for bringing us two of the great tele-citizens.

Here's to you, Mr. Vale. Godspeed.

BCnU.....
Tele-Toby

"LONESOME" PREQUEL

Larry McMurtry will work with CBS on a miniseries based on his book "Comanche Moon," which is a prequel to the epic "Lonesome Dove."

McMurtry and writing partner Diana Ossana, who co-wrote the Golden Globe-nominated script for "Brokeback Mountain," will adapt McMurtry's novel, which follows Texas Rangers Woodrow Call and Augustus McCrae in the years between the events of "Dead Man's Walk" and "Lonesome Dove."

"Comanche Moon" finds Call and McCrae joining up with a Ranger troop to track three outlaws: Comanche chief Buffalo Hump, horse thief Kicking Wolf and a Mexican bandit. The two men also find their lives with their women, Maggie and Clara, growing increasingly complicated.

It looks to me as though both Call and McCrae will be eligible for induction into the TV Crossover Hall of Fame with this mini-series.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

PUCK'D UP

Celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck has made a major contribution to his membership in the League of Themselves by opening his latest restaurant at the Montecito Resort & Casino which is the location centerpiece of NBC's 'Las Vegas'. As part of the deal, he and his restaurant will be featured on the show beginning January 9.

Puck's company helped finance the cost of building a real-life restaurant for the show which already features a casino floor, lounge, club, sports book and reception area for the Montecito.

"Wolfgang Puck is the man who originally brought world-class cuisine to Las Vegas, revolutionizing dining in sin city," said the show's creator, Gary Scott Thompson. "Wolfgang's restaurant is the perfect dining destination for the characters of 'Las Vegas.' "

On the January 9 episode of the show, Puck will be featured in a story line about the grand opening of his restaurant. "He'll be opening Wolfgang Puck at the Montecito, which is his seventh Las Vegas restaurant," Thompson said. "What really benefits us is that it's a real restaurant and he's a real person." He added that Puck and his restaurant would be featured in numerous "Vegas" episodes.

They should do a TV movie where disaster strikes and the only real humans left were working on the Montecito set and they have to survive on the massive soundstage and fend off the mutant cannibals.


Really got to lay off the peyote buttons this early in the morning......

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

THE MNF LEGACY

Tonight is the last night for the broadcast of 'Monday Night Football' on ABC. Next season, it'll be sliding over to ESPN. And to celebrate the end of its 36 year run with the Alphabet network, Frank Gifford and Don Meredith will be returning for tonight's finale. (I wouldn't put it past Howard Cosell to rise from the dead to be there as well.)

Some people might not realize what a great impact MNF had on the sport and on Television itself. And it propelled its three big stars to a stardom usually reserved for major movie stars. It even spawned a television movie about the actual show, 'Monday Night Mayhem'.

If it wasn't so powerful in its time, do you think Howard Cosell would ever have been given a chance to host his own variety show?

Its three stars, and Keith Jackson who was the play-by-play announcer in its first year, all went on to use their celebrity in beefing up their credits in the League of Themselves.

Actually, Don Meredith's credits in that regard are pretty non-existent save for variety show appearances. But he certainly has quite a roster of characters in Toobworld including cops on 'Police Story' and as Banjo Hackett.

Howard Cosell
Fighting Back (1980) (TV) .... Himself
"Saturday Night Live with Howard Cosell" (1975) TV Series .... Himself
The Connection (1973) (TV) .... Himself
The 500 Pound Jerk (1973) (TV) .... Himself
"The Fall Guy" in episode: "Win One for the Gipper" (episode # 2.10) 5 January 1983
"The Odd Couple" playing "Himself" in episode: "Your Mother Wears Army Boots" (episode # 5.15) 16 January 1975
"The Odd Couple" playing "Himself" in episode: "Big Month" (episode # 3.2) 22 September 1972
"The Partridge Family" playing "Reporter" in episode: "Whatever Happened to Moby Dick?" (episode # 2.6) 22 October 1971

Frank Gifford
"Spin City" playing "Himself" in episode: "An Affair to Remember" (episode # 1.17) 18 February 1997
"Coach" playing "Himself"
in episode: "You Win Some, You Lose Some" (episode # 9.8) 18 December 1996
in episode: "The Tight End" (episode # 8.13) 19 December 1995
in episode: "The Day I Met Frank Gifford" (episode # 7.20) 28 February 1995
"The Adventures of Pete & Pete" playing "Himself" in episode: "Rangeboy"
"Life Goes On" playing "Himself" in episode: "Corky Witnesses a Crime" (episode # 1.9) 26 November 1989
"Webster" playing "Himself" in episode: "You Can't Go Home Again" (episode # 2.7) 9 November 1984
"The San Pedro Beach Bums" playing "Himself" in episode: "The Shortest Yard" (episode # 1.2) 26 September 1977
"The Six Million Dollar Man" playing "Himself" in episode: "The Bionic Boy: Part 1" (episode # 4.7) 7 November 1976
[This next show is before 'MNF', but I wanted to include it, to show that 'Hazel' can now link to Toobworld via Gifford.]
"Hazel" in episode: "Hazel and the Halfback" (episode # 3.15) 26 December 1963

Keith Jackson
"Coach" playing "Himself" in episode: "If Keith Jackson Calls, I'll Be at My Therapist's" (episode # 2.5) 19 December 1989

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

THE HAT SQUAD: VINCENT SCHIAVELLI

Vincent Schiavelli has passed away in Italy at the age of 57. For movie audiences, he'll be best remembered for taking on the Dark Mentor role in "Ghost". His subway dwelling phantom taught Patrick Swayze's character how to utilize his ghostly talents, and left audiences with unsettling questions as to what his own story was all about.

He also appeared in such movies as "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest", "Batman Returns", "Amadeus", and one of my favorites of his, "The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai: Across The Eighth Dimension". (That's a movie I wish was officially part of the TV Universe. In a way it is, as there have been mentions of its overthruster in at least one TV series. And if I'm not mistaken, it was memorialized with a plaque used on the bridge for one of the 'Star Trek' starships.)

But here we pay tribute to his work in Toobworld. Schiavelli was one of those character actors for whom there would have had to have been a law forcing them to be actors if they weren't so inclined. He didn't just have a unique look, but he also was a very talented man who will be missed.

Of particular note would be his role as Peter Panama, a theatrical set designer who frequented 'The Corner Bar'. I can remember the flamboyance of his character, but I'm not sure if Peter was openly gay; it was certainly overly implied that he was. Peter Panama was definitely one of the first gay characters with a regular presence in Toobworld.

A tip of the hat to you, Mr. Schiavelli.

TV SERIES
"The Eddie Files" (1997) TV Series .... Vincent
"Fast Times" (1986) TV Series .... Mr. Hector Vargas
"Likely Stories, Vol. 4" (1983) TV Series
"The Corner Bar" (1972) TV Series .... Peter Panama (1972)

TV MINI-SERIES
Bambina dalle mani sporche, La" (2005) (mini) TV Series .... Silva Roibes

TV MOVIES
Maximum Surge Movie (2003) (TV) .... Hellman
Ferrari (2003) (TV) .... Mr. Paradise
Snow White (2001) (TV) .... Wednesday (Yellow)
The Pooch and the Pauper (1999) (TV) .... Willy Wishbow
Back to Back (1996) (TV) .... Leonardo
The Whipping Boy (1995) (TV) .... Cutwater
Escape to Witch Mountain (1995) (TV) .... Waldo Fudd
Brothers' Destiny (1995) (TV) .... Davisport
The Courtyard (1995) (TV) .... Ivan
Bride of Boogedy (1987) (TV) .... Lazarus
Lots of Luck (1985) (TV) .... Skinny
Miss Lonelyhearts (1983) (TV) .... Sick-Of-It-All
Nightside (1980) (TV) .... Tom Adams
White Mama (1980) (TV) .... Medic
Escape (1980) (TV) .... J.W. White

TV RELATED MOVIES
Death to Smoochy (2002) .... Buggy Ding Dong
The Ratings Game (1984) (TV) .... Skip
The Gong Show Movie (1980) .... Mario Romani

THE TOONIVERSE
Hey Arnold! The Movie (2002) (voice) .... Mr. Bailey
"Family Guy" playing "Dr. Seuss Character" (voice) in episode: "A Fish Out of Water" (episode # 3.10) 19 September 2001
"Hey Arnold!" playing "Mr. Bailey" (voice) in episode: "Arnold's Christmas" (episode # 1.19) 14 December 1996
"Hey Arnold!" playing "Vincent" (voice) in episode: "Spelling Bee/Pigeon Man" (episode # 1.14) 1996
"Aaahh!!! Real Monsters" playing "Lapin Perdido" (voice) in episode: "Call ME Crazy?!" (episode # 2.7) 24 December 1995
"Batman" playing "John Zatara" (voice) in episode: "Zatanna" (episode # 1.50) 2 February 1993

TV SEQUELS
Rescue from Gilligan's Island (1978) (TV) .... Dimitri

TV PILOT
Heat Vision and Jack (1999) (TV) .... Frank/Paragon

TV GUEST APPEARANCES
"Dead Last" playing "New York Tourist Guide" in episode: "Heebee Geebee's" (episode # 1.2) 21 August 2001
"Sabrina, the Teenage Witch" playing "The Pastor" in episode: "Salem's Daughter" (episode # 4.17) 3 March 2000
"Dharma & Greg" playing "Mr. Carter" in episode: "Dharma's Inferno" (episode # 3.3) 5 October 1999
"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" playing "Uncle Enyos"
in episode: "Innocence" (episode # 2.14) 20 January 1998
in episode: "Surprise" (episode # 2.13) 19 January 1998
"Perversions of Science" playing "Scientist" in episode: "Planely Possible" (episode # 1.6) 25 June 1997
"Baywatch Nights" playing "Game Master" in episode: "Nights to Dragon One" (episode # 2.14) 15 February 1997
"Bone Chillers" playing "Hyde" in episode: "Fitz and Hyde" (episode # 1.4) 1996
"The X Files" playing "Lanny" in episode: "Humbug" (episode # 2.20) 31 March 1995
"M.A.N.T.I.S." playing "Michael Angelides" in episode: "Progenitor" (episode # 1.16) 20 January 1995
"Melrose Place" playing "Orderly" in episode: "In-Laws and Outlaws" (episode # 3.3) 26 September 1994
"Matrix" playing "Mr. Kahn" in episode: "Death and Taxes" (episode # 1.1) 1 March 1993
"Highlander" playing "Leo Atkins" in episode: "An Innocent Man" (episode # 1.2) 5 October 1992
"Eerie, Indiana" playing "Dr. Eukanuba" in episode: "The Retainer" (episode # 1.2) 22 September 1991
"Parker Lewis Can't Lose" in episode: "Future Shock" (episode # 2.4) 8 September 1991
"Tales from the Crypt" playing "Robert" in episode: "Mournin' Mess" (episode # 3.10) 31 July 1991
"Married People" in episode: "Who You Gonna Call?" (episode # 1.8) 31 October 1990
"Miami Vice" playing "Lawrence Fowler" in episode: "World of Trouble" (episode # 5.18) 14 June 1989
"Knots Landing" playing "Mr. Keener" in episode: "Birds Do It, Bees Do It" (episode # 10.20) 23 March 1989
"Star Trek: The Next Generation" playing "Minosian Peddler" in episode: "The Arsenal of Freedom" (episode # 1.21) 9 April 1988
"The Bronx Zoo" playing "Mr. O'Connor" in episode: "Truancy Blues" (episode # 2.3) 24 March 1988
"Matlock" playing "Julian" in episode: "The Gambler" (episode # 2.7) 10 November 1987
"Shell Game" playing "Casper Hall" in episode: "The Upstairs Gardener" (episode # 1.4) 29 January 1987
"MacGyver" playing "Lyle" in episode: "Soft Touch" (episode # 2.13) 19 January 1987
"Head of the Class" playing "Herman" in episode: "Ode to Simone" (episode # 1.14) 14 January 1987
"Cagney & Lacey" playing "Mongoose" in episode: "DWI" (episode # 5.14) 20 January 1986
"Remington Steele" playing "Leon Pulver" in episode: "Steele on the Air" (episode # 4.10) 7 January 1986
"The Fall Guy" playing "Arnold Rogison" in episode: "October the 32nd" (episode # 5.6) 7 December 1985
"Shadow Chasers" playing "Theo Goldberg" in episode: "Spirit of St. Louis" (episode # 1.3) 21 November 1985
"Who's the Boss?" playing "Motel Manager"
in episode: "It Happened One Summer: Part 2" (episode # 2.2) 1 October 1985
in episode: "It Happened One Summer: Part 1" (episode # 2.1) 24 September 1985
"Moonlighting" playing "Rodney Dillon" in episode: "Next Stop Murder" (episode # 1.5) 26 March 1985
"Hardcastle and McCormick" playing "Fix Henderson" in episode: "The Birthday Present" (episode # 2.18) 25 February 1985
"Otherworld" playing "Pango" in episode: "Village of the Motorpigs" (episode # 1.5) 23 February 1985
"Night Court" playing "Peter DeMarco" in episode: "Harry on Trial" (episode # 2.7) 15 November 1984
"Faerie Tale Theatre" playing "Priest" in episode: "Pinocchio" (episode # 3.3) 14 May 1984
"Trapper John, M.D." in episode: "Aunt Mildred Is Watching" (episode # 5.22) 6 May 1984
"Taxi" playing "Reverend Gorky"
in episode: "A Grand Gesture" (episode # 5.23) 25 May 1983
in episode: "Scenskees from a Marriage: Part 1" (episode # 5.4) 21 October 1982
in episode: "The Wedding of Latka and Simka" (episode # 4.21) 25 March 1982
"Cagney & Lacey" playing "Obie" in episode: "A Cry for Help" (episode # 2.21) 2 May 1983
"Young Maverick" in episode: "Half-Past Noon" (episode # 1.8) 30 January 1980
"Hart to Hart" playing "The Beret" in episode: "With This Gun, I Thee Wed" (episode # 1.10) 4 December 1979
"WKRP in Cincinnati" playing "Don Pesola #1" in episode: "The Contest Nobody Could Win" (episode # 1.11) 29 January 1979
"Charlie's Angels" playing "Freddie" in episode: "Angel Blues" (episode # 2.21) 8 February 1978
"Starsky and Hutch" playing "Weeze" in episode: "Murder Ward" (episode # 3.4) 8 October 1977

BCnU.....
Tele-Toby

PLOPPIN' & FIZZIN'

Ed Maslow, senior vice president and senior creative director at the New York office of BBDO, said that they were considering remaking other well-liked Alka-Seltzer commercials from the 60's and 70's.

There are o'bvious choices for the next recreations:

"Try it, you'll like it"
"Magadini's Meatballs"
"Groom's First Meal"
"The Unfinished Lunch"

For that last one, it would be the perfect showcase for Jeffrey Tambor once 'Arrested Development' is officially off the air. His Bluth patriarch could lead the luncthime prison riot as the great character actor George Raft did in the original.

For the others? I can visualize Jerry Stiller as Arthur of 'The King of Queens' doing the "Try it, you'll like it" routine. ("So I tried it..... Thought I was going to DIE!" he would scream.)

And how about Matt LeBlanc taking over for Jack Somack in the fake commercial for Magadini's Meatballs? With any luck, his execrable sitcom will be canceled soon, so Joey Tribbiani could use the work.

As for the newlywed wife's hapless attempts to pick out new recipes (like poached oysters and my favorite - marshmallow meatloaf), I'd like to see Allyson Hannigan and Jason Segel play the young couple, as they do on 'How I Met Your Mother'. But then again, seeing the type of food his family regularly packed away at dinner back in Wisconsin, maybe Marhall wouldn't be so intimidated by Lily's giant dumplings.

Or going back to the source for 'Joey', how about using Ross and Rachel of 'Friends'? She once made a dish in which she combined beef with banana pudding, and which Ross thought tasted like feet.

If you've got any ideas as to which classic TV characters should appear in the possible remakes, why not share them with me. Post a comment!

Try it; you'll like it!

Plop plop fizz fizz!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

CROSSOVER OF THE WEEK!

In hopes of getting the Crossover of the Week re-aligned, we're publishing the next installment practically on top of the last edition. The Crossover of the Week put up on Christmas morning was for the week before last; this entry is for last week.

Everybody got that?

Last week, Alka Seltzer broke a national campaign to celebrate its 75th anniversary. Their parent company Bayer and their ad agency BBDO Worldwide have re-created a 1972 spot for Alka-Seltzer known as "I Can't Believe I Ate the Whole Thing."

But this time, the remake features Peter Boyle as the husband and, as the wife, Doris Roberts. Although it's not stated, it's obvious that they're supposed to be Frank and Marie Barone of 'Everybody Loves Raymond', which ended its nine year run on CBS back in May.

Instead of saying "You ate it, Ralph.", or changing it to "You ate it, Frank.", Doris Roberts (who keeps her back to the camera the whole ad) says, "Where have I heard THAT before?"

This doesn't have to be considered a Zonk!, as she's only referring to the original commercial for our benefit. Within her own reality, she's probably talking about the fact that this wasn't the first time her husband said those very words.

It's a shame Alka Seltzer didn't do something similar 25 years ago for their 50th anniversary. Then they could have used the exact same script for the advertisement, including the name of the husband, by casting the blipvert with Jackie Gleason and Audrey Meadows as the "Battling Bickersons of Bensonhurst", Ralph and Alice Kramden.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

Happy Boxing Day!

Hey people! How's your Christmas?

Mine was super great man, I kept winning money during mahjong. MUAHAHAHA! KELVIN, SHUYIN, RUSSELL, BENNY YOU LOSERS!!

So anyway, SY and I went to MoS with Alan (my designer) for a countdown, and then off to Kelvin's place (had to choose from 3 houses for a final party venue, yet none of the houses had a state-of-the-art fridge. -_-) for another party, in which we played mahjong till 11am!

YES, SOME PEOPLE CONSIDER 12AM LATE FOR SLEEPING, and we slept at 12 noon!

Outrageous.

After that we had to wake up at 3pm, to help Weili with his bbq.

So today, I stayed at home to recuperate!

There are so many photos that I have been lazy to put up, so before I start on editing the Xmas photos (all 120 of them), let's clear these first...

MINISTRY OF SOUND!!

I got an invite last Friday for its opening. :D I know I'm rather late in blogging this, but here goes.

Shuyin told me, Isn't it great, that at this age, we get to witness the opening of a mega club?

Once again, everyone starts fresh. There are no unwritten rules on which podium is reserved for gays, or having to have friends to tell you how the club works.

Everyone's still murking around, and in the future to come, we clubbers will be the ones forming the culture that the future generation has to follow.

That is nice, isn't it?

So yes, Ministry of Sound.

I got mailed an invite, and was feeling rather elated about it, until I saw this other old blogger also hao-lianing about how she does not need to queue.**

*roll eyes*

With some ominous foreboding, I told myself that that can't be good because if she gets invited, then surely that card can't be exclusive.

Sure enough, when I got there, there was a super, mega-long queue formed, and everyone was fanning themselves with my invite.

I was quite horrified.

Eileen was already inside the club since 6pm, because she tagged along with her journalist colleague! Me was trapped outside!

I walked to the front to see what was going on, and even the damn VIP queue was so long can?!!!


When I say long, I mean long.

I seriously don't think the queue for the macdonald Hello Kitty can fight this lor.

I tried to call people to get me in, but nobody was picking up the phone (kena food poisoning/phone left in office/unable to bring me in).

Was staring at this while calling for help

Grumbling in my mind about my friend who sent me the invite and left me in the lurch, hope suddenly arrived in the form of a girl who was handling PR.

"You are Xiaxue right?" she asked. And I was brought in!

MUAHAHAHA it is great to be a blogger! Bless the superficial pleasures of life.

(**Meanwhile, the old blogger had to leave coz the queue was too long, and she, too insignificant. Sorry, I'm usually not so bitchy but this one had it coming)

Eileen told me she was inside Pure so I had a hard time finding the escalator, and then meeting her there...

With her colleague!

Pure's a room with minimalistic white furniture. There are big bean bags for you to laze on (you can even hop onto them if you really want to), or bed-like sofas enveloped with flowy white curtains, complete with a dance-floor (that I almost fell into).

I know this looks like a man holding his member,
but it is actually a hand holding a bottle.

While we sat on the beanbag and raved about our pink razrs, we saw many celebrities, but I was too lazy to get up to take photos. Haha... Sorry!

After that, I had to get up coz I was interviewed by Newpaper for my comments on MoS (reporter assured me he had nothing to do with the bitch that abused me), so I took a photo of pretty Glenda Chong and her friend, whom I know is a host, but I sincerely forgot his name...

Nice tan!

Eileen and I

After this we decided to abandon our great seat and explore the place.

Eileen was a fantastic guide coz she just went through the media briefing and could tell me all about the little properties of each room.

For example, she pointed, the Taittinger Sky Lounge (even the name also so atas sounding!!! I'm gonna call my daughter Taittinger), which is a VIP room, has a one-way mirror which could let you see into the dancefloor of 54!

Wah lau.

Imagine the poor dancers in 54, you think nobody is looking at you and you check for pi sai in the mirror, then actually those in the sky lounge can see everything. WAHAHA. Well, serves you right for being non-atas, I guess.

As she was explaining I came to the conclusion that the greatest thing about MoS is that it has so many different rooms, suited for so many different tastes...

The main dancefloor is like Zouk... (House and whatever)

If the white thing drops, will it poke people to death?

Smoove like Phuture... (RnB, Hip-hop)

DJ was cute!

Except with airplane seats. (WHAT? I like my pants. So?)

And Pure's for chilling, while 54 is retro...

Ok.

I swear I wasn't trying to take a photo of those girls. I was trying to take the "54" behind them, and when I uploaded the photo I was like, "Holy smoke, hot twins? What luck!"

Yup. And that's not counting the various other rooms they have. I think I saw at least 3 VIP rooms.

One was not "bouncered" so we went in to explore!

See? I keep taking photos of random pretty girls! I didn't even see the (Indian?) girl's face when I took that shot, I just wanted a picture of the room. She looks very pretty!

Think MoS has a lot of mei nus. That includes me, haha!

The member's area has a frosted door with a strategic window for you to look into at eye level. Subtle. Just enough to arouse the curiousity of the passerby, and enough for the guests inside to feel honoured to be objects of curiousity.

Speaking of atas-ness, because of the extremity of the club's genres, I think it is also respectively more elitist than any other club.

Smoove, on one hand, describes itself (on the website) as an "inner-city ghetto", while Taittinger, well, is "reserved strictly for society's creme de la creme".

From the queue to the VIP entrance to the exclusive VIP escalator(or lift, I forgot), all in all MoS is possibly more discriminating than Zouk is.

Unless you are being discriminated against of course, I think this is possibly a good thing because clubs HAVE to maintain a certain calibre in their clubbers.

For example, would you like to party with foreign workers?

*shudders* (I heard Orchard road was full of them, molesting and spraying our girls!! Grr! Why are we sharing Orchard road with them?! Another entry)

See, you get my point.

(I'm seriously having Freudian syndrome coz I see something sexual in this picture.)

The place where you can see these optic fibre lights is called the "VIP waiting area" coz there is a special entrance for VIPs to the upper levels, and the rest of us commoners go through Smoove or the Main Arena.

Gah! Is it just me, or do the graphics look very phallic indeed?! Get away from me Freud!

Eileen likes them palluses. :D

DASHING DIVA!

Some of you might have noticed the fluffy pink monstrosity smack near the entrance of Suntec!

Dashing Diva came to Singapore! It is the nail parlour that hollywood celebrities all go to; Tyra Banks, Christina Aguilera, etc etc.

I walked pass it some time ago, and have been dying to go in!

I was sponsored a nail spa there (for Shuyin as well, the lucky bitch), so of course I must blog about it and review for you all right? Muahahaha! I think about it I also feel happy... My total cost for doing my nails was $250, I was told!

So yes, this is sponsored, but it isn't an advertorial. It is sponsored, but not an endorsement, so there is no need to do anything funny.

In fact, I think from now on I won't want to endorse anything anymore, except lovely Localbrand of course, which loves me for who I am. *touched sobs*

Pink gets me high!


Even the logo looks really diva-ish.
I feel like a diva just looking at it.

Shuyin and I, sitting around waiting on a luxurious pink suede sofa! OMG, I so totally want that sofa, I tell you. I want it for my birthday. Remember!

The interior is shamelessly pink and hits every one of us girls like a anvil. I bet even my grandma will melt! I really want the designer to design my room, can?

We were then told to decide the treatment we wanted, and we both decided on doing the "Spoiled Diva".

I sniffed around the nail polishes, and when I reached the fake nails section, I was seriously mesmerised.

THEIR FAKE NAILS ARE SO PRETTY!

It's nothing like what we usually see in shops. "Tailor Fit", the manager explained to me, is an in-house brand imported from New York, and Dashing Diva is the only place which sells them.

A box contains 32 freaking nails, to ensure you find 10 which will fit you best. The rest, you can give to a friend, or throw them away.

I can't finish describing all the designs so you can possibly walk in to have a look yourself.

I chose a white glittery design, just nice for Christmas! :D It had an almost matching toe design too!

The nail parlour had LCD screens all around, showing MTVs, or modelling runway shows. Very diva! :D

Shuyin and I kept spotting nip-slips on the catwalks. Ha!

There is also a bar in the middle of the room, for serving drinks.

The bartender is cute huh? :p He makes nice drinks too!

No wonder my manicurists looks away, my nails are terrible!

All that massaging felt so good, I tell you!

Shuyin's toenails are too long to fit the tailor fit nails, so she just did a pedicure. -_- Too long, can you imagine?

So freaky, her toes are too long ok!

And now, we move on to fingernails! Finally.

Tailor fit is stuck on by a special glue, so the end result are super beautiful nails almost impossible-to-achieve naturally (you tell me how you stick that glitter manually?!), that will last for around 2 weeks or so before you have to soak them off.

With our very nice drinks!

I had baileys with caramel or something, it was good... *thumps chest*

ME DIVA! :D

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Still a diva. I insist!

Shuyin's nails


Mine!


Our toes


Yay!

Meanwhile, any questions about Dashing Diva, I am not obligated to answer, so please don't bombard me! You can call them. If you want the design I did, just tell them you want the Tailor Fit design Xiaxue had. I think it will look great for special occasions! :)

Here are the menus if you wanna know pricings...



Alright, it's 6am now, and I feel really tired! Pardon me if this entry is boring or not funny, I'm so exhausted.

More soon. :)