I wanna blog about quite some stuff but no time; I go to go sleep soon, recently I'm very very deprived of it...



So I shall just write about what happened recently... As briefly as possible!



I hate squat toilets. ( I know this sentence does not link with the previous paragraph but what the.) The toilet at my house is a squat one, and I hated it so much that I forced my mum to install a fake toilet bowl over it, despite her mumbled grumbles about how when she was my age she was not so fussy.



There are many reasons why seat toilets rule.



1) Because your nose is further away from the shit.



2) Because urine will no longer spray on the floor and have you step on it unwittingly. Sure, males still spray urine on the seat, but since females wun, it is 50% less.



3) Because you can now sit on it to read while shitting, which is, I personally think, one of the biggest enjoyments in life.



4) Because sitting will relax your muscles while squatting makes you cramp up.



5) Because no longer will you wet your pants legs as seat toilets are usually drier.



6) Your hp is less likely to drop into the toilet if you keep it in ur back pocket.



7) Since your butt covers the hole in the toilet bowl, it would not be that smelly.



8) Because I say so.



Anyway, the fake toilet bowl I have at home predictably, feels fake. Unlike the strong ceremic feel most toilet bowls give, my toilet bowl can actually move around and it feels rather weird.



Thats why I like to use all the seat toilets I want outside of home.



Today at school, I entered the toilet with a slight stomachache. Plenty of time before next class, I thought.. Just nice for a good long shit.



But the problem is, the whole toilet has 3 squat toilets and only 1 seat toilet.



So I waited. And waited. After a good 25 minutes of my life wasted, I was beginning to feel pissed. I looked under the toilet door half expecting to find a couple shagging inside or something. Nope.. It was just a pair of normal shoes.



At the precise moment I decided I shall shout at her, she opened the door and came out. I scowled at her but she did not notice.



I finally got to sit on my toilet bowl!!! And being the typical Singaporean, I thought to myself: Well! I bloody waited for so long to use this toilet! I shall use it as long as I want too, to make the next person wait!



So I whistled and settle myself down with my palmtop and reread Goblet of Fire.



Just as Harry Potter got entered into the Triwizard Competition and things got exciting, an auntie knocked on my world rudely, bringing me back to the rather smelly muggle world I am in.



"Girl!", she shrilled, "Inside got toilet paper?"



"No.", I answered sullenly, ruffled that I got interrupted by such a silly question.



A few seconds later when Vikter Krum was scowling at Harry, the auntie asked me what I am doing inside, taking so long.



Now, thats the point of my whole toilet story. I THINK THAT PEOPLE SHLD NOT ASK WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE DOING INSIDE TOILETS AS IT IS A VERY PERSONAL QUESTION.



I did not feel like I was obligned to answer such an embarrassing question at all, and contemplated a little about telling her it is none of her business what people do inside toilets. I thought the better of it and factually told her "Shitting.", since she did ask in a polite voice afterall.



Shitting is fine. But what if I had been changing my menstrual pad? What if I was plucking my armpit hair? Should I have told her the truth?



Of course not. But yet, people dun see the point and they still keeping asking that question to people using the toilet. IT IS ULTIMATELY RUDE! Well, cubicle doors are there for a REASON.



The next time someone asks me what I am doing in a toilet, I would reply, "I am testing to see if I stayed here long enough you would ask me such a rude question."



*****



Today June and I went to collect our uniforms and phones for our new job promoting Mitsubishi hps...



Red adidas dress.





I can't believe I am supposed to wear sport shoes with them! It must have been years since I last wore flat shoes. The embarrassment of height is the sole (weak pun!) reason why I am not gonna say which Hello! shop I will be attached to.



Ah well... At least I got a free colour phone to use!





Yeah okie the wallpaper was just a test, dun gimme the revolted look.



It is not nice nia.. Looks like a peanut. I dun think I am supposed to show this to anyone (all 400 of you) since it is not officially launched yet but hack it lar...



So yeah, good night peeps! I will blog more after thursday, because I have to hand in a project but the said day and I will be so ultra busy.

Quite often I get comments like this:



Xiaxue you think you are very pretty meh? Please lar, look at urself in the mirror! What do you see? A PIG! Imagine a world without Revlon, without L`oreal! You will look like shit and you know it! Your pretty face currently is just a facade!



Well, to this I really got to argue it out.



To everyone with this view:



See, I dun deny that I was born ugly.



You dun usually discriminate ugly people because they are ugly, right? You dun look at someone on the streets, and say "FUCK IT! She is freaking ugly! Thats a crime!"



Coz it is plain unfair that you do that. Well, I am relatively ugly without make-up, I admit it.



Then we come to the make-up part.



Please understand. What if you are born ugly, BUT, you are blessed with a skill? A skill so valuable... And together with the skill are tools that are economically priced. With the two, you can make yourself look better in a jiffy. With the two, you can feel more confident of yourself, and make others view you in a better light as well. Miraculously, you can have the opposite sex's attention, without even doing plastic surgery on urself.



You are telling me you wun do it? I dun think so.



Most girls do not put make-up because they find it a hassle. Not only that, they do not have (or have not mastered) the skill to apply make-up properly, such that the end result is a much more beautiful self.



Well, I dun see what is wrong with being pretty only with make up? It is phoney, you exclaim. WRONG. Because you can SEE that I am having make-up on. Who am I cheating?



So according to the stupid logic about "being natural is being beautiful", should I keep my ugly face (when I have the absolute power to make it much better) and just be ugly, not doing anything about it?



Having a choice between being all natural but ugly, and made-up but beautiful, I choose the latter. There is nothing wrong with my decision at all. If you are feeling pissed that some people did not manage to see through the make-up and decided that I am a natural beauty, well, its their stupidity and there is nothing you can do about it.



I'm sure you urself have cheated people about ur looks in some way. Rebonding? Tooth whitening toothpaste? All these products make your looks phoney. You are actually much uglier, right?



I really feel like slapping guys when they say they prefer girls without make-up. IT IS A FREAKING STUPID THING TO SAY.



When is a woman most beautiful? On her wedding day my dears, and it is ALWAYS with make up.



You want your bride without make-up? Fine, let her strut around with that big pimple on her chin. Let other people see your wife looking tired and pale from all the preparations! No make-up! No phoney-ness! All natural!



Here we are, the gals, making an effort to make ourselves look prettier so that you men can bask in glory as you walk around with us holding your arm. And you men are complaining that we put too much make up. You all have the nerve to complain that we shld look beautiful without make-up, and not only look pretty when we have it on. So how if we just cannot manage to look good without make-up? Break with us lor, go find someone who looks good without make-up.



Bet she is with someone else who looks good without hair gel or whatever products you men use to beautify yourself. And he is, unfortunately for you, likely to have a dick size of 8 inches.



I understand, of coz, the dilemma of men. Some women just CMI with make up, coz they apply it wrongly. Perhaps too much, or perhaps it makes them look like they are going for a wayang show. In these situations, the men can complain about make-up, of course. I am not that unreasonable.



I just cannot stand the stupid comment about "natural is beauty". To stand true to your theory, do not brush your teeth from now on. Do not shave, or colour your hair. Do not even delibrately train your muscles. For girls, do not pluck your eyebrows or armpit hair. There you go, all natural, like you just stepped outta blue lagoon. It is my guess, however, that you wun look the least bit like Blooke Shields.



All natural? I wonder if we would still like our celebrities if they looked like this:







Ha!







Well, came as a horrible shock right? Our own Wong lilin... One day, I was in irc chatting with some male friends. I happened to ask them which Singaporean actress is prettiest, and a lot said Wong Lilin. I went to Yahoo to search for her pic, and a stupid fan or hers (I suppose he is deluded) captioned the photos I found as "Very very pretty!".



What can I say? Different people have different tastes. Plastic surgery on the eyelids anyway, in case you men didnt notice.







Alright I am not a celebrity but still...



In conclusion, I am not pretty naturally without make-up. The latter has aided me in my looks. So? I dun deny it, and I am not cheating anyone. And so what if I am ugly??



Theres nothing wrong with being ugly at all, so scold me all you want. You just sound superficial and idiotic.



(In case you are thinking: If you said there is nothing wrong with being ugly, then why are you bothering to put on make-up to look better? Well, my answer is that I feel more confident about myself when I look better, and things go smoother. There is no fault to being ugly, but it is undeniable that there are advantages to being good-looking, which is why everyone is trying to look better, except Tibetian monks.)



-It is not a crime to prance around pretty with make up. It is a crime to let urself remain ugly when u can make yourself look better.-



*****



Speaking of the type of guys who say "Natural is beautiful", we have come to a similar type of guys. Yes, it is the type that says "Simplicity is beauty".



In my opinion, both speakers deserve a good tight slap.



See, I once heard a guy friend of mine tell me: "The kinda girl I like right, is pretty, and look sweet. She must look like she is stupid stupid like that, but actually she is very smart."



I almost exploded. I screamed: WHY MUST SHE LOOK STUPID? WHY CANNOT LOOK CLEVER?



He was dumbfounded.



Men! Seriously. I have no idea why why why on earth they want their gfs to look dumb. There is only one reason of course, which is to feed their own bloody ego. They are scared that the gf looks superior standing next to them. Well, if they cannot accept the fact that their gf has something close to a brain and look like they can recite the alphabet, they can jolly well date a date (the red kind we boil soup with).



It is a fact. Females are equal to males brains-wise, and instead of being ashamed of a gf smarter than they are, guys should learn to feel proud that such smart girls chose to be with them. What century liao, for goodness sake.



Which is, I guess, why shu nus are so damn popular. Because they are dumb.



Someone told me that he thinks that he wouldn't mind having Mo Jing Jing as a gf. For those of you who dun watch Holland Village on Channel 8, Mo Jingjing is a semi retarded girl.



I almost died. She speaks 3 words a minute. The said fren claimed that she is good what, very pure and innocent, unlike many girls in our society now, so slutty and bitchy. (Somehow I suspect this is how paedophiles think too.) The above sentence makes sense as well... But should be girls succumb to these guys expectations and from now on be quiet and unopinionated too?



No.



I won't change myself just to fit these selfish guys. They can jolly well date semi-retards and have the time of their lifes talking about nothing deeper than the weather to these females. I dun mind. I will wait for a truely intelligent guy who can appreciate females with some opinions of their own, and is not threatened by my achievements, but supportive.



There was this other time another guy friend shrieked when he saw Jaime Teo on TV.



He practically worshipped the telly for having flashed her face for 2 seconds.



I frowned, told myself to calm down, and said quietly, "She pretty meh?"



He said, still dreamy-eyed, "Yes, very very pretty. The best of Mediacorp so far."



I was stunned. I couldn't help myself as indignant words came out of my mouth.



"SIAO! She look so normal! So common! NUS girl face, go to NUS can find a few hundred like her face liao, whats so special? Normal eyes, normal nose, normal lips... Nothing what! She look so common and simple!"



He stared at me (giving me the exsperated face so many guys like to give me when I insult Jolin/Wong lilin/etc), and asked slowly,

"Thats where you are wrong, yanyan. The beauty of her, lies in her simplicity."

"Oh really?", I told him.

"Go date an amoeba then. Can't get simplier than that."

-We girls solemnly swear to get rid of stupid MCPs one fine day.-

Hiyah, dun see the point of writing in my new url when spammers actually bothered to email me to get my address. If you spammers want to spam, please go ahead, I will be ignoring it from now one. Can see just how extremely bo liao some people are; must be a cross between an iguana and a leech.



In case you people are thinking iguanas and leeches are can hardly fit into the description of "bo liao", well, its just a chance to show the immerse amount of animals at my place now.



Alright, my dad is weird, I admit it. Of course, as a kid I have never interacted much with other people's dads (except uncles, none of which I am especially close to) so I thought my dad was normal.



See, the weird thing about him is: HE DOESNT WATCH SOCCER.



He does understand the big deal about it at all. Thats weird isn't it? Ask I grew older I realised MOST guys like football. Even my 80 yr old grandpa watches football while my dad stares uninterested at the TV screen wearing the expression that in his opinion soccer shld last 30 secs. One would find him gazing lovingly at the boring angelfish in the tank five mins later.



Weird. Both fish and soccer joined up makes the most boring thing on earth. Oh wait, I suppose thats either using fish as a soccer ball, or fish playing soccer. Seems to me that combined it is better, hmmm... Soccer is more interesting in the sense that you can at least bet some money on it and win, but fish!



Digressing, I have something against fish. I think they make horrible pets. I have absolutely NO IDEA why some guys my age (peh pehs still understandable) have such a big interest in luo hans.



June's bf, for one, is mesmerised with luo hans. XF's bf too. And the poor dears, coz I heard from June that Benjamin brought her to a luo han exhibition once. Actually, I only have a vague impression he did that, but heck it, I'm sure he is planning one excursion like that soon.



A date to the neighbouring luo han store!



IF ANY GUY DARES TO BRING ME TO A LUO HAN EXHIBITION, I WILL MAKE SURE I SLAP HIM WITH A USED BANQUET STOCKING.



Whats so fun about looking at dumb, greedy and ugly creatures swimming around senselessly? At least get a dog, and he recognises his owners and is nice to hug when you are down. BUT A FISH! What good can it do?



Nowadays I go to people's houses to expecting to see luo hans, and while (usually we will see this scenerio) the father of the place is either cleaning or glazing lovingly at his fish, I feel obligned to go and take look (well the father will give a "Come look at my enormous and colourful luo han" face) and as much as I hate to do it, praise the fish.



There are plenty of people out there more deserving praise than the stupid luo han. I dun feel like giving it to him at all. At least if I told Saddam Hussein (is he still alive?) that he is handsome, maybe he would nod sagely in agreement and stuff 20 rupiahs into my palm. But the luo han! I am sure it is not appreciative of my praise at all.



Idris' (Dun know who? Check character intro please) dad has a nice luo han. In fact, two nice luo hans. Oh wait the last time I heard that fish has laid eggs. So perhaps many many luo hans now. Idris' place is infested with fish.



True, that luo han looks plenty terrific compared to the rest of its species I have seen. Big and colourful. Yet, nobody seems to understand that no matter how colourful and big and convexed its forehead is, it is still a very ugly fish.



I assume that the love for luo hans is because of the media and its bullshit about luo hans having a magical ability to predict 4D numbers. Utter nonsense. I say that if u stared at my middle finger long enough, you would be able to see 4 magic numbers too, but thats because after staring too long you start to hallucinate. Perhaps then, if we hallucinate we will be able to have a glimpse into the future?



I predict that with the economy downfall and everyone's mad scramble to try to strike lottery, we will have the following situations happening:



Husband: *Whistles as he walks into the house*



Wife: Honey, you are home!



Husband: Yes darling, and look what this is!



Wife: Oh. (Tone of voice becomes flat) Another luo han. It is getting ridiculous, George! This is the 67th we have!



Husband, dreamy-eyed: So big, so colourful, the forehead so kok!



Wife: I have to wash the dishes.



-A few hours later, husband still gazing adoringly at new aquisition, now swimming non-chalently in the tank-



Wife: Would you like to have sex?



Husband: Later... I think I see 3 numbers already!



Wife: Oh fuck it, George! Look at me please!



Husband: *Turns and sees wife naked holding handcuffs* Later okie? I really need to see this.



Wife: I... *puts a vicious hand into the tank* HAD... *Grabs the new fish* ENOUGH.....! *Violently takes the fish by the tail and slams it repeatedly on the edge of the dinner table*



Husband: Wooh. So angry for what! Have sex have sex lar. Ok ok? Dun angry! *Starts to take off his boxers*



Wife: YOU MEN! YOU ALL NEVER EVER UNDERSTAND! IT IS NOT SEX I WANT, IT IS ATTENTION!



Husband: Huh then what u want me to do? You say want sex then now I give to you liao you still angry for what!



Wife: Sex? No, I dun think so. FUCK THIS OKIE! *With the end of the sentence, the wife takes the still gasping unfortunate new luo han and puts the husband dick into the luo han's slippery mouth.*



Husband: Oh holy shit! Feels good!



*****



Enough about ornamental fish. Seriously speaking no one gives a shit about them.



Back to my weird dad. He doesnt even like luo hans! He likes nature remember? So he still likes fishes, but only ugly ones (not that luo hans are beautiful of course) he caught in reserviours and stuff.



When I was younger, I recently received phrases like this at home when my dad is watching TV: "Girl, come and see this caterpillar! See the colours! Got fake eyes somemore!"



I had to stop whatever I was doing and see it, and tell my dad politely that it is indeed amazing that the caterpillar has such colours and fake eyes, and then continue doing whatever I was doing before he asked me to go over.



Thank goodness earthvisions have quite stopped showing on normal TV (We dun have cable), and also thank goodness for my younger brother. He is now the official one my dad can share his unique excitement with. I tried, I really did, to suppress sniggers as he has to put down his gameboy impatiently to take a look at flying squirrels or shagging baboons.



Thats not the point of course. The point is the obscene amount of creatures my dad brought back whenever he goes out with my brother. I dislike them more and more nowadays.







Now, iguanas are illegal I think, but this fella is gonna be given to a friend soon (and was given by a friend as well) , so dun even think of trying to get me arrested for this. We have named him Iguana after long thinking. Cloudy (my only "normal" pet, a dog, which was given by my mum's friend) loves Iguana. In fact, Cloudy is a very good natured dog. He loves everything, only when he can eat them.



I dun think Iguana likes Cloudy though, that selfish cold blooded thing. Well, I guess its a little hard for him to appreciate that something 10 times his size is cute, furry and huggable.



Heres a pic of Iguana sleeping. He is sleeping behind me as I blog. Betcha have never seen a sleeping iguana before.







I have no idea where my dad and bro went to recently, for they brought this back:







A real life leech, which, without sucking any blood, has survived almost 2 weeks. Very gross indeed. But I tried and it is quite fun to poke it a bit with a twig you know. It can crawl quite fast.



Among the creatures they brought back recently are caterpillars as well. Very disgusting ugly caterpillars. All 5 of them.



My brother has this habit of taking the bottle containing them around me when I am eating. Very stupid of him. I am not afraid of caterpillars, but I dun like the idea of them close to my food. I would shriek, and my bro will get a few smacks on his arm for being so tactless.



In case you are wondering why I didnt take pictures of the caterpillars: A few weeks after they came in, they turned into pupas and then into ugly black butterflies. My brother was very happy about this; he seems to think that it is his credit for making the caterpillars turn into "beautiful" butterflies.



I told him that it is their nature to do the life cycle thingy and nothing for him to smirk about. If anything, he has, despite the chance given to him to kill off the pests, given the cretins wings. How smart. Now they can attack me while I am in the bathroom again.



Well, my dad, satified that he has given my bro a chance to actually witness what his textbooks showed, put the load of butterflies into Iguana's cage. They seem to have gone by the next day; it is nobody's guess that Iguana is bored with his usual diet of cabbages.



*****



As a post script, I would like to mention that today, I saw a cute guy at Cheers.



He bought some drinks, and queued up. I stood behind him, secretly willing him to take a look at me. Yes, maybe even ask for my number if he had the acquired taste people lack nowadays for appreciating girls like me.



He smiled at the salegirl and she smiled dreamily back.



And he took a pack of Durex Together.



Me and the salesgirl exchanged disgusted looks.



Suddenly, that cute guy has the attractiveness of a used facial blotter.



I was still irritated when I walked out of the shop. At least, I thought to myself, his gf would have to use Together. Together is cheap and well, cheap, in all senses. I personally perfer the Strawberry flavoured, thank you.



-We girls hate Durex Together. Strawberry, ribbed, multi-flavoured, anything is better.-