It was a pretty link-loaded week, so let's get crackin'!
THE GREAT LINK
"The Office" told the story of a few people working in a British office working hard to not lose their jobs. It was shown as though it was a BBC documentary about down-sizing ordinary workers in a bland working environment.
A mockumentary about life in a mid-sized suboffice paper merchants in a bleak British industrial town, where manager David Brent thinks he's the coolest, funniest, and most popular boss ever. He isn't. That doesn't stop him from embarrassing himself in front of the cameras on a regular basis, whether from his political sermonizing, his stand-up 'comedy', or his incredibly unique dancing. Meanwhile, long-suffering Tim longs after Dawn the engaged receptionist and keeps himself sane by playing childish practical jokes on his insufferable, army-obsessed deskmate Gareth.
When the series aired the first season, they did not even know how popular it would get in future episodes. The writers at the start did not imagine that a second season would be created; and after bowing to pressure to create one, they would not do it again for a third. The show ended on a high note after two Christmas specials which tied up knots and rounded off wonderfully the first two seasons. But now we have 'The Office Special'.
Picking up three years after he was laid off from Wernham-Hogg, David Brent is barely employed as a door-to-door salesman, having blown his severance on a hellacious cover of ''If You Don't Know Me by Now'' (video included!).
The series wrapped up for good with "The Office Special," which supposes that the BBC documentary crew returned three years after its initial visit to find out how things had changed at the fictional (and relentlessly banal) Wernham Hogg paper products company in drab Slough, England.
In "The Office Special," David Brent is now selling cleaning products, having blown his severance money, which he sued to get, on a disastrously misguided recording career. And the BBC cameras are back, checking in with the office workers and studying what has happened to them in the intervening three years.
(adapted from the review by Tim Goodman, San Francisco Gate)
THE GREAT LINK II
"Once upon a time, there was a boy named John. And John was an astronaut. He lived in a far away place called Earth, which is so far away, you've never heard of it. One day, when John was out doing astronaut things, a big blue wormhole gobbled him up and spat him out at the far end of the universe. Things were looking grim in Mudville, till our hero met an amazing living ship, made some nice new friends, and he hooked up with his dream girl.
"We could've lived happily ever after, but the Peacekeepers raped, chased and tortured us for years on end. And two months ago, we got our asses shot off again. This time it was the Scarrans, big reptiles, oooh! And Moya, our living ship, limped her way to your happy planet for a little R&R, because, we figure, it's empty! Hey, no one is gonna bother us.
"Next thing me and the future Mrs Crichton are having a private moment when you guys fly by, boom bada-bing, squiggly line, squiggly line, crystallised. And it's two months later."
- John Crichton
"Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars"
Which is about as good as you can get for a summary of the series 'Farscape', which leads us to:
'FARSCAPE: THE PEACEKEEPER WARS'
In this lavish four-hour series finale, one of the tube's richest character dramas did a dazzling job wrapping the lost-in-space odyssey of its cool cowboy astronaut.
'Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars' gave a strong goodbye to a show that got short shrift when Sci Fi decided in 2002 against funding the show's previously ordered fifth and final season. Which wasn't fair, since the series ended with rock-and-roll astronaut cowboy John Crichton and his pregnant alien warrior squeeze Aeryn Sun blown to crystallized bits right after agreeing to tie the knot. They simply couldn't end the series there.
At least Sci Fi was able to make amends by airing an entire-series repeat leading up to the sequel's premiere, - explaining the Crichton-Aeryn axis, the earthling's coveted knowledge of wormhole technology, the invasion of his consciousness by dastardly cyborg Scorpius, conflict between the nasty Peacekeeper race and the nastier Scarrans, and all those vibrant varied-species pals: D'Argo, Chiana, and Rygel. Not to mention their living, sentient spaceship Moya.
Aeryn is pregnant in "The Peacekeeper Wars," (albeit spelled for a bit by surly surrogate Rygel), but the born-and-bred warrior insists on joining a raging skirmish during labor simply because shooting makes her feel better. I've seen 'Murphy Brown' go into labor, and the heroes could have used her warrior birth-rage in that fight as well. Probably Malcolm's mom Lois as well.
('Malcolm In The Middle')
Off-course astronaut Crichton is forever referencing TV shows, rock songs and touchstones such as the Alamo. (He calls the ghost in his head Harvey, like James Stewart's rabbit.) Even though he's a walking, talking Zonk machine, his witty swagger sets a loosey-goosey tone that keeps 'Farscape' from that bane of fantasy fiction: taking itself too seriously. This show likes proceeding off-kilter and it has plenty of opportunities for possible future sequels.
(adapted from the review by Diane Werts of New York Newsday)
THE GREAT LINK III
'Tanner On Tanner' wrapped up its four-episode return to the world of 'Tanner '88' with two great links to other TV series. And appropriately enough for a show that so wonderfully blended reality with fiction, one of those shows was a sitcom and the other was a talk show.
By showing a piece of John Kerry's great acceptance speech at the Boston convention, and by establishing that Jack Tanner had written part of it, 'Tanner On Tanner' could lay claim to kinship with 'Cheers' since Senator Kerry appeared in a quick cameo as himself on that show many years ago.
Later, Jack Tanner appeared with Charlie Rose on his public television talk show, where he dismissed the "rumor" that he had been involved with scripting anything from the speech. This was a big coup for Toobworld - a legitimate link with 'The Charlie Rose Show' without having to rely on somebody appearing who also played themselves on a scripted show. (Legit, but too easy.)
('Tanner On Tanner')
MISSING LINK
During the reunion mini-series for 'Farscape', Scarran Emperor Staleek mentioned that he found it troubling that Humans and Sebaceans could propagate together.
Later, Yondalao, the Eidolon elder, revealed to Aeryn Sun a possible splainin for why it wasn't as difficult as it might have been....
"At the dawn of our period of usefulness, 27000 cycles ago, we developed need of a guard. A race no one had quarrel with. A force to ensure harmony prevailed once negotiations had finished.
"We took great care to choose a species no one had met before. We found your kind primitive, barely clothed, far removed on the galaxy's outer spiral. Having brought some of you back, your evolution was accelerated with generous alterations, until you became our trusted acolytes."
It sounds to me as if Yondalao is referring to the primitive humans of Earth. Perhaps his people harvested an entire community of cavemen for their breeding experiment and turned them into the Peacekeepers.
If so, it could be assumed that the early Eidolons were also those known as the Preservers who seeded worlds with a variety of human cultures. And it could also be argued that if the Eidolons weren't one of the races of the First Ones like the Vorlons and the Shadows, they were at least children of the first generation.
('Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars' & 'Star Trek' & 'Babylon 5')
ZONK
George Lopez fell asleep watching TV while he was wrestling with his conscience over why he had no life insurance.
While he was dreaming, he found himself in three different sitcoms which should have been part of the same universe in which he existed:
'Leave It To Beaver'
'The Munsters'
'The Jetsons'
A few days ago I posted an essay about dream zonks. Feel free to scroll back and find out more about the topic.
('The George Lopez Show')
THE LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES
Less than two weeks after his sudden death, actor Christopher Reeve began appearing in a taped appeal to Californians to vote for a controversial ballot measure that would fund a decade of stem cell research.
Reeve filmed the ad shortly before his death on Oct. 10, but proponents of California's Proposition 71 decided to go forward with the campaign after consulting his family.
"Stem cells have already cured paralysis in animals," Reeve says in the TV spot. "Stem cells are the future of medicine. Please support Proposition 71 and stand up for those who can't."
~~~~~~
While traveling through Stars Hollow, Connecticut, Norman Mailer stopped into the Dragonfly Inn and was interviewed by a reporter. Lorelai and Sookie were initially thrilled when the author showed up repeatedly in the dining room, but Sookie's awe turned to annoyance when Mailer refused to order any food.
('Gilmore Girls')
~~~~~~
Yep, that was Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore making out on the field as the Red Sox celebrated their first World Series title since 1918.
The stars of the upcoming Farrelly brothers movie "Fever Pitch", about a Red Sox fan torn between the woman he loves and the team he worships, were shooting a new happy ending, which had been cobbled together furiously in the wake of Boston's historic run to the championship.
So as the rest of the players swarmed the infield at Busch Stadium in St. Louis on Wednesday night after the team's four-game sweep of the Cardinals, Fallon and Barrymore were in the middle of the madness, with the Farrellys' camera following them.
(The World Series)
~~~~~~
I'm a little late in picking up on this, but skateboard impresario Tony Hawk appeared on an episode of 'Complete Savages'. If I'm not mistaken, this puts him over the top to qualify for the TV Crossover Hall of Fame.
('Complete Savages')
~~~~~~~
Senator John Kerry, Charlie Rose
('Tanner On Tanner')
LA TRIVIATA
'American Goddess' is a reality show found only in the TV Universe, similar to 'Extreme Makeover' or 'The Swan'.
('Without A Trace')
The TV Universe has its own version of that old chestnut of a safe driving movie, "Blood On The Highway"; one which features "Officer Steven Cox" (who looks remarkably like Mad Max a la the Village People....)
('Complete Savages')
RE-CASTAWAYS
Jason and Barbara Reshetar of Coon Rapids, Min.., wrote to TV Guide to suggest that Gary Sinise should portray a younger version of Doctor Leonard McCoy. But I'd say Sinise is just about the right age to portray McCoy as he was in the original 'Star Trek' series; perhaps a few years before.
THE BIG HIATUS
KA D'ARGO
Ka D'Argo was a huge, bellicose Luxan — a race of fierce, much-feared warriors known throughout the galaxy for their propensity to conquer anything or anyone in their path. His first reaction to most every situation was to attack first and ask questions never.
D'Argo was framed for the murder of his Sebacean wife, Lo'Laan who was actually killed by her brother, Macton, in no small part due to the belief among many Sebaceans that a Sebacean/Luxan pairing was miscegenation, and an abomination.
D'Argo's son, Jothee, disappeared and was later found to be enslaved. Jothee was rescued and reunited with his father. Sadly, their reunion ended in tragedy when D'Argo's lover, Chiana, betrayed him by having an affair with Jothee.
D'Argo had more difficulty connecting with others than the rest of Moya's crew, although he respected Aeryn as a fellow warrior, and he considered Crichton a brother-in-arms and a trusted friend. He also had great respect for Zhaan and was deeply in love with Chiana until she betrayed him. (Any kind of good relationship between D'Argo and Rygel, however, was likely a lost cause.)
During the Peacekeeper Wars, D'Argo was speared fatally by attacking Scarrans. In a move that must have reminded John Crichton of Mickey Rooney in "Ambush Bay", Ka D'Argo chose to stay behind with enough weapons to give Crichton and Chiana and the others time to get away.
JOOLUSHKO TUNAI FENTA HOVALIS
Jool was a young Interion woman of remarkable academic accomplishment. Strikingly beautiful, with orange-and-yellow-hued skin offset by a mane of wild, silken hair, she had a fiery temper that matched her wild looks.
Raised in a peaceful star system, Jool attended a rigorous series of universities and rose through the meritocracy to earn respect and privilege. Her background, social status and intellect gave her exposure to the arts and the graces of a finer life. Jool was brilliant, but she'd never been tested in the real world. Despite her prodigious factual base, she hadn't proved her mettle in hard experience.
While on an expedition to the other side of the galaxy, her group of fellow young intellectuals was hijacked and forced into slavery. Near death, her body was sold for medical research. For 22 cycles, Jool was in frozen stasis, her organs earmarked for sale to anyone who had the money to purchase them.
However, before she could be dissected and carved up, John Crichton and the others aboard Moya rescued her.
After more than a cycle with the crew of Moya, Jool finally left to follow her own chosen destiny. With the help of Crichton, Chiana and D'Argo, she freed the priests of Arnessk from a 12,000-cycle-long state of suspended animation. As a scholar of Arnesskan history, Jool decided to stay behind with the priests to ease their transition into a vastly changed galaxy.
It was there where she met her fate as Emperor Staleek of the Scarrans ordered the temple of the Eidolons to be vaporized.
"HARVEY"
That was Crichton's name for the neuro-cyborg non-entity that may or may not have been living in his mind. It resembled Scorpius and was a constant mental irritant as it tried to worm its way into whatever part of Crichton's mind housed the knowledge of wormhole technology.
Once that knowledge was removed by the entity known as "Einstein", "Harvey" 's reason for being ended. He faded away in a scene reminiscent of "2001: A Space Odyssey" (although he preferred to go out with a bang like Slim Pickens in "Dr. Strangelove").
WAR MINISTER AKHNA
Ding dong, the Bitch is dead.
HIERARCH YONDALAO
[THE EIDOLON GRAND CONCILIATOR]
He was blasted to death by Akhna before his powers of conciliation and peace could take hold over Emperor Staleek of the Scarrans.
GRAND CHANCELLOR OF THE PEACEKEEPERS
He was poisoned by his pregnant consort Commandant Mele-On Grayza, who did not want the Peacekeepers to even consider the option of seeking a truce with the Scarrans.
(All from 'Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars')
BABY BOOM
Out of the sorrows suffered by the crew of Moya, there came some small cause for joy - John Crichton and Aeryn Sun were married and their baby was born.
It's a boy!
And in honor of their fallen comrade, they have named him "D'Argo Sun Crichton".
UNSTUCK IN PRIME TIME
On January 13, 1968, Johnny Cash's Folsom Prison Concert was broadcast to millions of inmates across the U.S. That night, in the melee following the broadcast, an inmate was murdered and quickly disposed of in a prison outside of Philly.
Detective Lilly Rush and the 'Cold Case' team re-opened the case when human bones were found at the site of the now shuttered prison. When it turned out that the bones didn't belong to the dead inmate, the team had to begin a new search for the person who was murdered at the prison 36 years before.
The prisoner was thought to have disappeared when a riot broke out, while listening to Cash's 1968 Folsom Prison concert, and that show is referenced during several parts of the episode with eight of the songs used during the flashback sequences.
The following is the original set list of the Folsom Prison concert recorded live at Folsom Prison on January 13, 1968:
Folsom Prison Blues
I'm Busted
Dark As The Dungeon
I Still Miss Someone
Cocaine Blues
25 Minutes To Go
I'm Not In Your Town To Stay
Orange Blossom Special
The Long Black Veil
Send A Picture Of Mother
The Wall
Dirty Old Egg-Sucking Dog
Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
Joe Bean
Jackson (with June)
I Got A Woman (with June)
John Henry
I Got Stripes
Green, Green Grass Of Home
Greystone Chapel
l Give My Love To Rose
MULTI-VERSE MEDIA
The daughter of former Presidential contender Jack Tanner isn't the only Alex Tanner out there in the many fictional universes. Here's one from the literary universe, crime novel section, who can be found across the pond:
Alex Tanner
Created by Anabel Donald
Sometimes a journalist can be considered a private eye, and sometimes they can't...
Britain's ALEX TANNER doesn't have to worry. She's both. She's a part-time private investigator, and a part-time freelance TV researcher, with a bit more grit than the average female eye. A product of countless foster homes during her troubled childhood, she's grown up to be a determinedly self-reliant and fiercely independent loner, with a taste for hardboiled private eye fiction.
Not that she's a complete loner. Her relationship with TV producer Barty O'Neill is a total delight and great fun. Alex calls the turf of London's Notting Hill home, but the mean streets Alex goes down are a far cry from the aggressive trendiness of any recent Hugh Grant/Julia Roberts eye candy.
A well-written, engrossing series, with something to say. The pyschological development of women and the emotional issues of troubled youth are recurring themes.
NOVELS
An Uncommon Murder (1992)
In at the Deep End (1994)
The Glass Ceiling (1994)
The Loop (1996)
Destroy Unopened (1999)
Respectfully submitted by Kevin Burton Smith.
CRITIC'S CORNER
" 'The Office' was a mockumentary that dared to be astutely subtle in a medium that has beaten the quiet moments out of scripts for years. It never tried to pander, was uncompromisingly British and pulled off -- particularly in the second season -- what is so difficult to do for comedies: creating drama from painful, incisively cutting humor.
The humor in 'The Office' has always been tinged with sadness. And it has always been spot-on insightful. But what's so wonderfully realized in 'The Office Special' is the sense of closure, which comes without gimmicks or sell-out dramatics.
'The Office Special' is a grand finale to one of television's best, smartest and funniest series ever. "
- Tim Goodman
San Francisco Chronicle
"The hearts and minds of people at cross purposes have been the lifeblood of 'Farscape', which was always a character drama employing sci-fi elements, not vice versa. That's why its adult cult boasts more professional and female followers than other 'genre' shows infatuated with less-mature tech talk and arcane hierarchies.
Here, it's every man and woman for him - or her- self. Gadgets and political particulars merely provide milieu for fevered passions run amok. All the main characters are outcasts, banding together on Moya as they forge new lives alone in a hostile universe. When even your ship has an opinion about what to do next, conflicts get pretty interesting. Villains aren't necessarily evil here, which the finale finely reiterates, and the most provocative battles take place not between characters but inside their heads as they struggle with identity and meaning while running for cover.
'Farscape' creator Rockne S. O'Bannon and executive producers Henson and David Kemper work with such clever maturity that few viewers notice, for instance, that the show has at least as many women characters as men, or that they're virtually interchangeable in terms of smarts, strength and status."
- Diane Werts
New York Newsday
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
Sunday, October 31, 2004
Saturday, October 30, 2004
BOO!
I personally was sick of the manly Maddox and thought he needed a little fluffy love. You think?
LOL! I am so proud of myself, my artwork appeared on the FUCKING BEST PAGE IN THE UNIVERSE! =) Did yours?
*trembles* I feel like my idol just spoke to me. MADDOX READ MY MAIL! *shudders in pleasure*
Hey come to think of it lickmyjesus said thanks to me too! *skips around in joy*
Alright, it's 7-fucking-am, and I just got back from clubbing. I am exhausted.
More blogging tomorrow, and Happy Halloween,
you pumpkins reading my blog!
VIEWERS' CHOICE
Perhaps in response to the glut of those so-called "reality" shows (at least those which are affected by audience participation), a couple of the scripted series are leaving facets of their fate up to the fickle feelings of their fans.
On a recent episode of 'Law & Order: Criminal Intent', two different endings were filmed to show what happened to Detective Goren's arch-nemesis. In one scenario shown on the East Coast, Nicole Wallace lived, killing her protege and making good her escape.
But on the West Coast, Wallace was killed with two shots to the heart by Goren's partner, Detective Eames. But she killed her protege in that scenario as well.
116,000 people logged on to NBC.com to vote as to which ending would be her fate.
The answer was revealed on the following Sunday night's show. As a child-killer, one would think Nicole Wallace was an easy target for getting "voted off the island". Dick Wolf, the 'Law & Order' overlord, has proven time and again that actors are interchangeable and definitely replaceable. But he's a big fan of Nicole Wallace - "Personally I am loath to find permanent solutions for characters who leave shows."
It appears the audience agrees with him. There were 62,074 votes to let her live, and 54,224 wanted to see her dead. (By the way, I voted for Nicole to live. I agree with Wolf: all the great TV heroes should have their arch-nemesis.)
With the other show, the audience participation is not as direct, but its impact has more import. The producers of 'Jack & Bobby' have filmed three endings for the November 3rd episode. One ending has Grace McCallister ecstatic (which probably means, knowing Grace, that Kerry wins), one in which she's downcast but determined to see Hillary Clinton win in the next election, and one in which a recount will be needed.
Which one they use depends on how the presidential election goes the night before.
Perhaps they should have filmed four endings - in case pigs start flying and Ralph Nader wins. Now that would make for an incredible ending; maybe they could get Bruce McCullough to play the Flying Pig! ('The Kids In The Hall')
If there is need of a recount, they might need to do an extra episode just to deal with the injunctions, inevitable court rulings, and the ensuing race wars (as warned by Robb Courdry of 'The Daily Show').
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
On a recent episode of 'Law & Order: Criminal Intent', two different endings were filmed to show what happened to Detective Goren's arch-nemesis. In one scenario shown on the East Coast, Nicole Wallace lived, killing her protege and making good her escape.
But on the West Coast, Wallace was killed with two shots to the heart by Goren's partner, Detective Eames. But she killed her protege in that scenario as well.
116,000 people logged on to NBC.com to vote as to which ending would be her fate.
The answer was revealed on the following Sunday night's show. As a child-killer, one would think Nicole Wallace was an easy target for getting "voted off the island". Dick Wolf, the 'Law & Order' overlord, has proven time and again that actors are interchangeable and definitely replaceable. But he's a big fan of Nicole Wallace - "Personally I am loath to find permanent solutions for characters who leave shows."
It appears the audience agrees with him. There were 62,074 votes to let her live, and 54,224 wanted to see her dead. (By the way, I voted for Nicole to live. I agree with Wolf: all the great TV heroes should have their arch-nemesis.)
With the other show, the audience participation is not as direct, but its impact has more import. The producers of 'Jack & Bobby' have filmed three endings for the November 3rd episode. One ending has Grace McCallister ecstatic (which probably means, knowing Grace, that Kerry wins), one in which she's downcast but determined to see Hillary Clinton win in the next election, and one in which a recount will be needed.
Which one they use depends on how the presidential election goes the night before.
Perhaps they should have filmed four endings - in case pigs start flying and Ralph Nader wins. Now that would make for an incredible ending; maybe they could get Bruce McCullough to play the Flying Pig! ('The Kids In The Hall')
If there is need of a recount, they might need to do an extra episode just to deal with the injunctions, inevitable court rulings, and the ensuing race wars (as warned by Robb Courdry of 'The Daily Show').
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
Friday, October 29, 2004
Anyone has an 8910 to sell?
My phone is spoilt, and I wanna buy it. Still miss the 8910 that was stolen from me. =( EMAIL ME!!!!!
Thursday, October 28, 2004
WHAT DREAMS MAY ZONK
I've only seen a handful of episodes from 'The George Lopez Show' - Those that had some kind of impact for Toobworld. It's certainly not a ground-breaking show, but it's not all THAT bad. The updated entry for Earth in 'The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy' could be used for Lopez: "Mostly harmless".
Of course, it doesn't help when Lopez blasts a hole through the fabric of the TV Universe with an episode full of "dream zonks".
Dream zonks happen during a TV character's deep sleep cycle, where his dreamscapes have other TV shows as their settings. It happens more often now that TV shows are being written by those who were raised on Television and use it for their cultural touchstones. Older shows involved people of a different generation, a different mindset. For instance, Rob Petrie dreamed his way through a particular marital problem with a silent movie motif. (Considering his admiration for Stan Laurel, this should probably have been expected.)
I should also mention that that particular episode of 'The Dick Van Dyke Show' is considered, by Van Dyke himself among others, to be the worst episode of the series.
In the last decade or so, lots of TV characters have slumber-stumbled their way into recreations of other TV shows. 'Roseanne' Conner and 'ALF' both ended up on 'Gilligan's Island' where they could escape the pressures of whatever problem they were facing in the waking world.
'ALF' also found himself hosting 'The Tonight Show' with Pope John Paul II as his guest. This isn't a zonk at all, however. Talk shows, variety shows, news programs, and game shows can exist both in the real world and in Toobworld; and therefore they can be legitimately used in other TV shows.
At any rate, the dream job of hosting 'The Tonight Show' put the Melmacian in good stead to host his own talk show on TV Land.
Here's another example: Ross Harper ('Day By Day') envisioned himself as a member of 'The Brady Bunch', thinking them to be the ideal family; at least, better than his own.
Those 'Perfect Strangers' of Chicago, Larry and Balki, found themselves in Bensonhurst, courtesy of a dream about 'The Honeymooners'. One would have thought portraying Ed Norton might have been easy for Bronson Pinchot, but it was Mark-Linn Baker who nailed the impersonation of Ralph Kramden. Also, my hat's off to them for the way they even recreated the type of gitches found in "One Take" Gleason's show.
Then there are the shows where characters aren't happy just skewering one TV series in their dream fugue state. No, they have to have multiple dream sequences in one dream and blast even more holes through the TV tapestry.
When a perfumed envelope arrived from Connecticut which was addressed to Charles and marked "Private and Personal", his ex-wife Allie struggled with the moral dilemma as to whether she should open it. So after falling asleep while watching late night TV, Allie slipped into the worlds of those TV shows she was watching; TV shows which should have been integral - vital! - components of her own world.
When it came to Allie's particular problem, - opening the envelope - the scenario was perfect for 'I Love Lucy'. And Allie and Kate appeared as Lucy and Ethel, appropriately enough.
The actual scenario and its fallout were played out on 'Here's Lucy' as well, with a memorable bit by Gale Gordon as Theodore Mooney. For those who think Jane Curtin as Kate was better as Ethel and could never portray a man like Mr. Mooney, stay tuned.....
In the next dream vignette, Allie saw herself in the WJM newsroom as Mary Richards from 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show'. And this time, Kate showed up as Lou Grant!
As disturbing enough as it was to see Jane Curtin with a bald head like Ed Asner, we can only thank our lucky stars she never took off her shirt to show how far the follicle impersonation actually went!!!
And now here's 'The George Lopez Show', where George struggled with his fears and issues over life insurance and
Death by falling asleep in front of the TV. This time, he found his situation reflected in his own versions of such TV classics as 'Leave It To Beaver' (hence the episode title: "Leave It To Lopez"), 'The Munsters', and the most intriguing of the bunch, 'The Jetsons', those futuristic visionaries from um... 2002.....
Like I said, the show's not ALL bad and there was plenty to like in these dreams. 'Leave It To Beaver' is always an easy mark, and George's son did a good job of capturing the essence of the Beav. It's too easy to fall into the trap of parodying 'The Munsters' and they did, relying only on the toonish qualities of the characters. And even then, it was (painfully) obvious that George Lopez is no Fred Gwynne.
But at least it was saved by a dream where the toonish aspects actually helped; even Mr. Sprocket and Rosie the Robot were represented by cast member impressions of 'The Jetsons'. All that was missing was the scene of George walking Astro on that slidewalk. But at least they did get him sucked into a machine to accentuate the underlying theme of his fear of death. And he got to use the line "Jane, stop this crazy thing!" so I had no quibbles with it, even if it does wreak havoc on my vision of Toobworld.
My opinion wasn't shared by all, however. Here's what David Bianculli had to say that morning in the New York Daily News:
"For Halloween, the cast of this sitcom takes on the personas of three other TV families: The Cleavers, the Munsters and the Jetsons. The last family, not usually seen in three dimensions, is the closest thing to a reason to watch. Remember, though we're talking about 'George Lopez'. In 40 years, will anyone on TV be dressing up as the Lopezes? (It's a rhetorical question.)"
How are we supposed to splain away dream zonks? The main problem isn't the dreams themselves, it's the fact that the characters drive it home before they go to sleep that their inspirations will be coming from old TV shows. With the dreams, at least they can be dismissed as either the ravings of the sub-conscious mind, or they could be supernatural entries tapping into aspects of other lives in Toobworld.
But when they're actually identified by the characters as being inspired by old TV shows which by all rights should exist in the same universe as they do?
I just want to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head!
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
Of course, it doesn't help when Lopez blasts a hole through the fabric of the TV Universe with an episode full of "dream zonks".
Dream zonks happen during a TV character's deep sleep cycle, where his dreamscapes have other TV shows as their settings. It happens more often now that TV shows are being written by those who were raised on Television and use it for their cultural touchstones. Older shows involved people of a different generation, a different mindset. For instance, Rob Petrie dreamed his way through a particular marital problem with a silent movie motif. (Considering his admiration for Stan Laurel, this should probably have been expected.)
I should also mention that that particular episode of 'The Dick Van Dyke Show' is considered, by Van Dyke himself among others, to be the worst episode of the series.
In the last decade or so, lots of TV characters have slumber-stumbled their way into recreations of other TV shows. 'Roseanne' Conner and 'ALF' both ended up on 'Gilligan's Island' where they could escape the pressures of whatever problem they were facing in the waking world.
'ALF' also found himself hosting 'The Tonight Show' with Pope John Paul II as his guest. This isn't a zonk at all, however. Talk shows, variety shows, news programs, and game shows can exist both in the real world and in Toobworld; and therefore they can be legitimately used in other TV shows.
At any rate, the dream job of hosting 'The Tonight Show' put the Melmacian in good stead to host his own talk show on TV Land.
Here's another example: Ross Harper ('Day By Day') envisioned himself as a member of 'The Brady Bunch', thinking them to be the ideal family; at least, better than his own.
Those 'Perfect Strangers' of Chicago, Larry and Balki, found themselves in Bensonhurst, courtesy of a dream about 'The Honeymooners'. One would have thought portraying Ed Norton might have been easy for Bronson Pinchot, but it was Mark-Linn Baker who nailed the impersonation of Ralph Kramden. Also, my hat's off to them for the way they even recreated the type of gitches found in "One Take" Gleason's show.
Then there are the shows where characters aren't happy just skewering one TV series in their dream fugue state. No, they have to have multiple dream sequences in one dream and blast even more holes through the TV tapestry.
When a perfumed envelope arrived from Connecticut which was addressed to Charles and marked "Private and Personal", his ex-wife Allie struggled with the moral dilemma as to whether she should open it. So after falling asleep while watching late night TV, Allie slipped into the worlds of those TV shows she was watching; TV shows which should have been integral - vital! - components of her own world.
When it came to Allie's particular problem, - opening the envelope - the scenario was perfect for 'I Love Lucy'. And Allie and Kate appeared as Lucy and Ethel, appropriately enough.
The actual scenario and its fallout were played out on 'Here's Lucy' as well, with a memorable bit by Gale Gordon as Theodore Mooney. For those who think Jane Curtin as Kate was better as Ethel and could never portray a man like Mr. Mooney, stay tuned.....
In the next dream vignette, Allie saw herself in the WJM newsroom as Mary Richards from 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show'. And this time, Kate showed up as Lou Grant!
As disturbing enough as it was to see Jane Curtin with a bald head like Ed Asner, we can only thank our lucky stars she never took off her shirt to show how far the follicle impersonation actually went!!!
And now here's 'The George Lopez Show', where George struggled with his fears and issues over life insurance and
Death by falling asleep in front of the TV. This time, he found his situation reflected in his own versions of such TV classics as 'Leave It To Beaver' (hence the episode title: "Leave It To Lopez"), 'The Munsters', and the most intriguing of the bunch, 'The Jetsons', those futuristic visionaries from um... 2002.....
Like I said, the show's not ALL bad and there was plenty to like in these dreams. 'Leave It To Beaver' is always an easy mark, and George's son did a good job of capturing the essence of the Beav. It's too easy to fall into the trap of parodying 'The Munsters' and they did, relying only on the toonish qualities of the characters. And even then, it was (painfully) obvious that George Lopez is no Fred Gwynne.
But at least it was saved by a dream where the toonish aspects actually helped; even Mr. Sprocket and Rosie the Robot were represented by cast member impressions of 'The Jetsons'. All that was missing was the scene of George walking Astro on that slidewalk. But at least they did get him sucked into a machine to accentuate the underlying theme of his fear of death. And he got to use the line "Jane, stop this crazy thing!" so I had no quibbles with it, even if it does wreak havoc on my vision of Toobworld.
My opinion wasn't shared by all, however. Here's what David Bianculli had to say that morning in the New York Daily News:
"For Halloween, the cast of this sitcom takes on the personas of three other TV families: The Cleavers, the Munsters and the Jetsons. The last family, not usually seen in three dimensions, is the closest thing to a reason to watch. Remember, though we're talking about 'George Lopez'. In 40 years, will anyone on TV be dressing up as the Lopezes? (It's a rhetorical question.)"
How are we supposed to splain away dream zonks? The main problem isn't the dreams themselves, it's the fact that the characters drive it home before they go to sleep that their inspirations will be coming from old TV shows. With the dreams, at least they can be dismissed as either the ravings of the sub-conscious mind, or they could be supernatural entries tapping into aspects of other lives in Toobworld.
But when they're actually identified by the characters as being inspired by old TV shows which by all rights should exist in the same universe as they do?
I just want to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head!
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
Blogging TV critic!
Today is an eventful day.
Being a *wealthy unemployed individual, I typically spend my late nights at extremely vogue places such as ... erm, I don't know ... Lawry's? and erm, Attica and Thumpers and what's not.
I don't usually stay at home and watch MediaCorp shows, thank you. No sire, I am no loser!
However, today I have decided to stay at home and show some appreciation to our local artistes. My my, I am a pleasant girl, I am. =)
Being the *deep-thinking intellectual I am, I sat in front of my telly, contemplating certain important issues before setting out to watch the 9 o'clock show - The Champion, starring the voluptuous Fiona Xie, no-breasted Jeanette Aw, and cute Toro Tan (I don't know Toro's surname so I anyhow buang). Notice I did not mention the MPV qing ren guy, because he is not cute and undeserving of my attention.
I thought to myself ...
Zoe Tay is getting old, isn't she?
Ah. Indeed.
DELUDED!
And how about our Caldecott princess?
Is she getting old too?
WOAH! I didn't say nothing, Fann! Please don't slap me with your silky rebonded hair!
So anyway, before Fann so rudely threatened me, I was thinking deep thoughts to myself about how our Ah Jies are getting so old, THEY ALMOST CAME IN THE SAME BOAT AS SANG NILA UTAMA!
Alas. What do we Singaporeans do?
(I had this sudden thought because I was listening to the radio playing Jay Chou's Jie Kou and I thought Harry Potter's Victor Krum must look like Jay Chou because Jay is also sullen with black hair and I imagine him to walk in a duck-footed manner. (Hermione and Jay Chou!)
Then I realised that Victor Krum is very young (18) and Jay is also quite young then I realised the older Chinese singers like Daniel Chan and Aaron Kwok are all dead and the new punks are taking over the block and I realised that if it is true for the singing arena then it surely must be true for the acting arena too? and I thought of Zoe and Fann. There you go, my brilliant thought process.)
Fret not!
We have the new Ah Jies coming up!
Do you like ...
Fiona Xie?
Jeanette Aw?
Or Joanne Peh?
(Yes I noticed that there is a gross grammar error there. Forgive me.)
Oh my oh my am I supposed to choose one of them to be the top Ah Jie in Singapore? My word, they are so over-qualified that I am flustered out of a sudden!
Should I choose the cutesy Fiona Xie?
I imagine, if Fiona were to represent Singapore in Hollywood ala Fann, she would amaze the A-list celebrities there with her Wisp-speak.
That's right! Fiona speaks in a language of her own, called Wisp-speak.
(If you put a Babelfish into your ear PLUS tilt your head a little to your right, you can understand her clearly. To the rest of us normal beings, we merely hear wispy soft whispers spoken in a consistently cute pitch.)
That's like when Tokkien invented a language of his own; coolness! It's ok you don't understand her and frown a little at her lines, because her marvellous handling of the Chinese language complete with pinpoint pronounciation is bound to wow you over. =)
Also, unlike Fann and Zoe who have mediocre-sized titties, Fiona's blossoming assets is all set to impress (and tease). I am Soooooooo excited, I am about to watch my first episode of The Champion! (Are you watching it too?)
Or should I choose the formidable Jeanette Aw, whom, after a ridiculously advantageous virgin (in all senses! *guffaw*) acting role in Holland Village, manage to transform that slightly ... erm ... 'slow' (read: retarded) and child-like image of hers to fit whatever roles needed of her then after?
It's like watching Mo Jing Jing grow up overnight! Amazing!
Pity her voice remained the same.
Or maybe ... Joanne Peh, who looked so pretty on that 8 days cover in a bathtub?
I AM SPOILT FOR CHOICE! Who wouldn't be?
I am very sure that the future Ah Jies in Singapore will be of improved calibre, as compared to our current ones. After all, look at all the classic shows that these three lovely actresses did, which greatly surpassed Fann's "Yang Guang Lie Che" and Zoe's classics: "San mian xia wa" and The Unbeatables!
*pleasant smile*
I shall turn on the TV!
That was me turning the TV on.
And what do I see??!
So sian!
Fiona Xie and Toro Tan are in love. And then Toro Tan chases after a bus which Wispy Fiona is sitting in.
She ignores him while he runs, a la Meteor Garden.
Children, this is the word for the day: PREDICTABILITY! Meaning explained as follows:
Toro Tan stops as he ...
MAKE A GUESS!
Apparently cannot run faster than the bus.
So he ...
MAKE A GUESS!
Stops, dejected, to take a breather - while panting heavily of course.
And what next? As he breathes ...
MAKE A GUESS!
Wispy Fiona appears! Wow, shock-of-the-year, she actually decided to get off the bus! She looks at him with luuuuuuve, and offers a TISSUE!
They then admit their love for each other ...
AT ... MAKE A WILD, WILD GUESS!
The beach! And of course! Of all other activities to do on the beach, they choose to RUN ALONG THE BEACH, unlike other MediaCorp TV shows.
Wow. So fresh, the script ideas. I was so surprised by the chain of events that I dropped my remote control in a stunned silence and it hit Cloudy, who was watching the show with me.
.
.
.
.
BAH!
Go away!
**************
Later on in the show:
(Disclaimer: Fabricated by MOI. None of the following is true)
Cast:
Fiona Xie as Mei Mei (sister)
Moses Lim as Evil Daddy
Qi Yu Wu as Handsome Brother
Mei mei comes to Daddy's store after gambolling around the beach with Toro Tan. Brother is around.
OMG THAT. WAS. SO. FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot stand it.
Don't ask me why the fifth photo turned out like that. I don't know. It think it is evil forces.
***************************
After that scene of obscene sexuality, the show went into a boring downturn.
Cloudy, my faithful pet, was watching the show by my side. My readers! Do you know that Cloudy is an ah beng dog? He calls himself Lim peh - which I find pretty rude since my dad is most certainly not canine.
He ... looks bored. I wonder what's going on in his little fluffy mind.
Alas. Good night fluffy.
*Blatant lies
**********************************************
Author's Note: If you are anybody (I insulted)'s fan, go ahead and send your hatemail to xiaxue@gmail.com.
If you are Moses Lim ... Well I'm sorry for drawing your brows so hideously. As for the sodomy pic - well I couldn't let it go. Too funnnnnny BUAWAHAHAHHAHA
Being a *wealthy unemployed individual, I typically spend my late nights at extremely vogue places such as ... erm, I don't know ... Lawry's? and erm, Attica and Thumpers and what's not.
I don't usually stay at home and watch MediaCorp shows, thank you. No sire, I am no loser!
However, today I have decided to stay at home and show some appreciation to our local artistes. My my, I am a pleasant girl, I am. =)
Being the *deep-thinking intellectual I am, I sat in front of my telly, contemplating certain important issues before setting out to watch the 9 o'clock show - The Champion, starring the voluptuous Fiona Xie, no-breasted Jeanette Aw, and cute Toro Tan (I don't know Toro's surname so I anyhow buang). Notice I did not mention the MPV qing ren guy, because he is not cute and undeserving of my attention.
I thought to myself ...
Zoe Tay is getting old, isn't she?
Ah. Indeed.
DELUDED!
And how about our Caldecott princess?
Is she getting old too?
WOAH! I didn't say nothing, Fann! Please don't slap me with your silky rebonded hair!
So anyway, before Fann so rudely threatened me, I was thinking deep thoughts to myself about how our Ah Jies are getting so old, THEY ALMOST CAME IN THE SAME BOAT AS SANG NILA UTAMA!
Alas. What do we Singaporeans do?
(I had this sudden thought because I was listening to the radio playing Jay Chou's Jie Kou and I thought Harry Potter's Victor Krum must look like Jay Chou because Jay is also sullen with black hair and I imagine him to walk in a duck-footed manner. (Hermione and Jay Chou!)
Then I realised that Victor Krum is very young (18) and Jay is also quite young then I realised the older Chinese singers like Daniel Chan and Aaron Kwok are all dead and the new punks are taking over the block and I realised that if it is true for the singing arena then it surely must be true for the acting arena too? and I thought of Zoe and Fann. There you go, my brilliant thought process.)
Fret not!
We have the new Ah Jies coming up!
Do you like ...
Fiona Xie?
Jeanette Aw?
Or Joanne Peh?
(Yes I noticed that there is a gross grammar error there. Forgive me.)
Oh my oh my am I supposed to choose one of them to be the top Ah Jie in Singapore? My word, they are so over-qualified that I am flustered out of a sudden!
Should I choose the cutesy Fiona Xie?
I imagine, if Fiona were to represent Singapore in Hollywood ala Fann, she would amaze the A-list celebrities there with her Wisp-speak.
That's right! Fiona speaks in a language of her own, called Wisp-speak.
(If you put a Babelfish into your ear PLUS tilt your head a little to your right, you can understand her clearly. To the rest of us normal beings, we merely hear wispy soft whispers spoken in a consistently cute pitch.)
That's like when Tokkien invented a language of his own; coolness! It's ok you don't understand her and frown a little at her lines, because her marvellous handling of the Chinese language complete with pinpoint pronounciation is bound to wow you over. =)
Also, unlike Fann and Zoe who have mediocre-sized titties, Fiona's blossoming assets is all set to impress (and tease). I am Soooooooo excited, I am about to watch my first episode of The Champion! (Are you watching it too?)
Or should I choose the formidable Jeanette Aw, whom, after a ridiculously advantageous virgin (in all senses! *guffaw*) acting role in Holland Village, manage to transform that slightly ... erm ... 'slow' (read: retarded) and child-like image of hers to fit whatever roles needed of her then after?
It's like watching Mo Jing Jing grow up overnight! Amazing!
Pity her voice remained the same.
Or maybe ... Joanne Peh, who looked so pretty on that 8 days cover in a bathtub?
I AM SPOILT FOR CHOICE! Who wouldn't be?
I am very sure that the future Ah Jies in Singapore will be of improved calibre, as compared to our current ones. After all, look at all the classic shows that these three lovely actresses did, which greatly surpassed Fann's "Yang Guang Lie Che" and Zoe's classics: "San mian xia wa" and The Unbeatables!
*pleasant smile*
I shall turn on the TV!
That was me turning the TV on.
And what do I see??!
So sian!
Fiona Xie and Toro Tan are in love. And then Toro Tan chases after a bus which Wispy Fiona is sitting in.
She ignores him while he runs, a la Meteor Garden.
Children, this is the word for the day: PREDICTABILITY! Meaning explained as follows:
Toro Tan stops as he ...
MAKE A GUESS!
Apparently cannot run faster than the bus.
So he ...
MAKE A GUESS!
Stops, dejected, to take a breather - while panting heavily of course.
And what next? As he breathes ...
MAKE A GUESS!
Wispy Fiona appears! Wow, shock-of-the-year, she actually decided to get off the bus! She looks at him with luuuuuuve, and offers a TISSUE!
They then admit their love for each other ...
AT ... MAKE A WILD, WILD GUESS!
The beach! And of course! Of all other activities to do on the beach, they choose to RUN ALONG THE BEACH, unlike other MediaCorp TV shows.
Wow. So fresh, the script ideas. I was so surprised by the chain of events that I dropped my remote control in a stunned silence and it hit Cloudy, who was watching the show with me.
.
.
.
.
BAH!
Go away!
**************
Later on in the show:
(Disclaimer: Fabricated by MOI. None of the following is true)
Cast:
Fiona Xie as Mei Mei (sister)
Moses Lim as Evil Daddy
Qi Yu Wu as Handsome Brother
Mei mei comes to Daddy's store after gambolling around the beach with Toro Tan. Brother is around.
OMG THAT. WAS. SO. FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot stand it.
Don't ask me why the fifth photo turned out like that. I don't know. It think it is evil forces.
***************************
After that scene of obscene sexuality, the show went into a boring downturn.
Cloudy, my faithful pet, was watching the show by my side. My readers! Do you know that Cloudy is an ah beng dog? He calls himself Lim peh - which I find pretty rude since my dad is most certainly not canine.
He ... looks bored. I wonder what's going on in his little fluffy mind.
Alas. Good night fluffy.
*Blatant lies
**********************************************
Author's Note: If you are anybody (I insulted)'s fan, go ahead and send your hatemail to xiaxue@gmail.com.
If you are Moses Lim ... Well I'm sorry for drawing your brows so hideously. As for the sodomy pic - well I couldn't let it go. Too funnnnnny BUAWAHAHAHHAHA
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
"FRIENDS"
In this case, I'm talking about my own......
Shirley is an actress who's appeared on 'Monk', 'Strong Medicine', 'The West Wing', 'Lois & Clark', 'CSI', and 'Angel'. I've known her for so long, we now consider ourselves twins of the soul.
Anyway, she sent out this notice of a small movie she made with Danica ('The Wonder Years') McKellar and I thought I'd share it with you.
(Mostly because I'm on the road and can't do much of an entry today. Bwahahaha!
Hello Everyone,
A short film I did is now in the Century City Film Festival and it's been making the rounds on the circuit (Maryland Film Festival, Crested Butte Reel Fest, and Big Bear Lake In'tl Film Festival). "Intermission" consists of 3 vignettes that take place in the women's room during intermission of a play. The film stars Joanna Cassidy, Danica McKellar, and Julie Brown (my wonderful scene partner).
For more info: http://www.centurycityfilmfestival.com
To book tickets in advance, go to the following website:
http://www.acteva.com/booking.cfm?bevaID=74402
(The CCFF site is all flash so if you're on dialup, it may be a bit slow.)
Date: Wednesday October 27, 2004 · 12:45 PM - 2:45 PM TOMORROW!Century City Film FestivalShorts: Ha Ha Funny/Strange Part 1 (2:00:00)
(1) Hot Sex and Stan (2) Intermission (3) Tea Time (4) Husband School (5) Pol Pot's Birthday (6) Ends of the Alphabet (7) Earl's Your Uncle (8) Maestro
Location: Fairfax 37907 Beverly Blvd.Los Angeles , CA
Directions: Venue number: (323) 655-4010. Near Fairfax/Beverly Blvd. intersection. Across the street from CBS Entertainment Center.
C'mon down if you can!
Shirley
Shirley is an actress who's appeared on 'Monk', 'Strong Medicine', 'The West Wing', 'Lois & Clark', 'CSI', and 'Angel'. I've known her for so long, we now consider ourselves twins of the soul.
Anyway, she sent out this notice of a small movie she made with Danica ('The Wonder Years') McKellar and I thought I'd share it with you.
(Mostly because I'm on the road and can't do much of an entry today. Bwahahaha!
Hello Everyone,
A short film I did is now in the Century City Film Festival and it's been making the rounds on the circuit (Maryland Film Festival, Crested Butte Reel Fest, and Big Bear Lake In'tl Film Festival). "Intermission" consists of 3 vignettes that take place in the women's room during intermission of a play. The film stars Joanna Cassidy, Danica McKellar, and Julie Brown (my wonderful scene partner).
For more info: http://www.centurycityfilmfestival.com
To book tickets in advance, go to the following website:
http://www.acteva.com/booking.cfm?bevaID=74402
(The CCFF site is all flash so if you're on dialup, it may be a bit slow.)
Date: Wednesday October 27, 2004 · 12:45 PM - 2:45 PM TOMORROW!Century City Film FestivalShorts: Ha Ha Funny/Strange Part 1 (2:00:00)
(1) Hot Sex and Stan (2) Intermission (3) Tea Time (4) Husband School (5) Pol Pot's Birthday (6) Ends of the Alphabet (7) Earl's Your Uncle (8) Maestro
Location: Fairfax 37907 Beverly Blvd.Los Angeles , CA
Directions: Venue number: (323) 655-4010. Near Fairfax/Beverly Blvd. intersection. Across the street from CBS Entertainment Center.
C'mon down if you can!
Shirley
Two small announcements to make!
1st: I've finally gotten my ass off the couch and uploaded all the photos for the archives from August 2003 onwards. You can now view the archives without seeing little white boxes with red crosses in them! =)
The pictures before August 2003 are lost forever. Imagestation deleted them almost immediately after my com got formatted, the HORRIBLE BASTARDS, TO THINK I TRUSTED THEM!
2nd: I forgot to tell you guys, but remember some time ago I applied for a job as Mediacorp Channel 5 website's journalist?
I remember after reading some of the comments (right before I went for the writing test, no less) I felt extremely dejected and inconfident. (Fuck you all, you evil people)
I spoke to a close friend on MSN after that, and this was how our conversation went:
I shed a few angry tears after that, but still went to the writing test nonetheless. Why are people so mean? Since I was still working in TODAY then, I was in the newsroom before I left, and my dear colleagues were extremely supportive. Unlike these people, they told me I can do it and wished me best of luck. =)
But of course, the later comments were extremely encouraging but I have already done my test by the time I read that. Still, I am very very glad I have so many of you guys standing behind me. Thanks so much!! *hugs everyone who left encouraging comments*
And you know what? The writing test was about .... SINGAPORE IDOL.
After reading my ex-colleague's article on said topic, I am pretty sure I churned out a smashing article. ;)
I was notified some time later that I got the job.
Therefore, screw you people who said I cannot do it. I did it. You cannot bring me down.
BUT I REJECTED IT!
I rejected it! Coz I was working for my previous full time job then. And when I called them recently to ask if the position is still available, I was told that it was filled.
Alas! What a big fat joke played on me.
I shall try other jobs!
=)
1st: I've finally gotten my ass off the couch and uploaded all the photos for the archives from August 2003 onwards. You can now view the archives without seeing little white boxes with red crosses in them! =)
The pictures before August 2003 are lost forever. Imagestation deleted them almost immediately after my com got formatted, the HORRIBLE BASTARDS, TO THINK I TRUSTED THEM!
2nd: I forgot to tell you guys, but remember some time ago I applied for a job as Mediacorp Channel 5 website's journalist?
I remember after reading some of the comments (right before I went for the writing test, no less) I felt extremely dejected and inconfident. (Fuck you all, you evil people)
I spoke to a close friend on MSN after that, and this was how our conversation went:
Me: I'm very sad after reading the comments.
Friend: Aiyah ... Just do your best lor.
Me: Never mind what they say. I need some encouragement. Tell me you think I can do it! Your opinion matters more.
*Friend starts typing*
Me: AH!!!!!!! FORGET IT. Don't say it. If you are going to say I most possibly cannot get the job, don't. I don't need THAT right now.
Friend: Sorry. You know I don't patronise people.
Me: Fuck you. I already said don't say it, why must you add on? Fine, I will not get the job, ok?
*Appears offline*
I shed a few angry tears after that, but still went to the writing test nonetheless. Why are people so mean? Since I was still working in TODAY then, I was in the newsroom before I left, and my dear colleagues were extremely supportive. Unlike these people, they told me I can do it and wished me best of luck. =)
But of course, the later comments were extremely encouraging but I have already done my test by the time I read that. Still, I am very very glad I have so many of you guys standing behind me. Thanks so much!! *hugs everyone who left encouraging comments*
And you know what? The writing test was about .... SINGAPORE IDOL.
After reading my ex-colleague's article on said topic, I am pretty sure I churned out a smashing article. ;)
I was notified some time later that I got the job.
Therefore, screw you people who said I cannot do it. I did it. You cannot bring me down.
BUT I REJECTED IT!
I rejected it! Coz I was working for my previous full time job then. And when I called them recently to ask if the position is still available, I was told that it was filled.
Alas! What a big fat joke played on me.
I shall try other jobs!
=)
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
"OFFICE" REPORT
As a member of the Museum of Television & Radio here in New York City, I get an inside shot at many events held at the museum. Unfortunaetly, because I work an overnight shift, a lot of them I have to let slip by.
But there was a recent seminar that I knew was an opportunity for a friend of mine - yet another of the "Iddiots" I've been mentioning of late, - who would love the chance to attend. It was a chance to meet Ricky Gervais, creator and star of the BBC cult comedy 'The Office'.
He was appearing at the Museum to promote the 'The Office Special' which just recently debuted on BBC-America, picking up the story of the employees at the paper company in Slough two years after the end of the regular series.
So I contacted Kim, who can be heard in the local radio worlds, and gave her the chance to see one of her comedy hotties live and in person.
Since she had the chance to take along someone else, another Iddiot friend of mine, Amy - who owns and operates a neat little teashop on 94th and Amsterdam - joined Kim for the seminar......
From Amy:
Oh, Toby!
What a fine evening Kim and I had at "The Office" screening! And I understand none of it would have been possible without your mighty television power. Thank you so much!
You scored us into the main room (no measly satellite feed for us!) and we got to sit in the second row right at the feet of Mr. Gervais! It was a really good time! Thank you so much!
Hope you're well! What's up there in Tubeworld?
Amy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And here's a missive from Miss Kim:
Miss Amy and I sat second row center in the main theater, while most ticketholders to this sold out show were relegated to annex theaters! We had a blast, Toooby.
*I* even got a round of applause. (see http://www.murphguide.com/massengill.htm, 'bout middle of the page)
Thanks again for the hook-up.
You da gov'hah.
~ K
Yes.... I am beneficent AND magnanimous! (For two such lovely ladies, it's not hard to do!)
In Gervais
Probably just as well.
<> <> <>
Here's the link again to Kimberly's website:
http://www.kimberlymassengill.com/
And here's a link to a great website (run by yet ANOTHER Iddiot!) for lots of great things - especially bars! - to enjoy in New York City:
http://www.murphguide.com/
I've added that link because the Murph hosts a regular column by Kimberly and that's where I lifted this essay.
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
But there was a recent seminar that I knew was an opportunity for a friend of mine - yet another of the "Iddiots" I've been mentioning of late, - who would love the chance to attend. It was a chance to meet Ricky Gervais, creator and star of the BBC cult comedy 'The Office'.
He was appearing at the Museum to promote the 'The Office Special' which just recently debuted on BBC-America, picking up the story of the employees at the paper company in Slough two years after the end of the regular series.
So I contacted Kim, who can be heard in the local radio worlds, and gave her the chance to see one of her comedy hotties live and in person.
Since she had the chance to take along someone else, another Iddiot friend of mine, Amy - who owns and operates a neat little teashop on 94th and Amsterdam - joined Kim for the seminar......
From Amy:
Oh, Toby!
What a fine evening Kim and I had at "The Office" screening! And I understand none of it would have been possible without your mighty television power. Thank you so much!
You scored us into the main room (no measly satellite feed for us!) and we got to sit in the second row right at the feet of Mr. Gervais! It was a really good time! Thank you so much!
Hope you're well! What's up there in Tubeworld?
Amy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And here's a missive from Miss Kim:
Miss Amy and I sat second row center in the main theater, while most ticketholders to this sold out show were relegated to annex theaters! We had a blast, Toooby.
*I* even got a round of applause. (see http://www.murphguide.com/massengill.htm, 'bout middle of the page)
Thanks again for the hook-up.
You da gov'hah.
~ K
Yes.... I am beneficent AND magnanimous! (For two such lovely ladies, it's not hard to do!)
And for those of you who are loathe to click the hyperlink, here's Kim's report on the event:
In Gervais
Monday night your Kimberly was at the Museum of Television and Radio for the premiere of The Office Special, which will air on BBC America Thursday night. Creator, star, and plump hottie Ricky Gervais was live and in the soft, white flesh, just a few feet from me.
Your Kimberly mustered her nerve and asked something like: “Hi, Ricky.” (That part I’m sure about. I had to keep repeating to myself that his name wasn’t David.) “I’ve gotten some interesting response when playing “Paris Night” and “Free Love Highway” on the air, and I’m wondering how many more you have like that, and whether you’ve considered releasing an album of David Brent’s music.” Throw in some “uh”s and “uhm”s, and that’s pretty much it, I think.
I was, of course, too nervous to catch his answer. Mainly ‘cause I was TALKING TO RICKY FREAKING GERVAIS. I think it was something like “no,” followed by some elaboration that sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher talking.
And he said I was “sweet for doing that.” Sweet. For doing that.
I then told him I want to make his babies and hold hands with him whilst shopping at Costco and stuff. But it turns out my lips weren’t actually moving during that part. Probably just as well.
<> <> <>
Here's the link again to Kimberly's website:
http://www.kimberlymassengill.com/
And here's a link to a great website (run by yet ANOTHER Iddiot!) for lots of great things - especially bars! - to enjoy in New York City:
http://www.murphguide.com/
I've added that link because the Murph hosts a regular column by Kimberly and that's where I lifted this essay.
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
Can vegetarians eat pussies?
Or suck cocks for that matter?
*frowns*
What do you mean by "crude"? Hello, get your mind out of the gutter, I mean, like, cats and roosters ok!
Hi! You there! And you! Welcome to xiaxue.blogspot.com, I am your guest blogger for today!
Pleased to meet you all.
My name is Smoochum, and I am an act jap Pokemon, and coincidentally Xiaxue's favourite one too!
Here's how I look like!
I am MALE, ok! As you can see from the picture, I get very angry when people ask me whether I am female.
I am also vegetarian, and thus the title of this blog entry. Boggles me, eh?
*Confused*
Xiaxue said she is a little busy today (you will see why later) and therefore entrusted the task of blogging to me! Kawaii ne! Oh fuck, did I just say kawaii ne! Slap me whenever I act jap ok? Puuuuhleeze. Acting jap is soooooo PASSE, wee?
I suggest we all act Hungarian coz Hungarians get the most orgasms and that is way cool! Japanese, on the other hand, only have sex 49 times a year! RIDICULOUS! FLABBERGASTING! That's, like, once a fucking week???? *Chortle!* Did I just say "once a fucking week"? Did I just say "once a fucking week", .... dude? Like, OMG my pun is so funny, isn't it??? You don't get it? Never mind.
So anyway, I told Xiaxue - I don't know how to blog you know!
She put down the clothes pegs for a while and said, No problem, just look at the way I did it in the previous blog entries!
Reading up a little, I've decided to do something ... lickmyjesus styled!
So I followed Xiaxue around and this is what I found out:
She is a .... BLOGGING HOUSEWIFE!
I tell you, unemployment is not suiting Xiaxue well (so get her a job fast, thanks)! I looked at her blog, and I looked at her, and I realised that ... either her photoshop is ludicruously good, or she has became ... well, a shadow of her former glamourous self.
But still, I assure you the Blogging Housewife is - about - as interesting! Let me try to get hold of her.
Ah, there she is!
Alas! Caught her at a bad time! Mommy is asking her to hang the clothes. Look at her! What an auntie ... *snigger*
She snuffles to the kitchen unwillingly, and WHAT DOES SHE SEE???!
THE SMELLY BROTHER pretending to study at an unusual place, and a fierce Maltese-terrier staring at her with ferocious looks! My my, how horrific!
With a swift kick delivered to the SMELLY BROTHER's face, she managed hop pass both evil, foul creatures to get to the ...
Washing machine.
And gathers up the wet clothes for hanging.
"Smelly Brother's sock!", proclaims an agitated Xiaxue. *snigger* Check out the hair you thought was gorgeous! All tied up in a messy, ugly bun. Tsk tsk. HEY YOU THERE! Don't laugh at Xiaxue will you? What, you think blogger queens do not ever look bad?
YOU ARE WRONG!Even Zoe Tay has to hang clothes sometimes, alright?
Even with your taunting, the optimistic Xiaxue takes up the hanging task valiantly.
Even singing a little!
And she prances away after she is done, not knowing dangers await her.
CAREFUL, XIAXUE! Did I not warn you to check your back? HERE THUNDERS THE REAL AUNTIE!
*GASP!*
She spanks Xiaxue around a bit with a large trout, bought at a cheap $2.30, for a good ten minutes.
POW WOW!
And rectifies the problem.
Make sure YOU don't make Xiaxue's stupid mistake.
*************************
Later that day
Xiaxue leaves for the bathroom, all sweaty from the tedious hanging.
Toilet. Bathroom. Safe?
You think?
Xiaxue gingerly walks in, checking out her surroundings for sha qi (killer-air)!
AND GUESS WHAT? She was right!
AN INTRUDER! A moth! Ambushing her!
Tsk tsk. Xiaxue is a moth-magnet. Poor thing. She wants me to tell you guys that she has always said moths always hide in the bathroom while she bathes and now I have proven that right.
Upon seeing the moth, she gave a little squeal of terror and gallops out of the toilet. While in the safe kitchen, she thinks about it.
Should she not bathe, and sleep sweaty? Nah. Yucky.
Or should she bathe with said moth in the toilet, and risk it telling its fellow lusty moths friends later how she has lovehandles and laugh at her? Is it stupid to even assume that the moth will not flap its wings around her naked breasts later, when she is so vulnerable?
She finally decided that she is much fatter than a moth (ok, not MUCH, coz this moth is FAT - like real fat-fat) and therefore should NOT be afraid of it!
She hobbles on to a stool, armed with a plastic bowl in the right hand.
She trembles.
A little bit more ... and ...
VICTORY IS HER!!!!!!!!!!
Congratulations! And celebrations!!!
The moth is now a prisoner-of-war! (Never mind the real meaning of that word. I think it sounds apt. Don't nitpick on my language please, I am stupid as I am just an act jap Pokemon.)
Xiaxue, disgusted by the moth, leaves it for the resident killer to play with - the furious Cloudy (otherwise known as Cloudy-do, do-do (fishball), do-dy, Cloud-cloud, Cloud-do-dy etc), while she commerced with bathing.
Cloudy is a left-wing supporter, as he told me.
BITE IT, HARD, CLOUDY!
Aiyah, so boring.
Later on, when Xiaxue came out of the toilet and realised Cloudy is sleeping beside the fat moth like a real friend, she whacked the piece of Cloud on his head for his betrayal and took the moth-in-a-box to throw away.
Into the 'Yi qu bu hui' dustbin, as she terms it.
She opens the lid and screamed her placenta out! In the bin, stuck, is a leftover piece of food with no less than 8 cockroachs surrounding it and chewing happily, having the time of their lives!!!
Horrorstruck, Xiaxue threw the box and slams the lid really hard.
She cowered in a dark corner crying for the rest of the night, the scary sight still haunting her nervous mind.
*************************
Xiaxue showed me a photo of a cute fireman, from blogder Cedric's blog.
Cute?
I don't think so!
I HATE PROTUDING BELLY BUTTONS!
URGH!
IT IS GROSS! IT IS DISGUSTING!
GET IT AWAY FROM ME!
You know what it looks like?
Like a kissing fish, that's what it looks like!
Don't see the relevance? I WILL SHOW YOU!
Da! I even included the eye for better conviction.
Yuck. I discriminate protuding-belly people. *spits*
(Note: I am not Xiaxue. Xiaxue is fine with the belly protuding people. In fact, when I told her it is GROSS (which it is!), she said it would be kinda fun to rub it. Sick bastards.)
*frowns*
What do you mean by "crude"? Hello, get your mind out of the gutter, I mean, like, cats and roosters ok!
Hi! You there! And you! Welcome to xiaxue.blogspot.com, I am your guest blogger for today!
Pleased to meet you all.
My name is Smoochum, and I am an act jap Pokemon, and coincidentally Xiaxue's favourite one too!
Here's how I look like!
I am MALE, ok! As you can see from the picture, I get very angry when people ask me whether I am female.
I am also vegetarian, and thus the title of this blog entry. Boggles me, eh?
*Confused*
Xiaxue said she is a little busy today (you will see why later) and therefore entrusted the task of blogging to me! Kawaii ne! Oh fuck, did I just say kawaii ne! Slap me whenever I act jap ok? Puuuuhleeze. Acting jap is soooooo PASSE, wee?
I suggest we all act Hungarian coz Hungarians get the most orgasms and that is way cool! Japanese, on the other hand, only have sex 49 times a year! RIDICULOUS! FLABBERGASTING! That's, like, once a fucking week???? *Chortle!* Did I just say "once a fucking week"? Did I just say "once a fucking week", .... dude? Like, OMG my pun is so funny, isn't it??? You don't get it? Never mind.
So anyway, I told Xiaxue - I don't know how to blog you know!
She put down the clothes pegs for a while and said, No problem, just look at the way I did it in the previous blog entries!
Reading up a little, I've decided to do something ... lickmyjesus styled!
So I followed Xiaxue around and this is what I found out:
She is a .... BLOGGING HOUSEWIFE!
I tell you, unemployment is not suiting Xiaxue well (so get her a job fast, thanks)! I looked at her blog, and I looked at her, and I realised that ... either her photoshop is ludicruously good, or she has became ... well, a shadow of her former glamourous self.
But still, I assure you the Blogging Housewife is - about - as interesting! Let me try to get hold of her.
Ah, there she is!
Alas! Caught her at a bad time! Mommy is asking her to hang the clothes. Look at her! What an auntie ... *snigger*
She snuffles to the kitchen unwillingly, and WHAT DOES SHE SEE???!
THE SMELLY BROTHER pretending to study at an unusual place, and a fierce Maltese-terrier staring at her with ferocious looks! My my, how horrific!
With a swift kick delivered to the SMELLY BROTHER's face, she managed hop pass both evil, foul creatures to get to the ...
Washing machine.
And gathers up the wet clothes for hanging.
"Smelly Brother's sock!", proclaims an agitated Xiaxue. *snigger* Check out the hair you thought was gorgeous! All tied up in a messy, ugly bun. Tsk tsk. HEY YOU THERE! Don't laugh at Xiaxue will you? What, you think blogger queens do not ever look bad?
YOU ARE WRONG!
Even with your taunting, the optimistic Xiaxue takes up the hanging task valiantly.
Even singing a little!
And she prances away after she is done, not knowing dangers await her.
CAREFUL, XIAXUE! Did I not warn you to check your back?
*GASP!*
She spanks Xiaxue around a bit with a large trout, bought at a cheap $2.30, for a good ten minutes.
POW WOW!
And rectifies the problem.
Make sure YOU don't make Xiaxue's stupid mistake.
*************************
Later that day
Xiaxue leaves for the bathroom, all sweaty from the tedious hanging.
Toilet. Bathroom. Safe?
You think?
Xiaxue gingerly walks in, checking out her surroundings for sha qi (killer-air)!
AND GUESS WHAT? She was right!
AN INTRUDER! A moth! Ambushing her!
Tsk tsk. Xiaxue is a moth-magnet. Poor thing. She wants me to tell you guys that she has always said moths always hide in the bathroom while she bathes and now I have proven that right.
Upon seeing the moth, she gave a little squeal of terror and gallops out of the toilet. While in the safe kitchen, she thinks about it.
Should she not bathe, and sleep sweaty? Nah. Yucky.
Or should she bathe with said moth in the toilet, and risk it telling its fellow lusty moths friends later how she has lovehandles and laugh at her? Is it stupid to even assume that the moth will not flap its wings around her naked breasts later, when she is so vulnerable?
She finally decided that she is much fatter than a moth (ok, not MUCH, coz this moth is FAT - like real fat-fat) and therefore should NOT be afraid of it!
She hobbles on to a stool, armed with a plastic bowl in the right hand.
She trembles.
A little bit more ... and ...
Congratulations! And celebrations!!!
The moth is now a prisoner-of-war! (Never mind the real meaning of that word. I think it sounds apt. Don't nitpick on my language please, I am stupid as I am just an act jap Pokemon.)
Xiaxue, disgusted by the moth, leaves it for the resident killer to play with - the furious Cloudy (otherwise known as Cloudy-do, do-do (fishball), do-dy, Cloud-cloud, Cloud-do-dy etc), while she commerced with bathing.
Cloudy is a left-wing supporter, as he told me.
BITE IT, HARD, CLOUDY!
Aiyah, so boring.
Later on, when Xiaxue came out of the toilet and realised Cloudy is sleeping beside the fat moth like a real friend, she whacked the piece of Cloud on his head for his betrayal and took the moth-in-a-box to throw away.
Into the 'Yi qu bu hui' dustbin, as she terms it.
She opens the lid and screamed her placenta out! In the bin, stuck, is a leftover piece of food with no less than 8 cockroachs surrounding it and chewing happily, having the time of their lives!!!
Horrorstruck, Xiaxue threw the box and slams the lid really hard.
She cowered in a dark corner crying for the rest of the night, the scary sight still haunting her nervous mind.
*************************
Xiaxue showed me a photo of a cute fireman, from blogder Cedric's blog.
Cute?
I don't think so!
I HATE PROTUDING BELLY BUTTONS!
URGH!
IT IS GROSS! IT IS DISGUSTING!
GET IT AWAY FROM ME!
You know what it looks like?
Like a kissing fish, that's what it looks like!
Don't see the relevance? I WILL SHOW YOU!
Da! I even included the eye for better conviction.
Yuck. I discriminate protuding-belly people. *spits*
(Note: I am not Xiaxue. Xiaxue is fine with the belly protuding people. In fact, when I told her it is GROSS (which it is!), she said it would be kinda fun to rub it. Sick bastards.)
Monday, October 25, 2004
SATURDAY NIGHT LIE
"The secret of drama is
To make the expected into the unexpected."
Peter Lorre
'Route 66'
Ashlee Simpson had a microphone malfunction on 'Saturday Night Live', scurrying off stage when a production glitch caught her lip-synching the wrong tune.
Simpson, who is the younger sister of singer and TV star Jessica Simpson, sounded great belting out "Pieces of Me" in her first segment on the show. And now we know why - lip-synching!
It was the same song that she butchered at August's MTV Music Video Awards, drawing withering reviews for a flat, out of key performance.
But when she came out to debut the song "Autobiography" for a second set, the hell of live TV bit her in the ass. Whoever was responsible for piping in a studio-engineered rendition for Simpson to mouth screwed up, playing "Pieces" once again.
D'OHHHHHH! (as another Simpson would say.)
Simpson hopped around briefly, looking like a badly manipulated marionette. Then she got off the stage with her tail between her legs as her band half-heartedly faked away. Luckily, mercifully, for them, the show finally cut them off and went into the salvation of a commercial.
When the cast of the live show came out to bid the audience good night, actor Jude Law tried to explain Simpson's slipup."What can I say folks, live TV," Law shrugged.
''Exactly,'' Simpson said. ''I feel so bad. My band started playing the wrong song. I didn't know what to do so I thought I'd do a hoedown.'' A still-humiliated Simpson apologized to her fans - and blamed her band for playing the wrong song.
What might hurt her most about the incident is that she bragged in print about how she hated the practice of lip-synching. "I'm totally against it and offended by it," she said in the magazine "Lucky". "Personally, I'd never lip-synch. It's just not me."
She said, "I'm going to let my real talent show, not just stand there and dance around."
With the technical glitch, she was exposed as not having any real talent and in the end she couldn't even pull off the dancing around.
I had taped the show because I was going to be at work at that time. The story was in the Sunday morning New York Daily News, so I was prepared to see it. Now, I'm one who relishes the sense of scheudenfreude, (forgive me if I spelled that wrong!) that particular delight in the misfortunes of others. And yet even I was left uncomfortable seeing her squirm about onstage, not knowing what to do. But them's the breaks when you try to force yourself onto the public as a "pop star singing sensation" by riding on the dubious coat-tails of your older sister. (And whether or not Jessica Simpon's talented is something I can't figure out.)
It didn't take long for critics to vent their rage on Ashlee Simpson's official Web site.
"Finally, you're exposed for the fraud that you are," wrote an E-mail poster named drdrewby minutes after the embarrassing performance. "You have cheated your fans and people who actually thought that you had a lick of talent. You should quit the music business because you are now and always will be a complete and utter joke."
Said CowboyJeff99: "I knew she sounded like crap live, so I was 'wondering' what was going on when her voice sounded just like the radio edit."
On AngryCountry.com, Michael Allison wrote:
"Concerts and television broadcasts should be required to specify when a performance is not LIVE both vocally and visually. I've been sitting here for twenty minutes trying to figure out a politically correct and kind phrase to serve as the disclaimer for this new rule, but so far I've come up empty.
No one is going to warn viewers or concert attendees that their performance is going to be lip-synched. Perhaps they could label it a "dramatic performance" which would at least admit that they are 'acting' like singers, without actually singing.
Obviously this wouldn't apply to scripted television (such as sitcoms) and movies where the audience expects to see acting and special effects, but when someone gets on stage at a concert or televised show (SNL, award shows, Variety shows, etc) there is an expectation of a genuine musical performance.
Live should mean Live, and if it's not live be honest about it!"
And on the Idiot's Delight Digest, my fellow Iddiot, Tim Hibbs wrote:
"Personal to Ashlee Simpson:
Blaming your band for your lip-syncing breakdown on SNL was weak, girlfriend. Judging from the scuttlebutt I heard my daughter and her friends tossing around this morning, you’d better do some damage control quick before you totally lose your tweens. Right now, they feel like you’re a big phony. And by damage control, I mean SING THE FREAKING SONGS LIVE!!! Jeez, compared to what you did Saturday night, Avril looks like Lou Reed.
Rolling Stone’s David Wild had the best line about your second SNL “song” on this morning’s 'Today' show: “It was like watching the Zapruder film of lips-yncing- you couldn’t believe you actually seeing what you were seeing.”
Catch a clue from your big sis who, underneath all the tuna and buffalo wings jokes, really can sing. Who knows, maybe you can, too, but we’ll never know unless you actually try it live. Talk it over with your 'fatherger' and give the band a big fat raise."
Blaming the band at the end, that's what bugged me the most. I have no trouble with the notion of lip-synching. It's an accepted fluke in the TV Universe, right up there with vocal dubbing. Unlike the real world, there are those people in Toobworld whose lips don't match up to what they are actually saying.
And it's not like I would hold her totally responsible. I'd also lay some blame on Lorne Michaels. I've always had this image of him - and I can't say whether there is any truth to it, - as a tight-ass control freak on that show. Now, the regular cast would probably adhere to his rules; they're under contract and most likely wouldn't want to damage their future careers.
But as we've seen in the past, the musical performances - when they're actually "live", - are something that's outside of his control once they're in progress. The two best examples are of Elvis Costello changing songs without warning on air, and Sinead O'Connor tearing up a picture of the Pope at the end of her song and declaring the Pontiff as the real enemy.
Like Mr. Allison noted, lip-synching on a show that's supposed to have a live, anything-can-happen atmosphere - a show that even has "Live" in the title! - is fraud. But for Michaels, at least he can keep it under his thumb that way.
But what do I know?
At any rate, to pass the buck and play Beat Down The Band...... There was enough time before the end of the show for everybody to realize that the audio glitch had been obvious to all, that the empress was wearing no clothes. And yet Ashlee Simpson tried to continue with the lie and topped it off by shifting the blame to her band-mates in an effort to make it look like it was still a live performance.
If I was in her band, I'd tell her to go bleep herself and quit. It was the ultimate insult and would damage my credibility as a musician if I stayed.
But as Dennis Miller would say, that's my opinion; I could be wrong.
At least we now know that 'Saturday Night Live' still has some oomph in the TV Universe after all these years. The story was picked up world-wide and Simpson is being raked over the coals for the fraud she is.
This came from rediff.com, a site out of India:
"Even as she took her position, the first track started playing again, words and all. As she awkwardly looked around while 'her voice' from Pieces… played on, the studio audience, as well as the world watching the popular television show, burst into raucous laughter.
The 'manufactured MTV darling', said the Boston Herald, has been exposed as a lip-syncing fraud.
The band tried hard to suddenly look like they were rocking appropriately to the music, a task admittedly difficult when trying to play a softer song. A clueless Ashlee tried to gyrate painfully to the music, with an impromptu hoedown, and, after 35 seconds of the humiliaton, scampered off stage."
"Raucous". "Awkwardly". "Clueless". "Painfully". I could just picture that reporter and editor gleefully skimming through a thesaurus for the most cutting of words.
Well, she's performing tonight on NBC at the Radio Music Awards - that is, if she shows up. If for no other reason, NBC should get big ratings thanks to all the people who will tune in just to see if she has the guts to make the appearance.
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
(My thanks to the New York Daily News for the original news item.)
Sunday, October 24, 2004
I have a throbbing headache.
Hey you there! I found a photo of your boyfriend!
How come you like somebody like that?
As the title suggests, I have a throbbing headache, so I shall not blog.
Instead ...
Funny boh? I apologize if the photos are not clear enough as I have to somewhat shrink them.
Introducing...
I've not laughed so hard in such a long time! You enjoy. I rest. =)
(To the guys at lickmyjesus if you are reading this: Hi!! New fan here! *waves madly*)
How come you like somebody like that?
As the title suggests, I have a throbbing headache, so I shall not blog.
Instead ...
Funny boh? I apologize if the photos are not clear enough as I have to somewhat shrink them.
Introducing...
www.lickmyjesus.com!
I've not laughed so hard in such a long time! You enjoy. I rest. =)
(To the guys at lickmyjesus if you are reading this: Hi!! New fan here! *waves madly*)
EVEN MORE DELAYED
It seems I shared Hugh's thoughts on the alternate TV universe of Earth Prime-Time Delayed before he had finished. Here are a few more things he had to say on the subject:
You are so swift with postings, that I didn't have a chance to amend one thing I put in. The Batman movie franchise can be linked to one of the Tube Worlds. Follow my logic (and I know, it can be a long, strange trip)...
The Batman movies from Tim Burton, et al were evoked in a few commercials, putting them onto some earth. There was both a Diet Coke ad and an ad for On*Star featuring Michael Gough's Alfred, so I assume that means he and the Batman are part of a BlipVert world or possibly Prime-Time Delayed. The Batman in those On*Star ads is clearly meant to be the Tim Burton-era Dark Knight, with the Batmobile, architecture of Gotham, etc. all matching. That Batman (the stuntman in the Batsuit appearing in the commercials) played Batman in a flashback on Birds of Prey.
As I've written you before, BoP makes a great link to the animated WB shows, with Mark Hamill providing the Joker's voice in a flashback on the live action show and having been the voice of the Clown Prince of Crime throughout the WB's run of shows, which I assume are part of the Prime-Time Delayed.
Ok, that's enough for now!
Hugh
You are so swift with postings, that I didn't have a chance to amend one thing I put in. The Batman movie franchise can be linked to one of the Tube Worlds. Follow my logic (and I know, it can be a long, strange trip)...
The Batman movies from Tim Burton, et al were evoked in a few commercials, putting them onto some earth. There was both a Diet Coke ad and an ad for On*Star featuring Michael Gough's Alfred, so I assume that means he and the Batman are part of a BlipVert world or possibly Prime-Time Delayed. The Batman in those On*Star ads is clearly meant to be the Tim Burton-era Dark Knight, with the Batmobile, architecture of Gotham, etc. all matching. That Batman (the stuntman in the Batsuit appearing in the commercials) played Batman in a flashback on Birds of Prey.
As I've written you before, BoP makes a great link to the animated WB shows, with Mark Hamill providing the Joker's voice in a flashback on the live action show and having been the voice of the Clown Prince of Crime throughout the WB's run of shows, which I assume are part of the Prime-Time Delayed.
Ok, that's enough for now!
Hugh
Pretty much I agree with all of Hugh's ideas, although I'm tempted to dump all of the animated Batmans into the Tooniverse, that alternate realm where animated characters hold sway. And the splainin for the difference between the Batman of 'Super-Friends' and the Dark Knight of the WB canon?
Who knows? Still another alternate to the Tooniverse? (The Twoniverse?) Perhaps the next generation of sons picking up the mantles of their fathers in both the cases of Batman and Robin? Or perhaps a self-adjusting time loop? (Sorry, I've been delving into Douglas Adams again.....)
It's going to take some thunkin' on my part. I don't want to just toss out a theory without working out all the possible Zonks it may create. When it comes to the contradictions to be found in the TV Universe, I'll leave that to the experts - the writers, producers, directors, and actors!
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
Saturday, October 23, 2004
A DELAYED FOLLOW-UP
It didn't take long to hear from my friend Hugh on the topic of that alternate TV Land: Earth Prime-Time Delayed.
Here are his thoughts and questions:
Ok, I understand that the movie Batman (1989) and TV Batman are two different "worlds." Same for the movies vs. televersions of My Favorite Martian and Car 54. However, what do you do with MASH, where the tele-version and cineversions share an identical Radar?
There have often been those holding that the show Trapper John, MD is actually connected to the movie, not the tv show, yet the link for these Radars should put all of them into the same world. Thus, the different looking Hawkeyes would have to be explained away, but that's not that hard to fathom. Nor is it tough to deal with Trapper John looking like Wayne Rogers while in Korea but like Pernell Roberts in the US--time has passed.
As far as the Addams Family sequences, there's an interesting cross of worlds. The original series, which also had a reunion tv movie in the late 1970s, connects to two animated versions, one from the 1970s (when Jackie Coogan returned to voice Uncle Fester and Ted Cassidy returned to voice Lurch) and one from the 1990s because of the movies (with John Astin returning to his most famous role). Thus, those two animated versions and the original sitcom are part of the same televerse, plus Scooby Doo featured that 1970s animated show, so many other series are in that connection.
There were two theatrical films, followed by Addams Family Reunion, made for cable--as Carel Struycken recreated his cinematic Lurch in it, those tie together, and the girl playing Wednesday in it also played that role on The New Addams Family. The cineverse and Prime Time Delayed connect here, and there's a potential link/near zonk from Earth Prime Time, as John Astin played Grandpapa Addams on it.
Just some thoughts,
Hugh
So how about you? Do you have any thoughts on how to solve these contradictions? Let me know!
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
Here are his thoughts and questions:
Ok, I understand that the movie Batman (1989) and TV Batman are two different "worlds." Same for the movies vs. televersions of My Favorite Martian and Car 54. However, what do you do with MASH, where the tele-version and cineversions share an identical Radar?
There have often been those holding that the show Trapper John, MD is actually connected to the movie, not the tv show, yet the link for these Radars should put all of them into the same world. Thus, the different looking Hawkeyes would have to be explained away, but that's not that hard to fathom. Nor is it tough to deal with Trapper John looking like Wayne Rogers while in Korea but like Pernell Roberts in the US--time has passed.
As far as the Addams Family sequences, there's an interesting cross of worlds. The original series, which also had a reunion tv movie in the late 1970s, connects to two animated versions, one from the 1970s (when Jackie Coogan returned to voice Uncle Fester and Ted Cassidy returned to voice Lurch) and one from the 1990s because of the movies (with John Astin returning to his most famous role). Thus, those two animated versions and the original sitcom are part of the same televerse, plus Scooby Doo featured that 1970s animated show, so many other series are in that connection.
There were two theatrical films, followed by Addams Family Reunion, made for cable--as Carel Struycken recreated his cinematic Lurch in it, those tie together, and the girl playing Wednesday in it also played that role on The New Addams Family. The cineverse and Prime Time Delayed connect here, and there's a potential link/near zonk from Earth Prime Time, as John Astin played Grandpapa Addams on it.
Just some thoughts,
Hugh
So how about you? Do you have any thoughts on how to solve these contradictions? Let me know!
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
Miss Marple Will Be Delayed
From the BBC Online:
The latest incarnation of TV detective Miss Marple has been unveiled, with actress Geraldine McEwan stepping into the role of the determined sleuth.
ITV has adapted four Agatha Christie novels to give them a more modern feel and evolve the detective's character. The late author's estate has welcomed the modernised adaptations, hoping they will attract a new audience.
McEwan, 72, takes over from Joan Hickson, who died in 1998. "With Miss Marple, I feel that I have been entrusted with a national treasure of whom I already feel both protective and extremely fond," said McEwan. "I love Miss Marple and when I was asked to play her, I just felt it was - well it sounds a bit dramatic - but I thought it really was right that I was asked to play this part.
"I felt it was my destiny really, and I've enjoyed every minute of it. She is still evolving for me, and she's still becoming more things to me as I discover more about her," she added.
The new episodes, set in the 1950s, will reveal more of Miss Marple's past, showing the spinster did have a romantic side and a relationship in her younger days. She is also less judgemental than in her previous incarnations, and is depicted as an unshockable modern woman with many young friends.
____________________________
Thanks to TV shows like 'Star Trek' and especially 'Sliders', we know there are alternate dimensions to the TV Universe (Earth Prime-Time).
One of these we have dubbed "Earth Prime-Time Delayed". On this version of TV Land, all of the TV shows, TV movies, and pilots which are later remakes of original series have been dumped, er, lumped together.
I'm not talking about reunion movies and specials like 'Rescue From Gilligan's Island' or the recent 'Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars'. Nor am I talking about shows that pick up in sequels where the original left off, like 'Lou Grant' or the ABC version of 'Columbo'.
'The Love Boat' set sail again in the late 1990s with an all new crew led by Robert Urich's Captain Kennedy. But a later episode definitely established that the cruise liner was in the same universe as the original series when many of the original cast showed up in their original roles.
All of the 'Star Trek' sequels are set in the same universe as the original series. 'Enterprise' is set 100 years or so in the past of James T. Kirk and crew, while all of the others follow the lead of 'The Next Generation' which is set about 75 years in the future of the original.
Earth Prime-Time Delayed is the world for all those shows who try to recreate the same characters, the same situations, and the same magic from an earlier show but with an all-new cast playing the original roles and usually updated to the current time frame, (if it's a modern series), rather than that of the original.
One exception to this would be 'Ponderosa'. All new actors played the same roles to be found in 'Bonanza', but it was a prequel about their early lives in the Nevada territory. So we can chalk up the differences in their appearances between both series to the effects of aging and life in general.
Just about every cinematic remake of a TV show would be relegated to the "Cineverse" with the exceptions of those that use the original casts and tie into the plots and history of the original series.
Those exceptions include:
'The X-Files: Fight The Future'
'Maverick'
'Batman' (1966)
The entire 'Star Trek' movie franchise
But the movies of 'My Favorite Martian', 'Leave It To Beaver', 'Car 54, Where Are You?', 'Sgt. Bilko', 'M*A*S*H*', and 'The Addams Family Values' and even the Miss Marple movies of Margaret Rutherford? Grab the popcorn and the jujubes, it's Movie World!
Among the shows to be found on Earth Prime-Time Delayed are:
'87th Precinct'
'Dragnet'
'A.E.S. Hudson Street'
(which was known as 'Stat!' in the other dimension)
'The Untouchables'
'Dark Shadows'
'Battlestar: Galactica'
'The New Gidget'
'The New Addams Family'
'The New Monkees'
Coming soon:
'Lost In Space'
(Don't think the appellation of "New" in the title is a lock for placing a show on Earth Prime-Time Delayed. 'The New Leave It To Beaver' and 'The New Lassie' were actually continuations of the old series.)
And so now we can add Miss Marple to the inhabitants of Earth Prime-Time Delayed. And she is not the only British sleuth who will be found there. 'Dalgliesh' has already taken up residence there; soon to be followed by 'Hercule Poirot', 'Rumpole of the Bailey', and 'Inspector Morse'. And if we gave it some thought, I'm sure we could choose a version of 'Sherlock Holmes' to banish to that realm as well.
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
The latest incarnation of TV detective Miss Marple has been unveiled, with actress Geraldine McEwan stepping into the role of the determined sleuth.
ITV has adapted four Agatha Christie novels to give them a more modern feel and evolve the detective's character. The late author's estate has welcomed the modernised adaptations, hoping they will attract a new audience.
McEwan, 72, takes over from Joan Hickson, who died in 1998. "With Miss Marple, I feel that I have been entrusted with a national treasure of whom I already feel both protective and extremely fond," said McEwan. "I love Miss Marple and when I was asked to play her, I just felt it was - well it sounds a bit dramatic - but I thought it really was right that I was asked to play this part.
"I felt it was my destiny really, and I've enjoyed every minute of it. She is still evolving for me, and she's still becoming more things to me as I discover more about her," she added.
The new episodes, set in the 1950s, will reveal more of Miss Marple's past, showing the spinster did have a romantic side and a relationship in her younger days. She is also less judgemental than in her previous incarnations, and is depicted as an unshockable modern woman with many young friends.
____________________________
Thanks to TV shows like 'Star Trek' and especially 'Sliders', we know there are alternate dimensions to the TV Universe (Earth Prime-Time).
One of these we have dubbed "Earth Prime-Time Delayed". On this version of TV Land, all of the TV shows, TV movies, and pilots which are later remakes of original series have been dumped, er, lumped together.
I'm not talking about reunion movies and specials like 'Rescue From Gilligan's Island' or the recent 'Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars'. Nor am I talking about shows that pick up in sequels where the original left off, like 'Lou Grant' or the ABC version of 'Columbo'.
'The Love Boat' set sail again in the late 1990s with an all new crew led by Robert Urich's Captain Kennedy. But a later episode definitely established that the cruise liner was in the same universe as the original series when many of the original cast showed up in their original roles.
All of the 'Star Trek' sequels are set in the same universe as the original series. 'Enterprise' is set 100 years or so in the past of James T. Kirk and crew, while all of the others follow the lead of 'The Next Generation' which is set about 75 years in the future of the original.
Earth Prime-Time Delayed is the world for all those shows who try to recreate the same characters, the same situations, and the same magic from an earlier show but with an all-new cast playing the original roles and usually updated to the current time frame, (if it's a modern series), rather than that of the original.
One exception to this would be 'Ponderosa'. All new actors played the same roles to be found in 'Bonanza', but it was a prequel about their early lives in the Nevada territory. So we can chalk up the differences in their appearances between both series to the effects of aging and life in general.
Just about every cinematic remake of a TV show would be relegated to the "Cineverse" with the exceptions of those that use the original casts and tie into the plots and history of the original series.
Those exceptions include:
'The X-Files: Fight The Future'
'Maverick'
'Batman' (1966)
The entire 'Star Trek' movie franchise
But the movies of 'My Favorite Martian', 'Leave It To Beaver', 'Car 54, Where Are You?', 'Sgt. Bilko', 'M*A*S*H*', and 'The Addams Family Values' and even the Miss Marple movies of Margaret Rutherford? Grab the popcorn and the jujubes, it's Movie World!
Among the shows to be found on Earth Prime-Time Delayed are:
'87th Precinct'
'Dragnet'
'A.E.S. Hudson Street'
(which was known as 'Stat!' in the other dimension)
'The Untouchables'
'Dark Shadows'
'Battlestar: Galactica'
'The New Gidget'
'The New Addams Family'
'The New Monkees'
Coming soon:
'Lost In Space'
(Don't think the appellation of "New" in the title is a lock for placing a show on Earth Prime-Time Delayed. 'The New Leave It To Beaver' and 'The New Lassie' were actually continuations of the old series.)
And so now we can add Miss Marple to the inhabitants of Earth Prime-Time Delayed. And she is not the only British sleuth who will be found there. 'Dalgliesh' has already taken up residence there; soon to be followed by 'Hercule Poirot', 'Rumpole of the Bailey', and 'Inspector Morse'. And if we gave it some thought, I'm sure we could choose a version of 'Sherlock Holmes' to banish to that realm as well.
BCnU!
Tele-Toby
Friday, October 22, 2004
Feng yong er lai!!
Why is it that when you have a guy in your life, you have many many guys in your life? (Sentence is not grammatically correct but please ignore it)
Since the guys in question might read this, I shall not elaborate further. That's pretty sad. I shall blog in my private blog. Ha!
IT'S THE PHERAMONES! I SMELL SEXY! YAY BABY I AM SO SHAGADELIC!
Let's talk about my past few days!
1) I got sued!
Wong asked me to be her mock witness (defendant, unfortunately) for a cross examination that she had to do, as you possibly already have read. Ha! So fun! Wong and I have decided that from now on we shall converse cross-examination style. Let me explain ...
This is the conversation we had before Wong told me to convert it to cross-examination format:
THAT IS WRONG!
This is correct:
URRRGH!
That made me hop around in anger! How can she disagree?! Slap her!
My solicitor and I! Look at Wong's megawatt cool smile! It spells I-A-M-A-R-I-C-H-L-A-W-Y-E-R! HAHAHAHA Betcha don't have her flair for looking INTIMIDATING AND SMART!
And look at me! I wore all my bling blings so that I look like a rich woman being sued for cheating $100k worth of money! Wow! But come to think of it if I am being sued I shouldn't be so happy.
Ah, I think I should make my Rolex a little more shiny.
Ah there you go:
Wah! Lens flare sia!
They call it the Moot Court!
2) I had a Brazilian wax done!
The million dollar question: Yes, it IS painful, but it is tolerable - and over in a short while. $40 at Strip, Holland Village. Their service is fabulous!
There's how the waxing bed looks like:
Ha! Very dark ah! Look like got ....
GHOST!!!!!! Somebody save me!
Ha ha! Actually that's a Halloween chocolate, cute huh?
I took the photo when the lady left me to get changed. The bed, not the ghost.
Hey girls, if you intend to go get a wax, better listen to this piece of advice!
A friend of mine went, and she wanted to get a triangular patch of pubes.
Pointing DOWNWARDS of course.
More specifically, she wanted an equilateral triangle.
To her horror, she woke up later to realise that what she got was ...
A very narrow isoceles triangle
So narrow, that its base was merely 1 finger thick. No difference from the narrow rectangular strip at all! Tsk tsk. Don't commit that mistake. Now she has to grow the side of the isoceles back to form the equilateral.*comforting pat*
*snigger* OOPS!
HHAHAHA - but it IS quite funny!
Speaking of feminine products/services, lookie!
How many times have we (girls) kanna period and felt very pissed that we have to buy one whole pack of 20 pads for that one day?
Watsons have decided to come up with packs of five, costing $1.99! Cute and compact! How considerate! Now we can just stuff it into our bags. =)
AHHHHHHHHHHH! Wanyi looks like the spiders on the ceiling! Someone bring me the insecticide! (She went for the wax with me)
You, being the judgemental human we all are, will be thinking, "FUCK! This Wanyi girl is HIDEOUS! (Notice how the hideous word is in apt mucky green) I will never shag someone with buck teeth! She is fugly and she looks like spider! Fuck spider also better!"
Ha!
Eat your words!
She is actually ...
Very chio!
With some help of make up and photoshop of mine lah. Hee hee! (If you want photoshop done, email me - I charge around *10 bucks for each picture (*terms and conditions apply!!))
3) To Dbl O with Eileen-Chicken-Pox-Tan.
The horrible Eileen, with her pox infected body, took a $200 needle-shot and surpressed her chicken pox to go out!
She very angry!
You know why? She has the smoothest sexy back in history, but she forgot that she got pox marks (say "pox marks" ten times very fast) all over them!
Ha! Loser! Pox marks still never mind, it looks like ZITS!! MAUAHAHHAHAA
"Not zits ok! I don't have zits on my back!" says the frustrated, misunderstood Eileen.
Her tattoo has become somewhat fuzzier over the years. I remember when she just got it, the outline was so clear that people kept trying to scratch it off, convinced that it is a sticker tattoo.
It got Eileen so angry, she burst into flames.
BUGGER OFF! STOP TRYING TO SCRATCH MY TATTOO! She would scream in agony. IT IS REAL!
Nobody believed her and everybody asked her where she got her superglue from.
I kept trying to scratch it at times when she least expected it. Which is like, every five minutes. Hee Hee. Then one day she slapped me with a long, slightly wet, flaccid thing which was skin-coloured. I don't know what it is till this day (or whether it is her body part at all) so I didn't try to scratch her tattoo again.
Eileen wants you to stop discriminating her just because she has chicken pox.
Outside Gallery Hotel in my lucky top**
(**lucky because I get lucky everytime I wear it)
We went to Liquid Room after Dbl O's pageant (Miss Dbl O) was over, and there we met Eileen's boyfriend, whom Eileen got the pox from.
Unlike Eileen who had surpressed pox marks looking like mere zits, her boyfriend looks so spotty Mother Teresa would have run away from him.
This cute American guy wanted to get to know me but saw that my friends were all spotty and disease-ridden and decided that Singaporeans are all filthy and STD infected and turned away in disgust, throwing me a look that clearly said, "You Asians shouldn't be let out in public".
I tried to explain to him but he sprayed pepper spray on my eyes. Very pain. =(
Actually the above didn't happen lah.
But what DID happen is, Eileen's currently spotty boyfriend bought her a HUMONGOUS diamond ring!
Holy Fuckanathan! That thing costs $3,000!!!!
I would like to kindly remind suitors that I am not as greedy. The pair of Levi's I mentioned would do just fine to make my day. =)
**********************
Tinkerbell (Paris Hilton's chihuahua) is a loser!
Ha ha ha ... It went all squinty-eyed while being in front of Paris Hilton's *AHEM* in a Guess poster! Ha ha ha
I am laughing at it, see?
Ha ha ha ha!
***********************
Remember the Durex Global Sex Survey I told you guys to take some time ago?
Results are out!
CONGRATULATIONS!! AND CELEBRATIONS!!!
*Runs around the room and throws confetti into the air*
SINGAPORE IS NO LONGER THE LEAST SEXY COUNTRY!
We have passed the baton to JAPAN!
BOO JAPANESE! YOU GUYS ARE LOSERS!
We Singaporeans have more sex than you!
Three cheers for all of us! =)
*more confetti*
And congrats to pretty me!
Lookie!
Durex tells me thank you for my participation ...
And gave me a kickass mousepad!
I AM HAPPY! Happier than you! My life rules! =)
Since the guys in question might read this, I shall not elaborate further. That's pretty sad. I shall blog in my private blog. Ha!
IT'S THE PHERAMONES! I SMELL SEXY! YAY BABY I AM SO SHAGADELIC!
Let's talk about my past few days!
Wong asked me to be her mock witness (defendant, unfortunately) for a cross examination that she had to do, as you possibly already have read. Ha! So fun! Wong and I have decided that from now on we shall converse cross-examination style. Let me explain ...
This is the conversation we had before Wong told me to convert it to cross-examination format:
Normal Wong: YOU ARE DAMN DISGUSTING TO FLIRT WITH GREYBALLS!
Normal Xiaxue: You said GreyBalls is quite good looking what! Then now I flirt with him you say I gross?
THAT IS WRONG!
This is correct:
Solicitor Xiaxue (in a condescending, mean tone): Miss Wong Ee Kean, I refer you to your AEIC paragraph 40. You mentioned that Mr GreyBalls is, in your own words, "quite good looking", did you not?
Wong the Indignant: Yes I did.
Solicitor Xiaxue: Miss Wong, it is logical for people to flirt with good-looking people. Do you CONCUR?
Wong the Indignant: Yes I do.
Solicitor Xiaxue: Miss Wong, then following your statements, it is then logical, and surely not "damn disgusting", of Miss Xiaxue to flirt with Mr Greyballs - since he is "quite good looking", yes?
*Long pause*
Wong the Indignant: I DISAGREE!
URRRGH!
That made me hop around in anger! How can she disagree?! Slap her!
My solicitor and I! Look at Wong's megawatt cool smile! It spells I-A-M-A-R-I-C-H-L-A-W-Y-E-R! HAHAHAHA Betcha don't have her flair for looking INTIMIDATING AND SMART!
And look at me! I wore all my bling blings so that I look like a rich woman being sued for cheating $100k worth of money! Wow! But come to think of it if I am being sued I shouldn't be so happy.
Ah, I think I should make my Rolex a little more shiny.
Ah there you go:
Wah! Lens flare sia!
They call it the Moot Court!
2) I had a Brazilian wax done!
The million dollar question: Yes, it IS painful, but it is tolerable - and over in a short while. $40 at Strip, Holland Village. Their service is fabulous!
There's how the waxing bed looks like:
Ha! Very dark ah! Look like got ....
GHOST!!!!!! Somebody save me!
Ha ha! Actually that's a Halloween chocolate, cute huh?
I took the photo when the lady left me to get changed. The bed, not the ghost.
Hey girls, if you intend to go get a wax, better listen to this piece of advice!
A friend of mine went, and she wanted to get a triangular patch of pubes.
Pointing DOWNWARDS of course.
More specifically, she wanted an equilateral triangle.
To her horror, she woke up later to realise that what she got was ...
A very narrow isoceles triangle
So narrow, that its base was merely 1 finger thick. No difference from the narrow rectangular strip at all! Tsk tsk. Don't commit that mistake. Now she has to grow the side of the isoceles back to form the equilateral.*comforting pat*
*snigger* OOPS!
HHAHAHA - but it IS quite funny!
Speaking of feminine products/services, lookie!
How many times have we (girls) kanna period and felt very pissed that we have to buy one whole pack of 20 pads for that one day?
Watsons have decided to come up with packs of five, costing $1.99! Cute and compact! How considerate! Now we can just stuff it into our bags. =)
AHHHHHHHHHHH! Wanyi looks like the spiders on the ceiling! Someone bring me the insecticide! (She went for the wax with me)
You, being the judgemental human we all are, will be thinking, "FUCK! This Wanyi girl is HIDEOUS! (Notice how the hideous word is in apt mucky green) I will never shag someone with buck teeth! She is fugly and she looks like spider! Fuck spider also better!"
Ha!
Eat your words!
She is actually ...
Very chio!
With some help of make up and photoshop of mine lah. Hee hee! (If you want photoshop done, email me - I charge around *10 bucks for each picture (*terms and conditions apply!!))
The horrible Eileen, with her pox infected body, took a $200 needle-shot and surpressed her chicken pox to go out!
She very angry!
You know why? She has the smoothest sexy back in history, but she forgot that she got pox marks (say "pox marks" ten times very fast) all over them!
Ha! Loser! Pox marks still never mind, it looks like ZITS!! MAUAHAHHAHAA
"Not zits ok! I don't have zits on my back!" says the frustrated, misunderstood Eileen.
Her tattoo has become somewhat fuzzier over the years. I remember when she just got it, the outline was so clear that people kept trying to scratch it off, convinced that it is a sticker tattoo.
It got Eileen so angry, she burst into flames.
BUGGER OFF! STOP TRYING TO SCRATCH MY TATTOO! She would scream in agony. IT IS REAL!
Nobody believed her and everybody asked her where she got her superglue from.
I kept trying to scratch it at times when she least expected it. Which is like, every five minutes. Hee Hee. Then one day she slapped me with a long, slightly wet, flaccid thing which was skin-coloured. I don't know what it is till this day (or whether it is her body part at all) so I didn't try to scratch her tattoo again.
Eileen wants you to stop discriminating her just because she has chicken pox.
Outside Gallery Hotel in my lucky top**
(**lucky because I get lucky everytime I wear it)
We went to Liquid Room after Dbl O's pageant (Miss Dbl O) was over, and there we met Eileen's boyfriend, whom Eileen got the pox from.
Unlike Eileen who had surpressed pox marks looking like mere zits, her boyfriend looks so spotty Mother Teresa would have run away from him.
This cute American guy wanted to get to know me but saw that my friends were all spotty and disease-ridden and decided that Singaporeans are all filthy and STD infected and turned away in disgust, throwing me a look that clearly said, "You Asians shouldn't be let out in public".
I tried to explain to him but he sprayed pepper spray on my eyes. Very pain. =(
Actually the above didn't happen lah.
But what DID happen is, Eileen's currently spotty boyfriend bought her a HUMONGOUS diamond ring!
Holy Fuckanathan! That thing costs $3,000!!!!
I would like to kindly remind suitors that I am not as greedy. The pair of Levi's I mentioned would do just fine to make my day. =)
**********************
Tinkerbell (Paris Hilton's chihuahua) is a loser!
Ha ha ha ... It went all squinty-eyed while being in front of Paris Hilton's *AHEM* in a Guess poster! Ha ha ha
I am laughing at it, see?
Ha ha ha ha!
***********************
Remember the Durex Global Sex Survey I told you guys to take some time ago?
Results are out!
CONGRATULATIONS!! AND CELEBRATIONS!!!
*Runs around the room and throws confetti into the air*
SINGAPORE IS NO LONGER THE LEAST SEXY COUNTRY!
We have passed the baton to JAPAN!
BOO JAPANESE! YOU GUYS ARE LOSERS!
We Singaporeans have more sex than you!
Three cheers for all of us! =)
*more confetti*
And congrats to pretty me!
Lookie!
Durex tells me thank you for my participation ...
And gave me a kickass mousepad!
I AM HAPPY! Happier than you! My life rules! =)
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