*frowns*
What do you mean by "crude"? Hello, get your mind out of the gutter, I mean, like, cats and roosters ok!
Hi! You there! And you! Welcome to xiaxue.blogspot.com, I am your guest blogger for today!
Pleased to meet you all.
My name is Smoochum, and I am an act jap Pokemon, and coincidentally Xiaxue's favourite one too!
Here's how I look like!
I am MALE, ok! As you can see from the picture, I get very angry when people ask me whether I am female.
I am also vegetarian, and thus the title of this blog entry. Boggles me, eh?
*Confused*
Xiaxue said she is a little busy today (you will see why later) and therefore entrusted the task of blogging to me! Kawaii ne! Oh fuck, did I just say kawaii ne! Slap me whenever I act jap ok? Puuuuhleeze. Acting jap is soooooo PASSE, wee?
I suggest we all act Hungarian coz Hungarians get the most orgasms and that is way cool! Japanese, on the other hand, only have sex 49 times a year! RIDICULOUS! FLABBERGASTING! That's, like, once a fucking week???? *Chortle!* Did I just say "once a fucking week"? Did I just say "once a fucking week", .... dude? Like, OMG my pun is so funny, isn't it??? You don't get it? Never mind.
So anyway, I told Xiaxue - I don't know how to blog you know!
She put down the clothes pegs for a while and said, No problem, just look at the way I did it in the previous blog entries!
Reading up a little, I've decided to do something ... lickmyjesus styled!
So I followed Xiaxue around and this is what I found out:
She is a .... BLOGGING HOUSEWIFE!
I tell you, unemployment is not suiting Xiaxue well (so get her a job fast, thanks)! I looked at her blog, and I looked at her, and I realised that ... either her photoshop is ludicruously good, or she has became ... well, a shadow of her former glamourous self.
But still, I assure you the Blogging Housewife is - about - as interesting! Let me try to get hold of her.
Ah, there she is!
Alas! Caught her at a bad time! Mommy is asking her to hang the clothes. Look at her! What an auntie ... *snigger*
She snuffles to the kitchen unwillingly, and WHAT DOES SHE SEE???!
THE SMELLY BROTHER pretending to study at an unusual place, and a fierce Maltese-terrier staring at her with ferocious looks! My my, how horrific!
With a swift kick delivered to the SMELLY BROTHER's face, she managed hop pass both evil, foul creatures to get to the ...
Washing machine.
And gathers up the wet clothes for hanging.
"Smelly Brother's sock!", proclaims an agitated Xiaxue. *snigger* Check out the hair you thought was gorgeous! All tied up in a messy, ugly bun. Tsk tsk. HEY YOU THERE! Don't laugh at Xiaxue will you? What, you think blogger queens do not ever look bad?
YOU ARE WRONG!
Even with your taunting, the optimistic Xiaxue takes up the hanging task valiantly.
Even singing a little!
And she prances away after she is done, not knowing dangers await her.
CAREFUL, XIAXUE! Did I not warn you to check your back?
*GASP!*
She spanks Xiaxue around a bit with a large trout, bought at a cheap $2.30, for a good ten minutes.
POW WOW!
And rectifies the problem.
Make sure YOU don't make Xiaxue's stupid mistake.
*************************
Later that day
Xiaxue leaves for the bathroom, all sweaty from the tedious hanging.
Toilet. Bathroom. Safe?
You think?
Xiaxue gingerly walks in, checking out her surroundings for sha qi (killer-air)!
AND GUESS WHAT? She was right!
AN INTRUDER! A moth! Ambushing her!
Tsk tsk. Xiaxue is a moth-magnet. Poor thing. She wants me to tell you guys that she has always said moths always hide in the bathroom while she bathes and now I have proven that right.
Upon seeing the moth, she gave a little squeal of terror and gallops out of the toilet. While in the safe kitchen, she thinks about it.
Should she not bathe, and sleep sweaty? Nah. Yucky.
Or should she bathe with said moth in the toilet, and risk it telling its fellow lusty moths friends later how she has lovehandles and laugh at her? Is it stupid to even assume that the moth will not flap its wings around her naked breasts later, when she is so vulnerable?
She finally decided that she is much fatter than a moth (ok, not MUCH, coz this moth is FAT - like real fat-fat) and therefore should NOT be afraid of it!
She hobbles on to a stool, armed with a plastic bowl in the right hand.
She trembles.
A little bit more ... and ...
Congratulations! And celebrations!!!
The moth is now a prisoner-of-war! (Never mind the real meaning of that word. I think it sounds apt. Don't nitpick on my language please, I am stupid as I am just an act jap Pokemon.)
Xiaxue, disgusted by the moth, leaves it for the resident killer to play with - the furious Cloudy (otherwise known as Cloudy-do, do-do (fishball), do-dy, Cloud-cloud, Cloud-do-dy etc), while she commerced with bathing.
Cloudy is a left-wing supporter, as he told me.
BITE IT, HARD, CLOUDY!
Aiyah, so boring.
Later on, when Xiaxue came out of the toilet and realised Cloudy is sleeping beside the fat moth like a real friend, she whacked the piece of Cloud on his head for his betrayal and took the moth-in-a-box to throw away.
Into the 'Yi qu bu hui' dustbin, as she terms it.
She opens the lid and screamed her placenta out! In the bin, stuck, is a leftover piece of food with no less than 8 cockroachs surrounding it and chewing happily, having the time of their lives!!!
Horrorstruck, Xiaxue threw the box and slams the lid really hard.
She cowered in a dark corner crying for the rest of the night, the scary sight still haunting her nervous mind.
*************************
Xiaxue showed me a photo of a cute fireman, from blogder Cedric's blog.
Cute?
I don't think so!
I HATE PROTUDING BELLY BUTTONS!
URGH!
IT IS GROSS! IT IS DISGUSTING!
GET IT AWAY FROM ME!
You know what it looks like?
Like a kissing fish, that's what it looks like!
Don't see the relevance? I WILL SHOW YOU!
Da! I even included the eye for better conviction.
Yuck. I discriminate protuding-belly people. *spits*
(Note: I am not Xiaxue. Xiaxue is fine with the belly protuding people. In fact, when I told her it is GROSS (which it is!), she said it would be kinda fun to rub it. Sick bastards.)
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