WEEKLY ROUNDUP

THE YADA-YADA

"But one of the soldiers pierced His side with a spear,

And immediately blood and water came out.

And he who has seen has testified,

And his testimony is true;

And he knows that he is telling the truth,

So that you also may believe."

John 19:34-36

THE CROSSOVER OF THE WEEK

The Destiny of the Spear of Destiny -

'The Librarian: Quest For The Spear' & 'Roar' & 'Jesus Of Nazareth' & 'The Indiana Jones Chronicles' & 'Merlin' & 'Arthur Of The Britons' & 'Hercules: The Legendary Journeys' & 'Jack And The Beanstalk' & 'Fairy Tale Theater' yada yada yada......

[See the crossover essay "Spear Parts".]



BLIPVERTS

Coins -- rather than plastic football players -- scramble from their hiding places and stampede across the varied terrain of a typical home, where they eventually assemble themselves into one very expensive shoe.



The tagline asks, "What could your change be?" So that settles it then. Like many other objects that should be inanimate, money is alive in the TV Universe.



There's that other commercial for ing Direct in which animated dollar bills race to a car dealership in anticipation of a deal being struck. Their efforts are in vain since the dealer doesn't have the car in red in stock.



The blipvert's moral? "Your money is ready even if you're not."

('Coinstar' & 'ing Direct')



HONORABLE MENTIONS

Captain Donald Cragen took a lunch break from the Special Victims Unit to give some information and advice to Detectives Green and Fontana, regarding a case that was solved while he was in charge at the 27th Precinct.

('Law & Order' & 'Law & Order: SVU')



MISSING LINK

Did the Bookworm ever apply for the job of Librarian?

(See the essay "The Worm Turns")



WISH-CRAFT

If Dean Devlin and Noah Wyle and TNT continue to make TV movies about Flynn Carsen, 'The Librarian', here's what I would like to see:



A guest appearance by Tia Carrere as Dr. Sydney Fox, the character she played in the syndicated TV series 'Relic Hunter'.



ECCE PROMO

There's a new wrinkle in the exploding field of product placement - touting Broadway shows. But the practice doesn't make it any less cheesier just because it's "theatuh" and not a feminine hygiene spray.



Could the writers and producers of 'Will & Grace' push Billy Crystal's "700 Sundays" down our throats any harder than they did in the opening for this past week's episode? (Shoving something down the throat is an apt image for this show......)



The only thing that made it somewhat palatable was that it was the effervescent Blythe Danner who was doing the schilling.

('Will & Grace' & "700 Sundays")



THE LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES

Jimmy Johnson - fighting cyborgs

Jeff Gordon - fighting pirates

Dale Earnhardt, Jr. - fighting knights

(all in NASCAR-oriented commercials for FOX Sports)



An alternate universe Penn & Teller caused a flap when it looked like they burned an American flag at a private party for Zoe Bartlet at the White House.

('The West Wing')



RETURN OF.....

Dr. Jacob Lowenstein, who killed his own child back in 1990, was finally released from prison. He didn't have a very long parole however - he was mowed down in a hit-and-run. He lost his leg and eventually his life because of it.



("To come back as Lowenstein after playing him fourteen years ago is a real treat, even though he is rather an unsavory character," says actor David Groh.)

('Law & Order')



THEORY OF RELATEEVEETY

Edward Wilde was the illegitimate son of Bronx-born self-made millionaire Danny Wilde. Even though his father wasn't even aware of his existence, Edward felt personally slighted and vowed revenge. He made his father's aquaintance and worked his way into his trust and confidence, slowly manipulating the older man into naming him as his heir.



If this was true, more than likely he killed his own father to inherit that fortune. But his greed didn't end with wealth. Wilde pursued his studies with a singular passion in order to qualify to be the Librarian, because as every televisiologist and game show fan can tell you, "Knowledge is king, and the reward for that knowledge is king-sized."



The combination of wealth, knowledge, and the power of the Spear of Destiny would have given Edward Wilde power over all the world.

('The Librarian: Quest For The Spear' & 'The Persuaders')



BY ANY OTHER NAME

Judson mentioned that the first Library was destroyed by the Serpent Brotherhood. If this is true, then the leader of that evil cult had to be Muammad Kali Pashu Addams.



In 270 AD, Addams set fire to the great library of Alexandria.



('The Librarian: Quest For The Spear' & 'The Addams Family')



ZONK

The "name of God" in the Shangri-la temple is the word "me" -- in English. And yet the panels pressed by Flynn Carsen are in Tibetan, while he says out loud "M...E."

('The Librarian: Quest For The Spear')



SPLAININ

The temple was built no more than 400 years ago by English-speaking outsiders, for the specific purpose of housing one third of the Spear of Destiny.



Like the carving on the door into Moria, the clue to find it was meant to be a riddle which involved two different languages.

('The Librarian: Quest For The Spear' & "The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring")



LA TRIVIATA

At last! Finally a story about an epic quest which addressed a very key issue of great concern......



What do you do for toilet paper in the wild?

('The Librarian: Quest For The Spear')



Joey Tribbiani has finally landed a regular TV show now that he's out in L.A.



He's playing the patriarch of a ski resort dynasty in 'Deep Powder'.

('Joey')



REALI-TV

A 48-year-old man was stabbed in his upper abdomen December 7th inside his South Avenue home in Bridgeton, NJ. It apparently happened during an argument over what to watch on television, police said.



The victim was immediately transported to Cooper Hospital/University Medical Center in Camden. He was last reported to police by hospital personnel to be in stable condition, according to Sgt. Thomas Speranza.



Police have charged 23-year-old Isaias Cruz of South Avenue with attempted homicide, possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose and unlawful possession of a weapon.



OBITUARIES

EDWARD WILDE

Once he had been a Librarian, a member of a select group of guardians sworn to protect the world's greatest treasures. But his lust for power drove him to join the Serpent Brotherhood and seek the Spear of Destiny for his own evil intents.



While trying to kill Flynn Carsen (the new Librarian) with the Spear, Edward pushed the key stones of a pyramid out of alignment and brought the capstone crashing down upon himself.

('The Librarian: Quest For The Spear')



HISTORY, CHANNELLED

The Spear of Destiny is a legendary artifact associated — like the Holy Grail, the Crown of Thorns, and the Shroud of Turin — with the final moments of Jesus Christ.



As first described in John 19:31-37, the Spear, also known as the Spear of Longinus and the Heilige Lance (Holy Lance), was used by a Roman soldier (Gaius Cassius, later called Longinus) to pierce the side of Christ as he hung on the cross. The Spear, bathed in the blood of the Lamb and playing a significant role in the fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy, is believed to have acquired tremendous mystical power. The first sign of that power was the purported healing of Gaius Cassius’s failing eyesight by blood from the wound. The centurion later become an early convert to Christianity.



The Spear subsequently passed through a multitude of hands, coming into the possession of many of Europe’s most important political and military leaders, including Constantine I, Alaric (the Visigoth king who sacked Rome in the year 410), Frankish general Charles Martel, Charlemagne, Frederick of Barbarossa, and Frederick II.



A leader who possessed the Spear was said to be invincible; Charlemagne and Frederick of Barbarossa were undefeated in battle until they let the Spear fall from their hands. A legend arose that whoever claimed the Spear “holds the destiny of the world in his hands for good or evil.”



Hitler’s fascination with the Spear was pivotal in sparking his interest in the occult, which gave birth to his ideas on the origins and purpose of the Germanic race and contributed to his belief in his own destiny as a world conqueror.



Not long after the German annexation of Austria, Hitler ordered the S.S. to seize the Spear and other artifacts from Vienna. They were taken by train to Nuremberg, where they were stored in St. Katherine’s Church.



Nuremberg was captured by Allied troops in April of 1945. The vault was subsequently discovered by American Army officers. The Spear was confiscated by American forces on the afternoon of April 30, 1945, less than two hours before Hitler’s suicide in his underground bunker in Berlin.



Like the Spear’s previous owners, Hitler perished after the relic was taken from him.



It should be noted that all the various purported Holy Lances are only spearheads, not complete weapons. The spear used by Longinus was most likely a Roman hasta (long spear), an iron head mounted on a hardwood shaft roughly 12 feet long. The shaft of the Spear either was not preserved or was lost to the ravages of time.



UNSTUCK IN PRIME TIME

33 AD - Roman Centurion Gaius Cassius pierces the side of Jesus Christ with his spear to determine if he is dead. The Spear is bathed in the blood and watery fluids from the body of the Christ. Cassius repents and converts to Christianity, taking the name of "Longinus".



But at some point after this, perhaps once he had passed the normal age limits of a man in his era without sign of aging, Longinus must have convinced himself that he had been played for a fool; that he had been cheated of the blessed release of Death.

circa 400 AD - Longinus lays siege to the people of the British Isles, using the televersion of the Spear.

('Roar')

410 AD - Alaric, the Visigoth King, sacks Rome. He wields the Spear.

570 AD - The Spear is on display in the basilica of Mt. Sion in Jerusalem, alongside the Crown of Thorns.

615 AD - The point of the blade is broken off during the Persian conquest of Jerusalem.

1098 AD - The second Spear is found by Peter Bartholomew in Antioch. It is now at Etschmiadzin in Armenia. Experts think it may be the shaft of a standard, not of a spear.

1200s - The third Spear makes its way to Krakow, where it is to this day.

1273 AD - The fourth Spear (also known as the Lance of St. Maurice and the Holy Lance of Hapsburg) is used in a coronation ceremony.

1492 AD - Sultan Bajazet presents the rest of the first Spear's spearhead to Pope Innocent VIII. It remains in St. Peter's Basilica to this day.

approximately 1600s - "Hundreds of years ago", the Librarians decided to break up the Spear of the TV Universe and store the other two thirds in hidden places around the world. One section was hidden deep in the Amazon jungle in a Toltec temple, and the other was placed in the safe-keeping of monks in Shangri-La in the Himalayas.

1700s - The tip of the spearhead from the first Spear, which had been set into an icon, had been moved from St. Sophie's in Constantinople to Sainte Chappelle.

During the French Revolution, the icon disappears from the Biblioteque Nationale in Paris.

1882 AD - Richard Wagner writes "Parsifal", an opera in which the Spear was a plot device.

1909 AD - Adolph Hitler first sees the fourth Spear on display in the Treasure House of the Hofsburg Museum.

October 12, 1938 AD - Hitler orders the S.S. to sieze the Spear from Vienna.

1944 AD - The Spear and other holy artifacts are stored in a specially constructed vault beneath St. Katherine's Church in Nuremburg.

April 30, 1945 - American forces confiscate the Spear. Two hours later, Hitler commits suicide.

1946 AD - The Spear and the rest of the Reichkleinodien (Imperial Regalia of the House of Hapsburg) are returned to Austria. They are on display to this day in the Hofsburg Museum. But the Spear's televersion is brought instead to be housed in the Metropolitan Public Library.

2004 AD - The TV Spear's adventures continue....



CRITIC'S CORNER

From the "Librarian In Black" website:

Let me say first what any other librarian watching this movie was sure to notice. Out of the 22 degrees that this chap held, not a single one was a Masters in Library Science (at least it was not mentioned, which you think they would have).



As someone who was watching the movie with me said, "They should have called this movie The Scholar, not The Librarian." Flynn the Librarian was not, in any sense, a librarian. He knew a lot of stuff (the movie emphasized linguistics, sociology, and world history), but "knowing stuff" does not a librarian make. It perpetuates the myth that librarians actually know everything. We can find just about everything, but no, we don't know everything. But then again, this guy wasn't a real librarian anyway, so perhaps the point is moot.



Hits: During Flynn's interview, he is asked what makes him qualified to be The Librarian. In his answer he mentions his web searching skills & being able to set up an RSS feed.

Misses: Not once, not a single solitary time, do we see a computer in The Library. Sheesh. We do see a wall of what I assume were supposed to be card catalog drawers, but they are a foot wide, so who knows.



The Librarian was a typical cheesy action film, with poorly done special effects, errors in logic, a weak story line, and some pretty horrible acting. Oh yes, and it really wasn't about a librarian, either. 80% of the movie had absolutely nothing to do with The Library, much less being a librarian. It was a typical poorly-done hapless adventurer movie. It would have been a horrible, horrible movie--even if it hadn't had the added insult of innacurately portraying librarians. December 06, 2004



CROSSOVER HALL OF FAME

Here's the final rundown of the inductees in the year 2004:

January - Captain James T. Kirk

February - Lt. Uhura

March - Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy

April - Commander Montgomery Scott

May - Yeoman Janice Rand

June - Zephraim Cochrane

Birthday Honors - The Cast Of The Original 'Star Trek':

William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, James Doohan, George Takei, Nichelle Nichole, Walter Koenig, Majel Barrett, Grace Lee Whitney

July - Ensign Pavel Chekov

August - Helmsman Hikaru Sulu

September - Gene Roddenberry

October - The Tribbles

November - Ambassador Sarek

December - Mr. Spock



Well, that's it for another week. Please stay tuned!



BCnU!

Tele-Toby

(Thanks to Aaron Severson for all of the research on the Spear of Destiny.)