Being the disgustingly self-centred person I am, I check out websites which are linked to me, to see what these people are saying.
Everyone now and then I see an article insulting me. (By the way, to people who have this very wrong idea that I receive hatemail all the time, I would like to think that I can safely say more people like me than dislike, for the ratio of fan mail to hate mail is 15:1)
Within the comments of that Xiaxue-bashing article, which will no doubt contain some people who slams everyone on the internet, I will see respective mean comments.
The ones that saddens me the most are those that state: "I used to love Xiaxue, but now I dislike her as she is just this commercialised bitch. "
Wait, how does my earning money through the blog affect YOU? Why do you hate me because of that?
My innate reaction:
Singaporeans are plain selfish, some of them anyway. Whenever we see someone different, someone succeeding, we try to strike them down, and try to force the unique back into the cookie cutter crowd.
A pity, and a really sad thing it is.
It has been five months since I was endorsed by Localbrand. How has my endorsement deal changed me?
No, wait. Unless you have read at least half of my archives, don't even answer. You don't know the blog well enough. I know, because I am the writer, that I write the same way I do since day One. Well, except a little less of the private stuff as it now concerns other people's privacy, but otherwise it is the same old Xiaxue.
Stupid people tell me, "Xiaxue, I think you fame has changed you. You are no longer nice. You are a mean person now."
Bah!!! Excuse me, stupid people, but you are not making sense. I shall make this sentence bold: If I wanted to maintain popularity, all the more I would not write mean stuff, because I want people to like me, read my blog, and therefore let me earn more money.
But no. I maintained that mean streak (although I know it's kinda not good, but it's my blog so I'll write anything I like) and still insulted everything. So shut up about me changing. I'm still the same foul-mouthed bitch, except maybe a little prettier coz I have a better camera. =)
About commercialisation - yes, advertisers have been starting to approach me.
I want to be one of the first few people in the world who are able to answer "I am a Blogger!", when asked what my occupation is.
I believe that blogs are dynamic. The era of blogging have just started, and we are only seeing the tip of the humongous iceberg yet. Blogs are, right now, still an untested platform for marketing, and I believe it has a huge potential to take over some traditional media.
I believe, being a good blogger, I can actually make a career out of this.
It may sound ridiculous to you. You may say I am daydreaming. You may sneer at me, and say, "Xiaxue, you can stop talking cock lah, you will never succeed!"
But at least I am trying. =) I am doing something which is my passion, which is in me. I love expressing myself, I love writing, and I love being able to have my opinions heard. I want to make this passion into something great - something different which nobody has done before, just like how I am Singapore's youngest columnist, or I am the first blogger in the world to get an endorsement deal!
Even if I do fail, at most I go back to a 9-5 job, and I will have no regrets.
Look: Kottke makes his living via donations by his readers, and they really do donate to him. When I jokingly asked readers to get me a new camera, they whine and get really offended over nothing. Singaporeans and selfishness! (ok to be fair some really wanted to donate)
Don't get scared. I will not get readers to pay! Why not get advertisers to pay? Even better, no? All you readers have to do is have a look at the products (or not), if you really like it, buy it. If you don't like it, just scroll down for the next blog entry!
I want to succeed in this. I really do.
I know you blogders have always been behind me, and whenever I look back I feel really fortunate to have you guys.
No, really. I am a very lucky girl, because I am able to get empathy from strangers who don't have to give a shit about whether I die. I remember when you people wished me good luck for my Mensa test, my mediacorp interview, gave me kind words whenever I felt down, or cheered me up with trashy poems to make me laugh.
I urge my readers be with me once more on this. I come from a single-parent family, where money is hard to come by. My mom works really hard, and she has to take care of my younger brother who is only 12. When an advertiser asks me if I can provide an ad space for him, do I say no to the extra income?
That doesn't mean I will be a sell-out. I am not an idiot: I know that people read my blog because I have always been very honest with my readers. Check with people who know me - I've never lied about anything on my blog.
Therefore, I know that editorial integrity is the essense of my blog. Without this precious editorial integrity, I will lose all my readers.
Here is my promise to my blog readers: No matter how commercialised this blog is, its contents will stay true, and honest, and stay the same as before.
I know this is a delicate situation, but I've been procrastinating about writing this since Localbrand endorsed me. I don't want anyone to think I'm a sold-out whore, because I wouldn't be.
As I mentioned before, I will ONLY ENDORSE OR ADVERTISE PRODUCTS WHICH I THINK ARE GOOD.
You wouldn't see me advertising churches, you wouldn't see me endorsing cigarettes (though I think f-ing good money can come from there).
I will also clearly state an advertorial if it is paid. It is only fair to my readers. =) But rest assured that even if it's an advertorial, I will remain blatantly honest. If you find that I lied, you can go flame me on forums.
Good enough?
I am almost alone in doing this. Few have made blogging their career before, and please, stay to accompany me through this journey ok? Hold my hand, I'm scared.
=) 3 cheers to my career, and you being part of it.
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