So anyway, last Sunday Xiao Yu, Wong and I went over to Shengrong's place. That bugger, affectionally known as Nancy Natheneh Ng Abishikenathan in secondary school, asked us over to play mahjong.
We all agreed coz we like Auntie Betty, SR's dad's sister who is superb-ly funny, though a lousy mahjong player.
As everyone already knows, all the rich boys go to schools like ACS, RI (for the smarter kids), or VS or Maris Stella or I don't know lah, those boys' schools. Cock chinese schools like RV only has sincerely hardworking and smart kids coming from middle-class families. Damn I wish I went into ACS. Shengrong, for some weird reason, came to RV, and thus becoming the first rich friend that I had.
It may seem like a normal expensive house along Orchard road, but ...
GAH!
WHAT IS THAT THING? Along the big porch we see it lying down innocently, trying to act like it is not rich...
WAH! It is a luxurious back-scratcher!!!
The rest of us have to be content with our fingernails or cheap cane back-scratchers, but the wealthy indulge and have the best of everything!
HAVE YOU SEEN ANYTHING AS LUXURIOUS? Its expensive plastic pretending to be marble, the tips of the artificial fingers modelled to perfection, its golden joint sparkling, and its fine pinewood sand-papered, buffed and triple-glossed.
A BACK-SCRATCHER FIT ONLY FOR ROYALTY!
Xiao yu took a scratch and immediately had two orgasms.
After she finished scratching she realised that she was severely bitten on the small of her back.
To her mighty dismay, she found out the luxurious back-scratcher belongs to Congee, Sr's tri-coloured border collie.
Congee is shooting laser rays at Xiaoyu.
As for SR's family, whenever their backs are itchy they fly international supermodels over to help scratch. A luxurious back-scratcher is only fit for the family pooch!
We proceeded to play mahjong (after hearing Auntie Betty play Chun Feng Wen Sheng Wo De Face on piano).
Speaking of mahjong, how come so many people have trouble counting ah? I have come up with an amazing formula to do it in a jiffy!
Say the dice add up to 13.
Now take 13, and minus the largest multiple of the number of players. This, if you are playing with the usual 4 people, would be 12 right?
13 minus 12 = 1
Thus we take the tiles from the first person (aka the zhuang).
If it is 8, we take 8 minus 8 = nothing. When it is equals to nothing, it means it is the fourth person. And of course, left 3 means 3rd, left 2 means 2nd.
If you are playing 3 person mahjong, and the dice shows 11...
You take 11 minus the biggest multiple of 3 (players), which is 9. Answer is 2, so tile taking will be from the second player's tiles!
There! No more pointless counting during mahjong! Smart not? I thought of the formula myself ok!
The guest room had...
A nice antique bed:
And a nice matching dressing table:
To my shock, also got...
Matching dustbin! Wahahhaa...
Speaking of disgustingly rich people, I am supremely disappointed with Kelvin. Try as I might to convince him, he is not going to build a swimming pool in his new house. WHAT? Country clubs are sufficient? WHAT NONSENSE! In any case, I told Kelvin that I will no longer be satisfied with a mere lap pool.
Those are for the superficially rich! When you are really rich, what is a stupid lap pool? IT IS NOTHING! *snaps fingers in a cocky manner*
Thus I suggest to Kelvin that to win all the average very rich people, he should build an articial beach at his backyard. Don't you think that is super cool? He can then invite skimpily-clad girls to come over to his place (but beware of sharks girls!) and even charge strangers for using his beach!
Kelvin laughed and said simple him just wanted a Ferrari. HMPF! I look you no up Kelvin! We must all have ambitions! What is a FERRARI? IT IS NOTHING! *snaps fingers in an angry manner* To join the ferrari club in Singapore means you are one in ... hundreds. That makes you a common, lowly member of the rich people!! AMBITIONS KELVIN, AMBITIONS!
I suggested that he use the money to get a (snigger) ferrari to buy a Starbucks franchise, to be build in the porch and near to the west coast of the artificial beach.
Then he can be like, "Let's go chill somewhere!" and when his friends go like, "Ok lor, where?", he can be like, "The starbucks at my place lah!"
Caramel Frappuchino please!
What's a half basketball court? Or lap pools? I say, build an artifical beach and have your own starbucks. If you still have excess cash, you build a racing track around the house where mad horses will canker to death anyone who dares trespass.
Where were we? Oh yes, mahjong! I had enough of playing with lousy players like Shengrong, so I decided to roll on the giant guest bed while singing irritating songs.
After rolling round for a bit, my nose knocked into a happy-looking yellow box.
Without thinking much, I decided to kaypoh and open the box coz it looked so happy.
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GAH!!! It is disgusting Xiaoyu's retainers!!!
....
I OPENED IT!!! I accidentally touched a corner!
Eeeeee!! You like to touch Xiaoyu's retainers!
Xiao yu is very appalled by SR and me laughing her retainers because she just got them that morning and within a few hours it got severely laughed at.
We had a sumptuous dinner after that, courtesy of SR's dad.
For dessert, SR showed us the impossible:
It is said to be impossible to lick your own elbow...
Disgusting Shengrong can do it! Omg... FREAK!!
****************
I was with Huifen at Jurong Entertainment, when we saw sibeh old-school neoprint machines!
You know how we always only see lovegetys or those super big jap neoprint machines right? Well, we found its ancestor still around!
NEOOOOO Print! Hart chee zhi!
Choosing from the set of old-school frames... I used to collect neoprints when I was in secondary school, and I had like 500 of them at my peak.
The irritating purple-haired girl with the ringing voice!
The results was so bad that it turned out super blur on my camera, so no photo of it...
We tried out the other old-school neo print machine instead!
Can draw one!
Huijuan (Huifen's sister) helped us snap shots!
Nice hor this photo! I love the lighting leh!
In any case, we had to draw things onto the neoprint. I decided to put a pair of horns on Huifen's head, but the horns were so big and far apart, they can fit both our head inside!
I tried to erase the horns and I managed to erase Huifen's side, when I accidentally pressed PRINT PHOTO.
-_-
Thus, behold ...
Xie xie.
Huifen is angry because she wants some horns too.
Da mei nus!
On a totally unrelated note, here are some photos that were taken by good cameras during the bloggercon... =)
And if you are one of those guys going on blind date tonight, can buy me this?
WAH LAU! I confirm choose you can, if you buy for me? I am so thoroughly smitten by it! Do you know, this limited edition lady's Vertu, has a HOT PINK croc skin stripe at the side? Do you also know, that its screen and lights are PINK?
Fuck, just kill me, I want it so much! But $8,000! Who want to buy for me?
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