THREE MINUTE THEATER

Recently I entered a (very) short play into the annual "Three Minute Theater" competition here in New York City. The rules are simple - write an original play that runs no longer than three minutes.

I made it to the next stage, where I was asked to produce a staging of my play. So I asked a young actor named Ray D. Amell (best known in TV for a stupid human trick on 'The Jay Leno Show') to play George, and Natalie Major, a singer-songwriter, to play his sister Karen. An old college buddy, Michael Hillyer, was nice enough to direct it; and I even got John O'Creagh (last seen in Toobworld in an episode of 'Life On Mars') to pose as Old Man Holvak with Natalie for the painting. (That's just off to the right in the picture above.)

Unfortunately, somebody on the committee finally took a good look at the script and decided it really wasn't very original. But we had fun while it lasted!

So I thought I'd share the play now with you......

THICKER THAN WATER

THE PEOPLE:
GEORGE
KAREN
(THE FAMILY HOLVAK)

(Scene: a darkened room. We can just barely see the shape of a man sitting in a chair on the far right of the room.)

(A woman enters. She attempts to do the clap on routine for the lights.)

Karen (grumbling): Turn on.....

George: Are you afraid of the dark?

Karen: Bless me, Father!

(Karen stumbles to the nearest lamp and switches it on.)

Karen: George!

George: Karen....

Karen: Good grief! You again?

George: Baby, I'm back.

Karen: Who do you think you are? Wait til your father gets home!

George (laughing): Daddy-O? The biggest loser! Don't wait up. (Shows fake sense of mourning) General Hospital, imagine that! Daddy dearest, one foot in the grave....

Karen: What do you want, big brother?

George: Let's see.... in search of cool millions, believe it or not.

Karen: Over my dead body!

(George pulls out a gun.)

George: You asked for it.

Karen: The gun!

(Karen runs to the phone, but can't get a dial tone.)

George: Call for help?

(George holds up the severed phone line.)

Karen (pleading): Let's talk.... Let's make a deal......

George (mocking): Sister, sister.....

(George tosses a coin.)

George: Shoot... don't shoot....

(He checks result of the coin toss.)

George: Goodnight, sweetheart.

(George shoots Karen. She collapses on the floor.)

George: Goodness gracious me! Dead at 21......

(Pocketing the gun, George goes through her pockets until he finds a ring of keys.)

George: Thanks.

(George crosses the room to a picture hanging on the wall and studies it.)

George: Imagine that! You're in the picture!

(No response from Karen. With a shrug, he pulls the painting back to expose a safe.)

George: Eureka!

(He inserts the key but before it opens, huge pincers bolt out of the wall and crush him between them.)

George: The Vise!

(He dies.)

(Karen lifts her head.)

Karen: The Family Holvak... cursed!

(She collapses in death.)

The End