On the Raggedy Edge

A good friend sent me the link to this talk by Marcelo Figueroa. I had seen the talk by Erik Mona at the same convention before (I actually kicked off the Synapse blog with a post about it, almost a year ago now). I didnt realize that Neoncon put all the talks online, I will have to check out the rest of the stuff over the next few days.

Marcelo's talk is very informative, but it implies a certain perspective. I frequently get questions about why I am doing what am I doing in the way that I am doing it. So I figured I would lay out my reasoning for my behavior and discuss what I have learned in the year since I started doing it.

In the past, I have used the phrase in the wilderness to describe my current way of life. Traditionally, the phrase means that you are out there on the edge and not participating in the normal way. I think from now on, I will refer to my position as on the raggedy edge.

So here is us, on the raggedy edge.
- Malcolm Reynolds

I work a day job and I am not willing to take the leap of faith that Marcelo Figueroa discusses. I have a wife, 2 young kids, and a mortgage. I have obligations. I don't have a big lump of savings to finance publication, art, and other expenses. I am risk-averse now. If I was unmarried, no kids, no house, no obligations, just playing games 20+ hours a week; then I might be able to pursue the dream in the way that Figueroa discusses. Now if someone comes along and makes me a reasonable offer to leave my day job, I will definitely consider it. But that is not something on my radar right now.

What I do have is about 3-5 hours a day that I need to fill with entertainment. For a long long time, I filled that time with video games. For reasons I have discussed at length in the past, I have given that up. I have a massive massive creative surge going on right now. My brain is just popping with ideas. So I have found that using my entertainment time to write has been very enjoyable for me.

I do this for free because it is my entertainment right now. I can do the writing and I can do the layout. By virtue of being free, I can get donated art to make the games look nice. So the structure of what I am doing is fairly stable and replicable into the future. I get to write all that I want. I get to use fantastic art from fantastic artists. I get to "make something". There is an amazing reward in that. This works for me.

I am not obligated to do anything. If I don't want to do it, I don't do it. There is actually a really awesome idea that I have that is just totally sitting half-finished on ice right now. Why? Because I am more interested in doing other things right now. This is not my job. It is my entertainment. It is my hobby. I am in control.

So what I have a learned out here on the raggedy edge?

First, watch this talk by Gary Vaynerchuk about the Thank You Economy. My experiences have totally matched what Gary is talking about. The consumer's bullshit radar is strong. You cannot simply make posts "hey look, I made a game" and get people to look at it. I tried this for a while, but I have largely given up on that. Instead, I have tried to focus my efforts on establishing personal connections with other people. If people can see that I am a hard-working person who is really passionate and dedicated to making very unique, well crafted, and well designed materials, then I am confident that when the time comes for them to make a recommendation to a friend, they will think of me. I am not marketing myself very much because I don't think it works anymore. People have too much to read for free already, they need something to filter it down and I aim to make myself unique and personable to do that.

Second, you cannot just expect other people to give you feedback. Sending out messages to a lot of people may not net very many responses. When you do get feedback, treasure it. Say nice things to the person, be thankful. Most of the time, I am moving at a higher speed than those that I send material. I may send out an Alpha copy of a game and have made so many changes within a week that I am sending out another version and the people on the Alpha list may not have even had time to read the first one yet. I have found that you cannot really get mad about that, that is just the way it is. Just be thankful for those who do take the time to respond.

Third, I have found that it is much easier to maintain forward direction on my work when I am juggling multiple projects. When the creative well runs dry on one project, I can switch to another. This does add a level of complexity to your mental acrobatics. It is hard to keep projects separated in your mind.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, it has been really rewarding for me to let go of the monetary side of things. I am not a religious person, but I think you can draw upon some spiritual elements here. There is a kind of Zen, a kind of inner peace, and a kind of satisfaction that comes from doing artistic/creative work on your own terms on your own schedule with nobody telling you what you need to do. In the way that Buddhist monks achieve peace by giving up attachment, by giving up your attachment to the money, you open up your heart to a different way of living.

I assume that a large percentage of my readers are bloggers. So I know that you all have at least a taste of what I am talking about. There is a tension that you feel between your ambitions and your life. You want to make more posts, have more people read your stuff, and so on. But simultaneously that takes time out of your life. Finding that balance is hard. But I think the key to personal happiness is to let go of those ambitions. Let go of your own ego.

Marcelo says in his talk and I have heard people say it many times before, that you are not going to get rich in this industry. Don't delude yourself into thinking you will. If that is true, you need to seriously consider the idea that maybe going into the lion's den, attaching yourself to business process demands, doing actual work on things that you are not really enthusiastic about, and subjecting yourself to the grind is not going to result in a net positive force in your life. What is your reward?

Marcelo says to design your business plan to pay you for your own work. Don't short yourself, you need to get paid too. I think you can apply the same logic to your hobby-time. Don't spend a lot of time worrying about what other people want you to do. Pay yourself first, with your own time, by working on what you want. Do you really want to spend 4 hours a day playing video games or watching TV? Or do you want to put your dreams down on paper?

So here I am, on the raggedy edge.

Where are you?