The Inappropriate Touch

Today in English class Mrs. Cross brought up the subject of "The Inappropriate Touch." She claims that the boys here at St. Anthony High School are abnormally "touchy" with each other. The reason that us MEN run around the halls hugging each other and slapping each other's !#$% (derrieres) is because we are comfortable with our sexualities. We are not afraid of what others think about us; but, the main reason for the slapping on the !#$% (behinds) is that we are too lazy to raise our arms to give them a pat on the back. We are lazy, it is much easier to swing your arm forward than raise it all the way to the up to the back.


Charlie Schultz

[Mrs. Cross Comments: I do think it's a little goofy -- all the jumping on top of each other and giving each other "good games" and whatnot. You never see the girls doing that. I can't walk through the halls or even stand outside my door without seeing 50 million boys [yes, hyperbole] jumping on top of each other or smacking each other on the backsides. What is wrong with a simple, "Hey _____," how are you?" Why do you need to grope each other? What is wrong with a pat on the back or a handshake or a high five? I understand seeing the "good game" during an actual sporting event -- but just for walking down the hallway? Granted, I'm not a guy -- I'll probably never understand this.

Please note: Mrs. Cross does not condone the idea that the boys should switch from swatting each other to swatting the girls in the hallway. I've heard from some of the girls that if you try this -- you will seriously regret it.]