How to write a book.

Hello and welcome. Today we will explore the complicated process of writing a book.

The first thing you must do is gather materials, actual pre-made books can be expensive, so save time and money by simply stapling papers together and gluing cardboard to the outsides to create a cover.

Next, create an eye catching cover with an extravagant title. Does your book make a brief mention of dragons on page 146? Name it Dragon's Slayer X: The Wrath of Dracognix.

Commissioning a professional artist to do the cover art is a far step down from simply drawing the cover yourself. Materials needed can vary from crayons, or you can simply use colors around the house, such as: Ketchup for red, Mustard for yellow, or the paint peeling off of your garage's walls for pale green. Now your cover is fun and edible!* Using a pencil and writing all of the words yourself in each copy gives the book a feel of authenticity, or simply purchasing a chimp and handing it a pencil will help save money on purchasing a copy machine.

Also, never, under any circumstance spell-check, it is a time wasting process when the publishing company will probably do it for you anyway.

If your story is based off of legend or history, nobody will mind if you take extreme royalties with the image. Are you doing a history book on Abraham Lincoln? Tell more about his back story of killing grisly bears with his bare hands, his super strength and agility (also, make him sparkle in the sunlight, the teenage crowd eats that stuff up).

And the final step of the book writing process is "When in doubt, plagiarize." This complicated saying means, that when you are out of ideas, steal other peoples good ones. Add a wizard into your story and call him Barry Totter and his best friend Prodo on their quest to defeat Lord Saurdemort and destroy the one ring/death star with their best buddy Juke Piewalker.

We at the informative "How to" company hope this informative guide on books has aided you.

*This blog is not responsible for any damage caused by eating dry paint.

Top things of the Week (Week 2)

You know the drill readers, so let’s get started.

Food of the Week:

After the mass of candy I’m sure you had, it’s time to give it a good contrast. We’ll surely avoid scurvy if we all eat this week’s food.

Fantastic.

Beverage of the Week:

The idea for the beverage of this week is contributed by everyone’s favorite minister, Father Darren.

Slogans that got people to purchase include:

1889–1914: "King of Beverages."

1940s: "Good For Life."

1950s: "The Friendly Pepper Upper."

1970s: "The Most Original Soft Drink Ever."

1991: "Just what the Doctor ordered."

Movie of the week:

This week we’ll dig into movies past. This week our movie of the week is The Goonies.

The Goonies is truly a great movie that you should watch again soon.

Video game of the Week:

This week, I was going to spot light the first Super Mario Bros. game, but I realized that was too predictable, besides why put one in the original series when I could put all of them? The video game of this week is Super Mario All-stars.

This compilation cartridge features Super Mario Bros. 1, 2, and 3. Along with Super Mario Bros. the lost level, what game is this you may ask? Well, it’s actually the real version of Super Mario Bros. 2 that never saw a U.S. release because it was deemed ‘too difficult for the U.S. audience”.

A new segment approaches! Roll for initiative.

TV show of the week:

We’ll delve into the shows of the 80’s for a few weeks, evolve into the 90’s, and then end it with shows from the 2000’s and now. This Week’s TV show of the week is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

And I’m talking about the original, not the new age re-imaginings. It was one of the strangest concepts you’ll ever hear in a TV show, but we still love it the same.

Top things of the week

Hello readers, I'll spare you the introductions and get right into it, so let's start.

Food of the Week:
As Halloween draws near, it's time to get festive. The food of this week is candy!

Although, you should be warned, the mass consumption of these sweet treats will cause extreme stomach aches.

Beverage of the Week:
It comes in all flavors, has a mascot that I personally fear, this weeks best beverage is Kool-aid!

*shudders*

Movie of the week:
Having the blues over the fact that you can no longer adequately celebrate Halloween by trick or treating? Well, you can always invite a few friends over, pop some popcorn, and watch a scary movie or two. I'm not going to get into any specific movie, but the horror movie genre in general!


Video game of the week:
It's a tie this time around. In the spirit of Halloween, I'd like to highlight two of my favorite games that are sure to insight a fright! Super Ghouls 'N' Ghosts and the first Castlevania!

Both of these games are available via the Wii Shop Channel, or if you can procure a copy you could play each on the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) and the Super Nintendo, respectively. Both of these games are also difficult, giving you bragging rights for successfully beating either. Both of which, I'm proud to say, I've completed.

I hope you enjoyed the list! Be safe, don't take rides from strangers, and all that jazz. That concludes this week's "Thing of the Week." Happy Halloween!
~

Catalina Castaneda

Meet Catalina Castaneda Nieto -- an exchange student from Columbia. Catalina is 17 years old and is currently staying with the Gilpin family. Catalina has one sister, Carolina, who is 14 years old. While she enjoys the people in America, she does miss her family, her pet cat, and the food in Colombia.

Catalina came to the United States to work on English as her second language. When she has a little time off from her studies, she likes to go shopping. She also enjoys singing and is an accomplished artist. She prefers to draw Anime (an example is shown here). She says that it can sometimes be hard to make friends here--mainly because of the language barrier. She does enjoy watching videos and spending time with friends, though.

Her favorite American food? The corn dog, of course--because it doesn't even exist in Columbia. Can you imagine?

Take some time to get to know Catalina better--she's really friendly and bright! Maybe you could tutor her in English in exchange for her helping you with your Spanish...