Throughout this long break, I have forgotten how comfortable it is to click on Blogger and write here.
Finally, all of you who are sick of the dreamd8 thing can heck care about it and return to my blog without reading one more word that has anything to do with it.
Some nonsense issues here: (And my severe warning, this blog entry is fucking fucking long)
1) Alvin
Alvin, the great guy whom you all have been reading about (not much though, coz after all boyfriend he is not) for the past three months, has disappeared. Just like that. *snaps fingers twice* Into thin air.
I don't understand men, really. He has been so sweet and nice! I told him that I am not prepared to go into a relationship with him, but he told me its alright, he will wait. He says he just wants to see me happy, and that's sufficient for him.
Well it seems that's utter bullshit. MEN. This just makes me super jaded. Seriously, humans are just self-centred creatures who live for themselves and blowjobs/showerheads, and I am not denying that despite trying hard not to, I'm like that as well. Except the showerhead part.
So anyway it went like this:
Alvin did not contact me for two days. Last conversation was fine, and ended with an ironic "I will call u tomorrow."
WTF??!
This is not the first time he is doing this. He went missing not once, but TWICE before, and always come back after with the typical "I miss you so much and I will not do this again."
I DON'T UNDERSTAND?! If he needs time off, why can't he just tell me, "I need some time off", then disappear while I go club and shag other guys? (joking) Why must gei siao say got nothing wrong, then don't reply msgs and pretend that phone on silent/low batt??!
I absofuckinglutely hate guys who go missing and avoid issues! What's the point? Can someone tell me what's the point??!
Me, calling using a different line: *ring ring!*
Alvin, in chirpy voice: "Hello!" (As if I must be Pamela Anderson asking him if he could touch my boobies)
Me: Oei you avoiding me ah?
Alvin: Umm. Ah... No la...
Me: Speak up and quit wasting my hi card money ok!
Alvin: *deep breath, chirpy voice gone* Ummm.. I just thought... *pause for 5 seconds*
Me: JUST THOUGHT WHAT? SAY LA!
Alvin: Umm... We can't go on like this....
Me: OK BYEEE! *kup phone*
- silence -
Why ah? Why are some people like that? It took him 3 months to realise that we can't go on like that? Wow! And if I did not use another line to call him, is he ever gonna tell me "we cannot go on like this"? And what I am supposed to do the period of time he is avoiding my calls?? Report to the police that he must be eaten up by a python in Tekong, huh?
Put the story up on show 'Missing'?
The next time a guy does that to me, I swear I would do this:
----
Me, calling in an out-of-breath tone: Hey Alvin, you avoiding me ah?
Alvin: Umm... oh... ah... um...hohum...
Me: Oh it's alright you know!
Alvin: It is?
Me: Yeah coz I like.. *breathless* went to Maldives while I was so worried for you... *Puff* and I like met the GREATEST guy ever... Alvin, meet David...
David (played by random guy friend): Hi Alvin, Wendy thought I would say hi to you... One more thing though. If you are thinking of pulling off the trick of playing missing and then coming back and saying you still love her, fuck off, coz she is mine now *smooching sound*.
Me: Don't be sad Alvin. You said you will be happy for me, and David has the longest dick ever.
David: Oh... oh... I'm cum-ing don't stop honey!!! ohhh... oh my god.. oh Wendy...
Me: *giggles*
Alvin: OH YOU GUYS ARE SICK!
Me and David: Oh fuck that was sooo good baby..
Alvin: Suck it.
Me: Oh you stained the phone Dave!!!
Alvin: *kup*
Me and David: CONGRATULATIONS! AND CELEBRATIONS!!!
-----
Anyway, that's not the point. The point is, I am a 100% single person once again (I was 2% attached previously).
I dig Chinese High guys. I dig law students. I dig hackers, pirates, elves, and pilots. If you are any of the above, please email with an invitation to go to your private yacht to have sizzling sex.
Except if you are a pirate, or elf, please send a press release to news@newstoday.com for an exclusive interview as well, would do good for my internship.
2) Shianux
Perhaps one of the best things I got out of my blog yet, is Shianux, a blogder.
He is damn smart, pretty good looking, (he says he has a 90% orgasm rate as well but that?s none of my business) and perhaps one of the few readers who managed to get my phone number during a half hour IRC chat, which is super impressive considering the amount of people who DIDN'T manage to do that.
Now, upon hearing Alvin's sad xia chang, this is what Shianux said:
Me: Fuck it Alvin is missing AGAIN! What the hell is wrong with him?!
Shianux: Oh why?
Me: I don't know!
Shianux: You know what I think?
Me: What?
Shianux, very matter-of-factly: I think you should go after Tay Ping Hui.
Me: Siao, he wouldn't like a girl like me la CRAZY!
Shianux: Why wouldn't he like a girl like you? (said in a tone which shows he thinks I am fantabulous.)
Me: Coz he can choose to fuck anyone he wants perhaps? Why me?
I forgot Shianux's answer, but considering I do have Ping Hui's email address, I emailed him.
The results? I don't know yet, will tell you guys soon. And if you happen not to know why I got his email, you've just got to buck up and read every single fucking entry, I can't keep repeating myself for you alright?!
*
Shianux is mad. We were having a discussion on how much people claim to love someone, but how do they prove it?
Shianux thinks that the best way to see if a guy truly loves his gf, is to ask him this question:
If one day, your gf stays exactly the way she is right now, which is also means she retains everything you love about her, but she suddenly grows a dick, would you still be with her? She retains her female organs and everything else, just that there's a dick there somewhere?
Great. What's YOUR answer?
For me, if I love my girlfriend (if I were a guy), I would still be with her even if she has a dick. There is only one problem though.
HER DICK CANNOT BE BIGGER THAN MINE.
I mean seriously, that would suck. I don't mean literally.
*
Shianux is GREAT at arguments.
Heres what one stupid spammer, unwittingly stumbling upon my comments link in a feeble attempt to bring me down, said:
U never deserved to get so far (in the dreamd8 contest). You write very well, and you are amazingly eloquent. I commend you for your talents.
But you aren't a dream date at all. You are shallow, egoistic, hypocritical and immature. You bitch, complain, whine, and basically speak without thinking.
If i was stranded on a deserted island with you and a goat and i had to choose someone for sex.... I would get you to hold the goat.
You deserve this embarassment.
AntiNeo | 04.11.04 - 9:10 am | #
And later on, Shianux's reply:
AntiNeo: you seem to be operating under the assumption that a goat wld want to have sex with you. please do not flatter yourself so, it is unbecoming of an asshole to butter yourself up like that, unless you're preparing yourself to be shafted good and proper.
Speaking abt XX, she's too good for you anyway. No one, especially not her, wants to touch your putrescent genitals with a 10foot pole. You might have better luck with your local hole in the wall.
Shianux | Email | Homepage | 04.11.04 - 10:50 am | #
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Isn?t Shianux like GREAT??! I love you Shianux!
3) Hell
I was just thinking about this a little.
If God were to exist, and reversibly, Satan, then hell must as well. Hell has been described as being with flames and coldness and cuts and ugly people etc, and the majority of us are scared of going in there, should we believe in religion.
I'm an atheist (hey I'm having the same religion as God!), but I believe very slightly in the notion of a hell, but I am not scared by hell.
No seriously. For example, if I were to be in this room? It is full of flames licking my lower body. I feel pain and agony. The room smells like shit, and some of the dead there are being cut up constantly, etc etc, I don't think I mind.
I wouldn't mind if I met Saddam there you know. I can talk cock with him while we laugh about how some idiot got cut up again (until its our turn that is) and I might even do an interview with him and write for Hell Daily.
If I met Tay Ping Hui there, I would have sex with him everyday, who cares about the stupid flames. Until we got cut up or Saddam gets jealous of course.
If I see Mother Teresa there I would go like "Hey I thought you should go to Heaven??!"
MT: "Yeah Yeah lets not talk about that? I've been asked a million times already."
Me: "Tell me, why are you here!!! Did you kill someone? Cheat on your husband?"
MT: "I read your blog."
Me: "Hey look there goes Lee again, he is shagging Goh!"
See, hell would be quite fun. It would not be scary enough! The way to go around scaring people would be to have a customised hell.
For example, my hell would be like this:
1. Parsley for food everyday. Parsley mealworms, Parsley cockroaches. At the best of day when I behave, it would be Deluxe Teriyaki Parsley would rotten asparagus and? Parsley soup.
2. Stupid people dominate hell. Trying to strike a conversation would go like this:
Me: Hey man you must show them you are a genius!
Patrick the pink starfish (in Spongebob Squarepants): Oh, but genius only live in lamps!
Me: -_-||
3. Constant nails-on-blackboard sound.
4. Our world is ruled by Lee. AGAIN.
5. Every guy is ugly and has STD.
6. Constant menstruation.
I suppose unless you are super evil, you don't deserve enough attention from God to get a customised hell, so I suppose I would just go into the normal flaming ones and pay chess with small frys like the local mamashop uncle who gives me constant insufficient change. But hey, God is omnipotent right? He could have read my blog and took in my suggestions for a customised hell.
4) Xiaxue is a Maddox wannabe
Fuck off, I am what I am even before I started to read Maddox. Nonetheless, I do like his writing a lot, and I do not deny that sub-consciously I might have got influenced a little bit. But I do not try to write like him.
5) Xiaxue I liked you, until....
I've been doing my usual google search for Xiaxue and found some other blog sites which mentioned me.
Now a common thing I realised is this: Some readers, typically girls, would state that they totally love me, until I insulted something they like, and then I transformed into the ultimate bitch.
How ridiculous is that??! I mean, seriously. This girl was saying that she likes my blog a lot, until she realised I fucking DETEST City Harvest. Now she says I am (actually just) a bitch, ugly, fat etc etc normal stuff la.
WHAT HER POINT? So before I wrote about City Harvest I wasn't a bitch? You love me, but just because I happen to disagree with something you like, you now think I am a sucky writer etc? I say, be more open-minded, people. You don't need to agree with me, nobody is asking you to. And disagreeing with certain issues does not mean you have to hate me.
Perhaps worse than City Harvest Girl was this girl who totally liked me, until.... I said S.H.E's outfits look like pantyliner covers. She used to read my blog daily, until she saw the FHM special.
DUH.
6) Can you please blog, I am bored.
No. Get off my back, I don't feel like writing, so I wouldn't. WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE? A SWORD-SWALLOWER? I'm not here to entertain you, so go play with matches or something.
7) NKF sucks?
Since so many people are complaining that NKF's charity show is torturing MediaCorp artistes, I wonder what we should do for the show to get people to donate as heartily. Note: I will be contradicting myself in the next paragraph.
- Constantly stab little kids with needles until a certain monetary target is reached. Pretend the kidnapper is caught (and the public goes whoop!) finally, and put him in jail where plastic surgery would be done for him so that he can live a free live again after that. As for the kids, they will heal; pain builds character and kids wouldn't be wimps. Plus point: the kidnapper can go on Extreme Makeover and have more coverage so that he might be a model in future.
- Repeat procedure for little animals and saw down trees too so that animal lovers and environmentalists will donate as well.
- Lets not forget stabbing dolphins too.
- Constantly stab Sun Ho as well so city harvest fucks would donate. Hey wait. Already done. Cool.
8) My mum is reading my blog;
and so do tons of my relatives. My colleagues read my blog. My editor saw my blog.
One conclusion. This really sucks! So much less freedom. =(
9) New hordes of Xiaxue haters from the dreamd8 contest.
*waves to them*
Not surprising, considering my "unlikeabiliy" compared to the other mild-natured contestants. As I said, I am an acquired taste. What's hilarious is that they think they are damn cool coz they are such avid haters and their oooh-scalding! comments are supposed to make me cry or something.
Oh dear, I am fat and ugly and I am a bitch? I am a slut who fucks around?
I have heard those a million times, ha ha ha ha, and I am boooooored.
Ardent readers will know my way of dealing with them.
1) So?
2) Who cares?
3) You jealous ah?
That will just make them so bloody pissed while I hop around in delight.
10) One last thing about Dreamd8
Singtel has decided to mask the amount of votes for each contestant. Very funny, like that would even slightly help Janice and Mia (not that I support Mia at all). Poor Janice, she is bound to be booted out this week, because..... well look at Posh's votes shoot damn high as "her parents" vote for her, soon. Bloody bitch.
If that doesn't happen, I swear I will shoot myself. She has (possibly) spent at least $4000 (if its only her and Shaun conspiring, although I highly doubt Guy23 and Sel are not in it as well) on this contest, and sure as hell she would make herself win.
I say, if you have been catching up with Dreamd8, please vote for Janice, she is possibly the only sincerely nice girl left. (I know for a fact you said I am a wannabe and you hate me, Mia, so stop coming into my channel and playing nice with my readers yeah, I'm really not interested to be friends with you.)
What is Singtel trying to do here? While it is saying it wants to uphold justice, it does this. Sure, they took out the vote out factor, but what does it do? Posh would still vote herself damn high up. No biggie.
I guess this is a win-win situation for Singtel. Since:
- Posh will spend an infinite amount of money to vote for herself since she needs to play safe.
- The public cannot see her votes so they cannot comment that it is obvious the whole game is rigged. No public backlash = good.
- Posh would have to spend money on Sel as well coz if she goes to the cruise with Janice you can be sure I will make my way there as well and smack her boobs with a long brinjal. I will then proceed to have a fun time with Janice.
- Posh would have to spend money on toy-boy Shaun as well.
Well these are all my assumptions of course.
As for ME AND KEITO, IT'S FUCKING UNFAIR.
If the vote out has not been taken out last week, we would not have been eliminated!!! How can they be so f-ed up? After me and Keito are out, they do without the vote out thing!
Very funny, Singtel.
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I am shocked you read till here. (2850 words!)
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