Working as a reporter has its perks.
I saw Ronald Macdonalds a few days ago at an event.
I mean, the real thing, not ur neighbourhood one sitting on the chair looking stoned.
The fellow is really funny, and I swear it has nothing to do with the striped socks.
WAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAH STRIPED SOCKS!!
Alright just a little to do with the striped socks.
There you are, the exclusive interview:
[Just kidding, its a casual talk with him (in case he sues)]
RM: HI! I'm Ronald! How are you?!
Me: Hahaha... Yeah I know you are Ronald!
RM: *smiles*
Me: Are you the real thing, or just another teenager getting paid for being a mascot?!
RM: I am Ronald Macdonalds!
Me: No seriously!! How many Ronald Macdonalds are there?
RM: Its only me!
Me: Yeah? I thought the last Ronald passed away or something. So you are new?
RM: *Startled and offended look* Rubbish! Passed away! I am here!
Me: WAAHAHAA... Alrighty. Trade secrets huh. How much are you getting paid? Must be not bad huh?
RM: *Polite smile*
Me: Ronald, did you perm your hair? How come it is so curly??!
RM: I am born like that!
Me: You kid me not! How come your hair is so big?! Why is it so red? Did you dye it?! How come the colour never comes off?
RM: I am born like that!
Me: Wahahaha.. Your shoes are so big!
RM: *Polite smile*
Me: So cool. Don't you get lotsa stares everywhere? Are you Singaporean Ronald? How old are you?!
RM: Oh.. I forgot.. Can't seem to remember... Oh dear...
ME: Stop patronising me I am not a kid!!!
RM: *Polite smile*
Me: So you must be Singaporean Ronald. Where do you stay? Ang Mo Kio or something??!
RM: *polite smile*
Me: Are you married? Do you intend to have kids?
RM: *polite smile*
Me: So do you like KFC?
RM: *Appalled look* (although it is difficult to look appalled through that thick white paint.)
Me: Wa ha ha ha ha Just kidding! So have you met Colonel Sanders before?!
RM: Well I met Chicky before! *Smiles*
Me: Oh cool! You spoke to a chicken! Hahaa... Well you know Ronald.. About what you said about there being only one for you around... I keep seeing lots of other Ronalds. Weird, they all seem to look very shiny and sit around on wooden seats. The one around my house seems to be there all the time! I tried to speak to him but he didn't answer me, so that can't be you, you are so friendly!
RM: Oh! Those are my cousins!!!
Me: Oh are they! They look like you, don't they?! How come that purple thing didn't come today?! Whatshisname?
RM: You mean Grimace?
Me: Yeah yeah and ah that bird.
RM: They are my friends! They couldn't make it today!
At this point of time Ronald had enough of my irritating questions and took out red balls and tried to pacify me with magic tricks.
RM: See now you see one red ball in my left hand! And tadah, it is gone!
- The press conference starts, end of conversation -
*****
Later on, I saw Ronald at the buffet table, piling fruits into his plate.
ME: HEY YOU ARE NOT EATING MACDONALDS!
RM: Yeah haha...
*****
There should have been a few more questions I should have asked him la, but there wasn't time.
eg:
1) Are you still a virgin, Ronald?
2) Whats your occupation?
3) Do you go clubbing?
4) If you had a pick up line, I bet it would be:
"If you were a burger at Macdonalds, I would call you.. McBeautiful." Wa ha ha ha ha ha ha
5) Do you take the bus? If not, how do you drive with those shoes?
6) If you don't drive and don't take the bus, how do you manage to flag a cab when all the cabbies think that you are a waving statue?
7) What do you do when you have a sudden carving to eat KFC?
8) Ha you look like a clown!
But anyway, Ronald gave me fantastic answers for my question.
Is that the best Ronald you can get, or what?
Ladies and Gentlemen, Ronald Macdonald.
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