Sample Vignettes

I would like some hard serious critique of this work, this is my first crack at writing vignettes for my mental attributes in Forlorn Hope.

Enjoy!

The sunlight was just beginning to creep in through the cracks in the walls when the flashlight bulb flickered and died. Martin tossed it aside casually and kept working in the faint light of the morning sun. Sweat was streaming down his face as he twisted the screwdriver one last time, securing the last piece of hardware.

He slid the casing into place and plugged the power cord into the gasoline generator. He flipped the switch and it slowly rumbled to life. With crossed fingers, he closed his eyes and pressed the power button. There was a faint clicking noise, then a slow hum. The screen flickered and then text began to stream down the monitor as the boot sequence initialized.

He took a deep breath and collapsed on the floor with a broad grin on his face. It had taken all night, but it finally worked! Now he just needed to remember how to use one of these things.

---

The world was dust. Dust and pain. Diego lifted his head to see the last two raiders slowly closing in on his friend Carla’s position. He could see her foot, twisted oddly, poking out from behind the boulder where she was standing before he was shot.

He looked to the left and saw his pistol lying in the dirt beside him. He tried to move his arm but it didn’t want to work. Somehow he reached deep into his soul and summoned the strength to reach out and clumsily grasp it. He dragged the thing forward through the dirty and lifted it slightly to aim at the raiders as they prepared to finish off Carla.

The world spun violently and he shook his head to clear his vision. This was it, he thought. This is where I am going to die. But not her...

The muzzle flashed twice and the two raiders dropped to the ground in agony. Simultaneously, Diego’s head fell softly into the dust, never to lift again.

---

“Come on, I need to get to the end of the valley by nightfall so that I can get this meat into the icehouse at Danford. I am willing to pay 10% more than I did last time, and don’t forget that I did pay for those damages.”

“It took 3 weeks to get the spare parts brought in for that, you didn’t pay me for the time when I couldn’t go anywhere because my truck was shot to hell.”

“Look, I didn’t think they would risk ammunition on a truck going full speed through there. Don’t forget, I got shot in the leg too. You didn’t have to suffer through the pain of that. I nearly lost it. You think I take these risks casually? I have to get this meat up there before it goes bad. I tell you what, I will bring your daughter back one of those nice dolls that Susan makes. Okay?”

“That’s assuming you make it back.”

“I gotta get there first, and I need your help. Come on, do we have a deal?”

---

Sandy barely pulled her head back down as bullets danced along the edge of the concrete divider. “Damn,” she cursed, “they are getting close”. She reached into her bag for another clip, but her hand came back empty. “Shit!”

She looked down at the grenade hanging from her bandolier. “Well friend, it has come down to just you and me. I need you to save my ass, okay?" She tugged gently at the pin and heard that tell-tale click as the metal slid back.

“Alright, I’m coming out!”, she yelled. The gunfire stopped abruptly and she heard them arguing about what to do. Taking advantage of the momentary distraction, she stood up and casually tossed the grenade towards them in a low arc. It landed right at the big raider’s feet.

He looked down in stunned silence for a second and then his eyes went wide. Shortly thereafter, they went all over the place.

---

Which wire was she supposed to cut? She couldn’t remember. It had been two weeks since the old man in Denton had given her the instructions on how to disarm the security system. She just couldn’t remember whether he said to cut the green wire or the blue wire. Damn!

In a few more seconds, the alert was going to sound and the automated defenses would come online. If that happened, she was going to get turned into hamburger. Not that she had eaten one in the past decade.

“Would you stop thinking about hamburgers and remember what the old man told you,” she whispered to herself. "What had he said? Aghh!"

Five seconds... blue or green? four seconds... blue? three seconds... BLUE!

---

“Now here is where I just don’t understand, Snake. This is my town. I own this town. I helped build this town. I run this town. This is my town. And you think that just because you have some sense of justice or what-have-you, that you can just waltz in here and tell me how to run my town?”

“Look, just take your hand off the lady, Sam. That’s all. She ain’t done no harm here, just let her go.”

“What on this god-forsaken Earth makes you think that I am going to take orders from some punk-ass bitch like you? Rico, Rodriguez, throw this fucking asshole out of my town.”

Rodriguez had a few seconds to speak to God before Snake pulled the trigger. Rico didn’t even get that. Sam got almost an hour. One long painful hour...

---

If you can guess the names of the attributes, you win 1 free download of any of my games that you want.