Have a slim fast..

Waiter, "..just one more wafer-thin mint, ma'amselle.."

There's a paucity of stuff to write about today and -- suffering through the usual post Boxing Day depression that -- I thought I'd pass along this little tidbit (words dripping with irony here) bound to make you all feel less guilty about your Yuletide engorgement.

It seems that there's a lady out there in Jersey who's feeling the (heart)burn in order to get into the record books:

A New Jersey woman who hopes to become the fattest woman in the world got 30,000 calories closer to her 1,000lb goal with a festive feast that could have fed dozens of revelers.

She's doing her impersonation of Diamond Jim Brady, pounding down the grunts with gusto in order to make it into the books:

46-stone (644 pounds) Donna Simpson, sitting in a reinforced metal chair, chowed down on the world's biggest Christmas dinner as she ate for two straight hours on Saturday.

The single mother-of-two tucked into two 25lb turkeys, two maple-glazed hams, 15lbs of potatoes (10lbs roast, 5lbs mashed), five loaves of bread, five pounds of herb stuffing, four pints of gravy, four pints of cranberry dressing and an astonishing 20lbs of vegetables.

She's already in the Guinness Book of Records as the largest female human to give birth and methinks with a few more snacks like her December 25th feast she's intent on closing in on largest mammal to do the same.

I'll lay aside all of the opportunities to comment snidely on this lady's quest for fame save to recite the litany of her menu:

• 2 portions of 25lb oven roasted turkeys
• 2 portions of 15lb maple glazed hams
• 10lbs of roast potatoes
• 5lbs of mashed potatoes
• 5lbs of chopped carrots
• 5lbs of sweetcorn
• 5lbs of roasted butternut squash
• 5 parcels of house-baked bread
• 4 pints of cranberry relish
• 4 pints of home-made gravy
• 5lbs of herbed stuffing
• 1 tray of mixed green salad including salad dressing.

Her calorie total was 30,000. Pass the bi-carb..

..oh yes, and the obligatory embedding of the skit from Monthy Python's Meaning of Life.

-30-