Melancholy

Being mere humans, we forget that most of the people we meet and know, like us, also hide behind smiling faces and false words. We conceal our pain, hide it inside of ourselves, fearful perhaps that people might think us weak, were it to be revealed. Behind us lies a trail of mistakes, failures, and dead dreams. Social interaction, in many ways, is an imagined conversation that occurs in an almost completely fake environment. We pretend to be what we think people want us to be. And these imaginary people have conversations. And when some of us find ourselves incapable of such deception and make mistakes, they are labeled as inept losers with poor social skills. Unlike the mighty that we are, who can hide our bumbling idiocy, they cannot. Poor souls.

In what is some of the better moments ever recorded on film, Master & Commander captures a lot of what I say in this scene. And this one as well. Whenever I listen to the music of the movie, I think of these moments. As he says at roughly 1:35 in the first scene, "the simple truth is, not all of us become the men we once thought we might be". We are imperfect beings. Though it is often hard, in our worst moments, to recognize it. And yet we demand perfection from others.

The degree to which we deny this fact and avoid it's discussion is evident in the way in which you are thinking now, about what you think might or might not have happened to me. The answer is nothing. Today is just another day. No better or worse really than the last (though my wife's Chinese dish tonight was delectable, that was a nice touch).

I enjoy drowning myself in emotion, for good and ill. Tonight, I am partaking in the Master and Commander soundtrack and the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack. Two which I cannot recommend more strongly. It is the sound of pain. The sound of suffering. The agony of dreams and friends lost to the roaring wind and darkened sea, of love lost amidst the trivialities of social etiquette and the games people play with each other. It is a tempest of humanity. And I drink deep tonight.

For pain makes us human. It is perhaps the greatest argument for why you would never want to end up in heaven, if it is as people think it to be. Pain is the darkened contrast on the film. It makes the patches of light visible. Without pain, life is an overexposed photograph.

Sometimes it is necessary to remember. Especially when one thinks their problems to be the greatest in the world. There is always another who goes without.

I suppose I should tie this to roleplaying in some way. So here it goes.

The character who dies with the most stuff.... doesn't win. They are the villain.

Cheers


* Cross-posted at http://www.synapserpg.com/blog *