When Good Things Happen To Bad Singers

Is Justin Bieber a WGTHTBS?

Have you ever heard music on the radio and wondered what the heck was that? Well that is a clear-cut case of When Good Things Happen To Bad Singers (WGTHTBS). It seems that they are coming out of the music industry wood work these days. It is an epidemic that is becoming worse than the recent strain of the Bird Flu. At least with the Bird Flu you could get a shot in your butt and become immune, but with WGTHTBS- not so much.

Hey, as a Blonde Greek girl who loves sneaker shopping 24/7 I don't begrudge these people because it is all about the Benjamins! And if you can get someone to pay you a lot of money for not being good at something, and you're not in politics, then more power to you! Art is art, right?

The first case of WGTHTBS that ever entered my Greek noggin was when I heard the Ricky Martin cover song She Bang by William Hung from American Idol in 2004. Although William Hung had no formal training and lacked talent, but because of his American Idol exposure he was offered a $25,000 advance on a record deal from Koch Entertainment in 2004, and eventually released three albums on that label in 2004 and 2005. The albums mainly consisted of covers of pop and rock songs, including "She Bangs." You mean they were all cover songs and there were no original songs, I am shocked!!

That's not all folks, there is a whole bunch of other really great things that have happened to this bad singer. Here is a list of them from my pals at wikipedia Hung has appeared in commercials for the search engine Ask.com, the Game Show Network (spoofing Freddy Mercury and singing an off-key "We Are the Champions"), as well as the mobile phone service provider Cingular Wireless. He also appeared to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" in May 2004 at the Rogers Centre for the Toronto Blue Jays.

Hung performing in 2006

His first movie, a low-budget Hong Kong period comedy called Where is Mama's Boy (2004), was released in January 2005. Hung played a good-natured village kid who sells Chinese pancakes to pay his mother's medical bills. His character gets discovered as a singer, and helps a woman protect her business from her jealous, conniving elder sister. In the film, Hung played opposite veteran Hong Kong actress Nancy Sit and parodied his own American Idol performance with the song "Siu Beng" (Cantonese) ("Chinese Pancake"), an allusion to his American Idol audition song, "She Bangs." Despite solid financial backing and the involvement of Nancy Sit, the film was a box office flop.

Hung was the subject of a documentary called William Hung: Hangin' with Hung, a ninety minute film recounting his sudden rise to fame. Hung appeared as himself in a February 2006 episode of the television series Arrested Development titled "Fakin' It", acting as the front-man of a band, "William Hung and his Hung Jury", the house band for a fictional courtroom-themed show Mock Trial with J. Reinhold.  Hung has appeared in an episode of the MTV Show, Celebrity Deathmatch, where he battles Ricky Martin (who performed the original "She Bangs".) He has also appeared in Airline in which he missed his flight, then sang his infamous song once again for the cameras.^[2]

Hung has also been portrayed as a Chinese fairy in the Fairly OddParents movie, Fairy Idol. The fairy also sang horribly, but sang the Fairly OddParents theme song instead. Hung also made a cameo appearance on an episode of George Lopez, auditioning as a wedding singer."

Rebecca Black

Then there is the more recent WGTHTBS case study of Rebecca Black's Friday. With my Greek eyes I instantly saw a WGTHTBS in the making, I just had no idea how far she would go. As of May 23, 2011 Rebecca Black has received more than 147 million views of Friday on YouTube. That's impressive even for a WGTHTBS.

Florence Foster Jenkins

However the concept of WGTHTBS cashing in and making huge profits is nothing new. Have you ever heard of an opera singer named Florence Foster Jenkins? Me neither, that's my point! This is a name that came from my manager Mr. Bricks' noggin during one of my Skype calls to him asking what's up with all of the WGTHTBS cropping up? That's when Mr. Bricks told me the story about Florence Foster Jenkins who became extremely famous because how bad she was and how oblivious she was to that fact.  From any of her records it is apparent that Jenkins was, "a little pitchy Dawg", had no sense of rhythm and was barely capable of sustaining a note. Her accompanist can be heard on her records making adjustments to compensate for her tempo variations and rhythmic mistakes. Her dubious diction, especially in foreign language songs, was also noteworthy. Nonetheless, she became tremendously popular in her unconventional way. Her audiences apparently loved her for the amusement she provided rather than her musical ability. Critics often described her work in a backhanded way that may have served to pique public curiosity.

Despite her patent lack of ability, Jenkins was firmly convinced of her greatness, but then again aren't all WGTHTBS? She compared herself favorably to other renowned sopranos, and dismissed the laughter which often came from the audience during her performances as coming from her rivals consumed by "professional jealousy." She was aware of her critics, however, saying "People may say I can't sing, but no one can ever say I didn't sing." Jenkins died in 1944.

Let me reiterate that the success that any WGTHTBS has or gets I am very happy for them. As much of a struggle as it has been for me as a singer maybe there is a new category called When Bad Things Happen to Good Singers. I personally would much rather be in the company of WBTHTGS than in the company of WGTHTBS - just sayin'

Blessings,

Ava

xox

NOTE: This is humor. No bad singers were harmed during the writing of this blog.

To Be or Not To Be

Imagine the choices in Lady Gaga's wardrobe closet

That is the question... It is also the choice. Everything in life is all about the choices we make. The famous "To Be or Not To Be" quote obviously came from William Shakespeare's "Hamlet".  In the book/play, the protagonist, Hamlet, speaks this line when he is contemplating committing suicide--basically, the question was "Do I want to live or die?"SPOILER ALERT: Hamlet didn't take his own life he actually was killed by the poison that entered his bloodstream after being pierced by Laertes sword.

Now hopefully no one reading my blog today is as close to the edge as Mr. Hamlet was because after reading all about my muckery they might just jump to put themselves out of their misery...and that wouldn't be good a thing.  I don't need you bumping yourself off. I need all the fans I can get. Who's going to buy all of my CD's when Mr. Bricks finally gets me a record deal?

The different choices we must make in our lives start the minute we wake up in the morning each day. From do I make my own coffee or do I run to Dunkin Doughnuts for my cup of happiness to do I wash my hair if I go out or thrown on a hat? Or as I once heard Mr. Bricks say, do I finally do some laundry now or do I just go buy new clothes? Epic Fail.

When I don't understand something do I blame it on being blonde, blame it on loose wires in my Greek noggin or just blame it on Mr. Bricks? That's a tough choice. When I'm thirsty my choice is what flavor of Vitamin Water Zero do I drink? As of late it has been exclusively their "go-go" flavor.

My fellow bloggers out there will understand and relate with me that each day the big choice is what to blog about. I was one crazy Greek girl and made the commitment to write a blog-a-day this year, so I can not even ask myself "to blog or not to blog" because that is NOT the question.

Here are some other people with real choices they will have or had to make:

Rebecca Black

Does Rebecca sit in the front seat or the back seat?

Mr. Bricks

Does Mr. Bricks have a 2 Big Macs  or 2 McRibs for lunch?

Lady GaGa

Does Gaga cook the meat before she makes clothes out of it or just use it raw?

Charlie Sheen

Does Charlie pretend that he is still winning or does he admit losing a $3 Million- A-week sitcom job to Ashton Kutcher makes him a total loser?

Justin Timberlake
Should Justin attempt to try and bring sexy back one more time, or just leave it alone?

Ryan Seacrest

Does Ryan leave American Idol at the end of his contract like several judges have?

We must remember and not take too lightly how poor choices can greatly impact our life. Many people in the entertainment industry and in the public eye can lose their career based on poor choices. Yesterday, Arnold Schwarzenegger publicly admitted a poor choice he made more than 10-years ago. No doubt his wife will be saying Hasta la vista, baby.

Ok, most of our choices might not be as life altering or as important as William Shakespeare wrote for Hamlet's soliloquy but how fun would it be if we actually put that much though and consideration into everything we did. This Greek girl thinks we might just end up with a better world - just sayin'

Blessings,

Ava

xox

15 Ways to Make Your Blog Go Viral

Self- Appointed Greek Blog Czar Ava Aston

The first thing they tell you in Blog Writing 101 class is that you need to capture the reader's attention in the title of your post. And right about now you are asking yourself, what was wrong with my noggin on January 1, 2011 when I announced to the world  that I would write a new blog every day, every week, etc? I suspect that your blog writing promise and noggin fog had a great deal to do with all of the champagne you consumed at the New Year's party. But now, you are probably really busy and thinking how much more you would rather be outside enjoying a nice spring day than being a slave to your computer with the daunting task of having to churn out yet another blog.

So I thought I would step in and help out. As the self-appointed Greek Blog Czar I have 15 options of sure-fire blog titles that you are free to use to help you make your next blog post go viral with little effort. These blogs will almost write themselves.

1. Why Lindsay Lohan was nominated as citizen of the year
2. Why death causes loneliness, feelings of isolation
3. Why most cold waves are  linked to temperatures
4. Why winners pay $15,000 to be Charlie Sheen's wing man for 1 night
5. How Justin Bieber got 1.5 billion YouTube views
6. Why most strikes that aren't settled quickly last a while
7. Why Smokers are productive, but their death cuts efficiency
8. How a dog hacking into your computer could ruin your holiday
9. Why A Blind woman got a new kidney from a dad she hasn't seen in years
10. Why Rebecca Black will win A Grammy
11. Why A deaf-mute got a new hearing for a killing
12. Why Police began a campaign to run down jaywalkers
13. Why stiff opposition is expected for casketless funeral plans
14. Why criminals Google their own names more than others
15. Why safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted

Just slap one of these titles on the headline of your next post, grab a snappy picture and write a few sentences. Done.  Instant viral-ness, fame, fortune, and maybe an invitation to be on Oprah's "Best of the Internet" show.


Or you could just write a blog post like this and watch it go viral!


Blessings ~
Ava xox

YouTube Killed The Record Stars

My YouTube Channel

Video Killed the Radio Star is a song by the British new wave group The Buggles, who released it as their debut single in September 1979, on Island Records. It celebrates the golden days of radio, describing a singer whose career is cut short by the invention of television. The song topped the music charts in several countries and not by me, but has been covered by many other recording artists. Coincidentally, it was the very first music video aired on MTV in the U.S. at 12:01am on 1 August 1981 when that music channel first went on the air. The song was number 40 on VH1's 100 Greatest One-Hit Wonders of the 80's. Hmmm, one hit wonder...sound familiar yet? Read on.

Music videos have been a great addition to the music industry. Sometimes it helps the audience understand exactly what was in song writer's noggin when  they  wrote the song. A great deal of early singers who found fame and fortune on the radio were crowded out with the invention of TV.  The early pioneers of the music industry sometimes created an image of what an artist would look like, and since people could hear them but not see them that worked for everyone until television came along. When TV came along, and some people sounded better than they looked, there went their careers.

When MTV came along in 1980's it was novel and some singers and band's images were made on MTV just because they made a video and had a certain cool look. As my manager Mr. Bricks tells me, back in the early days of MTV, not every song on the radio had a video. On a side note, Mr. Bricks was friends with Michael Jackson, (yes, that Michael Jackson) and Mr. Bricks was telling me just the other day about how Michael Jackson was describing to him the idea of what MTV was going to be all about, even before it debuted. Since there never had been anything like it at the time Mr. Bricks couldn't get the concept through his thick noggin. He said Michael kept giggling at him for not understanding what MTV was all about. Apparently Mr. Bricks never did get his thick noggin fixed.

Eventually, after several years of MTV,  the music video became less and less novel and soon became a necessity for a hit song. That brings us to the current dilemma where YouTube has created instant celebrities for the music industry and for this YouTube Generation (YTG).  Take someone like 13 year-old Rebecca Black, who’s song Friday’s video went viral instantly on YouTube amassing a staggering 111 million views to date. Did Rebecca get the popularity she has because she is a talented singer ?

No, the entire reason Rebecca Black has 111 million views on YouTube is because the producer from the Ark Factory knew that Justin Bieber was making millions of dollars and his videos were described as some of the most "disliked videos on YouTube." How bad are they? Well, if  the fact that Justin's very worst video, "Baby", just surpassed 500 million YouTube views last month, then they must be pretty bad. That is where Rebecca Black fits in. Her producers from the Ark Factory wanted to be just as "bad" as Justin, so they cleverly marketed it as “The Worst Song Ever.” By leaking a statement like that to the media, assured instant attention from the YTG who loves watching any video of the worst of anything. The worst car crash, the worst basketball shot, the worst practical joke, etc. Then they make it go viral by emailing the link of that "worst video" to 500 of their closest friends. And when a Justin Bieber song or Rebecca Black's song shows up on YouTube with a million views, the YTG thinks, " it must be good because it has so many views" and then the rest is history as the cycle repeats itself. To date Justin Bieber has 2 of the top YouTube videos of all-time with more than  a 1,541,295,560 views on his YouTube Vevo channel. (that's 1.5 billion) But, simultaneously with that achievement, Bieber also holds the distinction of having 5 of the top 10 most "disliked" (we can't say hate anymore) videos of all time on YouTube. To show the way YouTube has changed the musical landscape think of this: Michael Jackson only has 650,813,338 (that's 650 million) YouTube views on his YouTube Viveo channel. Now, if anyone can honestly say that Justin Bieber is better or more talented than Michael Jackson then they need to have their melon examined because that's just not right. With the way the music industry uses the YouTube yardstick to measure talent, that means in 2 months on the musical landscape Rebecca Black is 1/6 as popular as Michael Jackson and that Justin Bieber is a musical prodigy? This all makes my head bleed. Am I bitter, nope not at all, just sunburnt from the Florida sun.

The current record label executives grew up on MTV and they are currently not paying attention to anyone who has graduated from middle school or who knew life before Sham Wows.  They forget that a hit song is a hit song, no matter what the age of the performer is. The issue is whether or not the musical gate keepers in their ivory towers have enough vision to sign and distribute an artist who doesn’t need a legal guardian to accompany them to the recording studio. Rebecca Black’s song Friday is a mere novelty song and although it has achieved tremendous YouTube play and iTunes downloads, it is not considered to be artistically appealing. Catchy yes, artistic, not so much.

Unfortunately, these record executives are missing some pretty incredibly talented singers (hello, my name is Ava Aston and I think I am a pretty incredibly talented singer, just sayin') and it has turned many of us into indie artists. Take me for example, even though I have worked my Greek butt off since the age of 5 developing the skills and talent that I now have, skills that a teenager like Rebecca Black doesn’t have, simply because I no longer wear braces and a padded bra, I am off-limits to the major labels. That's just so wrong! The industry's trend of signing super young singers makes Taylor Swift seem like a VH1 artist and a music industry veteran. 

So, as most of you should know by now, next Thursday April 28th I am releasing the "Gone" music video, which is the title track on my "Gone" CD. I have given Mr. Bricks permission  to go ahead and send out a press release proclaiming "Gone" as the worst song ever written and the absolute worst music video of all time. I even gave him permission to say things like, "Ava Aston's "Gone" music video is so bad that if you watch it more than 3 times in a row your noggin will explode" or "If you thought Rebecca Black's Friday was bad, wait until you see Ava Aston's "Gone"  or my all time favorite hyperbole is, "Free sneakers to the first 100 Million YouTube Views"

Now of course I don't really believe that my song and video are worst of all time, I am actually very proud of them. And I don't begrudge Justin Bieber or Rebecca Black at all, I am happy for their success. I am impressed with what they have achieved. If you want to see just how bad my "Gone" music video is, you will be able to see it on Thursday, Thursday, Thursday  April 28, 2011.  Set your iPhone reminders now!!!

Ok, this hot Florida sun is wreaking havoc on my noggin. I think I need #60 sun screen.

Blessings,

Ava

xox

My First Sold Out Concert

I am so excited about my new web-based cartoon series that I am calling, Ava the Diva.It will give you a glimpse of what life is like behind the velvet ropes of the music industry through the eyes of a total Diva.  So everyone will finally get to see what Mr. Bricks is really, really like. Can you believe Mr. Bricks accepted my payment for a concert in McRib sandwiches, instead of cash. See what I am talking about? See what the Greek girl must endure. You try walking a mile in my iron sneaker with old man Bricks around. It is not easy.

This first story of Ava the Diva is in two parts. You will have to wait until next week to see Part 2 and see what happens, you wont believe it!!!!! Trust me when I say there will be plenty of muckery. These new cartoons will be posted on my Youtube channel, as well as you will be able to see them at my new GoAnimate channel:                    

Ava Aston's GoAnimate Channel

If you like what you see, you can help me out by spreading the word and sharing the cartoon. It is my hope that this will generate enough interest to be able to have the opportunity to do an Ava the Diva animated series on a TV network.

Enjoy,

Blessings,

Ava

xox    

Upstairs, Downstairs

Barking up the wrong staircase

Upstairs, Downstairs, don't you think that sounds more like a line from Rebecca Black's song "Friday" - Upstairs, Downstairs what stairs should I choose?

Upstairs, Downstairs is also the name of a popular BBC television series about the expolits of two different families,  the lives of the wealthy Bellamy family ("upstairs"), who reside at 165 Eaton Place in London's fashionable Belgravia, and their servants ("downstairs"). Those crazy Brits, what a bunch of nuts! American audiences spent four seasons falling in love with “Upstairs, Downstairs” families as part of the long-running Masterpiece Theater on PBS, where it won seven Emmy Awards. It was kinda before my day, but I have watched a few repeat epsiodes from time to time, so I do have a little knowledge of it. I just have trouble understanding what they are saying - I have the same issue when I watch Piers Morgan on his new CNN talk show so I turn on my closed captioning just to be able to read the subtitles in order to be able to understand what he is saying. I think my manager Mr. Bricks is missing a chromosome because he understands everything Piers says and even thinks that  Piers' dry type of humor is very funny.

My Favorite Soap Opera. I'd love to be on the show!

Back to, "Upstairs, Downstairs" - it was like a soap opera about the uppercrust Bellamy family. In my opinion, it was no "Days of Our Lives" where the Horton, Brady and DiMera families have been creating muckery in Salem for the past 45 years. For some reason the Brits love to have a superior family structure, it is never more evident than with their royal family dramas and how much attention is given to every move any member of the Royal Family makes or does not make.

Mr. Bricks home computer

So I ask you, are the wires in my Greek noggin all mucked up or is it just me who is the only one on the planet who could really care less about the upcoming royal wedding with Prince William and Kate Middleton?  My manager Mr. Bricks will kill me for saying all of this because it seems like I am ranting on the British, I am not - it just seems that way today.  I love England, I love Shakespeare, I love Fish and Chips and when in London I love riding the London Eye. Mr. Bricks says I should always be Switzerland so I do not alienate any fans. I am sure Mr. Bricks will be hunched over his vintage IBM 5150 PC today searching my blog stats to see if anyone from England has cancelled their subscription or unfollowed my blog after all of these anti-UK declarations today:

1. I can not understand a thing Piers Morgan says
2. I am not a huge fan of British Humor
3. I think Days of Our Lives is way better than Upstairs, Downstairs
4. I could careless about the upcoming Royal Wedding

In the world of common sense, you can say Mr. Bricks lives Upstairs, I live Downstairs.

Tally Ho,

Ava

xox

Simon Cowell Guess Who Has The Xfactor?

What a busy week!  I'm in the middle of shooting a music video for my song "Gone", but I still found time to make a Saturday Morning Cartoon. Grab a cinnamon roll and some coffee and enjoy!


Please check out and subscribe to my YouTube Channel:   Ava Aston YouTube     (And click on the Saturday Morning Cartoons Playlist)  You can check out all of my previous  Saturday Morning Cartoons.

Blessings,

Ava

xoxhttp://www.youtube.com/avaaston

Who Is Rebecca Black?

13-year Old Rebecca Black

Rebecca Black was trending on Twitter.  Who is she and why was she trending? Last week I heard something buzzing on the internet about her and yet  no one I knew had ever heard of her. So who is Rebecca Black, and why does her video on you tube have almost 25 million views? I put on my best detective hat, grabbed a magnifying glass and this Greek blonde girl set out on a journey to get to the bottom of the Rebecca Black mystery. (Cue Pink Panther theme song)

Turns out, Rebecca Black is a 13-year old girl from California who recorded a song called "Friday." She comes from an affluent family who paid music producer Clarice Ray and his partner at their quasi record label called Ark Music Factory a lot of money to make a demo. According to my sources, Ark Music Factory used lots and lots of electronic filtering and something called auto tune voice technology to get a product that didn't make their ears bleed.

She made the video for the song "Friday" and put it up on You Tube. The video went viral.  The 25 Million views on YouTube Rebecca Black has, have all come in less than a month. The song is now all over the world. But the notoriety of the song and singer is for all of the wrong reasons. It has been labeled as "The Worst Song Ever." Ouch. That has to hurt.

So she is getting attention, but it is for all of the wrong reasons. Some comments towards Rebecca and her singing have been extremely mean. Note: These are NOT my comments, but comments from others:

"Her song "Friday" is the worst song I have ever heard. Even deaf people are complaining"

"I hate her voice. It's going to be stuck in my head forever. Friday, Friday, Friday OMG."

"First the earthquake and tsunami disasters in Japan have melted down Nuclear plants, now Rebecca Black's song "Friday" is released in America . We're all doomed"

"Rebecca Black? Where's Charlie Sheen when you need him?"

"Rebecca Black, we don't hate you because you're famous. You're famous because we hate you."

Those are all pretty harsh words. And they are not even from real music critics, they are just random tweeters. I hate to think what music critics would say. Well actually, it was a music critic at Gawker.com that started this all by saying, it was indeed the worst song they had ever heard. The rest is social media history.

So now you know who Rebecca Black is.

I do feel bad for her in a way, after all she is just 13-years old. But this whole situation started because Rebecca (and her parents) and everyone under the sun, thinks that they can now be a rock star, thanks to American Idol. American Idol is not a music conservatory like Juilliard dispensing classic singers. It is a reality series which produces slick packaged video clips about singers with a good tear-jerking back story and then gives them an audience of millions to vote which one of them is the best of the worst. News Flash -- Just because someone is on American Idol, it doesn't mean they are a really great singer. And now, thanks to Rebecca Black, we can say - just because a person has a video that has 25 million views on YouTube, doesn't mean they are a really great singer either.

The great news in all of this is that next year at this time Rebecca Black will be 14 and everyone will be saying, who's Rebecca Black? I predict her career will be shorter than the life span of a McRib in Mr. Bricks' hands.

Blessings,

Ava

xox