Tuesday, January 31, 2006

O'BSERVATIONS: THE CONE OF SILENCE

Jay Leno, in one of his monologues last week for 'The Tonight Show', talked about the visit by President Bush to the National Security Agency's ultra-secret headquarters:

"Awkward moment: Bush asked to see the Cone of Silence."

For the audience viewing at home, this was just Leno making a joke using a 'Get Smart' reference. But what did it mean for the audience viewing within Toobworld? After all, 'The Tonight Show' has played a fictional part in a variety of shows, from 'Cheers' to 'Columbo'.

There's the temptation to wave it all off with a dismissive "That was just a joke on a talk show." But I can't do that and still advocate the League of Themselves as a valid component in TV crossovers. Jay Leno has made about twenty appearances as himself in Television dramas and sitcoms alike.

One would think the Cone of Silence should have been kept classified, especially in this day and age of homeland security issues. But the spy agency that used it, CONTROL, never did have the best track record when it came to keeping their existence a secret from the general public. Telephone operators knew of it, so did delivery boys. Based on 'Police Squad!', probably the guy running the local shoeshine stand knew all about it as well.

Years ago, CONTROL was temporarily disbanded and replaced by PITS. Many of its technological resources were sold off or just tossed onto the scrap heap, probably to help "Whip Inflation Now". Within the reality of Toobworld, the malfunctioning Cone of Silence probably became a symbol of governmental waste, in much the same way as $5,000 screwdrivers came to be viewed.

But at least in the case of the screwdriver and the $400 ashtray, there was a reason behind them being so expensive, as Commander Jack Reed demonstrated on 'The West Wing' when he smashed one of those $400 ashtrays....

JACK:
A $400 ashtray. It's off the U.S.S. Greenville, a nuclear attack submarine and a likely target for a torpedo. When you get hit with one, you've got enough problems without glass flying into the eyes of the navigator and the Officer of the Deck.

This one's built to break into three dull pieces. We lead a slightly different life out there and it costs a little more money.

DONNA:
I can't believe you broke a $400 ashtray.

JACK:
Yeah, I wish I hadn't done that. It's... 'cause you're blonde.

[from the episode "Process Stories"]

The Cone of Silence never worked, and this became public knowledge, more than likely due to those who collect spy paraphernalia. But the basic concept of what the device was supposed to accomplish was readily accepted by the general public as well.

Frank Barone once told his wife Marie that he needed a Cone of Silence surrounding him, per the orders of his psychiatrist. ('Everybody Loves Raymond')

John Smith wondered why he had yet to see a Cone of Silence when he was brought to a secret NSA facility and forced to help track down Bin Laden by use of his psychic powers. ('The Dead Zone')

And now both 'The Tonight Show' of the Real World and of Toobworld has mentioned it as a punchline.

The Cone of Silence has become an easily recognized pop culture reference for everything stupid done by the government.

And on this, the day of the State of the Union address, I'm guessing that within Toobworld, it's been cited quite often in the last six years.....

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

GOIN' POSTAL

When I heard this story:

GOLETA, Calif. (AP) - A female ex-postal worker opened fire at a mail processing plant, killing six people before committing suicide with an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound, authorities said early Tuesday. One other person was listed in critical condition.

It made me think of Ken Levine's description of a character from '24':

CHLOE -- CTU agent, computer whiz, and my favorite character on television even though I often want to slap her. Could not be more snotty, could not have worse people skills. She’s the template for every US postal employee.

If so, I'm glad she spells her last name wrong. My Dad worked for the Post Office for thirty years; it gave all five O'Brien kids a shot at a college education, and his union benefits have been a huge help for Mom in her later years. But he never went postal; he'd be the last person you'd expect to do so.

Then again, he worked as a letter carrier. It seems to me that every time you hear about this kind of story, it always involves people who work inside a post office - mail sorters and the like.

On the other hand, one of my brothers is a letter carrier and I could see him succumbing to that kind of rage....

Still, I don't think I'm far off in my idea that there must be something about working indoors at a post office which triggers such a rampage.

Didn't 'The X-Files' do a story similar to this once?

At any rate, my prayers go out to the victims and their families....

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

HAT SQUAD: CORETTA SCOTT KING

On the eve of Black History Month, Coretta Scott King has passed away at the age of 78. The widow of Dr. Martin Luther King appeared in many documentaries about the civil rights movement as well as in others about the turbulent events of the 1960s.

According to the IMDb.com, she was portrayed three times in Toobworld:

Carmen Ejogo (Coretta Scott King)
. . . Boycott (2001) (TV)

Carol Rigg (Mrs. Coretta Scott King)
. . . "Jackie Bouvier Kennedy Onassis" (2000) (mini) TV Series

Cicely Tyson (Coretta Scott King)
. . . "King" (1978) (mini) TV Series

Here's hoping she now has the Prize....

BCnU...
Tele-Toby

QUICKLINK: "GROUNDED FOR LIFE"

http://groundedforlife.fanfly.net/?L2503

Recently I wrote about 'Grounded For Life', the first season of which will be out on DVD next week, February 7th. If you click on that link above, you can see several scenes from the series, as well as learn more about the production.

Check it out!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

ALL THE CROSSOVERS FIT TO PRINT

The Sunday New York Times "Week In Review" had a little fun with the concept of crossover might-have-beens. A story about the UPN/WB merger into The CW was illustrated with a crude photo montage which showed Kristen Kreuk (Lana Lang on 'Smallville') in the arms of a 'Friday Night Smackdown' muscle-head.

Kryptonite as the new steroid?

BCnU!

Tele-Toby

Monday, January 30, 2006

CROSSOVER OF THE WEEK!

Numbers are cosmic; I'm probably mistaken, but there must be something about the universe that is based on numerics. Right? No matter; stick with me on this.

Numbers surround us, and there's no better place to see proof of this in the TV Universe than in the new new Toyota Rav 4 blipvert that's currently being broadcast.

And certain combinations of numbers have great power, as we've seen on 'Lost':

"4 8 15 16 23 42"

Throughout the series, we have seen either that entire combination or subset variants play small and seemingly insignificant roles in the lives of the main survivors on 'Lost'. It stands to reason that these numbers also played a role in the lives of the other survivors we see in the background; those characters who weren't part of the cool clique, as the late Mr. Arzt might have said.

I don't think the Numbers targeted them specifically. I think the Numbers are universal. They were out there; manifesting themselves wherever they could and it was up to the individual to notice them or not.

And so it was in this week's episode of 'Veronica Mars'. On the message slip you usually find in a fortune cookie, that entire combination was Veronica's lucky set of numbers as part of her fortune. (The actual fortune? "True Love Stories Never Have Endings".)

We'll just have to wait and see if Veronica Mars has an encounter with a polar bear in Neptune, California......

Being as universal as they are, the Numbers transcend dimensional barriers. They can manifest in that combination in other universes based on Mankind's creative output.

Which is what happened a second time this week as well. In the comic book universe, the cover of "Catwoman" #51 was a mugshot of Selina Kyle as Catwoman. And the slate she was holding in the picture for identification purposes had this ID number:

"4815162342"

For both to happen in the same week, something big might be ready to explode in the multiverse....

And doesn't it seem odd that this week's repeat of 'Lost' just happens to be "Numbers"?

Maybe Don and Charlie Eppes of 'Numb3rs' should look into this.....

But in the meantime, I'd take a look at the point spread for Sunday's Super Bowl if I wuz you......

'VERONICA MARS'
&
'LOST'
&
"CATWOMAN" #51

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"Most people's lives are governed by telephone numbers."
THE BOOK
'THE HITCH-HIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY'

CROSSING JORDAN

'BOSTON LEGAL'
&
'ALLY MCBEAL'

Those who enjoy TV crossovers already know that 'Boston Legal' is linked to 'Ally McBeal' by way of 'The Practice'. 'Ally' crossed over with that ABC courtroom drama which then spun off the character of Alan Shore to his own show, 'Boston Legal'.

But now we can cut out the middle man, thanks to my friend, Shirley Jordan.

Back in November when I was visiting Shirley and her family in L.A., she spent the first two days of that week working on 'Boston Legal'. And that episode finally aired this past week. She played the jury foreperson in a case involving an HMO (named WellBeing) which gave out "Too Much Information" online. And that led to the murder of one of their clients.

As is usually the case in such trials, she was not addressed by name, only as "Madame Foreperson". So she could have been just about any character Shirley may have played in the past - so long as that character wasn't living in another dimension (like her FBI receptionist on 'The West Wing' or her police officer on 'Lois & Clark'.)

But luckily enough, Shirley had a character already living in Beantown.

Nancy Sosha is a real estate agent, and in an episode of 'Ally McBeal', Ms. Sosha was showing a house in which Ally expressed interest.

As it is all over the country, residency puts your name into play for jury duty. So Ms. Sosha would have found herself in the jury pool and eventually as the foreperson of the WellBeing trial.

I was looking forward to one of my best friends being involved with the Crossover of the Week, but alas! Shirley will have to settle for runner-up status as Miss Congeniality because she got lost in the numbers......

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"One lone juror.....
They should have said 'One lone dingbat'!"
Archie Bunker
'All In The Family'

THAT WAS THE WEEK THAT WAS

So if I count that wild and crazy theory about a link between 'Monk' and 'The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy', (and I do, I do!), then I've posted two runners-up so far to the title of Crossover of the Week.

I still have one more to go and it features my personal favorite Miss Congeniality. And then I'll unveil the biggie.

Four crossovers in one week. I remember looking ahead about January and thinking I'd be lucky to find four crossovers to fill out the month, one each week, until the February Sweeps feast came along. I know the time will come later this year, probably during the summer, when I'll wish I had that crossover of Mice and Monk to use as the weekly showcase.

A couple of weeks ago, Brent McKee took a look at the January schedule and saw how the networks had front-loaded it with specials and short-run reality contests. And he quickly realized why - they were hoping to hook in viewers before the NBC Olympic juggernaut came along to quash everything in its path. And so that's why there was such a plethora of crossovers this week.

I'll have to go through the Catholic Online list of saints and find the appropriate one for the TV Crossover - maybe St. Claire, the patron saint of Television, knows who to sub-contract the job, - and then make my entreaty for help in the coming weeks. Because it would be nice to spread the wealth out evenly.....

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

LEAGUE OF THEMSELVES: "BONES"

When Dr. Brennan and Agent Booth investigated the body parts of a woman found near L.A. International Airport, their probe was slowed down by the extensive cosmetic surgery the victim had done.

Further complicating matters was actress and director Penny Marshall appearing as herself in a cameo along with Jann Carl, the weekend anchor for 'Entertainment Tonight'.

Coming off the bonanza of shows linked to 'CSI:NY' through 'ET' as described in last week's Crossover of the Week, Jann Carl now forges the link that should exist between 'Bones' and the 'CSI' franchise. And to that cluster of shows mentioned last week, the 'ET' connection now includes:

'Diagnosis Murder' - "Miracle Cure" (the first episode)
and two episodes of 'Out Of Practice' - "Brothers Grim" & "Yours, Mine, Or His".

Now, as for Penny Marshall, she brings some interesting shows along as her baggage; in fact, I was surprised by the number of shows in which she played herself in a fictional setting.

First up is a little-remembered series called 'Good Heavens' in which Carl Reiner (once Penny's father-in-law) starred as Mr. Angel, a heavenly spirit who travelled about the country improving people's lives. It was a forerunner of 'Highway To Heaven' in its way.

Penny Marshall appeared in the episode "Take Me Out To The Ballgame", which I think was about a sporting goods salesman who got a chance to try out for the majors.

Then, on 'Bosom Buddies', she appeared on a "Cablevision" TV show which was produced by Kip and Henry to advertise their client's product.

On 'Taxi', she was rejected for an apartment by a co-op board so snooty that they didn't approve of the actress' lifestyle - how much more of a down-to-earth woman could she possibly be? But instead, "Louie Moves Uptown" when they accepted him just to spite Alex Reiger.

She also appeared in the "mockumentary" entitled "Jackie's Back!", which was a look at the life of a famed diva.

And finally, in an episode of 'I'm With Her', Penny Marshall was directing a movie starring young Dylan Cassidy, who was being tutored by Alex's teacher boyfriend Patrick. ("The Kid Stays In The Picture")

(This wasn't a great sitcom, but I liked the premise and I'm glad I can officially make it a part of the TV Universe via the League Of Themselves.)

Like I said, best of all is that via Jann Carl and 'ET', I can make the eventual link between 'Bones' and 'CSI', two shows which in my perfect Toobworld would have a crossover episode.

But like they say in the commercials for Walgreen's, alas, we don't live in Perfect......

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Happy Chinese New Year

ANG POW ANG POW ANG POW!

MAHJONG! BAK KWA!

I'll blog more tonight, I was so damn exhausted! Cleaned the house till 7am on chu xi, and woke up at 830am. Damn.

So today, chu er, I overslept and now am very late for going to my auntie's, where I am missing some serious mahjonging sessions.

I've gotta rush. My grandpa is very funny, he is so grumpy he swatted my cousin when she took his bak kwa to eat.

AND THE IRONIC THING IS SHE BOUGHT THE BAK KWA! Wahahhahahaha!

OK, laters. Auntie angry.

"MR. MONK AND THE PAN-DIMENSIONAL BEINGS"

In the latest episode of 'Monk' ("Mr. Monk And The Captain's Marriage"), a homeless man was a witness to a murder. His only friend in the world was a small white mouse named Devo, to whom he would feed apple slices and read mystery novels.

He claimed that Devo was a genius; that he was able to do impressions, including that of a hamster.

Well, of course he was a genius! That little white mouse was, in fact, the protrusion into our dimension of a hyper-intellegent pan-dimensional being, descended from the same beings who were in fact responsible for the creation of the Earth.

All that time we thought we were doing experiments on mice, they were the ones who were experimenting on us. All of those times when they ran down the wrong corridor of a maze, or ate the wrong bit of cheese, or suddenly dropping dead from the injection of plague, those were just examples of their research into humans. (The stuff with the cheese etc was just a front!)

In fact, when Devo Mouse was tossed back and forth between Lt. Disher and Natalie and finally stuffed into the pocket of Adrian Monk, it was probably a major breakthrough in their research on us.

The mice created the Earth, per the instructions of the super-computer Deep Thought, in order to find the question to the ultimate answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything... which is of course, "42". But five minutes before they were to get the answer, the Vogon Constructor Fleet came along and destroyed the Earth, blowed it up real good.

That happened back in 1981. So why are we still here and don't remember it? Because a lone Earthman, Arthur Dent, with his alien friend Ford Prefect, was thrust back in time to the dawn of the Neanderthals age. Traveling with them was a spaceship full of Golgafrinchan phone sanitizers who bolluxed the whole project by inserting themselves into the computer program. They became the true ancestors of Mankind, not the badly evolving Neanderthals.

And thus the course of History was changed. In this new timeline, the Earth was not destroyed by the Vogons and Mankind never knew how they had been totally destroyed, to be remembered only as being "Mostly Harmless".

But the pan-dimensional beings would not give up hope that they could salvage something from their project. So they continue to experiment on humans in various ways, including daredevil stunts to help their "owners" meet women over a Bud Light. A few brave souls have learned the truth about the mice, but were generally discounted as being crackpots, like the former Army officer who went to Blush Magazine with his expose on those intelligent white mice from outer space on an episode of 'Just Shoot Me'.

But whether or not their renewed research into finding the Question for the Ultimate Answer comes to fruition may soon be revealed. The power of that number "42" is begining to be felt throughout the world, especially when it is combined with a series of other numbers.

Specifically, "4 8 15 16 and 23".

You know what I'm talkin' about.... or are you 'Lost'?

BCnU!
Tele-Toby


THE FAMILY TREE: POOLE & ESPINSON

A THEORY OF RELATEEVEETY
linking
'THE ADVENTURES OF BRISCO COUNTY, JR.'
&
'BOSTON LEGAL'

Socrates Poole was a lawyer from San Francisco during the 1890s. He served as the liaison between bounty hunter Brisco County, Jr. and the San Francisco city leaders who hired him.

At some point after Brisco defeated John Bly, "Sock" may have accompanied the bounty hunter back to Boston, where Brisco had earned his law degree at Harvard. While there, he might have decided to stay, finding "Beantown" to be more than equal to the best offered by the City by the Bay, without the dangers of the frontier, which was never far from Frisco.

If so, Socrates Poole more than likely settled down into marriage and perhaps established his law practice there with one of the older, more prestigious firms. No matter how many children he might have sired, eventually the Poole family tree would have branched off with other surnames and eventually one line would be known by the name of Espinson.

Being employed in the service of the Law could have become a family tradition down through the generations for both the Poole and Espinson branches of the family. It would then all culminate with Poole, one of the founding partners of the Boston law firm of Crane, Poole, & Schmidt, and with Gerald Espinson, a lawyer who - by one of those usual TV coincidences, - happened to work at the very same firm... until fairly recently.

I'm not surprised Gerry Espinson didn't play up his family connection to the firm in order to improve his chances for the partner review; he probably didn't even know about it. I only know about my O'Brien roots back to my grandfather (and not much in that department). And sadly, if the three Manson girls - my first cousins, the daughters of my father's sister, - passed me on the street, I wouldn't even be aware of it.

Even though Gerry Espinson might have been unaware of his Poole heritage, there's no denying he was descended from Socrates Poole; you just had to look at the both of them!

It's a textbook case of telegenetics, in which a particular genome raises its double helix strand in perfect alignment to create a carbon copy of somebody else in the family tree. This is the Toobworld reason why Socrates Poole and Gerald Espinson looked exactly alike. (And in the Real World, it's because they were both portrayed by Christian Clemenson.)

None of this can be proven, of course, and as always, that's the beauty of Toobworld. But just in case, I'm marking this as "DNA"......

DO NOT ARGUE!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

Saturday, January 28, 2006

"REUNION" RESOLUTION REVISITED

By now you should all know that in Toobworld, the lives of characters continue in their universe, despite the cancellation of the shows which featured them. Every so often those characters are called back to duty ("Rescue From Gilligan's Island", "Mary And Rhoda", the return of Anthony Fremont and his mother on 'The New Twilight Zone', etc.), and obviously they weren't held in stasis all that time waiting to be recalled.

But now we have an interesting twist on that premise. 'Reunion' was a year-by-year flashback spanning twenty years in the lives of six friends from high school. In the present day, one of those six had been murdered and during the course of the investigation each episode featured a flashback to a specific year.

As the show progressed, we eventually learned that the murder victim was Samantha, but as the show was cancelled while it was only up to the early 1990s chronologically, we never found out who the killer was.

So in this case, these characters had lives already played out and which were vital to the outcome of the plot's resolution, but it's never going to be filled in for us. And that's mostly because the creators of the show were winging it as they went along.

Fox President Peter Liguori announced who was supposed to be Sam's killer. "The best guess at that particular time was that it [the killer] was going to be Sam's daughter [Amy]," he said. With the show cut off so early in its run, there was no way that possibility could be wrapped up in any kind of quick finale resolution, as Amy was just a little kid by the last aired episode.

But Kristen of E! Online said, "I have it on high authority that at the last minute, right before the show was canceled, they were planning to change the killer to someone else."

Here's how Zap2It reported the story:

When FOX lowered the boom on "Reunion" in late November, the show's creator says there was no way to resolve the show short of a full season because of how "intricately plotted" it was. It was so intricately plotted, in fact, that the question of who committed the murder at the show's center was still up in the air.

That, at least, is the word from FOX Entertainment president Peter Ligouri, who on Tuesday (Jan. 17) addressed the show's early demise with reporters at the Television Critics Association press tour.

"'Reunion' was particularly cumbersome in terms of trying to provide an ending for the audience," Ligouri says of the show, in which each episode represented a year in the life of six friends, one of whom ends up dead. "How [creator Jon Harmon Feldman] was laying out the show to gap those additional 14, 15, 16 years was an incredibly complex path. There were a number of options, and he didn't make a definitive! decision on which option he was going to go with as to who the killer was, and there was just no way to accelerate that time."

Feldman himself hinted at that in a statement following the show's cancellation, saying that solving the mystery of who killed Samantha was "partially reliant on characters we haven't yet met -- and events we haven't seen."

Ligouri says the network and the show's team talked about several ways to go with the killer's identity, but "the best guess was at that particular time that it was going to be Sam's daughter," whom she gave up for adoption early in the series. The why of the murder remains a mystery.

In Lee Goldberg's view, and I agree with him, this is "why the series didn't work. If the show's writers didn't even know whodunit or why, then what were they writing about? If the clues led nowhere, how did they expect the story to actually payoff in the end? Is it any surprise viewers didn't get hooked by the mystery since it, um, actually didn't exist?"

But those missing years need to be filled in, not just for those few fans of 'Reunion' but also for the sake of Toobworld. An event happened - Samantha was murdered. It didn't happen in a vacuum; there had to be a reason. No matter whodunnit, there should be some kind of resolution to complete the storylline.

And that brings me back to an idea I suggested right after the first news of the show's cancellation. Jon Harmon Feldman should sit down and write out the missing gap of the 'Reunion' story in novel form. And it should be published and sold as part of a DVD package of all of the episodes that were broadcast as well as those that never saw the light of day.

I think it's a unique strategy that might solve the problem in making boxed DVD sets of TV series with no definite conclusion marketable. Shows like 'Coronet Blue', and 'Nowhere Man', and the second version of 'The Fugitive' had their fans who would love the chance to see those storylines at long last resolved.

And presenting these resolutions in novel form gives the show's creator the time to cover everything, rather than trying to cram it all into one last tie-up episode, as the creators of ABC's 'Push, Nevada' were forced to do. (Two minutes after the show ended, the interactive puzzle of the show was solved by a viewer who won the big jackpot offered by the show. Within the next 24 hours, over 10,000 other viewers also called in, hoping to win.)

So that's my idea, and I'm throwing it out there one more time. If not for 'Reunion' than who knows, maybe Glen Gordon Caron can use it for 'Now & Again'.......

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"LOST" IN THOUGHT: CLAIRE AND HER PRESENT DANGER

As I mentioned in regards to that story about UPN and The WB combining to become The CW, there are certain TV news stories that are too rooted in the Real World to be of interest for Toobworld.

But every so often there are exceptions......

According to the "Hollywood Reporter", Touchstone Television has offered substantial salary hikes to the original ensemble of 'Lost' in exchange for the actors extending their current contracts to include an additional year of island-living. The studio is offering to pay the actors nearly $80,000 an episode starting with the show's third season, which is double, and in some cases quadruple, what they are currently earning. All surviving original cast members have been offered the same deal and are expected to take it.

That sounds fine, but in most of the stories about this report, all of those original survivors were mentioned.... except for Emilie de Ravin, who plays Claire Littleton.

I've got a bad feeling about this. Claire is one of my favorites on the show, a real bright spot among the sturm and drang of the other characters, even though she's had some dark moments herself.

And to tell the truth, I'm frankly quite surprised she's made it this far. But with the psychic warning her against anybody else raising her baby, and now that she's been baptized by Eko so that one day she and her baby Aaron might be reunited in Heaven should anything go wrong, I have this fear that her doom is sealed.....

But like I've often said about this show, I trust the creators of this series and I'm in it for the ride, come what may.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"WHO" NEWS(?): BOOB TOOB II

Cleaning out my "to-post" files.....

This story appeared online in various British entertainment news sites just after Christmas. I don't know if there's any truth to the rumour or not. And quite frankly, I never even heard of the woman before....

But apparently, there's a "super"-model by the name of Jordan who wants to play a villain in 'Doctor Who'

And it appears that she doesn't want to stretch too far beyond what she already knows - she wants to play "a killer model who kills people with her [breasts]."

According to the Sun she said: "'Dr Who' would be an ideal starting ground for me, acting-wise. I could be a baddie who doesn't speak but kills with my ample charms."

This might have worked... if the Doctor was played by Benny Hill, but it's a little late for that to happen.....

Still and all, if she's determined to give it a try, I'm more than willing to help her rehearse for such a role.

Smother's little helper, that's me!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

MISSING LINK: THE "ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT" OF "VERONICA MARS"

Michael Cera and Alia Shawkat, who play cousins George Michael and Maeby on 'Arrested Development', will guest star as 19-year-old college freshmen on 'Veronica Mars'.

The creator of 'Veronica Mars', Rob Thomas, said, "They do not play cousins. It was one of things I said to them. I said, 'Do you mind being in the same episode together?' And they said no, they just didn't want to play those characters."

This is tentatively scheduled to air on March 1st, and the episode title is "The Rapes Of Graff".

Of course, the storyline would have had to change a bit in order for them to play George Michael and Maeby. I don't know what grade they're supposed to be in on the show, but at sixteen years of age, I think they're a little too young to actually be college age on their own show.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

AGENTS 86'D

THE CANCELLATION OF 'THRESHOLD'

'Threshold' was another misstep, CBS Entertainment President Nina Tessler said, adding that CBS is unlikely to air the remaining episodes. "The show never reached its creative potential," she said, adding, "so we just said bye-bye."

Of the three alien invasion series that premiered this fall, I expected 'Threshold' to make it to the seasonal finish line in May.

I thought 'Surface' would prove too confined in its premise - even with the Seven Seas as their playground. And I'm not a fan of Lake Bell. I was glad to see her vacate 'Boston Legal' and had no interest in diving into this latest project with her.

As for 'Invasion', on paper it was the show I was most excited about, even if it's setting would have been more restricted than that in 'Surface'. I'm always willing to give the shows created by Shaun Cassidy a chance, ever since 'American Gothic'; although it hasn't always proven to be worth the time.

As it turned out, I was bored out of my mind with 'Invasion' before fifteen minutes were up, and everything about the show was making my skin crawl with distaste. I tried several times to go back to watching it, but was hit by that same revulsion each time.

I'm told the show has finally found its footing and the story is at last riveting, but it's too late for me. It took far too long to snare its audience. With 'Surface', I hear they also have begun to pick up steam in their plotlines, but I'll trust TV critic David Bianculli on this one - he says it's not worth the bother and that's good enough for me.

But as for 'Threshold'.... I'll admit that it had quickly fallen into a rut; each episode just a variation on the same plot - alien hybrid humans come up with a way to spread the "contagion", and the Threshold team stops it. Nevertheless, it was the dynamic of the cast and their interplay that I enjoyed the most.

For Toobworld purposes, there is a way for me to keep the show alive. It's true that a basic rule of Toobworld is that a series continues its "life" even after it's canceled; we just don't get to watch it unfold. But this time I mean there is a way to continue seeing 'Threshold' in action on the screen.

'The X-Files' is one of the most influential TV series of the last fifteen years - conspiracy theories, alien visitations, genetic mutations, black ops, paranormal activities and good old-fashioned paranoia..... And leading the investigations - a couple of FBI agents.

So many shows have come along since then that were obviously influenced by it - 'Strange World', 'The Burning Zone', 'The Visitor', 'Strange Luck', and 'The X-Files' own spinoff, 'The Lone Gunmen'. And one thing that they had in common - sooner or later, FBI agents got involved.

Whenever the Threshold team arrived on the scene of a possible alien contagion, they didn't want to alarm the general public by stating who they really were. So they had a variety of IDs at the ready for all possible contingencies: health inspectors, Food and Drug Administration, Internal Revenue, ATF agents, DEA agents... and FBI agents.

So that's how I can keep 'Threshold' alive for Toobworld. There will be TV series about aliens among us for the foreseeable future. And there will be FBI agents called in to investigate.

But will they really be FBI agents? Couldn't some of those quietly working in the background really be agents of the Threshold Project?

For all I know, there have been FBI agents called in during several episodes of both 'Invasion' and 'Surface'. And if so, maybe a few of them were actually working for Threshold.

Toobworld - always alive and ever expanding.....

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

Friday, January 27, 2006

McCAIN DOES A HITCHCOCK

Senator John McCain got a moment in the spotlight recently when he filmed a cameo for '24'. It'll be a real "blink and you miss him" moment - Audrey asks for a file and McCain hands it to her.

Only seconds onscreen, but it has an interesting ramification for Toobworld. It means that in the alternate dimension where '24' takes place (different from Earth Prime-Time because it has had 3 different Presidents in a world where Bush wasn't the Commander-In-Chief), John McCain pursued a different path in Life. Instead of going into politics and becoming the senator from Arizona, McCain entered government service and joined the Counter Terrorism Unit.

It's a small ripple in the pond, but think of how other real life personalities might have had their lives altered in that alternate universe. Anna Nichole Smith might become a nun; Donald Trump could have been a grocery store bagboy; and how about Pauly Shore as a congressional representative from New York?

No wonder '24' is such a thriller. That dimension is a scary place!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

LANE MEMORIES

I didn't know about this until I read Brent McKee's blog today, and he didn't know until he read Marc Evanier's blog.

No matter, so long as the word goes out.

Yesterday actor Charles Lane celebrated his 101st birthday. If his name doesn't bring about recognition, google his image. It's hard to believe that there was ever a time when he wasn't the wizened, lemon-sucking, miser type of character which he perfected as Homer Bedlow in 'Petticoat Junction' and as a variety of McMann-Tate clients in 'Bewitched'.

Last year, in honor of his 100th birthday, Mr. Lane appeared at the TV Land Awards show. And he let the TV world know that he was still available for work. The title of an 'L.A. Law' episode says it all regarding his spirit: "Leave It To Geezer"!

God bless him and I can only hope it will be still some time before I publish a "Hat's Squad" post in this blog.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHARLES LANE!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

FANFICCIN' AROUND

I'm one of those people who give aid and comfort to fanfic writers. I don't write it myself, and don't like most of what I've read of it, but it doesn't give me the agita that seems to plague others. (Especially a certain writer-producer, but he's busy in NYC working on a tele-play, so maybe this will slip his notice....)

My favorite suggestion is to use pictures from old movies to highlight TV fanfic; pictures of those same actors in situations their TV roles might not otherwise find themselves. Even better is when they share the picture with actors from other TV shows, and that way you can cobble together a great crossover story using the picture as inspiration.

My favorite example of this is Ray Collins and William Conrad in "The Racket". Sure, they were playing a corrupt judge and a corrupt cop, but why can't it be said that it was also a picture of them as Lt. Tragg of 'Perry Mason' and Frank 'Cannon', respectively?

So anyway, I got an email this morning from fellow Iddiot Ray Brizzi:

"Hey, I saw another variation on your concept the other day… One of the last scenes in 'Days of Wine and Roses' has Jack Lemmon having the DT’s with Jack Klugman consoling him. The old Felix and the new Oscar in one scene!!!!"

To be more specific, the movie Felix and the TV Oscar (and the first one at that).

There are many different universes based on the creative output of Mankind - based on movies, TV shows, song lyrics, probably even based on greeting card poems and dirty limericks.

L. Sprague DeCamp and Fletcher Pratt wrote about a universe of legends and myth in their "Incompleat Enchanter" stories; Marvin Kaye dealt with Victorian literature in "The Magic Umbrella"; and Craig Stanley Gardner dealt with B-movies in his "Cineverse" novels.

My particular purview is the TV Universe - TV Land, Toobworld, Cathodia. But sometimes there are encroachments into some of those other universes.

But to have the movie version of Felix Unger meeting the televersion of Oscar Madison - that's a seismic mix-up of cosmic proportions.

So that just means it would make for a great sci-fi story!

By "tripping the rift" between their respective universes, characters could end up meeting themselves or characters similar to the ones they knew back in their own worlds. So Jack Klugman's Oscar and Jack Lemmon's Felix, based on that particular frame grab, would have to work together to find their way back to their homeworlds.

It could all be due to a faulty Stargate, and the SG-1 teams from both the movies and the TV series have to team up to get it working properly again. James Caan's Detective Sikes and Eric Pierpoint's George Francisco have to become partners to maintain some semblance of law and order. And everybody eventually ends up in Mel's Diner in Phoenix, where both Mels look exactly the same and the movie Flo looks exactly like the TV Belle.

I'm just sayin' is all. Just tossing the idea out there. Whether anybody wants to run with it, that's up to them.

That's right, fanfic haters. I'm a stinker.

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

NEW @ TOOBWORLD CENTRAL

Here's some of the latest loot garnered for the Toobworld Central DVD library:

"The Night Stalker"/"The Night Strangler" - two movies, one disk, the first two appearances by Darrin McGavin as Carl Kolchak. After the bad aftertaste from the new version, I needed to get back to the main reason why Kolchak was one of the great characters of Toobworld.

'Maverick' - three episodes of the classic series with James Garner and Jack Kelly. "Shady Deal At Sunny Acres" is my second favorite episode of the series. "Pappy" is fun, but I never bought Garner playing the role of his Pappy. After seeing Joseph Cotton guest star in an episode of 'The Rockford Files', I would have liked to have seen him take on the role instead. Oh well, nearly fifty years down the line, it's too much a what might have been. But I never understood why "Gun-Shy" was all that popular - it's just a lame spoof of 'Gunsmoke' and really doesn't stand the test of time.

The episode I would have included, my all-time favorite? It's one of Jack Kelly's - "Hadley's Hunters". How could I not love it? It was a crossover dream with appearances by the stars of all the other WB Westerns like Clint Walker, Ty Hardin, John Russell, and Will Hutchins, with a nod to Steve McQueen's CBS Western to boot.

'NewsRadio' - the first and second season. I like to think that someday the network execs at NBC will look back at this show and be sorry for the shoddy way they treated it.

And I got a few boots:

'Thriller' - two episodes of the Boris Karloff series, one of which guest starred Mary Tyler Moore!

"The Questor Tapes" - probably the best non-'Star Trek' project Gene Roddenberry ever did.

"The People" - a TV movie starring Kim Darby and William Shatner that I always wanted to see. And an early piece of work by Francis Ford Coppola.

'Spitting Image' - four episodes of the version of this caustic puppet show which aired on NBC back in the mid-eighties. Pretty watered-down stuff and a bit NBCentric. A little goes a long way......

I GOT MINE!

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

Thursday, January 26, 2006

THE HAT SQUAD: DON STEWART

Don Stewart was 70 years of age when he died, and is best known for having played Michael Bauer on 'Guiding Light' for 16 years, beginning in 1968.

TV SERIES
"The Young and the Restless" (1973) TV Series .... Eric Appleton (1998)
"Santa Barbara" (1984) TV Series .... Lionel Lockridge (1985) (temporary replacement)
"The Guiding Light" (1952) TV Series .... Michael 'Mike' Bauer #6 (1968-1984, 1997)

TV MINI-SERIES
"War and Remembrance" (1988) (mini) TV Series (as Donald Stewart) .... Halsey's Lieutenant Commander

TV RECURRING ROLES
"Knots Landing" playing "Matt Callaway"
in episode: "The Lady or the Tiger" (episode # 12.10) 6 December 1990
in episode: "Do Not Attempt to Remove" (episode # 12.7) 8 November 1990
"Dragnet 1967" playing "Officer Carl Goldman"
in episode: "The Candy Store Robberies" (episode # 1.8) 9 March 1967
in episode: "The Hammer" (episode # 1.7) 2 March 1967

TV BIOGRAPHIES
The Betty Ford Story (1987) (TV) .... Nelson

TV PILOTS
Prescription: Murder (1968) (TV)

TV MOVIES
Valley of Mystery (1967) (TV) .... Jim Walker
The Doomsday Flight (1966) (TV) .... Charlie

TV GUEST APPEARANCES
"JAG" playing "Adm. Danico" in episode: "Mixed Messages" (episode # 7.5) 23 October 2001
"Profiler" playing "Coffin Woodrick" in episode: "Crisis" (episode # 1.17) 22 March 1997
"Two" playing "Suit #3" in episode: "Armies of the Night" (episode # 1.8) 31 October 1996
"The X Files" playing "The Businessman" in episode: "Teliko" (episode # 4.3) 18 October 1996
"Beverly Hills, 90210" playing "Judge Hanlon" in episode: "The Big Hurt" (episode # 6.28) 1 May 1996
"Life Goes On" playing "Dalrymple" in episode: "The Buddy" (episode # 2.11) 9 December 1990
"Hardball" in episode: "A Death in the Family" (episode # 1.13) 11 May 1990
"Highway to Heaven" playing "Peter Bergstrom" in episode: "The Reunion" (episode # 5.5) 2 June 1989
"L.A. Law" playing "Mitchell Nelson" in episode: "The Son Also Rises" (episode # 3.2) 10 November 1988
"Our House" in episode: "See You in Court" (episode # 1.6) 12 October 1986
"Knots Landing" playing "Operative" in episode: "Vulnerable" (episode # 6.29) 16 May 1985
"Remington Steele" playing "Mitchell" in episode: "Steele of Approval" (episode # 3.22) 14 May 1985
"Dragnet 1967" playing "Officer Elinson" in episode: "Narcotics - DR-21" (episode # 3.16) 30 January 1969
"Adam-12" playing "Second Man" in episode: "Log 111: The Boa Constrictor" (episode # 1.11) 7 December 1968
"Dragnet 1967" playing "Ross Landa" in episode: "Training - DR-18" (episode # 3.9) 21 November 1968
"Dragnet 1967" playing "First Patrolman" in episode: "Robbery - DR-15" (episode # 3.7) 7 November 1968
"Adam-12" playing "Officer One" in episode: "Log 1: The Impossible Mission" (episode # 1.1) 21 September 1968
"Dragnet 1967" playing "Harry Lanham" in episode: "The Investigation" (episode # 2.26) 14 March 1968
"The Virginian" playing "Urban Scott" in episode: "The Girl on the Pinto" (episode # 5.27) 29 March 1967
"Dragnet 1967" playing "Officer Art McAndrews" in episode: "The Jade Story" (episode # 1.10) 23 March 1967
"The Virginian" playing "Kip Lathrop" in episode: "Letter of the Law" (episode # 4.14) 22 December 1965
"Laredo" playing "Aaron Jamison" in episode: "Rendezvous at Arillo" (episode # 1.4) 7 October 1965
"The Alfred Hitchcock Hour" playing "Gabe Greely" in episode: "Night Fever" (episode # 3.28) 3 May 1965

There should be an interesting theory as to why Sgt. Joe Friday never noticed why so many other police officers looked like Officer Carl Goldman......

BCnU...
Tele-Toby

TIME PASSAGES

I'd say it's a given that unless otherwise indicated within the show, an episode should be current with the date on which it was first broadcast. It doesn't have to be that exact same day, but preferably within the span of that month.

Typical exception would be the 'Law & Order' franchise which time-stamps just about every scene. Or Christmas themed episodes of shows which usually air several weeks in advance.

But one thing that should be considered law when it comes to Toobworld's inner timeline - episodes should follow each other in a linear fashion. That is, last week's episode of 'Crumbs' should be followed by tonight's episode in the timeline. Tonight's episode shouldn't precede last week's, unless it was specified to be a flashback.

But there have been two instances in the last few weeks in which such a circumstance happened.

With one, it happened in connection to a new, (hopefully) continuing series of TV movies. Last year, "Stone Cold" was broadcast, an adaptation of the fourth book in Robert Parker's series about Jesse Stone, the sheriff of Paradise, Massachusetts.

Just two weeks ago, a second movie was aired, "Night Passage". But in this one, Stone moved to Paradise to take up the job as sheriff. (Police chief? Not sure.)

The other example came from a new ABC series which I'm enjoying very much - 'InJustice'. With the first episode, Kyle MacLachlan's character of David Swain was firmly established as being in charge at the National Justice Project. But in the second episode, he was just showing up with the intent of running the organization.

The backstage splainin for this is easy. The network decided to open strong with a more powerful episode to hook the audience, and then burn off the pilot during the second week before too many cases were under Swain's belt.

I don't have the stats to back this up, but I think such a situation has happened before in which the pilot episode isn't aired until later in the first season.

But how to jibe such an occurrence with Toobworld's inner reality? If I remember correctly, there never was any indication that 'InJustice' was dealing with a flashback.

So here goes - "Night Passage" and the pilot episode of 'InJustice' happened at the same time, during a point in Toobworld's history in which there was some kind of massive temporal "burp". It happened for all of the other shows on the air as well, but just by sheer luck, none of them had episodes which were occurring at the exact same point in Time as those two examples.

And who was to blame? More than likely The Doctor, causing some kind of rift as he and Rose returned from the alternate dimension in which Harriet Jones is the Prime Minister of England. (As seen in 'The Christmas Invasion' - there's nothing to say they left the scene of the Sycorax invasion straightaway. They probably stayed around a bit to celebrate the holiday with Rose's Mom and Mickey.)

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Um... unless you can think of something better.....?

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

O'BSERVATIONS: "BLEAK HOUSE"

The third Television adaptation of Charles Dickens' "Bleak House" has already aired in Great Britain and is now airing in six parts on 'Masterpiece Theatre'.

The first version was broadcast in 1959, and there was another adaptation twenty years ago which starred Diana Rigg as Lady Dedlock. This new version stars Gillian Anderson in that role, with Charles Dance and Denis Lawson playing other major characters.

This new version contains more of the book than any of the previous adaptations. Some Inner Toob readers might remember that such a factor played a big role in my decision that Jeremy Brett's interpretation of Sherlock Holmes should be the official version for the main Toobworld, since almost all of the original stories were adapted rather than coming up with stories that were non-Canon.

But in this case, I think the 1959 version may as well stand as the version that actually takes place in Earth Prime-Time. Despite the lack of real star power in that cast and the absence of the technological achievements possible today, there should be something to be said for being the first to broadcast a particular story. And at least it was dealing with the established plot, unlike say, the 'Sherlock Holmes' series starring Ronald Howard and H. Marion Crawford.

(There was a temptation to choose the middle version of "Bleak House", but that was primarily out of my long-standing... admiration for Diana Rigg.)

Since the evil mirror universe is the most popular of all the alternate dimensions for Toobworld, I think the 1985 adaptation should be placed there. And as for this latest version? I suppose it's up for grabs, and arguments could be made to place it in any number of them.

However, because it was able to tell as much of Dickens' full, complicated story with its large roster of characters as possible, I feel comfortable in the idea that this version of "Bleak House" took place in the same dimension where 'The West Wing' resides. Like 'Bleak House', 'The West Wing' is also a complex, richly detailed look at the state of society for its times. And there's nothing about 'Bleak House' and its place in history that would contradict anything that might have been seen on 'The West Wing'.

There's another Toobworld aspect that should be addressed. Most TV shows, movies, and specials are created in their own vacuum, without regard for anything else that might be on the air. And yet Toobworld celebrates the concept that all of these shows exist within the same universe.

So it can be a bit of a problem when the works of an author get adapted for Television, and that author's life ends up depicted as well.

Charles Dickens has been seen as a TV character many times, most recently in the 'Doctor Who' episode "The Unquiet Dead". And his works have been adapted for broadcast quite often, most especially "The Christmas Carol". As such, Dickens joins the ranks of such other writers as Shakespeare, Twain, Verne, and Conan Doyle, who exist in the same world as the works they wrote.

The position I came up with is that these writers were basically historians and reporters, and that their novels were factual accounts of events that actually happened and people who really existed.

So if there was any possible Zonk! in the idea of mixing the authors into the same world occupied by their works, hopefully this serves as the splainin.

Although I doubt it will stand as being a far, far better thing than I have ever done before........

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

My daughter Taittinger

Yesterday I went to MoS (yes again) with June, Kelvin and Kit, and I decided to call my daughter Taittinger, after MoS's uber VIP room the Taittinger Sky Lounge. I know I've said this before, but this time I stand firm in my resolution.

ROARRRRR!

If I ever get married, of course.

Now, there is a problem. If I want a name like Taittinger, I cannot marry men with awful surnames coz Taittinger Neo just sounds damn wrong! It sounds like a loser chick, right?

Taittinger Gooi is damn bad, Taittinger Tang ok, and Taittinger Leong is fine too. Sad huh?

Or maybe I won't marry Chinese guys then, a French surname would be beautiful!

So anyway, as I was saying, my daughter will be Taittinger, and my son, I wanna call him Prestige.

I know most of you will be sniggering and saying it is the mercs cab's brand, but so what? If I am rich enough to be buay paiseh and call my son Prestige, I will buy over the bloody fleet of mercs cabs and rename them to something else. I don't know, some atas name, maybe Caviar or something.

Caviar cabs! :D

Damn cool ok?

I will then train Prestige and Taittinger to be both fucking elitist from young.

When people with an inferior social status speaks to Taittinger, she will gently lift her diamond encrusted hand and feign a yawn, saying slowly but loudly that she needs to rest and must not be disturbed/needs to go for horse-riding lessons now.

Her poodle hops along after her svelte frame sashays away. MUAHAHAHA!

And Prestige will be worse. Prestige will snub anyone who does not own a plane. People who make jokes about the ex mercs cab brand will be banished to Prestige's own jailhouse, which can hold up to 100 people captive.

Inside, they are all chained to the ground laying down and have water taps slowly dripping on their bare foreheads. That will teach them to tease my Prestige.

Ok I just decided. From now on, please do not call me Wendy anymore.

NO MORE WENDY.

From this blog entry onwards, I want to be known as Taittinger Cheng Yan Yan the First.

I know there is no second YET, but when I get my daughter she will be second, ok?

Sigh.

Obviously not gonna happen. I don't think I will ever be so rich myself, and I don't think if I marry someone so rich he is gonna let me name the kids. Damn!

But I'm serious about the name Taittinger. You know how some people suddenly change their Christian names? I want to also! You better call me Taittinger from now on, I DON'T CARE.

I am also serious about wanting to learn how to play the piano!

That day, at Shuyin's place, I asked SY's friend Natalie to play Jay Chou's Ye Qu for us, and she plopped down on the chair and just played like that!!! *snaps fingers*


DAMN FUCKING SEXY CAN?!!!?!


I think I might have even teared a bit. Yes me, Taittinger Cheng.

Playing the piano is so damn sexy!

I mean, there are many many things which are sexy, such as wearing a lacey g-string, or smelling nice, and whatever... Different people have different fetishes perferences.

And I think being able to play the piano ranks pretty damn high!

On a scale of ten perhaps:

1/10) Not farting, looking like you have no diseases

2/10) Great clean teeth

3/10) Cooking good food, having long fingers/legs.

4/10) Having great hair, wearing skimpy clothes, having a long tongue

5/10) Smelling great, staring seductively while being in a bikini

6/10) Roleplaying uniforms, coming out of the bath in a bathrobe

7/10) Being naked, playing the piano, forlicking in a bubble bath

8/10) Being able to deepthroat and demostrating it

9/10) You are a famous porn star

10/10) Being an elf


SEE? 7 out of a scale of 10!

I know, you musically inclined pianists will all be like, eh, you know Taittinger, you should learn how to play the piano for the love of music, and not just to be sexy.

Fuck music, I just wanna be sexy.

I already have waist-length hair cascading down my lovely waist (*ahem) and now I need to play the piano, ok? Together they add up to a full 11/10!

Who wants to teach me?? :D

So anyway, pictures:

From... Where else? From the heights of the Ministry of Sound Singapore, Ladies and Gentlemen...

The Taittinger Sky Lounge:


Kelvin left me and June alone to go downstairs to fetch someone, so we were both standing in Pure.

I was messaging a friend, and June was just standing beside me... While I messaged, a guy (quite ok-looking actually, and he sounded smart!) started talking to her (as usual) and after some time, he asked, "Do you girls wanna come to the Sky Lounge?

I looked up from my phone and nodded. Hahaha! Yes please!

I feel quite happy coz this guy doesn't know who I am so I can blog about him. I never had this feeling for a very long time already! I am not trying to hao lian, I am really feeling happy about this.

I remember I used to be able to write about my crushes and share secrets with my blogders, but nowadays, I can never do that anymore. :( They all read my blog.

So yes, that guy brought us in.

On the way out of Pure, we bumped into Kelvin, and he obviously asked where June and I were going, but naturally I don't think the guy hitting on June would want Kelvin to tag along, penis and all, so I told Kel, "We are going to the Sky lounge with this guy who hit on June!" and left only in time to hear Kelvin say "Fuckers!!"

Hahaha quite funny.

It rules to be girls. :D

A bit of anger is good for Kelvin. This will spur him to work harder and be the one bringing girls in in the future. Hor Kel??

Later on, I saw another friend inside who brought everyone in. The room is, erm, really quite atas one, you must be invited in by the management to go in...

So yes, the hit-on-June guy, let's call him Steve... I still have no idea who he is or what he does. He didn't follow up after the initial chat. We asked him what his job is, and he evasively said "I clean up."

Steve's champagne, the namesake of the room:


Is the make up nice? I was trying to create the Guess Models kinda look, with the big hair and leopard print stuff. :)


Literally a winged chair.



They serve macadamia nuts! I don't believe it. My favourite nuts! Waiter told me it costs like 15 cents per nut. I have no idea if he is kidding, but if he is not, then I ate a whole damn lot of money.

Sun-tanning and alcohol does not go well together.



June started to go siao and take many photos... Of everything.

Herself

Kelvin and me talking...




Her surroundings...


And finally, a damn chio photo of us! It is so nice, I made it my wallpaper! :D

All the pictures with me in it can be enlarged, all the better for you to see my ravishing beauty! Muahaha!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

LOOKING BEYOND LEO II

And that's not Pope Leo II either......

In a recent interview about the final episodes of 'The West Wing', it sounds as if the producers of the show have come up with the best possible solution to the question re: Leo McGarry, now that John Spencer has died. It's one that will not only serve the purpose of the series' storyline, but also honor the memory of the man as actor and character.

In the series, McGarry is the former chief of staff in the Bartlet administration who became the vice president running mate of Matt Santos (Jimmy Smits). [Executive Producer John] Wells said the episodes filmed before Spencer's death took the show within five days of the election between Santos and Arnold Vinick (Alan Alda).

Research determined that a death of a vice presidential candidate so close to an election would make it too late for the presidential candidate to get a replacement on the ballot.

"In the case where it's right up against the election, all of the people that we talked to said the wisest thing for a candidate to do would probably be to either indicate who they want to replace them or to just go silent on the issue," said Wells. "If they lose, it's not an issue. If they're elected, it makes the most sense to wait until the inaugural and then try to get a candidate nominated and then through Congress under the 25th Amendment."
- Alan Pergament, Buffalo News

I still think I put up a good argument for getting former Governor Jack Buckland on the ballot as Leo's replacement, but in the end, the simple solution is always the best.

It's a lesson I'll never learn here at Toobworld Central. After all, where's the sport in that?

It's also quite clever that the answer doesn't give anything away as to who will be the ultimate winner of the election.....

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

A SHORE THING

Tele-Cognizance is an affliction that causes a TV character to realize that they are living inside a TV show. Don't think it sounds so bad? Imagine how you would feel if you knew the Whole Truthiness of the world you live in.

You'd go mad before the day was out.

Serlinguists, those characters who can step outside their surroundings to address the audience viewing at home, would also be tele-cognizant, but not all tele-cognizants would be serlinguists.

Several characters of 'Moonlighting' were tele-cognizant, which they probably contracted from David Addison who suffered from it the most.

Lt. Columbo demonstrated that he was at least momentarily tele-cognizant in the episode "Last Salute To The Commodore". And many of the characters in 'It's Garry Shandling's Show' were obviously aware of their television surroundings.

I bring this up because it looks like another TV character has fallen under its influence - Alan Shore of 'Boston Legal'.

It's not uncommon at the end of a business day at Crane, Poole & Schmidt for Alan to join his mentor Denny Crane out on his patio for cigars and booze. This past week, he arrived and said, "There you are! I haven't seen much of you this episode."

"It saddens me," Denny agreed.

So apparently Alan knows he was inside a TV show episode, because anybody else would have said that they hadn't seen the other person all day.

And as for Denny seeming to agree, I wouldn't read too much into that. He probably didn't have a clue as to what Alan said since the words "Denny Crane" were nowhere to be heard in the greeting.

And besides, I think he's had a few TMIs and probably wouldn't know what the hell Alan was referring to even if he had been listening.

Hrmm.... by coincidence, the name of the episode was "Too Much Information".

TMI.......?

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

WISH-CRAFT: THE CW

I wasn't going to chime in on this big news story about the loss of The WB and UPN and The CW rising from their ashes because it was a Real World business story that really wasn't going to affect the status of the TV Universe itself.

TV shows are cancelled all the time, and it's more than likely that there are a few shows on both networks that won't survive the squeeze after the merger. But even so, just because we can't see the characters anymore, that doesn't mean they stop existing in Toobworld.

But there were a few ancillary stories connected to the merger that I wanted to address.

First off, Herbie J. Pilato over in Media Village (link to the left) announced before the merger news that UPN was considering a spin-off from 'Girlfriends'. Afterwards, he mentioned it again, but this time threw in the word "allegedly".

Brent McKee (You'll find his link to the left also.) figures that the following shows are probably safe in the shake-up: 'Veronica Mars', 'America's Next Top Model' and 'Everybody Hates Chris' from UPN, and 'Smallville', 'The Gilmore Girls' and 'Supernatural' from The WB.'

But no mention of 'Girlfriends', yet I think it may have a chance to survive the merger. Personally, I don't watch it, but I know it's been a steady performer for many years, and I would think the new network would like to keep a healthy relationship with its producer, Kelsey Grammer, in hopes of snaring him for future projects.

Whether the other shows in UPN's "black block", such as 'One On One', 'Eve', and 'Cuts' among others, will survive.... That's a different story.

Okay, the other thing is the idea of crossovers between the shows from the two networks now being possible since they'll all be on The CW.

The only thing that I DON'T want would be a show crossing over with 'Smallville'. Because Toobworld already had its Superman back in the 1950s, Tom Welling's Clark Kent has to be shuttled off to an alternate dimension. And I don't want to lose too many series to that same world as it is.

Crossing over with 'Everybody Hates Chris' would be difficult as that sitcom look at Chris Rock's early life is set in the early 1980s. Perhaps they could have a character from a current show appear in Chris's life... but as a child.

Instead, there's one crossover I would like to see, and it's one I think they should do as a big, splashy introduction to this new world of The CW.

'The Gilmore Girls' & 'Veronica Mars'

So what if the continent divides them on a regular basis? Earlier this season, Keith Mars took a trip to Chicago on business; it's entirely possible that he might have to go to Stars Hollow, Connecticut, and stay at the Dragonfly Inn. (Or is it the Firefly? I can never remember.)

And if 'Crossing Jordan' can leave Boston to visit 'Las Vegas', not once but twice to work with the exact same characters, why couldn't the Gilmores work with the Mars family?

Keith Mars could take his daughter along, with the trip sponsored by Richard Gilmore who is his client. (He'd be the one to make the trip out to Neptune, California, to enlist Keith's services.) And while there, Veronica could help Rory solve some little mystery of her own.

I think that idea would work a lot better than having Veronica team up with Sam and Dean of 'Supernatural'.

Anyway, the only other thing is - the name of the network? The CW? Feh, it doesn't bother me, really. Makes me think of CW Moss from 'Bonnie & Clyde', is all......

BCnU!
Tele-Toby

TELE-MYTHOS: JUNIOR VANIR

Even though it usually repeats on the weekend, I don't make a habit of taping 'Supernatural'. But I do follow the upcoming episode descriptions in hopes that there will be one worth my notice.

Such an episode aired two weeks ago; one that brough back memories of 'The Lottery', "Harvest Home", "Dark Night Of The Scarecrow" and even 'Cheers'!

The sibling heroes of 'Supernatural', Sam and Dean, investigated a yearly sacrifice ritual of a couple in Burketsville, Indiana, meant to insure a bountiful harvest of the town's apple crop. The brothers traced the ritual to the appeasement of a Norse god of fertility, one of the wild nature spirits known as the Vanir (pronounced "Bonner" according to the show). Eventually they tracked down the specific tree with which the spirit was bonded.

It's always been my contention that the TV Universe has its own mythology, established in the crossovers and the ritualized cliches and the TV interpretation of established creatures of Faerie and the supernatural. Getting to mix in the established mythos of the classics is just icing on the cake.

The Norse gods of the Elder Eddas are best represented in Toobworld by several episodes of 'Hercules: The Legendary Journeys' (and Thor encountered 'The Incredible Hulk'). 'Stargate SG-1' takes place in an alternate dimension, (Sorry, but they have a different President.), so this influence for such myths in their dimension have no bearing on the truthiness of the mythos in Earth Prime-Time.

The Vanir was appeased by the people of Burketsville, Indiana, and it probably was one of the lesser demi-gods among the Vanir; certainly not Njord or Freyr. Any nature spirit of greater power would never have allowed Sam and Dean to set fire to the host-tree.

One of the Vanir was named Mimir, but as he was beheaded during the Age of Legends, it's doubtful that he would be the same Mimir who served as one of Santa's elves as seen in "Mr. St. Nick". However, the Vanir are often confused with the elves (the Alfir) in accounts of their legends.

Finally, I think there must be someone out there wondering about that reference to 'Cheers'....

I'm thinking Burketsville can't be too far from Hanover, Indiana, on the Toobworld map; this is the hometown of Woodrow Tiberius Boyd. And maybe Hanover was under the influence of the Vanir as well.....

After hearing yet another of Woody's strange tales about his hometown, Dr. Frasier Crane was asked if he would ever consider visiting Hanover himself.

Frasier was aghast. "What? And get sacrificed to the Corn God?"


BCnU!
Tele-Toby

"I'm not saying there is a 'supernatural',
But things have happened
That cannot be explained."
Deputy Barney Fife
'The Andy Griffith Show'

A guide to getting your comments published

For the life of me I cannot understand why people who are ridiculously stupid can manage to apply for an internet connection, turn on the computer (while having it fixed up too!), perhaps enter a password, and then use a browser to log on to my website, and then leave comments.

To me, the steps seem pretty complicated, and I know that some readers have the mental abilities of a 7 year old. I don't know, would a 7 year old know how forms and hyperlinks work?

All these are very amazing to me.

Some I imagine to be so stupid, I sometimes get hit by a mental imagery of them walking over the edge of a very high cliff. BOOM! Off they go!

Like they are talking to their evil cousin or something, and the cousin goes like, "Eh, let's see how far u can walk backwards!" (which is towards the edge of the cliff of course) and the idiot goes like, "OK!" and he guffaws his underbite smile and promptly drops to his death.

("SEE COUSIN, SEE, I CAN WALK VERY FArrrr.....! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! *crash*

Cousin: "Heeheehee")

Heeheehee.

When I am having such dreamy imageries I often find myself hanging precariously over dangerous spots but due to my superior intellect, I always manage to stop myself in time. The fact that Singapore doesn't really have cliffy edges help of course.

I mean, you don't really see much of the stupid comments on the comments link nowadays, because obviously I moderate comments.

I mentioned it a thousand times, but people still don't realise it.

So I wrote it where I thought everyone would see it:



This measure completely doesn't work.

Just today, I received a comment that went like this:
Xiaxue: My blog is so stupid! Oh my god, look at me, I think my blog is stupid! Hahaha!


-_-

This idiot obviously thought I would publish that comment, or she/he would not have spend time writing it to get deleted.

And that's why I always say I cannot fathom the way stupid people function. What makes them tick?

I was thinking about it, and I thought, well, you know how you sometimes tend to replace words you don't know with another word so that the sentence makes sense?

An example:

"I contemplated for a long time, and finally decided to go to Harvard instead of Oxford."

Now 'contemplated' in this sentence could mean... waited? pondered? or maybe even means pacing around repeatedly in a room.

I believe stupid people function the same way as normal people, except they are dumb right, so regardless of the whether the sentence makes sense finally, they replace it with their favourite word anyway.

The above statement might become:

"I breasts-ed for a long time, and finally decided to go to breasts instead of breasts."


(and proceed to wank)

Or the angry idiot would replace it with angry words.

"I killed my whole family for a long time, and finally decided to go to hell instead of heaven."


Of course, the word replacement gets them very upset indeed, so they proceed to scold the author in vehement tones.

Since my moderation sentence is relatively simple, I believe idiots do not understand what "moderated" means, and choose to do their typical replacement.

As you can imagine the statement wouldn't make much sense after their change.


Once and for all, stupid people, moderated means the comments have to be approved before they are published.

That means, anything that I don't like will be deleted before it even see the light of day, ok?

This also means you can stop wasting your time writing really stupid comments that go like, "Manboobs: I am a fat guy and I fucked Xiaxue. Last night. Many times."

I'll just go like "NO YOU DIDN'T! DIDN'T!!!!!!111" and viciously jab the delete button until your comment bursts.

******************************


What kinda comments get approved?

1) Do not spam.

If you overly promote your website, I delete. I don't like buay paiseh people.

Any comments that promote blogs I do not wish to promote will be promptly deleted too. :) I don't care even if you are on my side. I have too many comments to publish, and I won't waste my time editing away the links on your comment.

If detractors want traffic from me, they pay, like everyone else. Else, they can make me happy, and maybe I will link them. ;)


2) Do not accuse me.

Now people tend to misunderstand what I wrote, and then scold me according to what, in their warped perception, I did wrong.

For example, something like, "Please do not discriminate handicapped people. Do you know they are already having a lot of difficulties?"

Now I DO NOT discriminate handicapped people, and I never did, so even if the rest of your comment support me, it will be deleted. Reason? I don't want people to read your comment and ridiculously enough, believe that you said.

Fuck YOUR freedom of speech. My freedom of deleting is way more important. I'm not a fucking libertarian and I do not believe that the general public is capable of deciding for themselves what is right and what is wrong. Because the general public is stupid.


3) Do not impersonate.

Impersonating Kenny, Shuyin, Shan, whoever. Not gonna work.


4) Do not attempt to teach me how to live my life/how to blog.


I delete it not because it is a bad comment. I delete it just to irritate you, because I hate empty vessels and self-important bigots. When you are a successful person and your life is perfect, then you come and prove it to me (and not hide behind an anonymous mask), and I will approve your comment, ok?

Right now, just shut up.


5) Do not preach.

My blog is not a church. I do not believe in your religion, so I won't promote it here for you.


6) Do not insult my friends, family or dog.

Everytime you do that, I not only delete your comment, I also kick a random small animal. Now, how do you like that?


7) Do not be rude.

When I blog something offensive, say, wimpy guys, and you happen to be wimpy, remember, my blog entry was never personal. I didn't attack YOU, because I don't know who the fuck you are.

Therefore when you reply, do not launch personal attacks on me either.

Well you can, but it will be deleted.


**********************************************


Another thing I would like to admit here:

I sometimes approve mean comments, because I do think some are too stupid to be believed anyway, or because some are sincere constructive criticisms.

Now this person called Christian left a long, rude, mean comment some time ago, and uttered quite a lot of rubbish.

I approved it.

I think many people replied and argued with him there after, and of course, he wrote several long replies to all these people (all nonsensical, rude, and self-assuming).

I deleted them ALL!

HEEHEEHEE! MUAHAHA!

Not because his replies were invalid or whatever, but because I am an internet bitch from hell, and because I CAN.

I love cheap thrills, and it makes me very happy to know that some of these haters get so boiling pissed when they are in turn the ones accused and now cannot even give the last word.

So yes people, I do that to people who are so determinded to find faults with me.

No need lar... this is my blog, and people see plenty of imperfections. I fart and lao sai too you know. I make mistakes too. :)

Take a rest, detractors, and stop giving yourself shit by leaving long, self-righteous comments. It only makes me (very) happy when I delete them.

Now let's see how many of you pass and manage to get your comments published. :)