Tuesday, June 30, 2009

TV POISON

Bret Michaels might not have been seen during "Jailhouse Z Rock", but he still serves as the link between 'Z Rock' and two other sitcoms, 'Yes, Dear' and 'The Chris Isaak Show'.

ZO2 were supposed to open for Bret Michaels in upstate New York in the Chappaqua area, but because of the "crime spree" of their friend Neil Latham, they missed the first show because they were locked up in the local jail. As for the second show, the band got there late because they were performing at a birthday party... for a dog.

The Poison lead rocker also appeared as himself in the following episodes:

"The Chris Isaak Show"
- The Family of Man (2004)
- Hell Is Other People (2002)
- Fantasia (2001)

"Yes, Dear"
- Greg's Big Day (2000)

Actually, he can also link two "reali-TV" shows which would more than likely be mentioned in any future appearances by Bret Michaels in shows where he played himself. One would be his dating series 'Rock Of Love', and the other would be the recent Tony Awards telecast. You gotta know that his conk on the noggin by the scenery, which left him injured, is going to be a source of humor in any future appearances.

BCnU!

RULE 34

Rob Buckley, who runs the British blog "The Medium Is Not Enough" posted this video today, from 1976:



I asked him if it was possible that somebody might have spoofed this show for pornographic purposes. I mean, look at those spiders Itsy and Bitsy! They're basically disguised hands! This is the perfect puppet show for onanists!

Rob's response? "Rule 34".

I never heard that phrase before, and a quick Google search brought me these splainins from the "Urban Dictionary":

Rule 34: If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions.

Generally accepted internet rule that states that pornography or sexually related material exists for any conceivable subject.

If not, then porn will be made of it as soon as someone hears what you are looking for.

True for any movie, game, character, etc. that you can think of, and some you can't.

As I wrote on my Facebook page right after, "For one who delights in all manifestations of "going there", only just this minute have I learned about Rule 34! My guiding principle in Life and I didn't even know it had a name!!!"

BCnU!

STACEY'S STAY OF EXPLANATION

IRS auditor Stacey Connolly scrambled to explain that his first name was a man's name when Sam Axe called him out about it during the 'Burn Notice' episode "Fearless Leader". One of the examples he used was Stacy Keach, but he finally broke down and gave up before he could cite Keach's television credits.

Wasn't that nice of him? That way we don't have to de-Zonk whatever examples he might have come up with - 'Prison Break', 'Titus', whatever.....

BCnU!

THE HAT SQUAD: FRED TRAVALENA

Fred Travalena was an impressionist, one of the last in the old style line of performers to successfully meld the showmanship of Las Vegas with television. Called "The Man of A Thousand Faces", Travalena died the other day at the age of 66 after a long battle with cancer. His death completed the superstitious group of three (a cluster of celebrity deaths), along with Billy Mays and Gale Storm; the second "group of three" in the span of a week.

Here are his most notable appearances as a member of the "League of Themselves":

Stand Up with Fred Travalena (1997) (TV)


"Good Sports"
- Pros and Ex-Cons (1991)
This was a sitcom which starred Ryan O'Neal and the late Farrah Fawcett, who just passed away this past week as well.


"Newhart"
- A Midseason's Night Dream (1988)
This means that Fred Travalena was on the mind of Dr. Bob Hartley of 'The Bob Newhart Show', as 'Newhart' was just one long dream spurred on by a late-night snack of Japanese food.

"Madame's Place"
- Episode #1.47 (1982)

Even though this was basically a variety show, it holds its place in Toobworld because of the fictional interaction with Madame, the "Naughty Marionetta".

Just based on those three appearances alone, Fred Travalena would be eligible for entry into the TV Crossover Hall of Fame.

He made his mark in several TV series, mostly locked into one particular character for each of them....

"Black Scorpion" .... Charlie Chortle
- He Who Laughs Last (2001)

"Beverly Hills, 90210" .... Club Owner
- Ever Heard the One About the Exploding Father? (2000)


"Histeria!" .... Lenny
- The Wild West (1998)

"Walker, Texas Ranger" .... Ross Perot
- Standoff (1995)
I'm not sure if he was providing the voice for the real Ross Perot or what.....

"Dinosaurs" .... Bob Hack
- Nuts to War: Part 2 (1992)


"The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!"
- Chippie Chimpmunks (1989) .... Mr. Gibbel
- Will the Real Elvis Please Shut Up!/Love 'Em and Leave 'Em (1989) .... Elvis

"Murphy Brown" .... Don Sarasota
- Buddies Schmuddies (1989)

Spitting Image: The Ronnie and Nancy Show (1987)

Poochie (1985) .... Zipcode

"Fantasy Island"
- Lady's Choice/Skin Deep (1984)

"Dragon's Lair" (1984) .... King Ethelred

Shooting Stars (1983) .... Teddy

"ABC Weekend Specials"
- The Secret World of Og (1983) .... Og/Old Man/Glub Villager

"Shirt Tales" (1982) .... Bogey Orangutan

"Smurfs" (1981) .... Additional Voices

"Scooby-Doo and Scrappy-Doo" (1979) .... Additional Voices

"The Love Boat" .... Ted Ashton
- Double Wedding/Ventriloquists, The/Julie Falls Hard (1978)

"Keep on Truckin'" (1975)

"The ABC Comedy Hour" (1972)

"The Jetsons" (1962) .... Additional Voices

Good night, and may God bless......

BCnU!

AS SEEN ON TV: MICHAEL JACKSON

Here's Wylie Draper as Michael Jackson in "The Jacksons: An American Dream". Draper passed away a year after making this tele-flick; I'm not sure if that counts as irony or not.

I don't know who's playing Bubbles the Chimp or the lion. I speculated the other day on Facebook that the death of Michael Jackson would spell the end of Edward Moss' career as a Jackson impersonator, in much the same way Vaughn Meader's career plummetted after the assassination of JFK. The references to MJ have already been cut out of the movie "Bruno"; would audiences still be accepting of Michael Jackson spoofs as they were when Moss played him in "Scary Movie 4"?

But he could get one last shot at glory if somebody ever does a TV movie about Michael Jackson's final days. You have to admit that it's turning into a spectacle ripe for dramatization......

Just sayin', is all..... BCnU!

Purple Bride {The Set Up}

{Purple Bride}

I really enjoyed this wedding.
The colors were great, the bride was totally kick back.
We actually planned this all on email! She's out in New Jersey and so she trusted me with her colors based on email so I have to thank her for her faith in me. :)
The Argonaut Hotel was reeeaaallly nice.
Check out this lobby area.

How cool is that concierge desk?
This fireplace is pretty sweet too.

If you don't know by now the hotel has a nautical theme. It sits right at Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco and it's located in the cannery. It's a pretty spectacular hotel and the rooms are bananas.

The tall centerpiece looked really nice underneath all the compass chandeliers(there is a name for these but I can't remember)


It was super romantic in there with the dim lighting but let me tell you, it made taking pictures quite a task for me.

I just could not capture the purples, like Sprout said, it comes out red. :(

The crew that came to set up the chair covers were so sweet!
I commented on how much I actually loved the chair covers because they were not the typical polyester chair covers, they were fitted damask and they felt spectacular.
I will have to find that business card to give her a little shout out!

Here are the brides maids bouquets and the flower girl halo before they were delivered.

My friend Stella, helped me out for this wedding, and not only is she am Orchid genius( knows all the names, care and handling) but she is also a calligrapher. I always write out my own cards and silly me forgot she was coming and forgot to ask her to bring hers pens. So naturally I handed her the shi***st pen, probably a cheap papermate or something, and asked her to label the corsage boxes.

Her is the lucky grooms boutonniere, a black magic rose, a purple calla and a black calla.


The mothers and fathers had matching lavender and white corsage and boutonnieres.

The groomsmen had the black magic roses, with ivy.

Then it was time to deliver the bouquet to the bride. How I wish I could have caught her in her dress. It was gorgeous. I hope to God I get a picture of her in her dress because I was so smitten with it.


One of the bridesmaids was ready so I got a bit of her dress in the picture with the bouquet.

So all in all, I had a blast :)
The bride was super nice on email and in person. She totally trusted me and she gave me the biggest compliment ever.
When I delivered her flowers she said
"Brenda, oh my God, they are exactly as I pictured them in my head. They are perfect!!!"
In my head I pictured myself running and hugging her to the ground, but in real life I was cool , like "oh good, I'm so happy!" so you know, I kept it professional, lol.

{ And they lived happily ever after...in New Jersey....}

Kailua Lanikai Family Photography







In defence of Bleached Blondes

Ever since I bleached my hair more or less platinum blonde, I've been getting all sorts of CRAP comments.

It's weird because for the longest time I've had my hair sorta really light brown but just not quite blonde yet, and nobody gave two hoots.


Oh, here's an obviously Chinese girl!

But once it crossed the threshold from caramel to 'blonde' blonde, people start all sorts of accusations.

I am trying to be an angmoh! I am abandoning my Chinese roots! Xiaxue you are an insecure, self-hating disgusting heritage ditcher!

This is pissing me off SO FUCKING BAD.


FUCK YOU ALL.


Firstly, GET OVER YOURSELF. It's just a muthafucking hair colour.

Do Chinese people typically have brown/red hair? NO THEY DON'T!

We have BLACK HAIR.

And then like a half of the Asian female population in Singapore have dyed BROWN hair - nobody says anything!

Having BROWN hair is as un-Asian as having Blonde hair isn't it?


Or so are you trying to say that there is a DEGREE to which you can abandon your "roots"?

DYEING BROWN NOT HIDING BLACK MEH?

And oh, I've had my hair black, varieties of brown, ash, green, red (long ago), pink, and BLONDE.

When I was all the other colours, you mean I wasn't trying to act angmoh and suddenly now I have a change in personality and decided to?

I'd tell you why so few people have bleached blonde hair.

- It destroys your hair.
- It doesn't look good on everyone. Not saying it does on me, but I like it.
- It is incredibly expensive to maintain. Mine is sponsored.
- It is a wild colour and schools and most office jobs won't allow it.


And that's why it is so special - and I love attention so I want to be special!

It's just a bloody hair colour and just because I like that colour doesn't mean I necessarily hate being Chinese!

In fact, as my URL so proudly proclaims, I love being Chinese, and I love being Singaporean. My parents are fully Chinese and I've never claimed otherwise.

As for the coloured lens, plenty of other chicks wear them too, purely because everyone else has black irises and it's BORING. Nose job? Anyone who saw my old nose won't deny that I needed one. Angmoh boyfriend? Had him for 3 years before I had blonde hair.

I hate the accusations that come with my decision to be a bleached blonde. So for the last time, I AM NOT TRYING TO BE ANYTHING. (Maybe except special.) I just LIKE THE COLOUR!

Just like I like pink. It doesn't have a deeper meaning than that.

Why the fuck should I be pressured to stay with my black hair when I know I look boring (and imho, ugly and greasy) in black hair?

Just to look Chinese? Well fuck you again. I'm trying to look like a Chinese Albino. You happy now? Not abandoning roots now am I?

Anyway, part of the reason for this tirade is due to a fucker called BRADLEY FARLESS.

One day, I was having dinner with Mike at a food court in Pasir Ris when Bradley was also eating there.

He then blogged this:



Firstly, he doesn't know who I am. I was basically an innocent stranger to him, albeit a stranger who intruded on his opinion about Asians keeping their hair colour.

Didn't anyone tell him that it's incredibly rude to snap someone's photo and blog shit about them?

He didn't even have the decency to mosaic my face.

And secondly, after posting up my photo, he started to ACCUSE ME.

He presumed that I was trying to look white. Excuse me but where is your proof of that? Do you know me that well?

Secondly he presumed that Mike loved me because I looked white. He doesn't know BALLS about our relationship. Look at him go!

His whole entry reeked of the presumption that white men come to Singapore for Asian girls or that White men like Asian girls. I'm sorry Bradley, not every white dude is as racist as you.

AND WHAT IS THIS PHILOSOPHICAL RUBBISH ABOUT ASIAN GIRLS LOOKING GOOD BECAUSE THEY ARE AND LOOK ASIAN??

What the fuck is that? Does that even make any sense? It's like saying Fat chicks look good because they are fat and look fat. WTF??

Fuck you.

Never mind this first entry of his. Afterward, someone told me who I was, and this made him spew a SECOND blog entry.

Mind you, I did nothing to him personally.





Started off by saying I look like shit. You know, LOADS OF PEOPLE LOOK LIKE SHIT. Stephen Hawking, for one, is not a looker either, although he is smart as hell. Why aren't you criticizing his looks?

Oh, I get it. It's because you don't like me.

That's right.

Well.

You ain't much of a looker YOURSELF:


At least I'm not bald at the age of 28.


Imagine someone looking like THAT calling you ugly. Angry not??

And where's his penis? Must be tiny.

Continuation of his blog entry:



This loser with probably less than 100 readers on his SHITASS BLOG per day is trying to teach me how to blog!!

Hilarious and buay paiseh much??

My English is crap. And I don't do balance or moderation, but guess what? I am still the top blogger in Singapore so you can suck on my balls!


"Photos should be used to augment content" - Advice from a loser. Funny! I should listen to him. He sounds like he has been blogging for ages with much success.

Oh and for some reason, he seems to have taken issue with my Chipster Advertorial, naively thinking I've got nothing better to do than to blog about potato chips.

My dear, I was paid THOUSANDS for that entry by a reputable MNC. If you think I've nothing better to do than to go blog something, think again. Retard.





You know, I find the second last sentence particularly enlightening.

Listen, Bradley found that I made him feel
better about himself as a person.



Normally I am not so cruel as to highlight a loser's inadequacies so harshly, but hey, you asked for it.

I did more research into this fucker's life and I found out a lot more about him.

He was originally from Alaska and was in the army till he finally quit it.

He is presumably mixed. Dad's white mom's dunno what:


His parents

His wife is Filipino and never graduated from college, and neither did he.

For some reason, both of them are not from Singapore yet decided to reside here.




In April, he posted this blog entry up.


This loser, there is no other word for it, has been jobless for almost a year
.


He has been living in Singapore with his wife.

AND PRESUMABLY HAS HIS WIFE PROVIDING FOR HIM.

Unless he has some trust fund which I doubt so, but either way, what sort of man at 28 does not work?

He lives in a sad dingy rented room in Pasir Ris at $600 with a Singaporean host family.


And there he goes, typing shit about girls online just like you'd expect any other sad loser would. It's so stereotypical it's almost laughable. Hey dude, why not look for a job instead of writing advice to bloggers?


I was looking at his tweets. He typically sleeps around 5am and wakes up after noon. Does that sound like a guy who is TRYING HARD to look for a job?

IMHO, only lazy, useless, unambitious bums who leech off their kins can be jobless for so long. Can't find a job? Try MacDonalds! Or are you too good for that?

Well, maybe you are vastly over-estimating your self-worth. :)

At the age of 19 Bill Gates set up his own software company. Hell, even I at 19 was starting to get press and making my mark in the world.

At the age of 28 most men are already building their careers, building their families.

At 28 all he has is a bald pate, and ugly cat lady as a wife (more about that later), and NOTHING TO HIS NAME.

His only claim to fame is that a semi-famous blogger once blogged about him.

I don't want to go on about how ACCOMPLISHED I am in contrast to that useless lump because it's arrogance.

But does he have the rights to comment anything about me? No.

Calling me shallow and stupid? If you so deep and clever, where are you in life? PRECISELY.

Really embarrassing to have a chick you are insulting earn way more than you do. Me and Paris Hilton both.



Anyway, never mind these two blog entries he made about me.


After these are written, I was still clueless because obviously I don't read his blog.

Then, the fucker had the nerve to @TheXiaxue me on a tweet, saying that my twitter updates are BORING.

(For those of you who don't know, if you put an @ before a person's nickname, the person can see your tweet as a 'reply')



This led me to his blog. I then read the first two entries as posted.

I retaliated by tweeting that his wife is uglier than I am.

Of course, this fucker wanting hits for his site, wrote A THIRD blog entry about me, and here it is:









Typical.

When I said his wife is uglier than me, he pulled out my old Maxim photoshoot. Congrats, you found my ugliest photo in existance. So?



FIRST
off, I have no qualms about what he called "dragging his wife into the picture".

As you all can see, the wife also left a barrage of comments about me prior to my tweet about her. She said I'm stupid and made remarks about my site. So is she innocent? She is not.

Secondly, if you want to say I am ugly out of NOWHERE, then I can also say your wife/mom is ugly if I want to.

Your remark about me being ugly is UNPROVOKED, so why can't I make UNPROVOKED remarks about your family?

Sounds FAIR, doesn't it?

ONE FOR ONE.


AND THIRDLY, here are his wife's tweets about me.







Oh, so this bitch wants to get into this too!!


Since she and her husband are so adamant that she is better-looking than me, here are a few of her choice photos for you to see:



























What crap about it being the end of the day and his wife was tired... I'm sorry but it seems as if she looks typically even greasier and uglier!

Oh and that photo taken without my permission was also at the end of the day with me in ratty clothes and no make-up on. I DON'T SEE ME LETTING MYSELF GO LIKE THAT!

You think I chose her ugliest photos and tried to embarrass her? Don't take my word for it, feel free to check out her MYSPACE profile's photo albums before she shuts it down.

I didn't want to blog anything about this fucker despite him writing 3 blog entries about me. Since he is such a sad little loser I thought I'd let him off.

But then, up till yesterday, the fucker was still steadily tweeting a stream of nasty shit about me.





I presume he either really hates me or just badly wants me to blog about him. If it's the latter here's your wish granted!!

And here's the "WHORE" photo in question:



Do I look like a whore?


Pic credit Jessica

I was wearing a cute lilac M)phosis romper for Christ's sake. Whores do not wear rompers coz they are so difficult to fuck in, ya know?




Fucking losers. Hey Margee, do your colleagues at NTUC Income (if there is where you work according to the lanyard) know you have a loser of a husband?


Fucktards. Get the fuck out of Singapore.


UPDATE:

The cat lady twittered 2 new tweets about me:

xiaxue top blogger? keep telling yourself that fake blond.


Funny leh! This sorta thing need to argue one meh?

Tempting to post the $10,000 cheque photo again. Tempting. Won't. Am a girl with self-restrain. Shall be more humble.

And the second tweet whining and whimpering about how she is 8 months short of finishing med school or something.

HAHAHAHAHA!

Never finish also can talk about it one ah? Like that I am 8 years short of finishing a PHD! How? Clever not???

I thought only the husband is a loser but she's slowly going on par!

Which is more loserish, never starting something, or starting something halfway and giving up/failing??


Always finish what you start honey!

*plants big L on forehead*

Almost a doctor, huh? If so, why are you still living in a dingy little flat doing customer service? Go and be a goddamn doctor if you can make it! Betcha can't! And till then, stop claiming to be a doctor and stfu!

And I'm not 'crying', silly. Why should I? I'm rich. MUAHAHAHA! Not rich rich, but richer than YOU, a half-fucked doctor!!

Oh and OF COURSE... I was right about the dude having a small penis and no balls. He deleted all blog entries related to me.

He was the one daring me to blog about him and now this!

If it's possible, I lost even more respect for him! Stand by your fucking opinions, fuckface! You can't afford to add SPINELESS to your long list of bad traits!!

Second UPDATE:

He deleted whole blog. Nice!

I'm totally happy today.


p/s: I am not afraid of giving hits to him because shitty bloggers will never be able to maintain it. :)